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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Chow / Film Pumping Spring Rolls

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Apr 29, 2009 at 12:39 PM

Tonight, I am taking part in a 2-minute, vegetarian spring roll speed eating contest at the I.D. Spring Roll. The contest will be announced by Geo of the Blue Scholars. Here is the listing of my mortal eating foes:

~~Angela Garbes, Editor of Where Seattle and International Examiner Board Member~~
Sian Wu, International Examiner Board President
“Uncle” Bob Santos, Community Advocate
Brock Huard, Former Husky and Seahawk
Dino Rossi, 2008 GOP Gubernatorial Nominee
Dow Constantine, King County Council Member
James Sun, Former Contestant on NBC's "The Apprentice"
Toby Crittenden, WA Bus Outreach Team Member

Last night, to prepare myself mentally, I watched Pumping Iron. I have forgotten what a great fucking movie it is.

I had also forgotten what a vile snake Arnold Schwarzenegger is. The way he insults and demeans Lou Ferrigno is perhaps the textbook definition of out-psyching an opponent. It's completely unethical, but it's genius.

I am fully expecting to unsettle Rossi with my talk about how eating spring rolls is like cumming with a woman. But you can't underestimate the man who approved this monster-truck-rally of a campaign ad:

It will be tense. There may be blood. (These spring rolls are crispy and could do damage to our gums.) But only one will win.

UPDATED: Garbes is out, Sian Wu is in for the I.E..

Comments (15) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Arnold, with all those steroids you used to take of course it was like cumming all the time.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on April 29, 2009 at 12:45 PM

wrong video

Posted by toot on April 29, 2009 at 1:07 PM

Wish I could be there. I'd start cheering for you, "Lardass, Lardass"

You do have the raw egg and castor oil ready, right?

Posted by Simone on April 29, 2009 at 1:14 PM

It's going down, Constant!

Posted by The Washington Bus on April 29, 2009 at 1:23 PM

You're going down, Bus!

Posted by Paul Constant on April 29, 2009 at 1:45 PM

I hear vegetarian spring rolls spread the dreaded Spring Flu, which is even worse than Swine Flu.

Bus ftw.

Posted by Will in Seattle on April 29, 2009 at 1:46 PM

I loved it when Ahnuld joked with Lou about going over to his house so Lou's mother could cook him dinner.

I'll be there tonight, in my civilian alter ego. I'm rooting for you, Paul.

Posted by kitschnsync on April 29, 2009 at 2:08 PM

The Asian guy will win...they ALWAYS win the eating contests.

Posted by michael strangeways on April 29, 2009 at 3:42 PM

does anyone have that video of Arnold campaigning for gov and someone throwing eggs at him?

Posted by egg sandos on April 29, 2009 at 4:08 PM

Pumping Iron is a pretty good movie (though I have to say the theme music is profoundly awful), but you should watch the extra footage contained with the most recent DVD release. It includes a modern interview with Arnold about the film in which he explains that the "documentary" really was kind of scripted. A lot of the Schwarzenegger - Ferrigno stuff was invented for the movie, and Arnold went out of his way to look like an ass. He didn't, for example, miss his father's funeral because he had to train for a contest, as he claims in the film. What struck me most about watching it recently was what charisma the man had, at least back then. And I'm not a big fan, but my god, the man had something. Also, his hair looks kind of like Jim's from the Office.

Posted by catsnbanjos on April 29, 2009 at 4:24 PM

I can't believe you spelled it "cumming". I thought you were the literate one. Even Savage knows better.

I'm not saying it's wrong to spell it "cumming" instead of "coming". That would be like saying its wrong to be illiterate. It's not wrong. Illiterates are just as good as everyone else and the way they spell things deserves equal respect to the way those educated in the English language spell things.

All I'm saying is I thought Paul Constant didn't spell that way.

Posted by elenchos on April 29, 2009 at 4:44 PM

Did I say "even Savage"? Sorry. Of course he would know better.

Posted by elenchos on April 29, 2009 at 4:47 PM

To watch Paul repeatedly put something cylindrical in his mouth is my idea of heaven.

Posted by Chris in Vancouver WA on April 29, 2009 at 7:04 PM

@ 8 - Sadly, you're right. Do they have stretchier stomachs?

Posted by Chris in Vancouver WA on April 29, 2009 at 7:05 PM

@10 I've always thought that was a great movie, and while it's nice to hear that the whole shit with Ferrigno was an act, I never really cared that Arnold acted like an ass to him. Body building is terribly competitive, and Arnold acted like a man driven to win. And he was driven to succeed. Go back and watch him talk about what he wanted out of live, what he wanted to accomplish. He's pretty much accomplished all the goals he set himself. Not many can claim that. I've always been a big fan. Yeah, he took steriods, he's a cheesy actor, and I hate that he's a republican, but still. And he still has a lot of charisma, which is why he's Governor of California, and Gray Davis isn't.

Posted by seabear on April 30, 2009 at 10:20 AM