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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

At Least She Didn't Twitter It

Posted by on Wed, May 6, 2009 at 1:04 PM

The Awl links to an awful story about a woman who texted her boyfriend with a frowny-face emoticon after she killed a police officer with her car. The text:

Honey, I killed a cop. I’m sorry :( What should I do?

She was drunk—she split six liters of beer with a friend before driving—but she must be complimented on her texting-while-drunk ability. The Awl suggests that she should at least have put a tear in her emoticon— :'( —before texting. Photos of the texter-manslaughterer and the crime scene are here.

 

Comments (25) RSS

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1
This HAS to be a joke. If she was that drunk, would her punctuation be so perfect?
Posted by anonymous healthcare worker on May 6, 2009 at 1:12 PM
2
This HAS to be a joke. If she was that drunk, would her punctuation be so perfect?
Posted by anonymous healthcare worker on May 6, 2009 at 1:12 PM
3
See? I'm not even drunk, and I can't comment without screwing it up. Sorry :'(
Posted by anonymous healthcare worker on May 6, 2009 at 1:14 PM
Dougsf 4
Am I doing the math backward, or is that only 3 1/2 pints of beer between the two of'em?
Posted by Dougsf on May 6, 2009 at 1:20 PM
Arsenic7 5
Think about the size of a two liter bottle of soda.

Now imagine three of those. It's a fairly large amount of beer.
Posted by Arsenic7 on May 6, 2009 at 1:23 PM
Arsenic7 6
Two answer more precisely, a pint is about half a liter.

So it's more like 6 pints each.
Posted by Arsenic7 on May 6, 2009 at 1:25 PM
and his boy Sherman 7
She split 6 liters so she had 3 liters. Three liters is approx 101.4 ounces. So she had roughly 8 1/2 cans of beer. The text message was in Russian, the emoticon was not.
Posted by and his boy Sherman on May 6, 2009 at 1:25 PM
Electra 8
@4 Six liters is actually 12 pints.

@1-3 The text was actually in Russian and translated to English. I can't read Russian, but there's a screencap of the text at the source that has the emoticon in it.

And if there is, as the man said, truth in alcohol, this woman is a grade-A sociopath who probably needs to be locked away for a lot longer than three years.
Posted by Electra on May 6, 2009 at 1:25 PM
9
@7, yes, but the punctuation is still the same, and still too perfect to be quite believable.

Just sayin'
Posted by anonymous healthcare worker on May 6, 2009 at 1:27 PM
N 10
@1 The text was written in Russian and translated to English, so whoever translated it probably cleaned up any spelling errors. Also, a lot of new cell phones auto-correct spelling errors.
Posted by N on May 6, 2009 at 1:30 PM
11
Electra, look at the screencap. I don't read Russian either, but she's taken the care to put two commas in.
Posted by anonymous healthcare worker on May 6, 2009 at 1:31 PM
Tina 12
Wow. I am amazed that Lindsey Lohan didnt think of doing this first...
Posted by Tina on May 6, 2009 at 1:35 PM
13
I just noticed the Awl sends you to read the "grizzly" details. Cute.
Posted by Gloria on May 6, 2009 at 1:38 PM
Dougsf 14
Ahhh... 1 liter = 2+ US (liquid) pints. I was confused. You'd think I'd look these things up before posting, but you'd be wrong.

I don't know if her sentence would have greatly differed in our system, but at least she's going to Russian jail. That's gotta suck way worse.
Posted by Dougsf on May 6, 2009 at 1:43 PM
15
@14, not only is she going to a Russian jail, she's even in Siberia. I wonder if they still use the old Siberian prison camps...
Posted by lily on May 6, 2009 at 2:05 PM
Baconcat 16
Leave it to Slog to determine the actual consumption in imperial and metric units.

Can we convert it to ounces and then make a determination of her BAC based on the average alcohol content of russian beers?
Posted by Baconcat on May 6, 2009 at 2:07 PM
Enigma 17
Of course you're all assuming that they split the six liters evenly. Maybe this one has the lion's share of it. Hmm...
Posted by Enigma http://approvereferendum71.org/ on May 6, 2009 at 2:14 PM
Groucho 18
@16
You would have to know how much she weighs first. Sounds like a real winner, though--the Daisy Buchanan of the texting age.
Posted by Groucho on May 6, 2009 at 2:49 PM
19
It's not a joke. This story is all over the Russian internet and media.

They also show a screencap of a text response from her boyfriend on the web site of Novosibirsk's equivalent of the state patrol: "Act hysterical. Don't say or sign anything."

Posted by russian speaker on May 6, 2009 at 3:00 PM
20
Remember also, 1 typical bar pint << 1 US fluid pint.

In other news, what NW notable recently declared "I went for the brake, but my foot slipped off the brake and hit the gas"?
Posted by RonK, Seattle on May 6, 2009 at 3:04 PM
Lezzy.Minell 21
Putting my knowledge of Russian to use, the text says "hun, i killed a cop, sorry :( what should i do?"
On the regional traffic police website, it says that she's arrested and charged with drunk driving, resulting in a death. It carries a maximum sentence of 7 years.
The saddest part is that the police officer she killed has two young kids :(
Posted by Lezzy.Minell on May 6, 2009 at 3:23 PM
laterite 22
Well, it was Russia, so the cop was probably on his way to or from a mafia-sponsored assassination anyway.
Posted by laterite on May 6, 2009 at 3:46 PM
NumberOne 23
Wow, her reaction was quite disturbing. Looks like she will be heading to the gulag.
Posted by NumberOne on May 6, 2009 at 4:25 PM
lizzie 24
It's awfully tragic, but what I find most disturbing is that she's apologizing and asking for instructions from her owner/boyfriend. It's only fair that he go to jail for not controlling his property, amirite? Or does he only reap the benefits of human ownership and not the responsibilities? I need an update on Russian patriarchy.
Posted by lizzie on May 6, 2009 at 6:45 PM
25
Blondes...
Posted by DawginExile on May 6, 2009 at 9:34 PM

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