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News & ArtsMonday, May 18, 2009
Sex My Heart's Not On Fire, Elvira
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 18, 2009 at 1:56 PM
But I'm thinking that's because I'm not the right target for your unsolicited email...
Hello! My name is Elvira. I want to get acquainted with you. I'm 27 years old. And I am lonely, and seeking long-term relations. I wish to find my second half which I have not met befor. May be you? I hope, that you will answer me and it will be the beginning of our relations. I send you a picture, that you dbltk who I'm. More about myself I with pleasure will write you, if you answer me. Ask, if you have questions. I will be waiting for your answer. I hope, that you will not keep me waiting for a long time.
Here's Elvira's picture...
Any lonely straight boys that would like to begin relations with Elvira can write her at this email: lalamarmuzetka@yahoo.de. If you do decide to write to Elvira, be sure to update your matchmaker here at Slog about your relations.
1
Elvira, honey, first thing we gotta work on is your Germanglish. Just because you use all the right words doesn't mean you can ignore the English grammar rules.
2
When Elvira and I marry, we'll be able to live in style, as I am about to inherit $15,000,000 million dollars U.S. from a Nigerian bank.
3
The woman in the picture is lovely. It appears sex advice columnist is morphing into matchmaker. Congratulations on your new position and I hope they are paying you big bucks, cupid.
5
@2: FTW
That's the best laugh I've had all day.
And if your new honey isn't impressed by the 15 million dollars you're about to inherit, maybe she'll be wowed by the fact that you've been selected and are the winner of a very large prize.
Seems like everything's coming up roses your way - Urgutha Forka.
That's the best laugh I've had all day.
And if your new honey isn't impressed by the 15 million dollars you're about to inherit, maybe she'll be wowed by the fact that you've been selected and are the winner of a very large prize.
Seems like everything's coming up roses your way - Urgutha Forka.
7
Is my low-rez screen deceiving me, or are that woman's eyes pointing in completely different directions?
14
Will in Seattle would be all over this if he weren't off helping co-found microsoft, playing guitar in led zepplin or converting lesbians into housewives.
17
So, uh...where are the trolls bitching about how this isn't news? Because, reposting spam is most definitely not news. *snerk*
22
I have a feeling that anyone having "relations" with Elvira will probably winding up something on fire...but it will be located further south than their heart.
23
@2....that really really was freaking funny. I giggled.
I got lost last week in a site called 419eaters. It's a site where the good people scam the scammers. You'd be surprised at how many people fall victim to this type of crap and these people waste the time and resources of the scammers in very interesting and hilarious ways.
I got lost last week in a site called 419eaters. It's a site where the good people scam the scammers. You'd be surprised at how many people fall victim to this type of crap and these people waste the time and resources of the scammers in very interesting and hilarious ways.
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