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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sex Get It In Writing, Get It On Audio, Get It On Video

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, May 12, 2009 at 4:55 PM

Uh... making plans to fulfill a stranger's or a friend's or an ex's rape/abduction/bondage fantasies? Like I told this guy, you might want to have some proof that the encounter was consensual in case things go south.

A jury must decide whether it believes a woman who says she was viciously assaulted for five hours, or the accused, who says he offered his former co-worker a fantasy.

David Michael Gendreau, 41, has pleaded not guilty to charges of sexual assault and unlawful confinement.... [Prosecutor Tracy Davis said] Gendreau made sexual advances to the 39-year-old woman, whom he had once dated. When those advances were rejected, he handcuffed her behind her back, duct taped her ankles and raped her three times over five hours, court heard. The prosecutor said Gendreau also threatened to kill her if she tried to escape or told anyone. It was only after the assailant fell asleep that the victim—still wearing handcuffs behind her back and naked from the waist down—was able to escape and run to a neighbour's home for help in -30Cweather....

Defence lawyer Jack Kelly said it was the woman who made up a story about sexual assault for revenge when she was told by Gendreau he had a girlfriend who had slept with him in the same bed the previous night.

For the record: I'm not buying Gendreau's account of what happened. A true gentleman would naturally inform his violent-NSA-fantasy-sex partner that he has got a girlfriend, of course, but a gentleman would do so before (most gentlemanly) or after (less gentlemanly) their violent-NSA-fantasy-sex-fulfillment session, not during (ungentlemanly). And while I'm in favor of like-minded kinksters getting together to fulfill each other's fantasies—violent or otherwise—the onus is on doers-of-consensual-violence to obtain unambiguous consent from their willing "victims" and, if they're smart, document proof of consent before breaking out the handcuffs and duct tape. The alternative is having guys running around raping people and then getting off by claiming, hey, I offered her a fantasy and she accepted!

And we can't have that. Lock Gendreau up, please.

Comments (15) RSS

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The running to the neighbor part makes me think it is him that is making the whole thing up. Sure people regret sex, but that seems like a pretty embarrassing and extreme thing to do just because your play partner has a girlfriend.

Posted by giffy on May 12, 2009 at 5:11 PM

So let's say he had a timestamped video of her giving consent a few hours before. How do we know she didn't change her mind? I guess the point is to reduce the chance of a conviction (what jury isn't going to have reasonable doubts about his guilt if she consented a few hours before?).

But what that makes me think is that even a person who really wants this kind of thing should come up with a way to prevent videotaped consent from making a subsequent rape (by the same guy, obviously) hard to prosecute. Once the cuffs are on, and once you've given prior videotaped consent, what defenses do you have?

I almost say, tape the whole thing. But that's not exactly an ideal solution.

Posted by minderbender on May 12, 2009 at 5:16 PM

@2: Actually, I think that was in Dan's advice to the one bloke, not necessarily on video, but an audio taping of the proceedings so that if consent is retracted there is a record of it.

Posted by Hyzenthlayk9

on May 12, 2009 at 5:22 PM

Just don't seek out freaky-ass, dangerous sex and and avoid all of this mess!

A fantasy indulged is a fantasy destroyed.

Posted by StillNon on May 12, 2009 at 5:23 PM

@1

Some people are legitimately crazy.

Posted by Doctor Professor on May 12, 2009 at 5:27 PM

"The alternative is having guys running around raping people and then getting off by claiming, hey, I offered her [sex] and she accepted!"

All sex can turn into a rape accusation. Is everyone supposed to "obtain unambiguous consent from their willing "[partners]" and, if they're smart, document proof of consent" before engaging in any kind of sex?

Posted by w7ngman

on May 12, 2009 at 5:36 PM

All sex can devolve to rape accusations, sure, but you want to be more careful if you're having sex using props and simulated sexual violence because that stuff makes it lots, lots harder to convince the police, a jury, or a judge that you've been wrongly accused.

Posted by Dan Savage on May 12, 2009 at 5:43 PM

I love the jury system (I've been a lawyer since 1977 - do the math) but I would never trust a jury with something like this. You can't let it get that far - you need to convince the prosecutor.

Posted by Jaymz on May 12, 2009 at 5:57 PM

@6 Violence and restraint add a presumption of coercion to sex that normal intercourse doesn't really have. In a sexual assault case, there usually isn't any need to explore issues of consent when a person is held or tied down, hit, and intimidated before and during intercourse, because the coerciveness of these techniques is just assumed by the law. To overcome this presumption, you need more proof than you would to establish consent in a less extreme sexual encounter.

Posted by Electra on May 12, 2009 at 6:00 PM

@1 and 5: According to the defense, running to the neighbor was part and parcel of her revenge. You don't have to believe the defense, but it's not as though it's this is glaringly inconsistent with his story.

Posted by minderbender on May 12, 2009 at 6:02 PM

Even if you consent on tape, if your partner ignores the safe word it's assault/rape. It's no different if you're having sex with a partner, you decide to stop, and they ignore you. The best thing people can do is engage in sexual behavior with people you trust, but even that is not a failsafe. Rapists come in all forms.

As for "falsely accused of rape," I don't think that's much of an issue. We should instead be talking about how rapists get off by dubious claims like "it was her fantasy" as if that is consent.

Posted by kersy on May 12, 2009 at 6:50 PM

This type of story comes up again and again. And as I always point out, the law varies from state to state with regards to whether it's even legally possible to consent to assault. Your video of unambiguous consent may turn out to be evidence against you.

If consent to assault is legal in your state then by all means film the whole encounter. As with any edge play you should have other people present for safety.

Posted by kresblamania

on May 13, 2009 at 5:17 AM

I forgot to mention one other thing. Good BDSM porn always concludes with a debriefing where the submissive is shown smiling and chatting about what just happened in a positive way. Getting a seal of approval at the end reduces the chances of someone claiming a change of mind midway through the scene.

Posted by kresblamania

on May 13, 2009 at 5:25 AM

Also: if you set up a kinky abduction scene with three people and you happen to write down the 'details' you want included, be sure to destroy, delete, secure, etc. such documents. Because if someone else finds them, they're gonna freak and call the cops.

And no, it hasn't happened to me.

Posted by Yeek on May 13, 2009 at 6:51 AM

or maybe just don't get involved in such disgusting perversions in the first place

Posted by sexual divershitty on May 14, 2009 at 7:51 AM