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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Fashion GAH! I Have "Tingling Thigh Syndrome"!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, May 27, 2009 at 2:18 PM

Have you ever had some weird physical malady that was completely unexplainable... until you stumbled upon some weird arcane explanation that totally explained it? THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME! Dude...

I HAVE TINGLING THIGH SYNDROME!!!

For as long as I can remember (and I swear to God, I'm not joking about this), I have experienced an intermittent tingling sensation in my thigh—that's not unlike the feeling of a cellphone vibrating in my pocket (which I was fooled into thinking on numerous occasions). Naturally, I assumed I had thigh cancer and ignored it. BUT THEN I READ THIS LIFE-ALTERING ARTICLE! From MSNBC.com…

When [Parmeeta Ghoman] wore a pair of super-tight skinny jeans to dinner with friends in December, she noticed an odd tingly sensation running up and down her thighs. And when she got up to walk around, things got weirder. She felt like she was almost "floating," because she couldn't feel her legs. “It felt really strange — it felt like my leg had gone to sleep,” Ghoman says.

Ghoman’s skin-tight denim may have caused a temporary bout of a nerve condition called meralgia paresthetica, also known as “tingling thigh syndrome.” The condition can happen when constant pressure — in Ghoman's case, from the skin-tight denim — cuts off the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve, causing a numb, tingling or burning sensation along the thigh.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT! THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT! Now, you might be thinking, "Well, Steve… why don't you simply just take off those tight pants?" to which I would respond, "You first!" I'm sorry, but there is no freaking way I'm going to dress like those clinically insane idiots who walk around wearing baggy jeans and looking like goddamn circus clowns. Besides, covering up a slice of sweet and juicy ham (like the one that currently resides in my pants) would be a sin of the greatest proportion—and if that means living with a tad of meralgia paresthetica? THEN SO BE IT!

Besides, according to Parmeeta Ghoman, there is another solution.

“Have you heard of these things — they’re called jeggings? Or treggings?” she asks. She's talking about a type of leggings made to look like super-tight jeans. “I haven’t tried them yet, but people are saying they’re comfortable.”

f170/1243459214-tightpants.jpg

Yeah, I'm not going to do that either.

Comments (20) RSS

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I was experiencing something similar but probably different. It was a pulsating or gurgling sensation deep in my thigh. Like literally in my arteries, deep nerves or something like that. A little investigation found it was quite common with people that go on very long motorcycle rides. I was able to figure out it was being caused by a wood stool with a square seat and no back support that I sit on for many, many hours while at the computer. This chair caused all sorts of problems for me including “thoracic outlet syndrome” in which blood supply to my arm is completely cut off for a long time while I sleep and I wake up to the most horrible sensation imaginable of my arm feeling dead.

Posted by I need a new chair on May 27, 2009 at 2:33 PM

What about jeans that fall somewhere in between super tight and kind of baggy?

Posted by JF on May 27, 2009 at 2:36 PM

You'll still wear the heels, though. Right?

Posted by MJ on May 27, 2009 at 2:39 PM

I think on you they would be called "mantyhose".

Posted by scharrera on May 27, 2009 at 2:59 PM

dear gawd, those things would turn even a black girl's ass into flapjacks. No way am I wearing those.

Posted by Buns Hon on May 27, 2009 at 3:01 PM

dear gawd, those things would turn even a black girl's ass into flapjacks. No way am I wearing those.

Posted by Buns Hon on May 27, 2009 at 3:01 PM

You'd probably be a lot more comfortable if you took that butt plug out of your ass, too.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on May 27, 2009 at 3:08 PM

Mantyhose is what I call those super skinny black jeans that you see guys wearing all over Capitol Hill. They are just as stupid as these jeggings thing.

Posted by Wicked Virgin

on May 27, 2009 at 3:20 PM

This reminds me of the cartoon version of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, where everyone is trying to get into these really tight skinny jeans, and failing miserably... accept the cool kids, of course. It seemed ridiculous to me then, cause it wasn't cute, and I still feel the same way.

Posted by Lily Fluffbottom on May 27, 2009 at 3:29 PM

Um, I think the tingling is supposed to be on the inside of the thigh. I get the cellphone-vibrating thing all the time, too - but it's not spread out anywhere (it's only where my cellphone would normally be), and I can't stand tight jeans.

So is there a phantom cellphone syndrome?

Posted by wench on May 27, 2009 at 3:33 PM

this explains Slat's strange way of walking. he can't feel his legs!

Posted by scary tyler moore

on May 27, 2009 at 3:35 PM

I mighta wore that back in 1987.

Posted by Glossolalia Black on May 27, 2009 at 3:46 PM

Agree that baggy jeans look idiotic, but tight jeans look pretty ridiculous as well. Jeans that fit right look great, and will not cause nerve compression.

Posted by Lewis in 501s on May 27, 2009 at 4:09 PM

I also get the phantom cell phone vibrating feeling in my leg. I get it exactly where my cell phone resides in my pocket and it fools me all the time. I do not wear skinny jeans or any jeans for that matter and I only started feeling it after having a cell phone for 3 years. I assumed as well that it was thigh cancer and hoped my impending death would be fast. I don't get the feeling if I take my cell phone out of my pocket. I guess it might be a pinching nerve, good to know. I'm going to have to settle for colon cancer or heart disease.

Posted by datajunkie on May 27, 2009 at 4:23 PM

Those are the most awkward looking legs I have ever seen.

Posted by w7ngman

on May 27, 2009 at 4:52 PM

The leggings might be comfortable (albeit hideous) but I can guarantee the shoes aren't.

The only way shoes like that are comfortable are when they're behind your ears.

Posted by Karla