Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, April 21, 2009
Sex Spit Or Swallow... Or, Hey, Let's Just Fuck.
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Apr 21, 2009 at 1:48 PM
Why does come taste nasty? An evolutionist theorizes...
Natural selection maintains the repugnant taste of semen so that a man’s sperm will wind up in the appropriate place: the vagina and not the stomach. So long as sperm tastes bad, women will not be tempted to swallow it, but will turn their male partner towards conventional intercourse, which of course is the only act that will produce children. In other words, any male with good-tasting sperm would have fewer offspring than his competitors. A man whose sperm tasted like honey would probably not have any children at all.
But he'd live a long and happy life regardless.
4
I don't think evolution ever really cared about oral sex and the prevention (or discouraging) of such.
Aside from humans (and those lovely bonobos), is there ANY other species known to engage in recreational sexual activity that is not procreative in nature?
Aside from humans (and those lovely bonobos), is there ANY other species known to engage in recreational sexual activity that is not procreative in nature?
5
I'd read that semen is alkaline(and thus bitter) due to the slightly acidic environment of the vagina, and that without this alkalinity the sperm would die.
6
i always thought it was spelled C.U.M.
have i been wrong all this time or is it spelled both ways?
have i been wrong all this time or is it spelled both ways?
7
By this reasoning, vegetarians and vegans should be a dying breed...
Love your last sentence, too. The Man Whose Sperm Tasted Like Honey.. He'd go with a smile on his face, that's for sure......
Love your last sentence, too. The Man Whose Sperm Tasted Like Honey.. He'd go with a smile on his face, that's for sure......
8
It really doesn't taste anything like the stuff that's REALLY evolved to stay out of people's mouths, like some plants. And people's ability to taste certain nasty tastes varies as well -- some people can't eat Brussels sprouts because of the bitterness, while others love it. I call bullshit.
10
@2 Nice link. Short but to the point.
But wouldn't evolution be better served by discouraging homosexuality before discouraging oral sex?
Evolution seems to do neither. Perhaps because our level of sapience is motivated by things far more complex than procreation (sorry fundamentalist Christians).
But wouldn't evolution be better served by discouraging homosexuality before discouraging oral sex?
Evolution seems to do neither. Perhaps because our level of sapience is motivated by things far more complex than procreation (sorry fundamentalist Christians).
11
I wonder what bonobo sperm tastes like.
Aaaand, that's probably the only time I'll ever be saying that sentence for the rest of my life.
Aaaand, that's probably the only time I'll ever be saying that sentence for the rest of my life.
12
5
That was the reason for the pH that I was given in my med school classes. Nothing to be shy about.
That was the reason for the pH that I was given in my med school classes. Nothing to be shy about.
13
Ain't evolution amazing?
Hey Dan, while we're on your favorite subject, I'd like to ask you and your staff a favor.
I know I'm going to get reamed over this, but could you please not put "fuck" in headlines?
My boss can see the big type on my screen from his desk, so he'll know I'm not working, and I won't be able to read the Slog.
Also, I'd like to go on Slog at home once in a while, but am trying to keep my 6-year-old from becoming an adult too quickly.
You're clever folks -- I'm sure you can come up with another suitable word.
Thanks.
Hey Dan, while we're on your favorite subject, I'd like to ask you and your staff a favor.
I know I'm going to get reamed over this, but could you please not put "fuck" in headlines?
My boss can see the big type on my screen from his desk, so he'll know I'm not working, and I won't be able to read the Slog.
Also, I'd like to go on Slog at home once in a while, but am trying to keep my 6-year-old from becoming an adult too quickly.
You're clever folks -- I'm sure you can come up with another suitable word.
Thanks.
16
I think the reason people are icked out by the taste of semen is overwhelmingly psychological. It's a bodily fluid, and people automatically attach grossness to that.
17
A lot of animals participate in recreational sexual activity, not just humans and bonobos. Certainly not to the same degree, but they do.
As for whether semen tastes bad for evolutionary reasons...uhh...I don't know about that. The chemistry of semen is pretty well controlled for sperm SURVIVAL, not so much their taste. Plus you have to realize that human behavior generally dictates that having sex of any sort generally makes you want to have more sex...of any sort, so it could still have a positive influence on reproduction.
And then there is the argument that not reproducing doesn't necessarily mean you aren't contributing to the survival of the species. Especially in social animals.
See bees and ants for example.
As for whether semen tastes bad for evolutionary reasons...uhh...I don't know about that. The chemistry of semen is pretty well controlled for sperm SURVIVAL, not so much their taste. Plus you have to realize that human behavior generally dictates that having sex of any sort generally makes you want to have more sex...of any sort, so it could still have a positive influence on reproduction.
And then there is the argument that not reproducing doesn't necessarily mean you aren't contributing to the survival of the species. Especially in social animals.
See bees and ants for example.
18
Great debunking link, @2! the science-wonk comments there are great:
"Also, semen is one of the few things that tastes good right after you brush your teeth."
and
"This totally explains why women have not evolved taste buds in their vaginas."
"Also, semen is one of the few things that tastes good right after you brush your teeth."
and
"This totally explains why women have not evolved taste buds in their vaginas."
19
The most obvious way to torpedo this one is to point out that masturbation works. Really well. And then list all the other low- or no-fertility sex practices people have.
There is significantly more evidence to suggest that rational thought and cultural change give humans the advantage of a relatively nimble change in average fertility in response to environmental change. Many times faster than evolution could. By evolving culture, language and large brains, as well as a repertoire of sexual techniques with lower fertility, we can breed like bunnies when we need to and put the brakes on when investing in babies would be a waste of resources.
Look at weird cults like the Mormon and Catholic love of large families: both popped up at a time of abundance and low population density. The opposite attitude can become culturally vogue in a generation or two when times get tough.
There is significantly more evidence to suggest that rational thought and cultural change give humans the advantage of a relatively nimble change in average fertility in response to environmental change. Many times faster than evolution could. By evolving culture, language and large brains, as well as a repertoire of sexual techniques with lower fertility, we can breed like bunnies when we need to and put the brakes on when investing in babies would be a waste of resources.
Look at weird cults like the Mormon and Catholic love of large families: both popped up at a time of abundance and low population density. The opposite attitude can become culturally vogue in a generation or two when times get tough.
21
Actually, my semen does taste like honey. If there are any cute women out there who want to find out for themselves, let me know.
22
If this is true, then why would balls smell so good? Especially after a bit of sun. Is there anyone who doesn't like to bury their nose in sweaty balls?
If god didn't intend penises to get sucked, he wouldn't have made ballsacks that smell like ambrosia.
If god didn't intend penises to get sucked, he wouldn't have made ballsacks that smell like ambrosia.
23
@17 That wasn't my question.
Of course other species engage in recreational sexual activity. Because, assumedly, it feels good. But is it procreative in nature?
Exceptions would include, of course, oral sex, anal sex, homosexuality, and masturbation.
I don't know of any species besides primates that engage in oral sex.
Perhaps it's a question of lips and teeth rather than the pH of seminal fluid?
Of course other species engage in recreational sexual activity. Because, assumedly, it feels good. But is it procreative in nature?
Exceptions would include, of course, oral sex, anal sex, homosexuality, and masturbation.
I don't know of any species besides primates that engage in oral sex.
Perhaps it's a question of lips and teeth rather than the pH of seminal fluid?
24
@Kim in Portland,
I just prefer not to give a name when I can't remember where I read something and can't give some kind of citation when I assert something. So yeah, I'd prefer not to be embarrass myself, but thank you for confirming what I (hazily) remembered.
Anyways why we taste what we taste is pretty interesting question, and if we could not taste bitter, alkaline things not only would we not be able to taste those qualities in semen or brussel sprouts, but since many poisons and medicines occurring in plants are alkaloids we wouldn't know where to look for those either. Also, we would have much harder time guessing at which plants might get us high.
I just prefer not to give a name when I can't remember where I read something and can't give some kind of citation when I assert something. So yeah, I'd prefer not to be embarrass myself, but thank you for confirming what I (hazily) remembered.
Anyways why we taste what we taste is pretty interesting question, and if we could not taste bitter, alkaline things not only would we not be able to taste those qualities in semen or brussel sprouts, but since many poisons and medicines occurring in plants are alkaloids we wouldn't know where to look for those either. Also, we would have much harder time guessing at which plants might get us high.
25
Another helpful comment from the debunkery posited that, biologically, things taste really good or really bad based on nature needing them to. Cum may taste sorta good or kinda bad, but doesn't need to have an extreme flavor, which is to say that sucking somebody off is its own reward.
26
Not buying it. Like most evolutionary psychology, this is nothing more than titillating horseshit.
27
Plus, even if sperm did taste like honey, how would that really deter procreation? If anything, having honey sperm will attract more people, some of which will be women, and some of which will not stop at oral sex, and so you'd have MORE offspring. And we'd all have honey sperm today.
Unfortunately, though, #5 is probably right
Unfortunately, though, #5 is probably right
28
Not that I have anything to add, but I agree with the chorus here. That theory is bogus.
Also, if nature/evolution/God/whatever truly wanted us to have lots and lots of kids, pregnancy wouldn’t suck nearly so much… (God, I hate being pregnant)(and nine months? Too, too long to suffer this parasite in my belly.)
Also, if nature/evolution/God/whatever truly wanted us to have lots and lots of kids, pregnancy wouldn’t suck nearly so much… (God, I hate being pregnant)(and nine months? Too, too long to suffer this parasite in my belly.)
29
You do all realize that this isn't serious, right? @2, your link makes it perfectly clear that it's merely "an amusing exercise in reasoning like an evolutionary psychologist."
The author himself says his hypothesis "shares all the salient traits of the best ideas of evolutionary psychology: it is brilliant, makes evolutionary sense, and"--here's the clincher-- "is untestable".
The author himself says his hypothesis "shares all the salient traits of the best ideas of evolutionary psychology: it is brilliant, makes evolutionary sense, and"--here's the clincher-- "is untestable".
30
...that may help explain why all of the kids in my family tree are only children.
All the men in my family have sperm that taste like chocolate.
All the men in my family have sperm that taste like chocolate.
31
And also:
"By convention sweet, by convention bitter, by convention hot, by convention cold, by convention color: but in reality only atoms and the void."
Never has that quote sounded more suggestive.
"By convention sweet, by convention bitter, by convention hot, by convention cold, by convention color: but in reality only atoms and the void."
Never has that quote sounded more suggestive.
32
I've always found it quite variable, and very dependent on the diet of the person in question. Just like all other body chemistry.
33
Ron White already had a bit about come tasting like chocolate being a solution for population control a few years ago. It's weird a scientist would take this to another level, since the theory isn't any deeper than Ron White's act.
34
This theory assumes women would never "turn their male partner towards conventional intercourse" simply because it feels good for the woman! According to this, the only reason women engage in sex is to avoid acts which are more distasteful. Apparently only men receive pleasure from sex. WTF?
35
@5, @23:
Dogs. Dogs use a lot of sexual behaviors in various nonprocreative activities such as play, establishing hierarchies, establishing dominance (if you believe in the dominance theory of dog social structures), bonding, etc.
Oral sex and masturbation are also common in the animal world among higher mammals:
http://www.news-medical.net/?id=20718
"We have a Darwinist mentality that all animals only have sex to procreate. But there are plenty of animals who will masturbate when they have nothing better to do. Masturbation has been observed among primates, deer, killer whales and penguins, and we're talking about both males and females. They rub themselves against stones and roots. Orangutans are especially inventive. They make dildos of wood and bark," says Petter Boeckman of the Norwegian Natural History Museum."
Same-sex sexual behavior has been observed in almost all higher mammals and in many bird species. This behavior is also nonprocreative.
Dogs. Dogs use a lot of sexual behaviors in various nonprocreative activities such as play, establishing hierarchies, establishing dominance (if you believe in the dominance theory of dog social structures), bonding, etc.
Oral sex and masturbation are also common in the animal world among higher mammals:
http://www.news-medical.net/?id=20718
"We have a Darwinist mentality that all animals only have sex to procreate. But there are plenty of animals who will masturbate when they have nothing better to do. Masturbation has been observed among primates, deer, killer whales and penguins, and we're talking about both males and females. They rub themselves against stones and roots. Orangutans are especially inventive. They make dildos of wood and bark," says Petter Boeckman of the Norwegian Natural History Museum."
Same-sex sexual behavior has been observed in almost all higher mammals and in many bird species. This behavior is also nonprocreative.
36
What the "F"? I just can't deal with how these people go around spouting ridiculous nonsense with no data to back that up! I mean, has that researcher done sperm taste tests? It's not like all men taste alike. And has he tasted the sperm of other species? We can't just assume that all sperm tastes like human sperm, now can we? What if it's only human sperm that tastes like that?
And really people, why do you keep conflating sex with reproduction? If nothing else the human species has proved that sexual pleasure unconnected to species reproduction is a gift from god (or goddess) and an evolutionary driver in it's own right.
@ 5, 17, and 19
Yes, yes and yes . . . hello-o-o-o!?!
If this taste theory were at all serious it's easy to see it's a failure. Didn't The Stranger just do another of their interminable sex surveys? (I know, I know, like every post on SLOG isn't a sex survey underneath it all, yeah, right!)
And how many Seattleites of all sexes are eagerly swallowing ? and not putting it in the "right place"? Uh -huh. So as an evolutionary gimmick this taste strategy hasn't worked for like, oh, a million years and yet somehow humans have managed to reproduce until their numbers threaten the survival of the species.
I just hope our tax dollars aren't paying this research dofuss's salary. That'd almost be worse than the TARP bailout fiasco. Harrumph!
And really people, why do you keep conflating sex with reproduction? If nothing else the human species has proved that sexual pleasure unconnected to species reproduction is a gift from god (or goddess) and an evolutionary driver in it's own right.
@ 5, 17, and 19
Yes, yes and yes . . . hello-o-o-o!?!
If this taste theory were at all serious it's easy to see it's a failure. Didn't The Stranger just do another of their interminable sex surveys? (I know, I know, like every post on SLOG isn't a sex survey underneath it all, yeah, right!)
And how many Seattleites of all sexes are eagerly swallowing ? and not putting it in the "right place"? Uh -huh. So as an evolutionary gimmick this taste strategy hasn't worked for like, oh, a million years and yet somehow humans have managed to reproduce until their numbers threaten the survival of the species.
I just hope our tax dollars aren't paying this research dofuss's salary. That'd almost be worse than the TARP bailout fiasco. Harrumph!
37
People, it's a JOKE. The guy's an evolutionary BIOLOGIST, not an evolutionary psychologist. He's SENDING THEM UP. So relax, okay?
39
so what about the taste of vaginas? i think they taste great, would that have some evolutionary implication? personally i think that i like giving head because of the sexual implications not the dietary sensations.
40
Let's face it, women use blowjobs to lure men into marriage.
Once married - the blowjobs stop and then they point to the vagina as the only avenue for sex. This is to lure men into having children.
Once there are children, then the sex stops.
Isn't sexual evolution a thing of wonder?
Once married - the blowjobs stop and then they point to the vagina as the only avenue for sex. This is to lure men into having children.
Once there are children, then the sex stops.
Isn't sexual evolution a thing of wonder?
43
Sorry, Dr. Ruth. I never got that memo. I'd rather celebrate Steak and Blow Job Day, than Valentine's Day.
44
@13 I don't think that all of us should have to suffer stifled language, just so that you can read Slog in front of your 6 year old. Since you chose to have children, and I chose not to, it would be more equitable for you to bear the consequences by editing your own behavior in the presence of your child, than it would be for me to have to live in an edited world.
45
kind of a ridiculous evolutionary theory seeing as how you can change the taste of your spunk based on your diet. If anyone wants to know how to make it taste like a fruit smoothie i know how.
48
10
15
Homosexuality has nothing to do with evolution and vice versa because there is no such thing as a biological condition 'homosexual'. If there were it would die out rapidly because 'true' homosexuals would be unable to reproduce.
Of course that is silly.
Homosexuals can and often do reproduce.
Because biologically they are just like everyone else.
'Homosexual' is just a behavior they choose to engage in, sometimes. Or not.
15
Homosexuality has nothing to do with evolution and vice versa because there is no such thing as a biological condition 'homosexual'. If there were it would die out rapidly because 'true' homosexuals would be unable to reproduce.
Of course that is silly.
Homosexuals can and often do reproduce.
Because biologically they are just like everyone else.
'Homosexual' is just a behavior they choose to engage in, sometimes. Or not.
49
I am a homosexual male. I am repulsed by women's genitalia. I do however, love doing their hair and makeup, and dressing them in haute couture. But that's a different story. I fuck women often, and impregnate them with my homosexual sperm. It disgusts me, but I do it to create hundreds of homosexual babies. It takes two Viagras and a barrel of liquor, but I do it. And it is working. I am 47, and 25 of my earliest children have announced themselves homosexual. There are many, many more on the way that I know of. I also donate sperm at three sperm banks on a weekly basis. We will take over. It is an innate condition, and we will drive heterosexuals to the ends of the earth. After we have wiped you out, we will use turkey basters to transfer our sperm to lesbians, and we will populate the earth with homosexuals only. Say your prayers. Your days are numbered, bitches.
50
Evolutionary advantage theory - women taste better than men because you are more likely to be offered the chance to reproduce/stick around/come back if you spend some time tasting them. Thoroughly. Men will have sex with you regardless, so no need for them to taste good. BTW, diet not so important - best tasting guy I ever met smoked like a chimney and lived off of vending machines. He never understood my enthusiasm....
51
this seems pretty simple to me biologically. 25 is the closest so far. fruits taste sweet because at some point a mutated plant put some extra energy into making sweet fruit and all of the birds and bees flocked to that one; hence a higher survival rate. Some poisonous plants evolved nasty, bitter tastes for the opposite reason. Semen is a pretty simple mixture of the basic ingredients needed to get the sperm to the egg; this includes proteins for food and alkalinity for vag protection. there's no real evolutionary reason why your body would waste energy giving semen any particular taste at all.
the last sentance about honey flavored semen is probably accurate... although a honey-semen mutation would be pretty freaking impossible given the synthesis pathway of semen (there's just no step really at which any particular flavor would be added... you'd have to randomly make a bunch of extra tasty compounds and secrete them with the rest of it; the machinery needed to make those compounds, transport them through various membranes... there's no reason for it).
sorry if this was a little too science-nerdy for anyone; can't help it. i hate fuzzy biology. all of biology makes so much more sense once you get down to details
the last sentance about honey flavored semen is probably accurate... although a honey-semen mutation would be pretty freaking impossible given the synthesis pathway of semen (there's just no step really at which any particular flavor would be added... you'd have to randomly make a bunch of extra tasty compounds and secrete them with the rest of it; the machinery needed to make those compounds, transport them through various membranes... there's no reason for it).
sorry if this was a little too science-nerdy for anyone; can't help it. i hate fuzzy biology. all of biology makes so much more sense once you get down to details
52
I've heard rumors that getting your guy to consume large amounts of parsley can improve his flavor. In contrast, beer makes it more bitter. Or so I heard...
Speaking from lack of experience in scrotum sniffing, I'd guess that it smells good because it's right next to the biggest whopper lymph node in the body, and the source of most of the fellow's pheromones, so if he generally smells good enough to eat, that's going to be the choicest bit.
To cum is an extrapolation of the more classic to come which according to the etymology dictionary stems from the 16th century to come off as in to get off in contemporary terms. It's presented a problem considering the Latin phrase meaning with as in magna cum laude. The Leisure Suit Larry game of that name was often censored due to ignorance of the collegiate term.
Speaking from lack of experience in scrotum sniffing, I'd guess that it smells good because it's right next to the biggest whopper lymph node in the body, and the source of most of the fellow's pheromones, so if he generally smells good enough to eat, that's going to be the choicest bit.
To cum is an extrapolation of the more classic to come which according to the etymology dictionary stems from the 16th century to come off as in to get off in contemporary terms. It's presented a problem considering the Latin phrase meaning with as in magna cum laude. The Leisure Suit Larry game of that name was often censored due to ignorance of the collegiate term.
54
It's funny, as a taste, in and of itself, cum is...OK, interesting. But in the context of sucking a guy off, it's the best. A reward for a job well done.
55
Actually, I think that honey-tasting sperm, if it contained that much glucose or whatever sugar, would cause one nasty yeast infection.
58
This article was written clearly by a person preoccupied with oral sex. and has no basis in fact or reality!
59
You are all a bunch of nut gargling window lickers... SODOMITES. ...and if you got a prollem with that you can SUCK MY DICK.
60
Let me give you some advise that will make your sperm taste better. Avoid alcohol, smoking, beer, fatty foods and go for anything citrus! You can also purchase a kind of supplement that naturally removes the bitterness and salt taste of semen and adds a bit of sweetness. Enjoy your oral love!
61
Let me give you some advise that will make your sperm taste better. Avoid alcohol, smoking, beer, fatty foods and go for anything citrus! You can also purchase a kind of supplement that naturally removes the bitterness and salt taste of semen and adds a bit of sweetness. Enjoy your oral love!
62
The female reproductive organ has got to be one of the homeliest looking reproductive organs ever. Don't misinterpret this for some sort of comment from a homosexeual. It definately feels like heaven however I do prefer a womans mouth 10 times over. If she swallows it is just plain exstacy. The few times I've had oral sex done right it was just uncomparable to anything. I think mother nature screwed things up and should have made oral sex the natural route.
63
The female reproductive organ has got to be one of the homeliest looking reproductive organs ever. Don't misinterpret this for some sort of comment from a homosexeual. It definately feels like heaven however I do prefer a womans mouth 10 times over. If she swallows it is just plain exstacy. The few times I've had oral sex done right it was just uncomparable to anything. I think mother nature screwed things up and should have made oral sex the natural route.
64
The female reproductive organ has got to be one of the homeliest looking reproductive organs ever. Don't misinterpret this for some sort of comment from a homosexeual. It definately feels like heaven however I do prefer a womans mouth 10 times over. If she swallows it is just plain exstacy. The few times I've had oral sex done right it was just uncomparable to anything. I think mother nature screwed things up and should have made oral sex the natural route.
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