Contest Number 1: Matthew Simmons is giving away rare hardcover copies of his upcoming novella A Jello Horse to two people who do the following:

SEND ME IMAGES OF YOURSELF PLAYING PINBALL. Or someone playing pinball. A pinball image of some sort. Just one of your own. I am going to collect them, rate the quality and ingenuity of the photo and create a sort of lottery. My favorite photos will receive higher scores and more chances to win the lottery and win a hardcover copy of A Jello Horse. I will post the photos (or whatever you do...an image, you know? Drawings are acceptable. Little movies, too) on the blog unless you don't want me to. I will pick winners the last week in May. So send them before that. Provide links to huge files if you have huge files.

Contest Number 2: This guy keeps sending me e-mails about his contest. Apparently, he has a book of poems being published by Tao Lin's publishing house, and to celebrate he is throwing a short story contest. People send him money and a short story and the winner gets 70% of the funds, with 30% going to the guy throwing the contest. He is pitching this contest like it is a daring, controversial thing to do because he makes money off of it, and I got the thirty millionth e-mail from him today, this time with the opening sentence:

Bro, it would be so sweet if you blogged about this. It has a high potential for shit-talking.

In conclusion, I hope you will send your pinball pictures to Matthew Simmons because, hey, possibility of a free book, bro. Sweet!