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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Crime Seattle Couple Bent Out of Shape Over Alleged Yoga Molestation

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Apr 14, 2009 at 12:25 PM

Seattle Police are investigating a report of molestation at a downtown Seattle yoga center after Capitol Hill couple reported an alleged incident of hypnotism and inappropriate touching during a class in October.

According to the police report, a man told officers he was with his fiancee in class when he heard her say "no," sigh, and then go silent.

The woman told police that while she was in the yoga position, the instructor came over to her and held her legs up. The report says the instructor was clicking something and saying "listen to your master, you must do whatever your master wants you to do." The man told police the instructor then knelt down and put his hands on the woman's stomach.

The report says students saw the instructor reach inside the woman's pants and grope her, before she passed out and urinated on herself. The man told police he believed the instructor was trying to hypnotize his fiancee.

The incident happened in October but was not reported to police until last week.

When contacted this morning, Mike—an instructor at the yoga center, who did not give his last name—says he was not aware of the October incident, but did offer up a new age explanation for what happened: "Anybody can have the truth to their perspective. We just promote health happiness and peace in a way that allows people to heal their bodies. Sometimes those feelings can be strong," Mike says. "Until you actually get into water, if you’ve never been in water, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

Mike adds that the low lights and music at the yoga center "can seem to be hypnotizing" but that staff at the center "just don’t do anything improper."

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Comments (42) RSS

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What a bullshit response. Just say "No comment, you can talk to our lawyer", douche.

Posted by Hernandez on April 14, 2009 at 12:30 PM

This couple and this yoga center are weird enough to deserve each other.

Posted by David Wright on April 14, 2009 at 12:33 PM

Agreed

Posted by Patrick Tescher on April 14, 2009 at 12:39 PM

Wrong answer, Mike.

Posted by Trevor on April 14, 2009 at 12:40 PM

Considering the fact that she peed herself, I find the yoga instructor's comments to be HIGH-larious.

Posted by dijiba on April 14, 2009 at 12:40 PM

a sleazy male yoga teacher? i'm shocked.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/i-ano…

Posted by big surprise on April 14, 2009 at 12:43 PM

Insert cliche joke about the downward-facing dog pose here.

Posted by Ackham on April 14, 2009 at 12:44 PM

Jonah, do they teach classes on "headlines as puns" in journalism school?

Posted by David Wright on April 14, 2009 at 12:46 PM

If this were an episode of Law and Order (Criminal Intent?), I'd be chuckling to myself how badly written the "yoga instructor" character is.

Posted by Dougsf on April 14, 2009 at 12:46 PM

Well since it was in a class it should be easy to prove which side is right. Though it might be hard to tell who's more nuts.

Posted by Colin on April 14, 2009 at 12:50 PM

My "headline as pun" class would involve some sort of lesson on when it works (cat up tree, politician sex scandals, petty thievery) and when it doesn't (alleged molestation).

Posted by leek on April 14, 2009 at 12:52 PM

Dear God, Jonah sucks balls as a cops reporter.

Posted by Savage is a better reporter than this on April 14, 2009 at 12:55 PM

"The incident happened in October but was not reported to police until last week."

Fail.

Posted by w7ngman on April 14, 2009 at 1:05 PM

where's this place?

do they have cute, gay, male instructors with Roman hands and Russian fingers?

Inqueering minds NEEEEEED to know!

Posted by michael strangeways on April 14, 2009 at 1:05 PM

Jonah, your headline is horribly awesome.

Posted by Big Sven on April 14, 2009 at 1:09 PM

is this the Stranger's attempt at being The Onion?

This can't be real.

Posted by benten. on April 14, 2009 at 1:09 PM

Charles, please write a movie script for this. Please.

Posted by Greg on April 14, 2009 at 1:11 PM

None of this makes any sense. I want lunch.

Posted by breklor on April 14, 2009 at 1:30 PM

I see no mention of sexual favors for a dog. Slog is slipping today.

Posted by kinaidos on April 14, 2009 at 1:32 PM

Sound like a total crock. All this happened in a class full of students? Really?

Posted by Rotten666 on April 14, 2009 at 1:34 PM

Oh come now. Who doesn't pee their pants after having their chakras properly re-aligned?

Posted by Rati on April 14, 2009 at 1:38 PM

I'd like to press charges against the guy in my yoga class who farted and because I couldn't stop laughing I could never go back there again.

Posted by Whose rat barked? on April 14, 2009 at 1:39 PM

HA HA

Posted by Nelson on April 14, 2009 at 1:46 PM

At least it wasn't hot yoga.

Posted by Will in Seattle on April 14, 2009 at 1:47 PM

19 peeing in pants is an acceptable substitue for carnal canine favors.

Posted by keeping it classy on April 14, 2009 at 1:51 PM

thanks, #22, I just laughed spit all over my screen.

Posted by fARTing on April 14, 2009 at 1:51 PM

This instructor must be an ex-youth pastor.

Posted by it's the only explanation that makes any sense on April 14, 2009 at 1:52 PM

I had a yoga instructor who would sometimes place his hands where they probably did not need to go. This guy also marketed himself as a "shaman" even though he was clueless. He would utter such trite one liners as "there is no such thing as coincidence." This may be true since the word sham comes right before the shaman in the dictionary.

Posted by Heather on April 14, 2009 at 2:03 PM

My yoga instructor is always reaching down my pants.... is this not normal?

Posted by I'm Lizzing! on April 14, 2009 at 2:05 PM

"Anybody can have the truth to their perspective. We just promote health happiness and peace in a way that allows people to heal their bodies. Sometimes those feelings can be strong," Mike says. "Until you actually get into water, if you’ve never been in water, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

Well at least Mike cleared that all up for us!

Posted by jw on April 14, 2009 at 2:13 PM

@30 Typical yoga mumbo jumbo. I completely understand the health benefits of yoga. Yoga is great for the body. But those who practice yoga for some kind of spiritual benefit are gullible fools.

Posted by Rotten666 on April 14, 2009 at 2:23 PM

http://gulligo.com

Posted by Heather on April 14, 2009 at 2:43 PM

Maybe he was only thinking "Until my hand actually gets into her pants, if my hand has never been in her pants, it’s a new experience. My hand has to be open to that experience."

Posted by elenchos on April 14, 2009 at 2:54 PM

will grope again

Posted by anarekist on April 14, 2009 at 3:11 PM

If you are concentrating on not being molested, and are even thinking about the, uh, openness or otherwise of your naughty bits, you are clearly not concentrating hard enough on your peace. Your yoga instructor and a pack of dogs should be able to penetrate you ten different ways without you even noticing. Otherwise you're doing it wrong.

Posted by Fnarf on April 14, 2009 at 3:33 PM

name yoga studio and instructor please. i have a bet in on his identity.

Posted by cass on April 14, 2009 at 3:58 PM

C'mon...tell us where this happened!

Posted by Beth Ann Fremen on April 14, 2009 at 6:10 PM

You ga pee.

Posted by Stasi Brown Shirt Slog Lover on April 14, 2009 at 6:37 PM

So this whole "listen to your master" thing really works? I can try this on my boss is what you're saying?

Posted by Christian in NYC on April 15, 2009 at 12:27 AM

This is yet another sad example of the inevitablre outcome of "bending out of shape," deviating from common sense and facts of Yoga/Hinduism....all the various Yogas (progressive religious/spiritual disciplines) are Hinduism. There is no problem with the study of the Hindu/Yoga religion. There is an issue of separating/divorcing and redefining the disciplines of a specific people and their religion and then falsely practicing, and/or teaching it...this is unethical, deceptive, exploitive, etc. The indisputable facts and some often misrepresented Yoga/Hindu religious words are below:
Yati
~Sanskrit: The ancient language of the Hindus [Webster's] Note: all subsequent terms are Sanskrit (Skr.) and thus Hindu
~Aum/Om: The most sacred syllable in Hinduism [Oxford World Religions]
~yoga: Skr. "Hinduism" [Webster's]
~yoga: Oneness of Atmana and Brahman [Dict. of Skr. Names]
~yogi/yogini: (male/female) Hindu Ascetic [Oxford World Rel.]
~Atmana: Skr. Self/Spirit; Hinduism [Webster's]
~Brahman: Skr. Hindu Religion [Webster's]
~yoga: Skr. A Hindu discipline [Oxford Am. Dict.]
~ yoga: Skr. A system of Hindu religious philosophy [Thorndike Barnhardt]
~yoga: Skr. general term for spiritual disciplines in Hinduism [Columbia Encyclopedia]
~Swami: Skr. Title of respect of a (Hindu) Holy man or teacher. [Oxford World Religions]
~Guru: Skr. A teacher of worldly skills...more often of religious knowledge...liberation (Moksa). [Oxford World religions]
~Moksa: Release/liberation - the fourth and ultimate goal of Hinduism. [Oxf. World Religion]
~The first recorded evidence of the Skr. word "yoga" is found in the Vedas.
~Veda Skr. The most ancient sacred literature of the Hindus. [Webster's]
~Upanishads: Text in Hinduism which ends or completes the Vedic corpus (body of [Hindu] laws)[Oxf. World Religions]

More...

Posted by yati on April 15, 2009 at 7:00 AM

that guy, literally, said nothing. i hate that bull shit spiritual crap.

Posted by douglas on April 15, 2009 at 8:08 AM

"Until you actually get into water, if you’ve never been in water, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

Well technically we have all been in water before we were born.
I hate New Age type responses like this.

You can make up lots of them to sound like you are some trained healer/ Shaman blah! blah!

Some can sound even dumber than his response. Some wise or just plain Obvious as in, DUH!

"Until you actually breath air, if you’ve never drawn a breath, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

"Until you actually get in shit, if you’ve never been in shit, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

"Until you actually get laid, if you’ve never been laid, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

"Until you actually walk on water, if you’ve never been on water, it’s a new experience. You have to be open to that experience."

and on and on... see it is easy to make up stupid statements.

Posted by -B- on April 15, 2009 at 9:21 AM