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Thursday, May 14, 2009

TV I Thought Nothing Could Top The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Posted by David Schmader on Thu, May 14, 2009 at 12:22 PM

But then I met The Real Housewives of New Jersey, whose Bravo series premiered this week and holy crapoly.

Fact #1: In this age of identity politics and political correctness and growing human decency, one of the only groups available for guilt-free mockery is stupid rich folks who willingly put their stupid lives on TV. Thus, the Real Housewives shows come with none of the icky residue of, say, Cops, where desperate people in desperate situations are exploited for cheap TV. Instead, we get desperate people in extravagantly advantageous situations allowing themselves to be exploited for cheap TV, which makes all the difference in the world.

Fact #2: The Real Housewives of New Jersey was apparently designed by God especially for me and my blessedly returned dude. I love The Sopranos and Showgirls, he loves Lifetime movies and documentaries about child beauty pageants, and this show is the closest thing there's been to a fusion of the four. Also, as previews of the season have shown, at least one upcoming episode involves one real housewife of New Jersey yelling at another real housewife of New Jersey about "PROSTITUTION WHORES!", which is the best thing anyone's ever said.

New episodes of The Real Housewives of New Jersey air Tuesday at 10pm, and are repeated mercilessly throughout the week. (Hurrah! And fun drinking game: Every time someone does something horribly inappropriate in front of their children, CHUG!)

Comments (16) RSS

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I'd seen bits of the earlier ones, and wished I'd liked them a bit better. So this one has me peeing my pants. The vague Sopranosyness, the cash on hand, the snap judgments. Hooray!

Posted by gloomy gus on May 14, 2009 at 12:37 PM

Yes, doubtful, why not, if they're real, and not unless I were drunk.

Posted by Greg on May 14, 2009 at 12:37 PM

Apparently having a state income tax, doesn't hold back incomes.

Posted by PC on May 14, 2009 at 12:39 PM

Only the stong survive

Posted by General Jack Ripper on May 14, 2009 at 12:54 PM

Is it a rule that these women have to stand with their legs wide open?

Posted by Toad in the Hole on May 14, 2009 at 1:07 PM

I think my favorite part so far is that woman Teresa whose totally guido husband is "an entrepreneur who owns a construction company." Mob, what?

Posted by Dexter on May 14, 2009 at 1:10 PM

Right, if I wanted to listen to a shrill italian-american woman from the east coast berate people and act like she's better than everyone, I'd go stay with my grandmother.

Pass.

Posted by Baconcat on May 14, 2009 at 1:11 PM

Personally, I think this one will be great.

At least the Duchess won't get dumped for a younger model like in NY.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on May 14, 2009 at 1:29 PM

Actually, Dexter, I think his dad was found in a trunk with lots of bullet holes, so you're not that far from the truth (or was that the other NJ wife ...)

Posted by Will in Seattle

on May 14, 2009 at 1:30 PM

Prostitution whores is infinitely better than vile sodomite.

Posted by heywhatsit!? on May 14, 2009 at 1:52 PM

Never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State... BRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUCCCCCEEE

Posted by Tina on May 14, 2009 at 1:58 PM

Do they say "whore" like "hoo-uh"?

Posted by The CHZA on May 14, 2009 at 2:13 PM

@5: Gotsta air thangs out, yaknow?

Posted by Cracker Jack on May 14, 2009 at 2:49 PM

@6 ... totally MOB!! Did you see how she shelled out CASH for $120K worth of furniture?! Fucking CASH!!!

Posted by mr. herriman on May 14, 2009 at 2:58 PM

@14... Clearly you never had a christmas at your house where the gifts "fell off a truck"... You say that like its a bad thing?

Posted by Tina on May 14, 2009 at 3:02 PM

OMG, I happened to watch the "preview" segments that aired last month or whenever. The real title of the show should be "The Real Mobwives of New Jersey" - its just absolutely ghastly. I mean THESE are the people who have gifted us with the current global economic meltdown, and we are presented with the trash that they've spent our billions on.

Posted by MarkyMark on May 14, 2009 at 5:54 PM