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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

TV Because Getting Slapped into a Pool Is My Favorite Emotion...

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, May 27, 2009 at 1:50 PM

I present you with the teaser clip for the upcoming remake of TV's timeless trash classic Melrose Place.

First, I am very happy to report that Sydney—the original-flavor Melrose Place superstar who eats blackmail and breathes betrayal—is returning for the reboot.

Second, I'd like to remind everyone that the original Melrose Place was filthy—which means that if it has any hope of suceeding, the new Melrose Place has to be super-duper filthy. Like, jealous-woman-slipping-her-pregnant-best-friend-a-handful-of-morning-after pills filthy. Secret-webcam-in-the toilet filthy. Come on, CW, you can do it.

Third, credit for the subject line and the whole of my interest in Melrose Place goes to eternal Hot Tipper Jake.

Comments (12) RSS

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They are gonna fry in eternal hay-yell like witches for defiling our sacred Melrose Place.

And no Amanda Woodward? No Kimberly Shaw?

Too soon! Too soon!

Posted by Original Andrew on May 27, 2009 at 2:07 PM

There's also the small matter that Sydney Andrews-Mancini-Whatshisnuts was killed in a car accident on her wedding day, which I guess will just disappear down the Memory Hole.

Posted by Original Andrew on May 27, 2009 at 2:10 PM

Sigh. What a waste of time.

Other than the bikinis at the pool.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on May 27, 2009 at 2:16 PM

I want to go back and watch all of the trashy old episodes.

Anybody want to go halfsies on a rape/necrophilia charge with the fictional corpse of Sydney?

I'll hit that zombie ass.

Posted by wisepunk on May 27, 2009 at 2:42 PM

@4 - you mean like in Deadgirl at SIFF?

Um.

No.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on May 27, 2009 at 3:23 PM

Like, jealous-woman-slipping-her-pregnant-best-friend-a-handful-of-morning-after pills filthy

That wouldn't do anything. Maybe you're thinking of RU-486?

Posted by keshmeshi on May 27, 2009 at 3:36 PM

Sydney was the best..wasn't she a high-end whore in one episode?

Posted by julie russell

on May 27, 2009 at 4:00 PM

@ 7,

One episode? It was like a whole, wonderful season. She took over her madame's brothel after her madame was busted and sent to the big house. Though you may be thinking of the ep where she was forced into stripping and ran into Michael Mancini's stag party.

Long story short--too late--she then joined a cult.

Posted by Original Andrew on May 27, 2009 at 4:49 PM

you've probably seen this highlight of when Kimberly (Marcia Cross) whips off her wig then

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F94MKSSmu…

Posted by StillNon on May 27, 2009 at 5:38 PM

By the sound of the voice acting, it seems that they've recruited their entire cast from the porn movies. Add explosions and a call-in contest to see who's off the show, and it'll be the biggest hit ever.

Posted by Toasterhedgehog on May 27, 2009 at 7:12 PM

@8...I just remember her being lured in by the "glamour of it all", my sister and I LOVING it, then getting in trouble for watching it.

Think I sense a bad TV marathon coming on...move over Rock of Love sluts.

Posted by julie russell

on May 27, 2009 at 9:54 PM

sorry, starring new mommee ashlee simpson, i doubt it'll be nearly as filthy as i'd like.

Posted by darlingash on May 28, 2009 at 10:14 AM