Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Ladies Tonight! The Comedy Show Tour
Posted by Lindy West on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 6:04 PM
Why do the best ones always leave us? A year ago or something, local comics Andy Haynes (dry) and Scott Moran (droll) packed up and headed off for New York City. Assholes! They're in town TONIGHT—along with Rory Scovel, who is a bizarre, funny madman—for one night at the Balagan (where booze is to be had!). You should go. Really. Comedy is good.
Balagan Theater, 1117 E Pike St, 8 pm
Politics Gary Randall: Not a Washington Voter
Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 5:45 PM
Faith and Freedom president Gary Randall, who says his group plans to file a referendum to repeal Washington state's recently passed domestic-partnership bill, isn't registered to vote in Washington.
When I asked Randall on Monday where he lived, he dodged the question. Today, Assistant Secretary of State Steve Excel told me, "No records were found in Washington state of a Gary Randall born" in 1941. However, records show a Gary Randall born on February 15, 1941 living in Clackamas County, Oregon and married to a Marjorie Randall. That would jibe with Randall's statement that he owns a home in Oregon, that Faith and Freedom Network lists one of its addresses in Lake Oswego (which is in Clackamas County), and that his bio says he's married to Marjorie Randall.
Indeed, Clackamas County, Oregon election clerk Chanin Bays says, "He is registered in our county. Looks like since July 1, 1982."
Washington state law says a referendum may be filed by "any legal voter of the state."
It now appears Randall can't file the referendum himself and wouldn't even be allowed to vote on the measure. But his organization is already raising money for it. In a fundraising letter Randall sent last week, he wrote, "Thank you for your support as we expand our efforts in preparation for an initiative or referendum to defend marriage. Click here [link removed] to make an online, tax-deductible donation to Faith & Freedom." As I write in this week's paper, Randall could make a big profit from the anti-gay effort.
City Don't Forget!
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 5:21 PM
This Thursday (that's tomorrow), the Washington Bus and the Stranger are giving you the opportunity to meet every single candidate for Seattle City Council at Moe Bar, 1425 10th Avenue from 6 to 8 pm. Swag, happy-hour specials, and top-secret surprises are promised! Hope to see you there.
Transportation Bus Changes: Another Chance to Comment
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 5:13 PM
The King County Council's Physical Environment Committee and Budget and Fiscal Management Committee are holding a joint hearing on the proposed changes to service in Southeast Seattle next Tuesday, April 28, in the King County Courthouse (516 Third Ave., Room 1101) at 6:30 pm. The changes (described in detail here) involve eliminating and scaling back some routes and expanding service on others to coordinate with light rail when it opens on July 18. The proposals don't address a projected shortfall of $100 million next year, which will only partly be made up by federal stimulus funding.
Politics / Books What a Fucking Sleaze
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 4:53 PM
Earlier today, The Awl displayed the cover for 40 More Years: How the Democrats Will Rule the Next Generation by James Carville. The reason they pointed the book out is because they're nervous that Carville is jinxing the Democrats with his 40-years proclamation.
The thing that pisses me off is the cover of this book, with Carville's arm slung all chummily over Obama's shoulder*. This is the same fucking dick of a Clinton hack who shat all over Obama on CNN until he got bounced for his unethical slime jobs. The same smarmy douchebag who called Obama a "hit dog" and called Bill Richardson a "Judas" when he supported Obama. This is the same idiotic country-fried fucker who announced that "If [Hillary] gave [Obama] one of her cojones, they'd both have two."
To that last one, Obama smartly replied:
Well, you know, James Carville is well-known for spouting off his mouth without always knowing what he's talking about. And I intend to stay focused on fighting for the American people because what they don't need is 20 more years of performance art on television. And that's what James Carville and a lot of those folks are expert at ... a lot of talk and not getting things done for the American people.
And you know? That assessment is still right on. This book cover is the worst kind of opportunism from a book-shilling huckster. In this case, fuck the big tent and fuck James Carville right in his stupid rat-fink eye.
*And you'll note they had to fake Carville touching Obama for the book cover. This is probably because Obama knows that Carville is a complete and utter shit and would not touch him in a real life with the proverbial 10-foot shit-touching pole.
Visual Art Corin Hewitt: Anxiety, Reproduction, Decay, Photography, and Food (the Podcast Is Up)
Posted by Jen Graves on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 4:49 PM
From the first five minutes of Corin Hewitt's podcast (full text, images, and recording here), you'll get some idea of his insane eloquence, and of why the elements in his photographs keep popping up over and over again in new forms.
His show at SAM, especially when paired with this, makes for one of the strongest showings of contemporary art at the museum in a while.
City Hard to Imagine Nickels Doing This
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Berkeley mayor gives up his car for the bus.
City No Tunnel, Says Mayoral Candidate McGinn
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 4:33 PM
Mayor Greg Nickels has signed off on a b.s. amendment to the state House version of the viaduct replacement bill that would put Seattle businesses on the hook for any cost overruns incurred during construction of the largest deep-bore highway tunnel in the world. Under the amendment, any overruns would be paid for by "property owners in the Seattle area who benefit from replacement of the existing viaduct with the deep bore tunnel." The state has committed $2.4 billion, plus $400 million in tolling revenues, toward the project; as Josh reported this morning, no local government has ever been held responsible for cost overruns on a state-funded project.
Nickels's deputy mayor, Tim Ceis, told the Seattle Times that he was "not going to jeopardize the project over what I see as a fairly petty gesture, a negative gesture, towards the city of Seattle."
Today, mayoral candidate Mike McGinn issued a statement and YouTube video blasting Nickels for "risking the city’s financial health for decades to come.” Although it's unclear what power the mayor of Seattle would have to ignore a legislative decree that Seattle taxpayers pay for overruns, McGinn vowed not to "authorize the use of city tax dollars for the tunnel or associated cost overruns." Nickels has already pledged $900 million in city revenues for the project. The Big Dig in Boston had cost overruns of more than $10 billion; in 2007, 70 percent of Seattle voters rejected replacing the viaduct with a cut and cover tunnel.
Politics Bigot and Carpetbagger?
Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 4:02 PM
In this week's news section, I write about Gary Randall, president of Faith and Freedom, a trinity of organizations that oppose same-sex marriage in Washington. And any day now, the group plans to file a referendum to repeal the recently passed domestic-partnership bill. Randall has made good money in the past opposing gay-rights, as Lurleen examines over at Pam's House Blend and I discuss in the article:
Tax records from 2005 to 2007 show that, on average, the group spent under 30 percent of its budget on program goals. Where does the money go?
"I don't get paid a salary," says Randall.
But IRS filings show the Faith and Freedom Foundation paid Randall $53,877 in compensation in 2006 for an average of only 15 hours of work a week.
But something else was fishy about the group's financial records that isn't in the article. While Randall provided a Bellevue, Washington PO box as his address on IRS filings, it’s unclear how much time he actually spends in Washington. Faith and Freedom’s associates much of its business with an address in Lake Oswego, Oregon. And Randall also had a long career as a pastor, evangelical leader, and television host in Oregon. “We now have a home in Issaquah and Portland,” he told me. But when asked what percentage of the year he spends living in Washington, Randall said, “I don’t know and I’m not going to go there. You are over the line. We are done.” So the question is out there: Does the guy planning to run a referendum in Washington actually live in Washington?
Tech Re: Gah!
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 3:59 PM
Yesterday, when I wrote about the person who Twittered using nothing but the power of his mind, some commenters were quick to assume that I'd been duped:
Um, the message "sent" by this guy's brain was sent on April 1. That should tell you something.
Posted by toadmommy on April 21, 2009 at 1:21 PM
April First? REALLY, Paul??
Posted by josh bomb on April 21, 2009 at 1:39 PM
However, as commenter gloomy gus points out, it is a very real experiment. People are typing with their brains.
Seriously, guys: I'm not quite that gullible. And this twit-braining seems a little less crazy when you hear about the existence of the monkey who can move a robot arm with its brain. This video is from last year:
Seriously: We live in a world that (as Slog tipper Maria points out) has bionic penguins. Typing with our brains isn't that unbelievable is it?
Film "You Want Sticky Me?"
Posted by Lindy West on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 3:44 PM
For the love of God, read Paul Constant's review of Crank 2: High Voltage:
Hey! What's going on? That's the end of the last Crank movie! Oh, man, Jason Statham is totally dead... wait, what? What the fuck? He just blinked? He fell like 30 stories, bounced off a car, and now he's still fucking alive? That is so awesome! Wait, now these Chinese doctors are operating on him in a whorehouse. They just pulled out his heart! Now he's totally dead. Wait! They just set him up with an artificial heart. And now they're going to cut off his "big Amellican cock!" BAM! Jason Statham is on the run!
Read the whole thing. Read it now. Read it HERE.
Life Who Said It?
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 3:34 PM
"One reason that I'm excited about the initiative is that it's a start of something new that I'm excited about, and I don't expect it to be presto, for it all to be done."
The answer is here.
Arts / ??!! Attention Superstars!
Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 3:20 PM
Friday, May 8 brings the third-annual Stranger Gong Show to Chop Suey, where a parade of talented citizens—professional and amateur, old and young, sweet and sour—will make its way across the stage, and one lucky winner will be showered with prizes including $300 cash!
Like every year, each act will have a minimum of 45 seconds and a maximum of four minutes to perform and try not to get gonged by our panel of judges. What kind of acts are we looking for? The usual: Jugglers, magicians, jug bands, tap dancers, strongmen, yodelers, standup comics, sword swallowers, contortionists, slam poets, marching bands, mimes, bird callers, puppeteers, tuba players, hula-hoopers, comedy skits, chanteuses, ventriloquists, clog dancers, celebrity impersonators, Butoh dancers, vaudeville acts, burlesque dancers, accordionists, air bands, actual buttholes—and any other unique and entertaining acts.
Sign up for the competition and find complete show and prize info right here. (Or sign up in person the night of the show—complete info on how to do this is here as well.)
In the meantime, from the original Gong Show, the greatest performance ever given by anyone, including Meryl Streep.
Sports / Hetero Can Someone Explain This to Me?
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 3:10 PM
OK, so I've gotten, like, umpteen million emails asking when I'm going to post about the Lingerie Football League and the Seattle Mist team, which is holding its first (and only) open practice today.
Here's the thing, I'm not really sure what to say.
Yes, I love football and boobs just as much as the next overgrown 15-year-old guy, but I can't figure out the point of this whole lingerie football thing.
Folks who actually enjoy the strategy—and let's be honest, the brutality—of real football really won't get into this in the long term. In no way shape or form can lingerie football be considered a legitimate sport (much like soccer, haw!). And if the LFL is just trying to reach the I-like-boobies crowd, that's fine, but I don't know who the fuck is going to want to pay $20-$100 a ticket to watch glorified mud wrestling. 
Now, as to why this can't legitimately be considered a sport, let me explain (it's not, by the way, that I have anything against ladies playing sports. Except maybe caber tossing and shark rodeo)
In football, certain player positions require a certain body type, whether it's being played by 6'4 260 pound pro athletes or 120 pound Brazilian dancers. Linemen must be large, in order to, y'know, block defenders and make sure the quarterback doesn't get driven into the dirt; linebackers need to be sizable to contain action on the field and make tackles; and tight ends need to be tall and able to block, but agile enough to play receiver.
However, the only linewoman listed on the Seattle Mist's site is 5'5 115 pound Chelsie Jorgensen: 
Can Jorgensen effectively block, say, 5'7 130-pound San Diego Seduction defensive linewoman Rachel Carroccio? In the NFL, a 15-pound difference between players might not matter much, but when you only weigh a buck and change, I think it might make a difference. This game is set up for failure. Also, their wide receivers are, like, 5'4 which makes no sense.
OK, so now that we've gotten the weird physics of lady football out of the way, here's the other issue: why would I, or anyone else in their right mind, pay $20 to $100 for what is essentially a masturbatory aid? Suckers in Kent, apparently. But c'mon, everybody else. You're smarter than to get tricked into caring about something as ridiculous as this. Porn (NSFWNSFWNSFW!!!!) is free. Yes, I could look at these ladies all day, but I'm not going to plunk down $50 and drive to Kent to watch them play fake football.
Now, one more picture of boobs. 
Let us never speak of this again.
Money Headline of the Day
Posted by Charles Mudede on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:51 PM
Hitler's Mein Kampf Seen As Self-Help Guide For India's Business Students
Nerd Make Room for Fisto!
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:44 PM
Topless Robot has a list of the 12 coolest He-Man action figures. Some winners include Stinkor (a muscular skunk who the toymakers covered with a nasty smell; apparently the action figure still stinks, twenty years later), Ram-Man, and Dragstor. I had a few of these figures. Man-E-Faces was my favorite.
But in the comments field, there's some grassroots support growing for Fisto, a character I had never heard of before. Here is what Wikipedia says about Fisto:
Fisto is a large and muscular warrior with reddish-brown hair and a beard, distinguishable mainly by his right hand, which is a large metal fist. In the original continuity of the character it is ambiguous as to whether Fisto's metal hand is some kind of removable gauntlet, or if it is a prosthetic attachment. In the 2002 continuity, Fisto's hand is much larger and unambiguously cybernetic. In both versions his fist is able to smash through rock and other hard surfaces, as well as packing more than a punch with the enemy.
And I found this YouTube clip of Fisto leaving a "sticky surprise" for Teela:
Clearly, Fisto is the greatest He-Man character ever.
Arts / ??!! / Retail So Simple, So Powerful
Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:42 PM
From, uh, stoners.com. Thank you, Slog tipper Mindy.
News Just Do It
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:23 PM
Best news I've read all day:
Democrats Consider Bypassing G.O.P. on Health Care PlanDemocrats are tempted to use their political muscle to speed passage of health care legislation with minimal concessions to the Republican minority.
Here's hoping they actually do it. You're the majority party, gang, you won the last two elections, the House, the Senate, the White House, and Americans support a national-health-care program by 2-to-1 margins. You have a mandate. Just fucking do it.
City / Media The Seattle Times Gets the Memo on Budget Cuts. Sort Of.
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:21 PM
Emily Heffter—the Seattle Times reporter who earlier raised a stink about closed-door budget briefings in city council members' offices (telling city hall staffers, "My editor sent me down here to get kicked out), then gleefully reported that the council had decided to no longer hold briefings, period—has apparently discovered the most pertinent fact about this year's midyear budget cuts: They're up to the mayor, not the council. That means, as I pointed out a week ago, that the council isn't obligated to hold any public meetings at all, and any public meetings they do hold are just for show.
Today, the Times finally got that memo. Sort of.
The public can talk, but the council says it's powerless to respond. In fact, Budget Committee Chairwoman Jean Godden has been making it a point to say the council can't do anything about the cuts, which Mayor Greg Nickels announced Friday."The council does not determine these midyear cuts," she said Monday. "These decisions rest with the mayor."
But Godden's disclaimer makes program advocates wonder if they're wasting their time.
Hmm, where in the world might program advocates have gotten the idea that they wouldn't be wasting their time? Certainly not from a credulous series of outraged stories in the Seattle Times.
Homo Weathering the Storm
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:13 PM
Homo Young, Naive, Closeted
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:06 PM
Creepy old closet cases who've made peace with themselves—whatever peace they can—often single out the young, naive, and closeted for their creepy attentions. Because the COCCs know that YNCs are less likely to bolt and more likely to go along with something that is making them uncomfortable lest their protests and attract the attentions of, say, a gym staffer, a law-enforcement official, or a parent and thereby attract attention to something the YNC is trying so hard to hide, e.g. his sexuality. It's the reason why so many of the victims of clerical sexual abuse are gay—not because the abuse made them gay, but because the abusers sought out YNC victims because they know they're likelier to remain silent.
So just because a 17-year-old didn't bolt the instant someone he knew, but didn't know to be gay, made a pass at him in a sauna, Dom, shouldn't be taken as evidence that the kid was in any way "complicit." The kid may be gay, he may not be gay. He might have been into it, and he might not have been into it. And just being gay wouldn't mean the kid was into it; I'm gay and I can't recall a single one of my parents' married male friends that I would've wanted to mess around with.
We simply can't know what was going through the kid's mind. We do know for sure, however, that what the adult was doing to that kid in the sauna was 100% wrong.
Visual Art Currently Hanging
Posted by Jen Graves on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 2:02 PM
Sometimes, the whole body is Band-Aids. This is from Noah Grussgott's new show Caution Kid at Grey.
The Band-Aid kid is sitting on the bleachers with other kids (brick and concrete bullies? kids entirely swathed in danger signage) like in some middle-school assembly whose intentions are not entirely clear. (The spectacle facing the bleachers is a screen/"painting" made of strips of foam called Some Walls Are Forced to Do Things They Don't Wanna Do.)
It fits perfectly that this young artist (recently graduated from UW) was formerly the studio assistant to the ingenious minimalist-conceptualist Robert Morris (the bleacher scene is in direct conversation with these), who made this earthwork in Sea-Tac, which anyone can visit at any time.
Transportation The 73
Posted by Charles Mudede on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 1:59 PM
We so badly need light rail to liberate us from the regime of idiocy that is the Metro bus service. One of the many examples of this ruling idiocy: Since I have lived in this city (exactly two decades on Feb 10, 2009), not once has it occurred to any of the planners and professionals at Metro that the northbound 73 should stop soon after exiting I-5. Instead the bus exits the freeway, heads down 45th, turns down Roosevelt, runs all the way down to Campus, turns and only stops at the corner of Campus and University. This movement, this course, is nothing but a waste of time for those who could get to where they're going faster if the fucking bus let them out near the corner of 45th and Roosevelt. Because this idiocy, this lack of a reasonable stop, has no opposition, it persists every fucking day!
Olympia You Can't Beat a Woman (Even if She Was Born a Man)
Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 1:51 PM
Governor Christine Gregoire this morning signed the anti-hate-crime bill that passed earlier this month.
Under state law, a person is guilty of malicious harassment for hurting or threatening someone for their race, color, religion, ancestry, disability, or sexual orientation. This bill sponsored by state Senator Joe McDermott (D-34)—standing to the left of the governor in the photo—adds "gender expression or identity" to the list. PS—Rob McKenna, you are finally safe.
Politics "BE THERE IF YOUR A TRUE PATRIOT!!!!"
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 1:29 PM
Wonkette has this video up, in which "Pale Horse," a member of an Ohio militia, announces that there will be a million man militia march on Washington DC on July 4th. All the marchers will be armed to make a point about something.
They will all be armed, but they will not use their weapons. Pale Horse says that he'd be happy if ten million people showed up, but one million is the baseline goal.
Here is what the YouTube page says:
We are trying to organize a Million Armed Militia Man march on Washington July 4th 2009. Be there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!We can would could should this to death. Bottom line is I am going, we should all go. It sends a powerful message. Like I said they cant arrest 1,000,000 + people. Its not possible. They dont have the manpower or space for that.
Are we men or cowards???? If I worked for the government this would be the LAST idea they would want me to suggest THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!! MAn up people!!!
As Wonkette says: "Well we see no problems with this plan."
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