Slog
News & ArtsFriday, May 1, 2009
Snoutbreak An Open Letter to the Bathrooms of the World
Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Fri, May 1, 2009 at 2:41 PM
Dear Bathrooms of the World,
Please move your garbage cans to over near the door. We have all become those crazy people who will only touch the doorknob with a paper towel.
Thanks,
All of Us
2
My partner the nurse does a lot of work with infection control. She has browbeaten me into being one of these crazy people. With a potential flu pandemic coming, I'm feeling less crazy every day. Now if someone would just explain to me why bathroom doors can't open OUT, so we wouldn't need to touch anything....
3
An Open Letter To All Dog Owners On Capitol/First Hill: Pickup your fucking dogshit! I see it everywhere! On the sidewalks, on the grass, on the dirt, every-fucking-where. Did we all of a sudden start boycotting dog shit pickup? Seriously...pick it up.
4
Oh Sweet Bethany, I'll get you, and your little dog too.
Try as hard as you want, but I'm getting in, and multiplying.
Trust me on this one. You WILL slip up.
Happy Friday!
Try as hard as you want, but I'm getting in, and multiplying.
Trust me on this one. You WILL slip up.
Happy Friday!
5
@2,
I'm verging on OCD handwashing, but not quite at the point of using a towel to turn the water ON. Those people are just weird.
And if the management insists on putting the garbage can in a bad place, just throw the paper towel on the floor. That'll learn 'em.
I'm verging on OCD handwashing, but not quite at the point of using a towel to turn the water ON. Those people are just weird.
And if the management insists on putting the garbage can in a bad place, just throw the paper towel on the floor. That'll learn 'em.
9
Can I just say? I thought those people were crazy, too, until I really stopped to notice how many guys walk straight out the door without coming near a sink after shitting, much less after peeing.
Men's rooms are the most disgusting places in the world.
Men's rooms are the most disgusting places in the world.
12
This is what I see every day in the building where I work.
The crazy people (me included) only touch the doorknob of the restroom with a paper towel then walk across the hall where they put their hand on the FILTHY HANDRAIL as they go down the stairs.
Hello?
The crazy people (me included) only touch the doorknob of the restroom with a paper towel then walk across the hall where they put their hand on the FILTHY HANDRAIL as they go down the stairs.
Hello?
13
Fnarf--
You are different. Remember what Mommy told you?
That thing is a tentacle, not a penis.
Back to your restraints. Await instruction.
You are different. Remember what Mommy told you?
That thing is a tentacle, not a penis.
Back to your restraints. Await instruction.
16
Why do bathroom doors always have the handle on the inside? They have all of these fancy infrared faucets, towel dispensers, and hand dryers, and then the LAST thing you've gotta do is touch a nasty door handle.
18
You're like the people who noisily arrange little paper poop nests out of crinkly toilet paper-esque material because they're afraid of contracting cancer from a toilet seat.
19
And then there's the door after the bathroom door... and the door after that... and then you may need a keycard to get through the next door...
If you're that bothered by it, live in a god damned bubble with your paranoia and leave the rest of us to our lives.
This is the wrong week to work in a medical research center.
If you're that bothered by it, live in a god damned bubble with your paranoia and leave the rest of us to our lives.
This is the wrong week to work in a medical research center.
20
In my experience, the super germ-phobe ladies are the same goddamn ones who squat/hover over toilet seats to avoid touching them whilst peeing all over the place. You never seem to clean up after yourselves, girls. Thanks a lot. I'm just washing my hands a lot now and never touching my face if I'm out in public.
21
We're not crazy, we're just smart and observed all the asshats who use the crapper and don't wash their hands...
22
My hand washing regimen is the result of spending four years as an AIDS homecare worker, and for the most part it's kept me from contracting anything more annoying than the common cold since about 1993.
(That and the fact that I don't spend much time around small children, who are literal petri dishes for all kinds of horrible diseases.)
And seriously, don't sweat the door knob touching too much. If you've just washed your hands with an antibacterial soap, chances are there's just enough soap residue on your fingers even after rinsing to knock out what few bugs might be clinging to that piece of metal.
Toilet seats on the other hand should only be handled with Haz-Mat gear - them things is NASTY!
(That and the fact that I don't spend much time around small children, who are literal petri dishes for all kinds of horrible diseases.)
And seriously, don't sweat the door knob touching too much. If you've just washed your hands with an antibacterial soap, chances are there's just enough soap residue on your fingers even after rinsing to knock out what few bugs might be clinging to that piece of metal.
Toilet seats on the other hand should only be handled with Haz-Mat gear - them things is NASTY!
24
I'm with those who wonder why toilet doors don't open out instead of in. I hate having to squeeze into and stand next to the crapper just to close the door. If I have a backpack/shoulder bag it's even worse. Oh, and there's the autoflush system that always flushes before I have a chance to clear the frack out of the way of the toilet water splash.
25
Fnarf, assuming you (and not a sockpuppet stalker) made that comment at 11, let me just tell you that you need to get laid tonight.
26
@23:
Not mine. Bacteria need heat and moisture to survive. Putting your sponge in a well-ventilated rack to dry completely between uses kills about 99% of the little buggers.
And if you're really paranoid about that remaining 1%, you can always toss it in the microwave for about 30 seconds and let irradiation finish the job.
Not mine. Bacteria need heat and moisture to survive. Putting your sponge in a well-ventilated rack to dry completely between uses kills about 99% of the little buggers.
And if you're really paranoid about that remaining 1%, you can always toss it in the microwave for about 30 seconds and let irradiation finish the job.
28
My problem is that after I wash my hands at home I always have the problem of turning off the tap, how to do it, with out getting germs back my hands from the taps. I have also become hand sanitizer crazy.
30
And ladies, if you use toilet seat covers please...PLEASE make sure they're flushed with the rest of your waste. Because I don't want to have to deal with it if you don't.
33
Bathroom doors don't open out because you can smack someone innocently walking down the hallway when you come out.
@20: Are you serious? Don't those women even lift the seat? That's as gross as the men described @9 who go right from the urinal, or worse, the stall, out the door without stopping to wash their hands. Even before this latest pestilence I thought that was disgusting. I'm no OCD germophobe, but guys, seriously...
@20: Are you serious? Don't those women even lift the seat? That's as gross as the men described @9 who go right from the urinal, or worse, the stall, out the door without stopping to wash their hands. Even before this latest pestilence I thought that was disgusting. I'm no OCD germophobe, but guys, seriously...
34
The combination of nice weather, welfare payday, and Friday has brought every shirtless freakazoid on the bus. After a long day spent schlepping here and there, I had to take the #15 bus thru Interbay. I forgot it was opening day of the boating season or something, because the bridgemaster kept opening the bridge and letting a few boats thru at at time, while we inched along with the sun frying our poor bus. It took 45 minutes to get across the bridge, then some guy had one of those jock-strap athletic cup things you guys wear strapped across his face, presumably to stop swine flu.
It got progressively stranger from there on, and I decided it was time to go tuck myself in and let the night shift of freakazoids get busy. I can read about them in tomorrow's news.
It got progressively stranger from there on, and I decided it was time to go tuck myself in and let the night shift of freakazoids get busy. I can read about them in tomorrow's news.
35
I have to agree with the towel thing. And PLEASE STOP COVERING YOUR MOUTHS WITH YOUR HAND WHEN YOU COUGH! Sneeze and cough into your elbow- one doesn't open too many door knobs with elbows. And just to put this in perspective, I drive bus for Metro. What do you think you get with your transfer* as the driver whom coughed into his right palm hands it to you?
* The pun on transfer is noted, smirked at, and filed away.
* The pun on transfer is noted, smirked at, and filed away.
36
#9-when I was in my twenties, many moons ago, I worked as a janitor at the old Sea-First Bank bldg. on 4th ave., and I am here to tell you that the Women's Restroom(s) were by far more disgusting than the men's.I could tell you some stories but I've been trying to block them out all these years.
37
The door handle on the outside of the public bathroom door has actually been found to be dirtier than both toilet seats and the inside door handle since so many people use toilet seat covers down and use paper towels when exiting wiping away some of the nasty's. Even worse are office building entrance doors which are touched by 1000's of hands. I read there are more feces bacteria there than in the bathrooms. I am getting one of those handlers mentioned in # 10 !
38
so whats with all the "automatic" fawcetts that dont run long enough to get hot water out of them makeing washing your hands nothing but a mental exercise? Those things should be banned or come with a mandatory instant hot water heaters.
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