Tonight, I am taking part in a 2-minute, vegetarian spring roll speed eating contest at the I.D. Spring Roll. The contest will be announced by Geo of the Blue Scholars. Here is the listing of my mortal eating foes:

Angela Garbes, Editor of Where Seattle and International Examiner Board Member
Sian Wu, International Examiner Board President
“Uncle” Bob Santos, Community Advocate
Brock Huard, Former Husky and Seahawk
Dino Rossi, 2008 GOP Gubernatorial Nominee
Dow Constantine, King County Council Member
James Sun, Former Contestant on NBC's "The Apprentice"
Toby Crittenden, WA Bus Outreach Team Member

Last night, to prepare myself mentally, I watched Pumping Iron. I have forgotten what a great fucking movie it is.

I had also forgotten what a vile snake Arnold Schwarzenegger is. The way he insults and demeans Lou Ferrigno is perhaps the textbook definition of out-psyching an opponent. It's completely unethical, but it's genius.

I am fully expecting to unsettle Rossi with my talk about how eating spring rolls is like cumming with a woman. But you can't underestimate the man who approved this monster-truck-rally of a campaign ad:

It will be tense. There may be blood. (These spring rolls are crispy and could do damage to our gums.) But only one will win.

UPDATED: Garbes is out, Sian Wu is in for the I.E..