And finally: We constantly hear about the possibility of innocent people—think of the children!—happening on cruisers mid-buttfuck/blowjob, but we hardly ever hear from people who've actually happened upon cruisers mid-buttfuck/blowjob.

Here's one and a half for you, Dan.

The 1/2: Sunday morning, as I'm on my way to your house, as it happens, for the infamous blood-matzoh debacle. (The memories this job has given me... ) It's a sunny day, all is right with the world, and I walk through the park and stop at the restroom. Inside is a smiling, roly-poly African-American man in nice slacks and a bright sweater, the kind you see on men in church in springtime. Probably in his soft 40s, wearing glasses. I assume he's taking a stroll after the Sunday services.

He's at a urinal. I piss at a neighboring urinal, then go to the sink. He clears his throat and says: "Sunny day, isn't it?" I agree, turn, and he's facing me with his half-erect dick in his hand and a smile that was almost... beatific. Like he's a little kid who's just so proud of the half-erection he made that he had to show it off. He doesn't say a word, just smiles like a six-year-old in a cookie factory as I compose myself, say "uh, no thanks," and step back into the sunshine.

I couldn't have imagined a non-creepy flasher, but the man just wasn't creepy. A little eccentric, maybe a little retarded, but not so creepy.

The 1: Every few months, a salubrious fit takes my better senses hostage and I spend a few mornings jogging around the park. (The same one; I live three blocks away.) A hooker sometimes hangs out there on a certain bench, a guy with short, spiky hair and a white track suit. He always looks red-eyed and red-nosed and miserable, like he's been up all night, working hard on a combined cocaine, ecstasy, and alcohol hangover. Which he probably has. I always feel bad for the guy and bad for his johns. The poor man looks like a beaten hunk of calamari wrapped in white nylon. Though the spikes in his hair seem to survive all right.

Anyway.

One morning, I'm jogging by the bench and see a small dog, the yappy kind, standing alone on the path. As I get closer, I see the dog's lead disappearing into some shrubbery. As I pass, the dog starts yapping and two startled figures jerk violently in the shadows: a man standing with his back to the path, holding the yap-dog's lead, his pants down. Another guy kneeling in front of the stander, peering around at me, his eyes bright and startled. I knew him by the spikes in his hair. He looked terrified.

But the yap-dog! A public-sex-detection alarm—an ingenious system.

What about Miss Vermont? Or Miss New Jersey? Or Miss New York? Because Miss California has been running around arguing that, as a duly-swimsuited representative of the state of California, she pretty much has an obligation to support a ban on same-sex marriage.

Prejean, a student at San Diego Christian College, was back home for the first time Sunday since last week's contest, where she was named first runner-up to Miss North Carolina. She has since become a celebrity far beyond her second-place finish. She maintained her answer was based on her spiritual beliefs and personal convictions, and represents a majority opinion of people... in California.

Majorities in Vermont, New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New York support marriage equality—does anyone know if their respective Misses support marriage equality? Apparently they're obligated to.

Men have been cruising and having anonymous sex in public park just outside of Amsterdam for years—a public place where unsuspecting nature lovers might happen upon them—but only now are local officials finally doing something about it.

A park near Amsterdam has unveiled information signs pointing out spots where officials say gay men are known to have sex—so no visitors are taken by surprise. The signs "clearly indicate what is happening in each zone; also those where gay men are known to practice 'cruising'," municipal spokeswoman Manon Koffijberg said.
Cruising is a slang word used to describe the act of trawling for casual sex.

"If you don't want to be confronted by a vision of that sort, the signs allow you to avoid specific areas," said Ms Koffijberg.... There are various groups of users of the park; people with small children who bathe on the beaches, those who walk their dogs, gays cruising and nature lovers," said Ms Koffijberg. "Things are arranged so that each group can relax in their own area without intruding on each other."

A few years back me and the boyfriend spent a few days in Denmark, in Copenhagen, and when we checked into our hotel the receptionist informed us—brightly, and in a very loud voice—that the park across the street was a popular gay cruising spot where lots of gay men went to have anonymous gay sexual relations! She wasn't warning us to stay out of the park; she could tell that we were gay and she was pointing us to the park, which the hotel regarded as an amenity for its gay guests. When my boyfriend told her that we were not interested in the park across the street—he chose the hotel because it was close to the museums—the clerk told us not that we needn't worry: Copenhagen's anonymous sex park was totally safe! The local police patrolled the park to insure that the men who enjoyed anonymous sex there weren't threatened by gay bashers. Enjoy your stay!

We went to the museums.

The patrols in Copenhagen were designed not just to facilitate cruising but to contain it as well. If the police allowed men to cruise this one park, and made sure that this particular park was safe for cruisers, then gay and straight-identified cruisers were less likely to colonize other public parks. I'm not interested in anonymous sex—in parks or anywhere else—but it seems like a wholly more civilized and effective response than busting cruising areas, ruining lives, and pushing the problem into other parks.

UPDATE: Folks in comments are asking: What about the children who will stumble upon cruisers with cocks in their mouths and asses?

First off, I live near a cruising spot, and I find it annoying—but not because my kid has ever seen anything unseemly. I get annoyed because I'd like to be able to go to the park to... go to the park, without assumptions being made about why I'm there. And I'm generally con fucking in public places. That said, I'm a rationale person and I recognize that there are going to be public cruising areas in any big (or small) city. We can complain about it, we can get the police to conduct raids, but it won't put a stop to it. And, yeah, we can scream "YOU SHOULDN'T!" in the faces of cruisers... which will work about as well as screaming "JUST SAY NO!" at drug users. I think we're better off tolerating it and doing what we can—like warning people off—to prevent innocent children from stumbling on scenes of homosexual facerapery.

And finally: We constantly hear about the possibility of innocent people—think of the children!—happening on cruisers mid-buttfuck/blowjob, but we hardly ever hear from people who've actually happened upon cruisers mid-buttfuck/blowjob. Why is that? Because, their reputation for risk-taking and inconsideration aside, most cruisers go out of their way to avoid detection—most of 'em are closeted, straight-identified men who live in terror of being arrested or discovered. (And yet they're out there taking this huge risk—people are nuts.) If you go looking for cruisers, you can find them. If you're not looking for 'em, they're usually very hard to spot, and they tend to get it on in spots that are extremely secluded and at times when the general public isn't making use of them. That park in Copenhagen, for instance? During the day it was full of families with children, office workers having lunch, and little old ladies walking dogs. The cruisers only come out at night, after dark, when the park wasn't being used by innocent children, their parents, grannies, etc.

Or so they tell me.