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Friday, May 8, 2009

Film / Nerd Really, Stop It

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, May 8, 2009 at 2:32 PM

5261/1241728121-wolv-570.jpg A couple nights ago, at the urging of a friend I hadn't hung out with in a while, I watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Taking Jonah Spangenthal-Lee's advice, I had three beers beforehand. Unfortunately, it was still very, very bad. Jen Graves' review is spot-on. The movie doesn't make sense, especially if you don't read the comics. (One thing I'm surprised no critic has written an entire review about: Why is everyone in the world not talking about how bad of an actor Will.i.am is? Because he's maybe one of the worst actors I've ever seen in a Hollywood movie.) There was no point to almost any of the characters in this film—for instance, why did Gambit need to be in this movie? To add a ten minute, poorly produced fight sequence? Why bother to make that strong guy character into The Blob from the comic books? He's nothing like The Blob, except for he's fat (Which is hilarious, right? Ha!)

There's a comment by NervousNell on Jen's review that reads (emphasis mine):

So many characters were portrayed nicely enough that it made me happy. I mean... it's awesome enough that they had Deadpool in there.

And this is what makes me sad. Dear fellow nerds: We really live in a golden age for nerd movies. (Trust me: Star Trek. Yes.) We don't have to accept this shit anymore. Just because Ryan Reynolds' character was referred to as "Deadpool" doesn't make him the Deadpool from the comic books. He didn't have the right powers, history, or characterization. Is naming a character after a completely different comic book character really all it takes to make you happy?

True, Hugh Jackman was fine as Wolverine. But everything else about the movie is just a complete mess. And, worst of all for a summer comic book movie, it looks cheap. Wolverine's claws were half-assed, for one thing. Some of the SFX looked unfinished. And worse than all that, the plot didn't make any sense. We've got to be able to do better than this. Movies can be smart and sexy and funny and action packed (Again, Star Trek.) It's not our job to tolerate this crap just because we're nerds. We should be as discerning with our movies as we are with all of our other entertainment.

All of which is basically just preamble to the following statement: If I am ever for some reason in your house, in the far-flung future, and I see that you bought the DVD version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I will vomit on your brand-new rug.

Comments (24) RSS

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It's way better in IMAX.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on May 8, 2009 at 2:48 PM

lets just be honest here....comic book movies are crap, always have been crap and always will be. Perhaps nothing worse in hollywood then the two polar ends of the masculine/feminine spectrum.....ie comic book movies and romantic comedies respectively.

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on May 8, 2009 at 2:52 PM

@2 - I'm no comic book nerd, but I think the first two x-men and the first two spidermans prove you wrong.

Posted by Levislade

on May 8, 2009 at 2:53 PM

It's horrible. Just fucking horrible.

Posted by Pepper St. Tort Reform on May 8, 2009 at 2:59 PM

ok, i take that back about the "nothing worse in hollywood" .....i totally forgot about the never ending horrible sequels and remakes...

...but i'm preaching to the choir here....sloggers are pretty intelligent & worldly on these topics

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on May 8, 2009 at 2:59 PM

@3, Add 300 (even if you didnt like it, it was a perfect adaptation) Sin City, Watchmen, Iron Man and Batman Begins as well prove that wrong.

@2, Most comic book movies do tend to fail miserably sure. But not all.

Posted by Akbar Fazil on May 8, 2009 at 2:59 PM

I'm waiting for the sequel, Wolverine v. Edward Scizzorhands.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on May 8, 2009 at 3:00 PM

Deadpool is getting his own spin-off movie
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118003…

I knew they were going to start rooting out this damn franchise like that.

X-MEN Origins: The X-Mansion Receptionist

Posted by StillNon on May 8, 2009 at 3:24 PM

Oh, for goodness' sake. Can't Hugh Jackman be enough? =) Sure, it wasn't a good movie. Sure, it was cheesy. And I say this as someone who doesn't know bugger-all about the comics. But I enjoyed it, and it was great to watch it in a drive-in, where you can laugh out loud at the really bad bits. I'll probably get it on dvd and then wait for Rifftrax to do an audio for it.

(Which really does make 300 a much better movie, by the way. Definitely recommended.)

Posted by wench on May 8, 2009 at 3:41 PM

You're going to vomit on a rug? You're mentally fucking ill, dude.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Posted by andrew

on May 8, 2009 at 3:41 PM

The boldness is way hacky, Paul.

Posted by Max J on May 8, 2009 at 3:43 PM

I read so many bad reviews of this that I decided to read the Movie Spoiler summary of this movie, instead of going to see it. And Paul, you're right about the story, and the idiotic inclusion of characters really unnecessarily or inapproapriately (I say that as a bit of a comic nerd). There is a character named Beak that has powers totally different that the comics character. Why not just give him a different name? And the Deadpool thing just is stupid, too. I'm sorry, I was blown away by Iron Man, but on this one, Marvel really screwed the pooch. And yes, I realize I haven't seen the movie -- but I've read the story, and it sounds absolutely stupid.

Posted by bookworm on May 8, 2009 at 4:02 PM

Paul's right. We (fanboys/action movie aficionados) don't have to put up with this shit. Except Paul paid $10 to go see that shitpile, knowing it was a shitpile. Oops. The assholes who spent $130M creating a shitpile are vindicated and get to make another shitpile next year. And you'll keep getting fucking tools like Ryan Reynolds playing a half-assed version of Deadpool. Way to make your point, Paul.

Posted by seattlestew on May 8, 2009 at 4:12 PM

@ Paul Constant

This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This This.

thanks

Posted by wisepunk on May 8, 2009 at 4:13 PM

I'm not seeing any more comic book movies until they film Nexus and that ain't never gonna happen...

Posted by michael strangeways

on May 8, 2009 at 4:15 PM

if i had 3 beers prior to seeing a movie i wouldn't see much of it unless there were screens above the urinals. beer = pee.

Posted by Max Solomon on May 8, 2009 at 4:17 PM

Not on the rug... man.

Posted by Zoroastronomer on May 8, 2009 at 4:19 PM

Threats to vomit in people's homes are not at all funny coming from an eating contest champion. It's like that thing where if a pro boxer kills a guy in a bar fight it's first degree murder?

Posted by elenchos on May 8, 2009 at 5:11 PM

I take the advice from the comic book nerds at my work place. One of them said Wolverine was OK and I've seen all 3 X-Men movies, so I went to see Wolverine. I haven't read the comics of any X-Men or Wolverine or any of the other characters that was in Wolverine. But now knowing how they blew off the comics and made up stuff, I can see how people would get upset about it. I feel that way whenever a book is adapted into a movie and they decide the characters/story could use a change too. I hate that.

Posted by partnerd on May 8, 2009 at 6:25 PM

The problem does not lie with Marvel. Marvel recently developed its own in-house studio and is in the process of reacquiring the film rights to all its properties. That is why Iron Man was so much better because of Marvel's quality control. I also quite enjoyed Marvel's Hulk reboot. The problem is that the rights to X-Men related film properties belong to Fox which is run by Tom Rothman who is not focused on treating these characters with any modicum of quality. He is interested in low-balling his product all the way to release date and maximizeing profit margin. I understand film is a for-profit business but Marvel showed how something can be higher quality and still make money. Rothman takes his comic fan audience for granted and thinks you're stupid and will spend your dollars regardless. Vote with your dollars. Don't go see this.

Posted by McGee on May 8, 2009 at 6:38 PM

Why don't you cut to the chase, Paul:
StarTrek has gay subplot so slog loves it.
Wolverine has nothing for the buttfucker crowd so slog no likey.

Posted by why tamper with a proven formula? Slog=Buttfuckery on May 8, 2009 at 7:57 PM

How can Fox news be all pro-life while Fox films foists this abortion of a movie on a trusting public? It's like they gave my childhood a forced dreambabyectemy and then threw the fetus in my face and charged me 11 bucks for the privilege.
I really hope Marvel gets the franchise back and barrows the monkey paw that returned Batman to us.

Posted by knobtheunicorn on May 8, 2009 at 8:26 PM

I'm a pretty serious X-Men nerd, but all of the horrible reviews have soundly convinced me not to spend my money on the film. Most of the Wolverine based comic series are nothing but money machines which make little sense anyway, so I wasn't surprised that this film sucked terribly. Just saddened.
I'm with Paul: with all of the quality comic-derived films of late (Iron Man, most recently, takes the cake) why should we settle for this crap?

Posted by -ink on May 8, 2009 at 11:19 PM

This movie was produced by Fox.

Iron Man was the first film produced by Marvel's in house production company, Marvel Studios.

If you want a pretty solid guide to what upcoming Marvel license movies are actually going to be good, use this:

http://www.imdb.com/company/co0051941/

Posted by Joh on May 9, 2009 at 8:20 AM