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Monday, May 18, 2009

Sex Baby not Daddy

Posted by Charles Mudede on Mon, May 18, 2009 at 8:32 PM

Mystery solved:

Alfie Patten, the boy who was reported to have conceived a child when he was 12 years old, is not the baby's father, DNA tests have shown.

Alfie, now 13, from Eastbourne, in East Sussex, told a national newspaper in February that he believed he had made his 15-year-old girlfriend pregnant.

But the tests have established Tyler Barker, 15 and also from Eastbourne, is the father of Chantelle Stedman's baby.

Next time, Alfie.

Comments (16) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

The English... They're all sluts.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on May 18, 2009 at 8:41 PM

Thank you sooooo much for filling us in. Whew.

Posted by Mr. Poe on May 18, 2009 at 8:44 PM

If you go to the BBC site linked above, you'll see the greatest tragedy of the whole story...

The Children's Secretary is named Ed Balls.

Ed...

...Balls.

Horrifying.

Posted by TaniaLeeKarate on May 18, 2009 at 8:50 PM

Was all this solved on Maury Povich?

Posted by monkey on May 18, 2009 at 9:43 PM

I believe the headline you meant to write was
"Baby not Daddy"

Posted by giffy on May 18, 2009 at 9:47 PM

Shootin' blanks.

Posted by context ender on May 18, 2009 at 9:55 PM

Alfie, buddy, you got cuckolded. Sounds like it's time to dump that used hole and find yourself a sweet, honest fourteen-year-old.

Posted by Greg on May 18, 2009 at 9:56 PM

This totally makes up for the, "Daddy Ate My Eyes" story.

Posted by Lily Fluffbottom on May 18, 2009 at 9:57 PM

Maybe Alfie gets off on sloppy seconds--I know I would have at that age ("homosexual bridge" and all that).

...Probably still would. Except for, you know, Chantelle Stedman.

Posted by rob!

on May 18, 2009 at 10:06 PM

oh, thank god. poor little guy.

Posted by valkyrie on May 18, 2009 at 10:48 PM

@5 - hahahahahaha

Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on May 18, 2009 at 11:54 PM

OMG, Mudede made me laugh. That's a nice change. Thanks, Charles!

@3 - Heh, you said balls.

Posted by JenV on May 19, 2009 at 1:14 AM

muh dik

Posted by Charles Muhdik on May 19, 2009 at 7:46 AM

Y'ALL R TOOOLS, N MORRRR HOT IMPORTANT IS THAT KARLES IS A FOOLY TOOL FOR CHANGING THE HEADLINE.

IT QUZ GUT THE WAY IT WERE. STOP HATING, STOP RUINING THE ONLY FORM OF ART THAT I REGULARLY PARTRONIZE, NAMELY, KARLES' EGONIC WORLD OF EGONICS.

Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969