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News & ArtsFriday, May 8, 2009
??!! / Science Arapaima Makes Me Uncomfortable
Posted by Lindy West on Fri, May 8, 2009 at 9:18 AM
Recently, while visiting the Vancouver Aquarium, I became aware of the existence of a very large fish. This fish is inappropriately large.
The arapaima, pirarucu, or paiche (Arapaima gigas) is a South American tropical freshwater fish. It is one of the largest freshwater fishes in the world.The diet of the arapaima consists of fish, crustaceans, and
other small animalsthe sweet flesh of the pure of heart. The fish is an air-breather, using its swim bladder, which is rich in blood vessels and opens into the fish's mouth, an advantage in oxygen-deprived water that is often found in the Amazon River.
Are you listening? This superfish is not content with its underwater mud-nest! It breathes AIR. That means it could be anywhere (i.e. YOUR HOUSE). Have you checked your house for Arapaima?
To give you an idea of the size and danger of this fish, here are some scientific documents I have collected (AT THE LIBRARY, SINCE YOU ASKED):
See that catfish? The one peeing its pants at the bottom? No, you don't! Because that catfish is ACTUALLY THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS. (Arapaima is incredibly big!)
In closing, I would like to stress that Arapaima has a "bony tongue." Swimmers, beware the bony-tongued Arapaima.
2
If you're scared of that big fish, check out the ocean sunfish. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_sunfi…
6
Move over Golub. There's a new science writer in the house.
I'm asking myself, is that fish perhaps committing a hate crime by virtue of its simply existing?
I'm asking myself, is that fish perhaps committing a hate crime by virtue of its simply existing?
8
My friend and I were looking at this exact fish at the Vancouver Aquarium once, and all of the sudden it did something with its head that to this day we are unable to explain. For just a moment, it seemed like we were seeing its head from all possible angles-- like it had entered the Fourth Dimension. It was an indescribable thing, and I have never trusted these fish ever since.
9
"Worst Lindy West post so far"? Are you saying that you're not terrified of giant, bony-tongued fish? I don't believe you.
10
I THINK SOMEONE NEEDS A BONY ASS TONGUE SOMEWHERE (APHGHANISTAN? LINDY WEST'S HOUSE'S ASS? LINDY WEST? 15TH AND JACKSON? MADRONA PARK? SHIT DIS IS HARRRRD. LIKE A BONY ASS TONGUE)
THOUGHT YOU'D SNEAK SHITTY SHOT SHIT BY ME LINDY WEST? I'LL DABAIT YO ASS TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
THOUGHT YOU'D SNEAK SHITTY SHOT SHIT BY ME LINDY WEST? I'LL DABAIT YO ASS TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
11
Lindy - consider this: Inappropriately size SUSHI! Hold your place at the top of the food chain, Lindy. If we humans have learned anything, it's that we can eat any species out of existence. Bring it with the wasabi and soy sauce and that fish will be running back up stream screaming "uncle" with it's bony tongue!
17
Perhaps Congress should waste its time and investigate said fish for possible steroid abuse and then suspend it for 50 games...
Oh and @5, thanks! I can never go into the ocean again.
Oh and @5, thanks! I can never go into the ocean again.
19
THANKS, Lindy West. I live disturbingly close to the Vancouver aquarium, and now am no longer afraid that I am going to die by hobo. Clearly, it's going to be the giant hell-fish.
20
that fish is the sole reason i visit the vancouver aquarium. in fact i plan on visiting arapaima crew next week!
P.S. did you see the coelacanth?
P.S. did you see the coelacanth?
21
Lindy, I for one am happy that you have brought this monstrosity of nature to my attention. I may never go in or near water again and from now on I will throughly check any and all tolits for huge beady red eyes... thank you I am now in a hightened state of terror...
23
Arapaima max out just above 8ft., there's bigger freshwater fish swimming in the Columbia River, up to 20ft white sturgeon: http://www.ashcreekimages.com/Gorge/Fish…
Things to fear are closer than you think...
Things to fear are closer than you think...
24
We have a couple of these critters in our too wonderful for an ex-slave state Dallas World Aquarium.
They keep them in the same huge tank that they keep the Amazon Dwarf Manatees, to which they compare favorably in size.
You enter the Aquarium through the top floor, where there's an Amazon tree canopy exhibit, from which you can look down to view the Manatees grooving on the surface. It's quite a sight to see a similarly sized FISH cruise up out of the depths.
But don't fear the Arapaima.
It's awful damn big, but too small to lunch on you, unless you're a small child or H. florensies (a Hobbit) or already dead. Notice that there are Hobbit-sized fish swimming right along with the monster. If they were in any danger, in a captive environment, they wouldn't be there.
They keep them in the same huge tank that they keep the Amazon Dwarf Manatees, to which they compare favorably in size.
You enter the Aquarium through the top floor, where there's an Amazon tree canopy exhibit, from which you can look down to view the Manatees grooving on the surface. It's quite a sight to see a similarly sized FISH cruise up out of the depths.
But don't fear the Arapaima.
It's awful damn big, but too small to lunch on you, unless you're a small child or H. florensies (a Hobbit) or already dead. Notice that there are Hobbit-sized fish swimming right along with the monster. If they were in any danger, in a captive environment, they wouldn't be there.
25
"Arapaima has a "bony tongue." Swimmers, beware the bony-tongued Arapaima."
Please tell me the Vancouver Aquarium allows visitors to swim with the fishies for an additional fee... .
This may an entirely new and profitable revenue stream for them 'cause who doesn't like curious bony-tongued anything.
Makes swimming with dolphins seem almost Republican by comparison.
Please tell me the Vancouver Aquarium allows visitors to swim with the fishies for an additional fee... .
This may an entirely new and profitable revenue stream for them 'cause who doesn't like curious bony-tongued anything.
Makes swimming with dolphins seem almost Republican by comparison.
26
RP, there are about 100 different reasons why skinny dipping in the Amazon is a bad idea. That fish isn't one of them.
31
i am hoping you can give me some graphic design tips for our website's new layout. i really like what you did with the gaint fish laser eyes.
35
Lindy is approx. 8 thousand times funnier than stupid Perez Hilton. So I don't care if he draws on his pictures, because it can't possibly be this awesome.
39
I officially have a crush on Lindy.
Also, "bony tongue" is the kinkiest pair of words I've ever read.
Also, "bony tongue" is the kinkiest pair of words I've ever read.
41
@20: They have a live coelacanth? I'm looking for info on their website, but not finding anything.
44
Ooohhh! Those fish are easily the most memorable part of the Vancouver aquarium, in part because the sight of them is so disarming.
They look like they're made of brass.
They look like they're made of brass.
46
Ok, but what about the Frilled SHARK? http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/…
It's so ugly because it's from the bottom of the ocean where there's no light.
It makes me scared to swim in the ocean even though the ocean's really big, because it's like when there's a tiny turd at the bottom of the pool that probably doesn't really matter, but it does.
It's so ugly because it's from the bottom of the ocean where there's no light.
It makes me scared to swim in the ocean even though the ocean's really big, because it's like when there's a tiny turd at the bottom of the pool that probably doesn't really matter, but it does.
48
oh and fishes is a word. yes... but only when talking about multiple species of fish es. yes?
i think.
i think.
54
As president and sole member of the Arapaima Supporters Society of Hoquiam, Olympia, Lynnwood and Everett, I am offended.
A.S.S.H.O.L.E. will no longer be subscribing to your blog. GOOD DAY.
A.S.S.H.O.L.E. will no longer be subscribing to your blog. GOOD DAY.
58
@49, "if, in order to withdraw it, the candirú is caught by its tail or its body it expands its dorsal and ventral spines into the tissues, which fix it there more firmly than ever" and "he had to operate, making a suprapubic opening into the bladder to remove the fish which had penetrated into that organ" and "Several men could only be rescued from death by amputation of the penis". Um, no thanks.
There was a fish, or a rumor of a fish, like this in Vietnam. Soldiers were warned to wear a condom 24/7, except while urinating, and even then to pee through something to keep the fish from coming up the stream. Dunno what it was; candiru are only in the Amazon. Grey's Anatomy did a story about them, but it was shockingly total bullshit ("world's smallest vertebrate", not hardly).
There was a fish, or a rumor of a fish, like this in Vietnam. Soldiers were warned to wear a condom 24/7, except while urinating, and even then to pee through something to keep the fish from coming up the stream. Dunno what it was; candiru are only in the Amazon. Grey's Anatomy did a story about them, but it was shockingly total bullshit ("world's smallest vertebrate", not hardly).
62
The Amazon also has Giant Otters, which are 5 to 6 feet long. Giant Otter, defend me against the Arapaima! Cuteness triumphs over a bony tongue!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_Otter
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_Otter
67
The first time I saw this fish in an aquarium, I thought I was still drunk from the night before. Massive.
70
@44 the most memorable part of the Vancouver Aquarium are the totally sweet Beluga, who not only have weird giant soft fiveheads, but also blow water rings (like smoke rings, but out of water!) and then swim forward and poke their snouts through them.
71
Air breathing fish are an abomination. Only mammals with fins should be allowed to be that large underwater.
72
did you know there are like 12 foot long fish in lake washington? lake washington: it's RIGHT THERE.
75
Now, what with all the flooding in Brazil, there are alligators from the rivers coming into people's houses--meaning that, if you are in Brazil, the Arapaima actually could be in YOUR HOUSE.
76
Let's not forget the 15 foot-long sharks in Puget Sound.
http://www.seattleaquarium.org/NetCommun…
Some fun Sixgill shark facts:
1. Sixgill sharks all have the same zip code NO MATTER WHERE THEY LIVE. They are the only species of fish that exhibits this behavior.
2. Sixgill sharks are allergic to cyclamate which is a sweetener used in Diet Coke. You should never share a Diet Coke with sixgill, as it will make them itchy.
3. Arapaima's heads look like playground slides with eyes, but this does not redeem their lifetime dedication to hedonistism and evil.
http://www.seattleaquarium.org/NetCommun…
Some fun Sixgill shark facts:
1. Sixgill sharks all have the same zip code NO MATTER WHERE THEY LIVE. They are the only species of fish that exhibits this behavior.
2. Sixgill sharks are allergic to cyclamate which is a sweetener used in Diet Coke. You should never share a Diet Coke with sixgill, as it will make them itchy.
3. Arapaima's heads look like playground slides with eyes, but this does not redeem their lifetime dedication to hedonistism and evil.
77
Ingredients:
Fish:
• 1 kg of pirarucu pieces
• Salt and black pepper to taste
1 liter of water
• 2 bergamots (montenegrina) cut half + peel rasps
• 1 branch of thyme
1 branch of celery
• 1 glass of dry white wine
Purée:
• 1 kg of yam cooked water and salt
• 200g of cold butter
• 150ml of milk
• 50ml of fresh cream
salt and black pepper
• 500g of baru nut, peeled, roasted and chopped
Preparation:
Step 1
Dress the fish with salt, black pepper, and bergamot peel rasps, set aside.
Step 2
Heat the water with the bergamot, thyme, celery and wine.
Step 3
Add the fish and cook for 5 to 10 minutes, until it is tender.
Step 4
For the purée, heat the pre-cooked and mashed yam together with the cold butter and milk, salt and black pepper to taste
Step 5
Add the fresh cream, little by little, so as not to clabber.
Step 6
Use the Baru for decoration. The crispy part will result from that.
Note: There is a separate recipe available for grating the bony tongue together with brazil nuts.
Delicious!
Ingredients:
Fish:
• 1 kg of pirarucu pieces
• Salt and black pepper to taste
1 liter of water
• 2 bergamots (montenegrina) cut half + peel rasps
• 1 branch of thyme
1 branch of celery
• 1 glass of dry white wine
Purée:
• 1 kg of yam cooked water and salt
• 200g of cold butter
• 150ml of milk
• 50ml of fresh cream
salt and black pepper
• 500g of baru nut, peeled, roasted and chopped
Preparation:
Step 1
Dress the fish with salt, black pepper, and bergamot peel rasps, set aside.
Step 2
Heat the water with the bergamot, thyme, celery and wine.
Step 3
Add the fish and cook for 5 to 10 minutes, until it is tender.
Step 4
For the purée, heat the pre-cooked and mashed yam together with the cold butter and milk, salt and black pepper to taste
Step 5
Add the fresh cream, little by little, so as not to clabber.
Step 6
Use the Baru for decoration. The crispy part will result from that.
Note: There is a separate recipe available for grating the bony tongue together with brazil nuts.
Delicious!
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