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News & ArtsTuesday, April 28, 2009
Homo / Hetero Re: Re: That's... So Civilized...
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Apr 28, 2009 at 5:58 PM
I said "hardly ever," Brendan, and not, you know, "never". But here's one for you: I'm riding my bike out to West Seattle and I'm somewhere south of Safeco Field and just west of the Alaskan Way Viaduct. I stop my bike because one of my tennis shoe is untied—I don't own a pair of those snappy shoes popular with the lyrca set—and so I stop to tie my shoe. I see something out of the corner of my eye and realize that I've stopped smack in the middle of a hetero four-way. Behind me one straight couple is doing the stand-up heteronasty right up against a support column for the viaduct (is that safe?); in front of me another straight couple is doing the heteronasty—woman on top—on a cardboard box. I saw them, they saw me see them, they did not stop to apologize or offer me a mint or anything.
So I feel your pain, Brendan, I really do. And on behalf of all homosexuals everywhere, I apologize for the actions of the man in the can. But I'll bet you dollars to donut holes that the man in the can was straight-identified—not that that makes it okay. But heteros have to accept some responsibility for all those toilet wankers out there. You people created the dominant culture, one that made normal, natural homosexual desire taboo, and the culture your people created has warped the lives of innumerable homos. There are men out there who take what fleeting pleasures they can in toilets and saunas and parks because they don't feel they can ever come out, even today, and straight people are the authors of that tragedy, not gay people.
Furtive sex in public—that was the only intimacy allowed gay people before the gay and lesbian civil rights movement began, Brendan, so the gay movement can take credit for all the gay men who aren't having sex in public restrooms, terrorizing innocent theater editors with their semis, or putting small yappy dogs to uses that nature did not intend. And your fellow heterosexuals in the religious right, Brendan, are working hard to return us to a time when gay people could not live openly. It's your fellow heterosexuals, Brendan, who want to see more toilet sex, not less.
And as a homo, Brendan, I've got it worse when some dude in a toilet or a sauna starts waggling his dick at me. I can't react with righteous anger... because I don't want the guy to think I'm going to bash him or something. But I don't want to be to nonchalant about it, because I don't want the guy to think I'm delighted. So I usually mumble and hustle out the door as quickly as I can and resolve to pee at home.
And speaking of peeing at home: when you stopped in the toilet that day in the park... you were less than three blocks from your place and less than a block from my house. You could've held it... but you chose not to. You elected to slip into a notoriously cruisy men's room less than a block from your final destination, a house with two toilets, so no waiting.
Is there something you'd like to tell us, Brendan?
I used to have an apartment on First Hill. My bedroom window (my only window) looked out to the underside of a one-story parking structure.
One late night, I heard a commotion. Opening my blinds, I noticed two naked homeless men wrestling, yelling insults to each other. At first I thought, "Awesome, homo-hobo-wrestling match!"
Then one of them gave up and went back to the dirty mattress they'd dragged down there. On it, nude, was a homeless woman. The naked man and the woman started going at it, the other naked man masturbating.
I did not call the cops. I figured they weren't hurting anybody, so I did nothing. Until they started fighting over who was next.
This went on for over an hour. They'd take turns fucking this woman, then fight over who was next, then they'd quietly fuck her again. She seemed to enjoy it.
Finally it was too much. I called the police, who came in a few moments later with their flashlights and spotlights and busted the trio. They made them get dressed and clean up the place.
Sadly, they were back a few nights later. And a few nights after that. I moved from that apartment hating the three, but kind of curious of the odd love triangle they had.
I hope they're still there sometimes.
The end of my favorite hetero people fucking in public story.
I saw some lady that looked like Anna Nicole's cousin Shelley gobbling two guys in sequence while they passed a pipe back and forth, darting away like frightened deer when I yelled "KNOCK IT OFF, FUCKERS" at them.
Then EVERYONE would be happy: prudes wouldn't have to have their sensitive eyes offended, fundies wouldn't have to have their sensitive morals offended, gays wouldn't have to inadvertently see straights doin' it and vica verse, children would no longer risk permanent traumatization at the sight of human sexual intercourse.
I mean, it's all win-win, right?
At the Cap.Hill Block Party last summer I was shoving my way through/being shoved through a crowd and saw 2 20-ish year old girls trying to do some guy against a chain link fence.
I heard him say "but I have to work this weekend" as one girl pulled his dick out.
Not good with subtlety, I yelled "I saw your penis " over my shoulder and kept going.
I'm all for fun but that was just gross.It was still daylight. In a huge crowd. YUCK.
It translates into; can't meet people openly. As in, no gay bar to go to or other meeting place. Therefore, where do men hang out? Bathrooms, parks...etc. Who knows how these places get started, but when I was a young closeted gay boy I purposely went to bathrooms because I figured that's where men went to! Where else was I going to go in a small city without a visible gay community?
If you are closeted and/or married, doing it at home is a non-starter. Expecting these same people to rent a hotel room is equaly unrealistic.
It is one thing to get a guy to suck on you in the park and quite another to take them home. A lot of these guys are too closeted to even speak, let alone arrange a motel room.
That said, I'll acknowledge that heterosexuals share the guilt. A hell of a lot, but that's my opinion. I'd also like to say that, I am sorry. I am very sorry.
If I have any facts messed up. Please clue me in. If my commenting is offensive, tell me so. I can't learn without correction.
And pissing in public is ok, and in fact to be applauded.
Sex in public (which gay men did not invent) is not something that gay men "resorted" in the "olden days" before gay rights and all that. The point to sex in public is actually a kink or fetish involving the risk of potentially getting caught and inherently *not* intimate--it's all about anonymity. By far the majority of gay men in the "olden days" were having sex in private places in authentically intimate situations or in semipublic but gay locations such as movie houses, bathhouses, etc.
In fact, the vast majority of people--gay or straight--have and always have had sex in private places. The only time sex is had in public is because of the thrill factor and when there is a desire for anonymity.
Even in gay cruising areas, men often pick each other up but then go to another, private location to have sex. In the "olden days" that was way more common than actually having sex in the park--except, again, for those men out for the thrill of possibly getting caught.
I myself have stumbled upon gay men having sex in public only three times in my life; I have encountered straight couples having sex in public a good dozen times. There's nothing gay about public sex, really.
Anyway, it's more than a bit misleading to say that in the "olden days" gay men had only furtive, anonymous sex in public places because that was the "only intimacy" they were allowed to have. It's simply not true, not in the least.
The only thing missing was: that until 1973, when the American Psychiatric Association removed it (from the DSM-II) as a disorder, homosexuality was seen as a mental illness.
The treatment of those labeled as 'mentally ill' was shameful at best. Many folks (who fell outside of society's accepted social norms) were accused, 'diagnosed', committed to facilities, and 'treated' - and had little to no power to get themselves released.
Taking home a partner (of the same sex), even if you knew them well enough, could still be dangerous if your family or neighbors suspected that something was up. Not all paranoia is unfounded.
Congress is voting on the Mathew Sheppard act tomorrow and they need to hear from you immediately.
We need you to make a quick call to your Representative's office TODAY! Even if you've already called. Call 202.224.3121 and tell your member of Congress to vote YES on the hate crimes bill.
It's never been easy to confront your employer when they ask you to bust a boycott...or when they expect you to do it and offer you a paycheck to do it...and you do it. And you never explain it or say anything about it.
Kinda like trying to get a room back in the day to do the nasty, eh Dan? I guess you would have been one of the guys in the park when push comes to shove.
Which Brenden apparently took as a call for anecdotes. He just tried to make up this surprising lack of cruising sex stories.
Speaking as someone who occasionally has to go potty away from home, I wish that there were some guide to the cruisy toilets, if only to avoid fmr Sen. Larry Craig. Put a sign up, as in Holland or whatever. I can understand the appeal of a no cost "singles bar" for the desperate; I just want to stay out.
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