Gina Young on the best bar in town to do it: "I can pretty much guarantee that your mind will be blown..."
And I don't know anything about her:
SEATTLE — Richard Hugo House is pleased to announce that Sue Joerger has been hired as its executive director. In her new position, Joerger will bring significant nonprofit management and leadership experience to an organization that has gained national renown for its inventive programming over the last two years.
Joerger was most recently the executive director of the Puget Soundkeeper Alliance, a nonprofit working to protect and preserve the Puget Sound. During her tenure, Joerger helped grow the organization—tripling the size of its budget and staff—and significantly raised its profile. Joerger has lived on her sailboat in waters of the Puget Sound, off and on, for the past ten years, where she enjoys writing poetry and playing drums. Her educational background includes a B.A. from Mills College and an M.S. from the University of Washington.
“The board of directors is excited to welcome Sue to Hugo House as its next executive director,” says board president Matt Carvalho. “Sue is a seasoned nonprofit professional with deep experience in organizational strategy, finance and fund-raising. Equally important, her passion for the arts and her personal warmth and humor will fit in well at Hugo House. Hugo House has offered innovative programming to growing audiences over the past few years, and the board looks forward to building and sustaining that trend with Sue’s leadership.”
The rest of the press release is after the jump. I'll have more next week, after I (hopefully) meet her. Just from what I've found through a Google search, it looks like the House is going more for the non-profit angle than the arts angle, which is not what I thought they'd be doing with the position.
• Razor clams!
Clam diggers have received the go-ahead to proceed with the last razor-clam dig of the season, starting Saturday, May 9, at four ocean beaches.
• Beer and scotch and tequila, too! The annual Hopscotch Spring Beer & Scotch Tasting, from right now 'til midnight and from 1 p.m. to midnight tomorrow.
• UPDATE (duh!): Also regarding beer and also right now! Seattle Beer Week!

• All-you-can-eat pierogi!
All You Can Eat Pierogi Fest
Sat May 9, 2009, 11:30 am — 4:30 pm
A Pierogi (Polish dumplings) extravaganza!
$15 regular, $8 children up to 11, tots freeSeveral different kinds of pierogi available for your pleasure. Eat as much as you like while talking to friends, listening to Polish music and having a good time.
Polish Home, 1714 18th Ave, Seattle
• Probably-more-than-you-want-to-eat clam chowder!
Nine of the top chefs on the waterfront — armed with ladles, clams and super secret delicious recipes — await your verdict on Saturday, May 9, during the 13th Annual Seattle Waterfront Chowder Cook-Off.... work your way through nine restaurants — each offering a tempting, tasty three-ounce sample serving. This year’s Cook-Off will be held from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.
The deal? You can enjoy those 27 ounces of chowder for only $5, with all the proceeds, benefiting Seattle maritime youth and community organizations through the Seattle Propeller Club.
The competitors? Anthony’s Pier 66, Bell Harbor Conference Center, Elliott’s Oyster House, The Crab Pot, The Fisherman’s Restaurant & Bar, Ivar’s, Steamer’s Seafood Cafe at Pier 56, Seattle Marriott Waterfront and Six-Seven at The Edgewater.
How it works? To indulge in the fun, purchase a Chowder Passport for only $5 at all participating restaurants or at the festival information booths at Pier 57 or Pier 66.Lending his special expertise to the judging will be Erik “the Red” Denmark, who is ranked 15th in the world by the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE). Erik is a West Seattle native and has competed as a top-ranked competitive eater in the biggest eating contests in the world....
For further information, please call (206) 728-3163 or visit Seattle Propeller Club.org.
• Teevee! Bizzarro on Food Network's Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, Sunday at 3 p.m.
• And champagne! On Monday, the Belltown Champagne Cocktail Pub Crawl (read about the first one here).
Sheesh!
From the Seattle PI:
Police tag team man accused of speeding
This campaign season has gotten underway earlier than any I can remember, with announcements and debates starting all the way back in April. (The filing deadline for local races is June 5, and the primary is August 18). A couple of days ago, the Metropolitan Democratic Club held a debate between all the council candidates—the second time, after the Stranger- and Washington Bus-sponsored happy-hour meet and greet last month, that I'd seen most of them together. (Mike O'Brien was MIA, as were Nick Licata and the elusive Darryl Dwayne Carter, whom no one has ever seen.)
Some highlights and observations:
•Those speech lessons Robert Rosencrantz has dropped thousands on are definitely making a difference, although not necessarily in the way Rosencrantz hoped. The three-time candidate, running in the crowded field to replace retiring council member Richard McIver, went from sounding nerdy and uncomfortable in his last two runs to sounding overrehearsed, almost animatronic, in this one. During the introductory remarks, he practically leaped to the podium, announcing boisterously, "“I ran for city council before and lost twice. Can I win now? Yes. Why? Three reasons…. “ before I stopped taking notes. (Something about racewalking.) Sorry, Robert, but people like their candidates to seem like real people. You've gotta dial it back a bit.
• It really is astonishing how overwhelmingly male this year's slate of candidates is. Out of 24 candidates running for city positions (17 for council, two for city attorney, and five for mayor), just two—Sally Bagshaw and Jessie Israel—are women, a fact Israel mentioned twice in her two-minute introduction. "That really is a wall of suits up there," a friend sitting next to me said. And so it was. If only there was a consultant in town dedicated to getting smart women to run for office...
• Speaking of suits, the award for Homeliest Suit (in a charming way, really!) goes to Position 4 candidate David Bloom, who showed up in a brown suit/yellow shirt combo straight out of the 1976 JC Penney catalog. In fairness, Nick Licata, who's also been known to rock a brown suit in his day, wasn't there, but I'm guessing Bloom would have still taken the prize.
•Richard Conlin, opposed only by West Seattle resident David Ginsberg, seemed a bit more diffuse than usual, which is saying something. Asked what he would do to bring reform to the Seattle Department of Transportation, he responded, "We’ve got to find ways to do the right thing right and change the ways we are doing the things that we are doing wrong."
• On the other hand, Conlin's response to a question about the upcoming housing levy, which Mayor Greg Nickels wants to renew for seven years at the current rate of 17 cents per $1,000 of property valuation (or $145 million), was interesting. He said, "The questions I have are, is it serving the most vulnerable? And is it the right size?" Conlin said he might consider renewing the levy for a shorter period, "perhaps a three-year renewal," to put the next levy election on the same ballot as the next presidential election. (Ginsberg, for his part, said he would like to consider a smaller levy).
• I still don't know what the point was of Position 4 candidate Sally Bagshaw's introduction, which involved a long story about the infamous bus crash off the Aurora Bridge in 1998, when she was an attorney for Metro transit. That she wants Seattle to be safe? That governments need good attorneys? She did say "if we take care of people first, the city will be safe," but I'm not sure what that has to do with psychos on buses.
•Suit aside, David Bloom was much more polished and less one-dimensional than I anticipated. (Bloom, a former director of the Church Council of Greater Seattle, was a co-founder of the lefty Seattle Displacement Coalition with John Fox, with whom he shares a house). In his intro, he said he had three priorities: Building 5,000 additional units of low-income housing, passing a living wage ordinance, and redirecting money from South Lake Union out into the neighborhoods.
• However, some of Bloom's talking points were sort of, um, retro. That living wage proposal? Kind of 1995. And he referred to the Seattle Department of Transportation as the "engineering department," which it hasn't been since... oh... about 1995.
•Although it isn't the biggest field (that honor goes to Position 8), the race with the greatest contrasts is definitely Position 4, where a tough-talking former prosecuting attorney (Bagshaw) is facing off against a longtime housing activist with strong lefty cred (Bloom.) They disagree on just about everything: The jail (Bloom: "I do not believe Seattle needs a new jail”; Bagshaw: "When there is violent crime, those people must be locked up"); the proposed tunnel to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct (Bloom: "It is a misappropriation of public funds"; Bagshaw: "Underground is best... We cannot close down the viaduct until a solution is built"); and the need for residential parking zones (RPZs) around light-rail stations (Bloom: "We may need to amend development requirements to require fewer parking spaces to encourage and support the kinds of households that do not have to have automobiles"; Bagshaw: "We need to make places for people to leave their cars to get on transit.")
• The most bizarre suggestion of the night came from Jordan Royer, a former aide to Nickels, who proposed (if I understood him correctly) that the school district turn over some of its playgrounds to the city to use as parks as a cost-saving move. "That's where my kids play anyway," he said. Not sure how much money that would save or what the legal implications would be, but I do know that parks are used by a lot more than just little kids.
• Finally, Rusty Williams—son, as he mentioned about half a dozen times, of the late former city council member Jeanette Williams—could be a voice double for Garrison Keillor.
The Dudley Manlove Quartet singer gets sentenced.
The New York Times has an interview with an author who slaved away on bestselling mystery author James Patterson's ghost-writing farm, and it provides a little peek inside the fiction factory:
Mr. de Jonge’s next two books [for Patterson], “The Beach House” and “Beach Road,” both murder mysteries set in and around East Hampton, N.Y., are more in Mr. Patterson’s trademark cliffhanger style. This “rapid-fire, in-your-face, you-better-keep-reading-or-else” format, as an admirer once called it, is one that critics often wince at but that has never done him any harm at the cash register.For all three books Mr. Patterson supplied lengthy outlines. The instructions he gives his co-authors are very detailed, he explained, and then he extensively reworks their drafts. “The outlines I do are really, really powerful,” he said. “They’re 60 pages sometimes, and they’re pretty good to read just on their own. They’re like little high-adrenaline bullet trains, with every chapter built around a nugget.”
(Via.)
Ugh. Look at that list. Look how gay it is, how marriage-y, how Savage. Seven out of ten posts! People really care about that lady in California, or Joe the Plumber, or Elizabeth freakin' Edwards? Don't you think it's high time for a little Friday afternoon round of Knock Dan Savage Out of Some of Those Most Commented Spots?
Agreed! The tech department just sent along a list of the runners-up for the most-commented box, the posts that would make it over the hurdle with just a few more comments. It is extremely annoying to report that seven of the ten runners-up posts are also by Savage (this one, this one, this one...), leaving only three by non-Dan-Savage-people that have anything close to a shot at making it in there.
Don't you have any more to say about this inappropriately large fish Lindy West saw recently in Vancouver? It's number 11 on the list of runners-up. Very close!
Don't you have any more insight on the cave-dwelling, homo-subtext-in-Star-Trek-despising commenters at Newsweek's website, which led Paul Constant to heap praise on Slog's commenters yesterday? Think of all that Paul does for you, day in and day out. How can he and Lindy not be on the most-commented list?
The dark-horse, outside-shot runner-up (currently the 19th-most-commented) is the one about my brother going off to war, but it's too far down to ever make it. So: giant fish! Say more about the giant fish!
Meanwhile, most-commented on Line Out: Adrian Ryan ate a muffin by Modest Mouse (or something) yesterday that had a hair in it (allegedly!); a dispute involving a pizza place, Mad Rad, and obnoxious signage; and boob-licking at the Cha Cha.
UPDATE: Lindy makes the list! That was fast.
...m&ms had to heighten the suckage of the sure-to-be-terrible flick by introducing a new, limited "Transformers" flavor—"Strawberried Peanut Butter." Get it? Because it's like a Transformer! Two things at once! More than meets the eye!
Whatever.
This is wrong on a number of levels. First of all, "strawberried" is not a fucking word nor is it a decent made up word. And second of all, while I love the IDEA of having some kind of strawberry and peanut butter candy, the m&m is not the vehicle in which to implement it. Way to waste an opportunity, Mars candy company. All it is is a more chemical tasting version of Strawberry Quick in the outer-shell of a peanut butter m&m. You'd get the same effect by licking a tube of strawberry LipSmackers and then eating a bag of peanut butter m&ms. And do I do that? No. Why? Because it'd be gross!
To top it off, the back of my mouth is now burning. They're probably going to give me cancer.
Robot 6 discovered an amazing treasure-trove of comics produced by the U.S. Government over the last sixty years as public service announcements.
A few examples include a Charlie Brown story about wearing an eye patch to beat lazy eyes (I totally had to do that when I was a kid) and a Captain America story about fighting the war on drugs that is only notable because it includes the sound effect "Krunk!" when one kid hits another. Scott Adams does a Dilbert-style one about efficiency, and there are several Blondie comics, too.
There's also "Adventures of the Garbage Gremlin," "Be an Army Energy Super-Hero with Captain Conservo," "Adventures on Space Station Freedom," and "Bert the Turtle says Duck and Cover." And a hundred and sixty or so more of them. Clearly, we will not be good citizens until we have all read these comics.

I can't stop clicking through Awkward Family Photos. Via Sullivan.
From the Chicago Tribune:
U.S Sen. Tom Harkin said Friday he's changed his views on gay marriage and would oppose any effort to overturn an Iowa Supreme Court decision last month that legalized same-sex unions."We all grow as we get older, we learn things, we become more sensitive to people and people's lives," said Harkin. "The more I've looked at that, I've grown to think differently about how we should live. I guess I've got to the point of live and let live."
Harkin is the senior senator from Iowa—and he voted for the Defense of Marriage Act in 1998, which currently bars any federal recognition of the legal marriages of same-sex couples in Iowa. Obama promised to repeal DOMA during the campaign.
May's Slog Happy is this Thursday, May 14th, at... Roanoke Tavern!
Not only do they have a patio (should weather.com be wrong about the 30% chance of rain), but they'll also have pitchers of Kokanee for $8.75. (That's "60 glorious ounces," they tell me).
Right now Roanoke's got a 3.5 star average in our reader reviews. Not too shabby! Says Capitol J: "Great in the winter to watch a game or hang out with friends (horray cozy stove). In the summer I go more because they have two (badly maintained, but who cares) OUTDOOR ping pong tables. It's like a ping pong oasis with beer. I love it and when friends come into town they always insist on going there at least once."
So even if we have to party inside, the kitchen will be open, the beer will be cheap, and we'll still have a hell of a time. Slog Happy starts at 6 pm, Roanoke is at 2409 10th Ave E (right on the 49 bus line).
See you Thursday!
Earlier in the week Joe the Plumber said this to Christianity Today...
I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children.
Joe, of course, is invoking a vicious stereotype about gay men: that we're all pedophiles itching to prey on innocent children. We're so bad that you just can't trust a gay person—even a gay friend of the family—to refrain from raping your kid if you so much as turn your back for a second. That's why Joe can't risk having us anywhere near his kids. Because, hey, if there was a momentary distraction—a blown fuse, a pot boiling over the on stove—your gay friend won't be able to pass on the sudden opportunity to anally rape your kid while you're out of the room.
It's an offensive stereotype and Joe's invoking it was highly offensive to gay people. Because, hey, it makes us look bad. But when you think about it Joe's comments make him look worse.
I'm a parent. I have a son. And I wouldn't hang out with anyone I thought was capable of raping a child. If I suspected a friend was capable of child rape, well, let's just say that would strain the bonds of friendship past the breaking point. Like all sane, responsible parents out there, not only don't I want potential child rapists anywhere near my children, I don't want potential child rapists anywhere near me. I have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to people who have raped children, might rape children, or display any propensity whatsoever toward raping children.
Joe the Plumber doesn't, I guess, because otherwise he couldn't be friends with homosexuals.
A couple nights ago, at the urging of a friend I hadn't hung out with in a while, I watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Taking Jonah Spangenthal-Lee's advice, I had three beers beforehand. Unfortunately, it was still very, very bad. Jen Graves' review is spot-on. The movie doesn't make sense, especially if you don't read the comics. (One thing I'm surprised no critic has written an entire review about: Why is everyone in the world not talking about how bad of an actor Will.i.am is? Because he's maybe one of the worst actors I've ever seen in a Hollywood movie.) There was no point to almost any of the characters in this film—for instance, why did Gambit need to be in this movie? To add a ten minute, poorly produced fight sequence? Why bother to make that strong guy character into The Blob from the comic books? He's nothing like The Blob, except for he's fat (Which is hilarious, right? Ha!)
There's a comment by NervousNell on Jen's review that reads (emphasis mine):
So many characters were portrayed nicely enough that it made me happy. I mean... it's awesome enough that they had Deadpool in there.
And this is what makes me sad. Dear fellow nerds: We really live in a golden age for nerd movies. (Trust me: Star Trek. Yes.) We don't have to accept this shit anymore. Just because Ryan Reynolds' character was referred to as "Deadpool" doesn't make him the Deadpool from the comic books. He didn't have the right powers, history, or characterization. Is naming a character after a completely different comic book character really all it takes to make you happy?
True, Hugh Jackman was fine as Wolverine. But everything else about the movie is just a complete mess. And, worst of all for a summer comic book movie, it looks cheap. Wolverine's claws were half-assed, for one thing. Some of the SFX looked unfinished. And worse than all that, the plot didn't make any sense. We've got to be able to do better than this. Movies can be smart and sexy and funny and action packed (Again, Star Trek.) It's not our job to tolerate this crap just because we're nerds. We should be as discerning with our movies as we are with all of our other entertainment.
All of which is basically just preamble to the following statement: If I am ever for some reason in your house, in the far-flung future, and I see that you bought the DVD version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I will vomit on your brand-new rug.
Dear nerds,
A number of you have flooded the comments section of Jen Graves' review of Wolverine with comments like:
I do wonder why Jonah or Paul weren't sent to review this movie - they'd have the requisite background to make an educated and thorough review.
and
Read the damn comic or talk to someone who has before ripping apart details included for real fans.
Indeed, Paul and I are the resident nerds on staff and it's perfectly reasonable to ask why Paul and I weren't sent to review X-Men Origins: Wolverine's Bad Hair Day. For my part, I refused to go. Someone showed me a copy of the bootleg after it was released online a few weeks back and was in no hurry to see it again. I don't know why Paul didn't go, but I'd guess he was probably in the midst of training for his big eat-off.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, it must be said that the Wolverine movie is in fact a giant steaming pile of poo, and I hated every single frame of it. Jen—who is shockingly well-versed in X-lore—totally nailed everything that's wrong with this movie: "Wolverine brings the intelligence of the first two X-Men movies, which have been on a starvation diet since they switched directors for X-Men: The Last Stand, to a serious new level of emaciation."
Indeed, Wolverine is a stupid, stupid movie. All glitz and gunfire with no subtext, humor or well-staged action. On top of that, Hugh Jackman seems detached and bored, the endless stream of "hey, it's Gambit/Deadpool/Blob character cameos are needlessly distracting, the dialogue is atrocious and so on. It is a sloppy film and it's baffling to me that studios can still get away with spending $130 million on movies that turns out to be such catastrophic messes.
If you go to one nerdy movie this weekend, make it Star Trek. Paul Constant says it's "an adventurous, fun, and sexy movie that's willing to laugh and let its audience in on the joke, too" and I call it "Trektacular!"
Dow Constantine, one of two King County Council members running for county executive, rolled out a proposal today to require higher-paid, nonunionized county employees to pay for part of their health insurance. Currently, county employees do not pay a premium for medical benefits. The proposal would charge nonunion employees 2 percent of the portion of their salary above the county average, currently around $60,000; an employee making $80,000 a year, for example, would have to pay about $33 a month out of pocket. Constantine's office estimates the change could save the financially strapped county $1 million a year.
It's an intriguing idea—and hardly unprecedented. Local cities, including Seattle, typically charge employees a flat monthly fee for medical benefits ranging from about $28 to $48. In addition to paying less for health insurance than other government employees, King County employees make more money. For example, in 2007, according to the salary-tracking site LBloom.net, council communications director Frank Abe made $100,474. George Howland, who held the equivalent position at he city, made $75,127. County Council member Reagan Dunn, elected in 2004, made $122,914; City Council member Jean Godden, elected in 2003, made $96,651.
Clearly, in addition to fixing its structural revenue problems (property taxes, which fund about 60 percent of the county's general budget, can only increase by 1 percent a year, or less than the rate of inflation) the county needs to get its spending under control. This proposal—which Constantine, a liberal Dem, clearly sees as a way of distinguishing himself from his opponent Larry Phillips, another liberal Dem— seems like it could be a smart first step.
At least in England. In the US, according to the DOJ, cocaine is becoming crappier and more expensive.
I knew Larry Wachowski, the director of Bound and The Matrix, had a sex change, but this is the first image I have seen of that transformation.
For reasons relating to the lead women in his/her films, I imagined Larry would dress more like this:
The image is by Nicubunu.
Did everybody already know that Stephen Merritt has written a musical? With David Greenspan? Based on Coroline Coraline? And that they're advertising the show, in part, by handing out fliers in front of rock concerts?
And that the Roundabout's production of Hedda Gabler—while allegedly not very good—commissioned PJ Harvey to write new music?
(So maybe NYC isn't totally played...)
The guys running Seattle Beer Week showed up at The Dray in Fremont around 10 p.m. last night, bum-rushing the bar whilst holding up a framed proclamation from Mayor Greg Nickels. Not that his official endorsement was necessary to get people to drink local microbrews for seven days straight, but the pub owners in tow seemed stoked to hold up anything official-looking for the kick-off.
"The real one's not that big," a nearby photographer said about the framed, signed proof of Seattle Beer Week, before laying into Nickels for not showing up for any of last night's festivities. "His aide called at the last minute," she said with a nicely drunken sneer, then stood on a chair to photograph the sardine-packed pub.
Seems the week is an excuse for regional brewers to bust out limited-edition brews and fancy, old casks—never understood the latter, as casks are pretty much a way to make your beer insta-flat, but maybe a week's worth of liver bombardment will blur my judgment. Nightly events for the next week-plus are listed here; tonight's stout event at Brouwer's sounds particularly tasty, and it runs early enough so that I might get out by 9 p.m.
It's Amazonfail, Part 2: The Dumbening. Why does Amazon hate our president*?
The New York Times (no stranger to writing about the Prez) says that the name "Barack Obama," when read aloud by the Kindle's computerized text-to-speech system, sounds something like "Brack Alabama."Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos laughed about the gaffe, calling it "unfortunate," but the company has nonetheless hustled out a fix via its text-to-speech partner Nuance, which promises to correct the pronunciation of the name.
Thanks to Slog Tipper Marc for directing us to this grave—and possibly racist?—injustice on Amazon's part*. You'd think that they'd have learned from their aborted war against homosexuals a little over a month ago*.
*Note to the hordes of libertarian Amazon apologists who get all personally offended when Amazon is chastised: I'm just kidding.
All of The Stranger websites are having trouble, actually. It has something to do with Arizona and routers and DDoS attacks or something? I don't know. Anyway, some people can still see us (hi iPhone users!), but a lot of people can't (bummer for you, G1's).
Some of those people who can't access the sites and blogs include some Stranger writers, so that explains why there aren't as many posts (or as many comments). But we're working on it! Or Arizona is. Or maybe Bill Gates. I don't know who's doing it, actually, but someone is.
I bet A. Birch Steen is the happiest old fucker in the world right now.
As I've written previously, my better half is a former Mormon, growing up in a large Mormon family that was intricately involved with the Mormon church.
As you probably know, Mormons are forbidden from doing a lot of fun things, including drinking alcoholic or even caffeinated beverages, watching unwholesome films (anything above PG, essentially), and engaging in premarital sex. As you can imagine, this leaves Mormons with a ton of time to fill with wholesome activities, like family game nights and six-hour church services and weird social rituals I'd never heard of until Jake told me about them.
For instance: Pudding Pictionary, which is like regular Pictionary except it's played with chocolate pudding, spread on a tabletop, with players drawing pictures in the pudding with their noses. (How engaging in faux scat is more wholesome than watching a PG-13 movie is beyond me, but that's Mormons for you.)
Then there's the "foot of your father" game, wherein a large group of Mormon fathers and daughters gather in an auditorium, where the dads take off their shoes, roll up their pants cuffs, and place themselves behind the stage curtain, which is raised only far enough to expose their bare feet. Then, daughters must attempt to identify their fathers by their feet. Actually, this sounds kind of hilarious and fun, but as with Pudding Pictionary, the line between the wholesome and the fetishistic is thin.
Finally, there are candy-bar letters, wherein high-schoolers communicate—to ask each other to prom, for instance—via a "letter" composed in part of candy bars, the names of which function as words in the text. Candy-bar letters do double Mormon duty, protracting the "wholesome" aspects of dating (the inviting and accepting, both of which are done via time-consuming candy-bar letter) and allowing Mormons to indulge in the one earthly drug they allow themselves: sugar.
For the past two weeks, Jake's been working in San Francisco, and in a fit of missing him, I wrote him a goddamn candy-bar letter. (See subject line.)
Here's page one.
Here's page two. (This is Diane.)
Page three is lightly pornographic and private. (But I can report that it featured a Mr. Goodbar, a brownie, and three dark-chocolate Hershey's kisses.)
Thank you, Mormons.
So, meat-eaters, where's the best place around here to buy some fresh flesh?
(And while you're being helpful, if you know how to obtain real absinthe legally, Kevin would really love to hear from you.)