Monday, May 18, 2009
City / Wilderness How to Talk to a Bear
Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Mon, May 18, 2009 at 12:31 PM
Apparently that bear is still at large in Seattle. From the Seattle Times:
If a bear walks toward you, identify yourself as a human by standing up, waving your hands above your head, and talking to the bear in a low voice.
The sidebar has more advice, including that when speaking to a bear, you should not use the word "bear," because idiots who feed bears will often call to them using that word, and then the bear will think you've got lunch. But what do you say to a bear?
Photo by mraaronmorris from The Stranger's flickr pool.
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1
You obviously don't go to The Cuff enough. You growl at the bears if you want to make friends with them.
7
What do you say to a Bear? Why the fuck can't you shitheads make the playoffs?! Nice work trading for Cutler, but you still have no receivers for him to throw to.
8
If it's a black bear, you shout, "Hey! Hey! Get out of here! You! Go on! Scram! Hey!" or suchlike. If it's a grizzly bear, you shoot it repeatedly in the face.
Here's a helpful sign that explains how to deal with bears:
Here's a helpful sign that explains how to deal with bears:
Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters, the B.C. Fish and Wildlife Branch is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and any persons that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the field.
We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advance warning to any bears that might be close by so you don’t take them by surprise.
We also advise anyone using the out-of-doors to carry “Pepper Spray” with him in case of an encounter with a bear.
Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear feces and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear shit has bells in it and smells like pepper.
9
We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing
OMG. Chains are so coming back!!!
OMG. Chains are so coming back!!!
10
The Kids in the Hall had much better advice for dealing with bears:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FEQKQXmo…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FEQKQXmo…
13
Is that link broken? Not working for me. Hurry, theres a bear right in front of me and I'm on my iphone!!!
14
"Why do you call it a 'Black' Bear? That's so racist!"
"Oh yeah? For your information, my wife is a Black Bear"
[Hold up wedding photo of you in a tux and a Black Bear in a wedding dress].
"Oh yeah? For your information, my wife is a Black Bear"
[Hold up wedding photo of you in a tux and a Black Bear in a wedding dress].
17
And I wouldn't use anything less than a 7.62mm round - and even five of those won't always stop a full grown bear.
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