Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Drugs Scruples! Hawaii Edition!
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 15, 2009 at 2:30 PM
Don't mean to step on Lindy's toes here, and there's no game card for this installment of Scruples on Slog, but...
Let's say someone gave you a pot brownie while you were on vacation in, let's say, Hawaii. And let's say you hung on to it in case you got an afternoon alone—say, if your traveling companions took a surfing lesson or something and you had six hours free and clear—and let's say that you hid the brownie behind a box of coffee filters in one of the kitchen cabinets because you didn't want any of your traveling companions to mistake it for a regular brownie and eat it. And let's say there were no surfing lessons, no afternoons alone, so you never got to eat that brownie. And let's say you forgot to take the brownie with you when you checked out of the hotel and let's say that you were on the other side of whatever island you might've been on when you remembered that you left a curiously strong pot brownie sitting behind the coffee filters in kitchen cabinet.
Do you...
1. Do nothing and trust that anyone who finds a small brownie hidden in a kitchen cabinet in a hotel room in Hawaii won't be dumb enough to eat it?
2. Call the hotel and ask for housekeeping and tell them where the brownie is and ask them to throw it away?
3. Freak out about the possibility that a child and/or someone actually dumb enough to eat it might find that brownie and then turn the car around and go way the hell out of your way to go back to the hotel where you make some excuse about having left something in your room so that you can get a new key and get back in your room and get the brownie and throw it away yourself?
Please note: This is an entirely hypothetical thought experiment meant for entertainment purposes only. Nothing like this has ever happened to me or anyone that I know.
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1
No self-respecting house cleaner would do anything other than toss that into the trash. House cleaners in Hawaii know all too well what brownies contain (pot is the state's top cash crop, actually).
3
Yeah, I'd turn the car around. Because there's a good chance it probably would be some kid who got into it, and that would really, really not be cool.
If it happened, of course. Which I'm sure it didn't.
If it happened, of course. Which I'm sure it didn't.
4
Fuck I'd eat it. With a job cleaning hotel rooms? Zzzzzville. Kill me or fuck me up. It can't get any worse.
6
Think about how owned you would be if some rich guy's kid ate it and ended up in the hospital. I am no lawyer but I imagine in the absolute worst case scenario they could trace it back to you and you could get extremely sued if not thrown in jail. We've all read crazier stories.
If I were in this purely hypothetical situation, I would be on the phone getting the "stale brownie that nobody should eat since the frosting has gone bad and will make them sick" thrown out immediately.
If I were in this purely hypothetical situation, I would be on the phone getting the "stale brownie that nobody should eat since the frosting has gone bad and will make them sick" thrown out immediately.
7
if the maid was nice, she took it to the bellman or car valets...most of them would probably happily except it and eat it...
9
True Story - I worked at a hotel in LA where a housekeeper found a bag of brownies left by a guest. She ate some. They were indeed pot brownies - a new experience for her apparently, as she freaked out, had an ambulance called and then had her stomach pumped!
Just saying...
Just saying...
11
I check reviews for hotels.com and Expedia, and you might be amazed at how many people talk about finding shit the last occupants left in the room. Leaving it alone means there's a good chance it'll still be there. So I'd at least call housekeeping. Perhaps from a pay phone. Just because they know who checked in the room does not in any way mean they know who was actually in the room, and thus who left the brownie.
Besides, it's a hotel. They've seen much, much worse.
Besides, it's a hotel. They've seen much, much worse.
12
Call housekeeping! You don't want to risk what commenters 3 and 6 point out. Plus, you'll give the receptionist a good laugh, and maybe someone will even eat the brownie purposely without worrying about commenter 9's anecdote.
13
Call and tell them to throw it out because it was contaminated with, I don't know, baby oil?? But call for sure.
14
Considering @1's observation re: Hawaii's agricultural production, chances are any housekeeping staff that were to "hypothetically" find said hypothetical brownie would already be so whacked to-the-gills that ingesting any additional amount probably wouldn't have much extra effect.
And frankly, my guess is that "behind the coffee filters" (assuming, again for purely hypothetical purposes) said filters were stored in an above-counter cupboard, then the chances of such being discovered by a subsequent underage occupant of the room is probably fairly low. If they happened to be stored in a below-counter cupboard, then of course all bets are off, but I'd still wager hotel staff would find it before another occupant.
And frankly, my guess is that "behind the coffee filters" (assuming, again for purely hypothetical purposes) said filters were stored in an above-counter cupboard, then the chances of such being discovered by a subsequent underage occupant of the room is probably fairly low. If they happened to be stored in a below-counter cupboard, then of course all bets are off, but I'd still wager hotel staff would find it before another occupant.
16
There is no way short of video/photographic evidence of the brownie in question and video/photographic evidence of the brownie being eaten PROVING its the same brownie, that this could be proved to be property of the last occupent of the hotel room. There is no culpability here, there is no way that brownie couldnt be said to be there when you got there, there is no way it could be proven housekeeping didnt leave one behind, there is no way this scenario could play out in any letigious (sp)way other then on tv.
18
How about...
4. Go back and retrieve the brownie. Then eat it right before your flight. Takes the edge off for nervous flyers. Hypothetically.
4. Go back and retrieve the brownie. Then eat it right before your flight. Takes the edge off for nervous flyers. Hypothetically.
19
What possible island? What does this possible hotel name start and end with?
My brother may or may not work at a hotel on Maui.
My brother may or may not work at a hotel on Maui.
21
This makes me realize, it would be nice if we could easily make poll questions in Question Land. At least then we'd have an excuse to rip on Dan when he puts crappy polls on the Slog.
22
I'd call. It's not the culpability issue, it's the possibility of a child/someone dumb eating it. But I'd explain that it was a visitor who left it there and just now told me, or something like that.
Becoming a parent adds a layer of difficulty to EVERYTHING.
Becoming a parent adds a layer of difficulty to EVERYTHING.
24
Is this hypothetical brownie on Oahu? Because then you could email me and I can go get it. I live in Waikiki.
25
I'd have gone back. But not out of concern for the possible future consumer. I'd go back for the damned brownie.
Of course, I'm poor and drugs are precious. So.
Of course, I'm poor and drugs are precious. So.
27
I'd like to think that most people would not eat unkown leftovers. Also if the brownie is eaten the evidence is pretty much destroyed. I am pretty sure that CSI Honolulu has few better things to do than fingerprint a stale brownie. I could be wrong.
On a semi related note I remember some kids from my school found the remainder of a six pack of 7-Up on the beach. It had little barncles on it. They drank it.
On a semi related note I remember some kids from my school found the remainder of a six pack of 7-Up on the beach. It had little barncles on it. They drank it.
28
Dan's scenario is easy: call housekeeping. It takes about two minutes, and I can guarantee they've received much, much stranger calls.
I have trickier scenario: Say you're 7 years old and traveling through Mexico with your parents. Your father -- who enjoys a nice joint from time to time -- has somehow procured a bag of weed, which sparks a big fight with your non-smoking mom. While they're in the other room yelling, you decide to tidy up. You see a plastic baggie filled with smelly green stuff on top of a dresser and decide that it belongs in a dresser drawer.
Now imagine it's a couple of weeks later and you're about to cross back into the US. Your parents are tearing the car apart looking for the weed, but they never find it. You don't make the connection between that desperate search and the baggie in the motel room until many years later. Then you freak out about the possibility that due to your actions, some poor dope is rotting in a Mexican jail.
Do you ...
1. Do nothing because that was a long time ago.
2. Tell the 'rents what happened and go from there.
3. Seek out an expert in Mexican drug law to determine the likelihood of someone getting busted for weed in a motel room.
I have trickier scenario: Say you're 7 years old and traveling through Mexico with your parents. Your father -- who enjoys a nice joint from time to time -- has somehow procured a bag of weed, which sparks a big fight with your non-smoking mom. While they're in the other room yelling, you decide to tidy up. You see a plastic baggie filled with smelly green stuff on top of a dresser and decide that it belongs in a dresser drawer.
Now imagine it's a couple of weeks later and you're about to cross back into the US. Your parents are tearing the car apart looking for the weed, but they never find it. You don't make the connection between that desperate search and the baggie in the motel room until many years later. Then you freak out about the possibility that due to your actions, some poor dope is rotting in a Mexican jail.
Do you ...
1. Do nothing because that was a long time ago.
2. Tell the 'rents what happened and go from there.
3. Seek out an expert in Mexican drug law to determine the likelihood of someone getting busted for weed in a motel room.
29
My Mom & a friend took a cruise from LA to Mexico a few years ago, and found a couple 1 liter glass bottles of clear liquid in one of the closets. The friend thought it was water, and took a big swig in a moment of extreme thirst. It was 100 proof vodka, and the friend was not a drinker at all. It burned the shit out of her throat and made her sick for a day or two. (true story)
Eating the brownie they found made it all better, however. (bogus)
Eating the brownie they found made it all better, however. (bogus)
31
I would call housekeeping. Not as a legal matter, but as a matter of ethics. A reasonable housekeeping service would throw it away anyway, but you don't want to take chances.
34
Remember your room number? Call the hotel and have them connect you with the current occupants, tell them you had visited the last people to book that room, and tell them what's there. Let them sort it out.
35
You know, pot is not actually poisonous. It's not going to send anyone to the emergency room, even a kid. What's the big deal?
And by the way, the jury's still out on whether chocolate kills dogs. My friend's dogs eat it all the time. I'm sure it's made some dogs sick, but I don't think it's like cyanide or anything. Still, better safe than sorry.
And by the way, the jury's still out on whether chocolate kills dogs. My friend's dogs eat it all the time. I'm sure it's made some dogs sick, but I don't think it's like cyanide or anything. Still, better safe than sorry.
36
@35, I've heard that it is not chocolate per se that makes dogs ill, but rather the caffeine in it. Not good for their little hearts. Leads to vomiting/diarrhea if nothing more severe.
37
This one's easy...HOUSEKEEPING. 1 time out of 1000 you'll get in trouble and the odds of someone else eating it (sorry...kid or not - it's fucked up) are greater.
38
Call house keeping, tell them the brownie batch made you sick and that one was mistakenly left in the cupboard.
Easy.
Easy.
39
Call housekeeping. The maid will either toss it, eat it herself, or give it to a bellhop or dishwasher who probably makes minimum wage and could use a little treat. Better than letting it sit and collect mold, dust, insect populations, etc.
40
The first pot I ever smoked - hypothetically, of course! - was two joints my brother and I found in a baggie at Green Lake. We were, I think, 11 and 14. He smoked all of one, I smoked a couple hits of the other. He liked it, I immediately decided I was a paranoid schizophrenic and had a panic attack. (Hey, they told me on the teevee that pot would make you jump out of windows, thinking you could fly!) He's a major pothead to this day, whereas I...am pretty much not.
However, no actual harm came to the children in this scenario who found unidentified foreign substances and ingested them.
However, no actual harm came to the children in this scenario who found unidentified foreign substances and ingested them.
41
I voted for turning the car around so I could go back, get it, and eat the fucking thing.
@35 - I had a roommate who was pretty high-strung, and he once got high, hyperventilated himself, and ended up in the ER.
@35 - I had a roommate who was pretty high-strung, and he once got high, hyperventilated himself, and ended up in the ER.
42
One should do 2 because it's the logical thing to do and would solve the situation with the least trouble. Won't get in any trouble and will solve the problem.
But since you haven't had the opportunity to partake but have been around it, you're gonna be paranoid and stupid, so 3 is the answer that will happen most every time.
But since you haven't had the opportunity to partake but have been around it, you're gonna be paranoid and stupid, so 3 is the answer that will happen most every time.
43
I have to state that I have never tried pot brownies or magic cookies. So, I would have thrown it away in the first place. Without that option, I think calling housekeeping and letting them know that their is a rancid brownie in the kitchen should suffice.
45
And here I was thinking paranoia comes *after* you eat the brownie, not when you *forget* to eat it.
They do things differently in Hawaii, don't they... .
They do things differently in Hawaii, don't they... .
46
Call them and tell them it's filled with Ex-Lax and part of a failed practical joke. It'll be quickly disposed of.
47
@35
For the record, it's the caffeine and theobromine. They can cause heart failure in dogs. But it depends on the dose relative to the size of the dog.
For the record, it's the caffeine and theobromine. They can cause heart failure in dogs. But it depends on the dose relative to the size of the dog.
48
I once got so gakked I forgot about 1/3 gram of coke in a swanky hotel bathroom. I flipped out a little, but I sure as hell wasn't go back and claim it! Nothing bad happened. I hope the maid got super-buzzed.
49
Call the hotel so that you can alert the housekeepers about the brownie. Tell them what it is, so if they want, they can eat it. No sense in it going to waste.
Also, if a kid gets high, it's really not that big a deal. Whooping cough is worse.
Also, if a kid gets high, it's really not that big a deal. Whooping cough is worse.
50
I am so glad i don't do drugs anymore. Trying to justify such lameass shenanigans is a real waste of energy.
Your pondering over this and need to publicly make a big deal out of it says volumes.....
Your pondering over this and need to publicly make a big deal out of it says volumes.....
51
Dan, I haven't read the rest of the comments, but anybody ought to guess which choice you made, by the very fact of your having mentioned it at all. You, sir, are an honorable man. Best wishes.
52
The problem with #2 is that it strongly implies illegal activity, though only in retrospect. If I were not a queer parent and not sensitive about any possible taint of crime or bad parenting that could cause the Man to challenge my parenthood, I would choose #2.
But since I am a queer parent and I am that paranoid, in order to maximize my privacy and my kid's safety I would choose #3.
Then again, if I were (just hypothetically) a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, I might not worry that possession of an adulterated brownie would make that much difference in my overall reputation.
But since I am a queer parent and I am that paranoid, in order to maximize my privacy and my kid's safety I would choose #3.
Then again, if I were (just hypothetically) a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, I might not worry that possession of an adulterated brownie would make that much difference in my overall reputation.
55
do nothing. If someone eats the moldering old brownie left by previous occupants unknown behind the coffee filters, let alone /offers it to their kid/, is just tempting fate hardcore. And a bad parent to boot. Also letting them eat it after finding it goes under "bad parent". Also letting them think it's probably OK to eat strange things found in strange places is "bad parent", too.
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