Slog
News & ArtsThursday, May 7, 2009
Economy Mo' Money
Posted by Charles Mudede on Thu, May 7, 2009 at 2:17 PM
The Stress Test results are in! "The nation's largest banks collectively need another $75 billion." Believe it or not, J.P Morgan Chase does not need any part of this cash. As for Bank of America? $33.9 billion. As for Wells Fargo? $13.7 billion. There you go.
1
I actually took a stress test at the cardiologist a few months ago. Besides having a somewhat common skip in my heartbeat, I completely annihilated the test. I would like my $15 million by the end of the quarter.
2
Bank of America in the process of having you decide to a) keep your balance-owed-on credit card and have the rate go up significantly (doubles to 15% for me) or, b) freeze your account at its current rate and you no longer can use your credit card. Option c is the best: Your account can't close till your balance is paid off so if you use your frozen-account credit card on purpose or by accident (automatic payments you have set up, an overdraft protection linked from your checking account that activates, anything like that), your go into "default" and your rate jacks up to 24% and you can't lower it. Adios, Bank of America.
5
Ah, the blessings of mark-to-model accounting. Thanks to FASB folding like a gang of autofellationists, only taxpayers are still on the hook.
6
Oh thats all they need? Well, in that case let me just get out my checkbook here...what...they've been figurativly writting checks their asses cant fucking cash, what do you mean its illegal if I do it litterally?!? I am confused.
9
@2 is right - I just put a chunk into my BofA card and it reset to a lower max limit.
I think I'll choose option 2 as well.
no more banks for me, I guess. It's credit unions all the way!
I think I'll choose option 2 as well.
no more banks for me, I guess. It's credit unions all the way!
11
Believe it. JPMC absorbed 50 billion dollars in liquid assets, and squashed thousands of Seattlites simultaneously.
They actually ran ads for like a half second bragging about the 1 trillion in assets that they as ONE bank have (scary shit).
I say fuck 'em all.
They actually ran ads for like a half second bragging about the 1 trillion in assets that they as ONE bank have (scary shit).
I say fuck 'em all.
12
Charles --- do you even know what you are commenting about??
Do you know what the Stress Test is measuring and what it is reporting?
If you do, then say something about it.
And if you don't, then why oh why are you blabbing again............
Do you know what the Stress Test is measuring and what it is reporting?
If you do, then say something about it.
And if you don't, then why oh why are you blabbing again............
13
@9 Amen to that. @11 yeah... JPMC threw down- what? 1.5 bill? for the assets of WaMu... of COURSE they don't need any money- because they got it the old-fashioned way-- convinced the gov't to fuck someone over & hand the bootie to Them. (But Killinger made a killing... & ran a good bank into the ground, trying to be a "Big Boy"... the fuckwit) ^..^
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