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Monday, March 30, 2009

Teh Internets Stranger's In A Bad Way

Posted by Sam Machkovech on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 at 2:17 PM

When you load Omegle.com, it opens a chat window and connects you to the first person to sign on immediately after you. "Meet new friends!" it advertises. My friend raved about it as an at-work timekiller, so I gave it a shot.

You: so tell me something about your day.
Stranger: got fired getting drunk gonna jump outta my window in a few
You: super!
Stranger: yep great
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]

Oh, Stranger.

Comments (34) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

I don't think my style is well appreciated.

Stranger: Hello
You: heywhatsit!??!
Stranger: are you gey? I think you are? Oh yes I do?!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Posted by heywhatsit on March 30, 2009 at 2:28 PM

I just heard about this from Metafilter. It alternates between trolls and people who are bored at work. It's fun though.

Posted by Sir Learnsalot on March 30, 2009 at 2:28 PM

oy.

Posted by Social Anxiety Disorder on March 30, 2009 at 2:41 PM

I gave it a shot.

Stranger: Got cp?
You: huh?
Stranger: child porn
Stranger: You got it?

Yeah, this place ain't my cup of tea.

Posted by l0nepinemall on March 30, 2009 at 2:46 PM

You all need to get used to the internet.

Posted by Sir Learnsalot on March 30, 2009 at 2:49 PM

so this is like SLOG then?

Posted by Will in Seattle on March 30, 2009 at 2:49 PM

My stranger didn't like me and disconnected after my first response. :(

Am I really that lame?

Wait... sloggers... don't answer that.

Posted by c to the andice on March 30, 2009 at 2:55 PM

6ftw

Posted by why am I here? on March 30, 2009 at 3:04 PM

The key is to troll the trolls back. I'm now having a decent conversation with someone who started out by telling me he could "feel his dick."

Telling him I was a 13 year old girl currently inhabiting his room helped.

Posted by . on March 30, 2009 at 3:07 PM

I ask if you like sex with dogs and cats, or chainsaws shoved up their asses. Several people are into that stuff.

Posted by Cato the Younger on March 30, 2009 at 3:07 PM

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: i am not a stranger.
Stranger: so how do you feel about llamas?
You: you are a banana
You: llamas are purple on tuesdays.
You: i have bad feeling about purple llamas.
Stranger: i prefer to be considered more like a guy in a banana suit
You: peel peal pile poop
You: can i change my tv channels through you?
Stranger: on a one to ten scale, one being bad and ten being good, rate your sexual encounters with men between the ages of 11 and 14
Stranger: yes i would allow that
You: click click click
Stranger: do you prefer the color turquoise or seal grey
You: ʞɔı1ɔ ʞɔı1ɔ ʞɔı1ɔ
You: i prefer neither turquoise nor seal grey
You: ʎǝɹb 1ɐǝs ɹou ǝsıonbɹnʇ ɹǝɥʇıǝu ɹǝɟǝɹd ı
Stranger: what are your thoughts on instant pudding
You: yum.
You: how much of it?
Stranger: 3 pints
You: like a thumbnail or a tub?
You: 3 pints of pudding beer?
Stranger: if you could choose between a packet of paper clips or a packet of staples which would you prefer
You: CLIPS. isn't that obvious?
You: you act like you don't even know me.
Stranger: sticky notes of paper airplanes
Stranger: im sorry johnathan
You: that's okay
You: we all purchase happy meals from time to time
Stranger: ketchup or tomatoes
Stranger: yeah but i prefer big kid meals im 11 now
You: tomato sauce
Stranger: glue stick or bottled
You: glue bottles + tomato sauce + clips + pudding + click click click =
Stranger: david hasslehoff?
You: are you cheating?
Stranger: no sir!
You: what the fuck ever. cheater!
You have disconnected.

More...

Posted by stinkbug on March 30, 2009 at 3:11 PM

i just had a perfectly nice convo with someone in newcastle, uk.

Posted by jezbian on March 30, 2009 at 3:17 PM

This sounds about as productive as talking to SmarterChild.

Posted by Aislinn on March 30, 2009 at 3:18 PM

I had a nice little chat about movies and music with an 18 year old Dane who's home with the flu.....pretty civil and pleasant, actually. We traded email addresses. I did have to disconnect from someone gross to get to him, though.

Posted by bangs on March 30, 2009 at 3:22 PM

@13 They totally destroyed SmarterChild a year or so ago. Now it's completely useless. If someone can recommend a replacement for smarterchild's reminder feature, let me know. (Twitter's timer is somewhat helpful, but not perfect.)

Posted by stinkbug on March 30, 2009 at 3:23 PM

I'm about 15 minutes in to a conversation on how to get to nowhere. and if there is a nowhere.

I am doing work in between the back and forth, by the way, just in case my boss is reading this.

Posted by benten. on March 30, 2009 at 4:10 PM

I tried the anti-troll... I think it freaked the Stranger out:

You: Hello darling.
Stranger: hi
You: I know I don't know you very well yet, but I think I love you.
Stranger: awwww shucks..
You: See? You're just adorable.
Stranger: awww.. stop it..
You: No... I will praise your beauty to the highest rooftops!
Stranger: you aint so bad yourself hun..
You: That's so like you... always ready to make me feel better.
You: You're a humanitarian and saint.
Stranger: awwww.. enough already!!
You: And so humble!
Stranger: you know you deserve this..
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Posted by Frantikgirl on March 30, 2009 at 4:17 PM

Is this really any different than just talking to yourself?

Posted by Urgutha Forka on March 30, 2009 at 4:40 PM

You're now chatting with a random stranger.
Stranger: what's your story?
You: can you tell me how star wars ends?
Stranger: em which one.
You: whichever one you want
Stranger: hmmm i can't really remember. it was a happy ending.
Stranger: darth vader is someones father.
You: whoa, no way!

Posted by category: bored at work on March 30, 2009 at 4:47 PM

Most of these people fail the Turing test

Posted by Vooodooo84 on March 30, 2009 at 5:09 PM

Stranger: How can I help you?
You: i'm looking for these pants in a size 2, do you have more in the back?
Stranger: no this is a shoe shop sir. please vacate the premises.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Posted by D'Shawndro on March 30, 2009 at 5:23 PM

Stranger! Stranger! Now that's a weapon.

Posted by FOOOOUUUURRRRR on March 30, 2009 at 5:34 PM

I finally got a normal person. Some stranger in Western Canada. We came to the conclusion that everyone should finally get over Kurt Cobain's suicide and Nickleback blows dogs for quarters.

Nice chat, actually.

Posted by c to the andice on March 30, 2009 at 5:50 PM

Stranger: are you snickerdoodle?
You: Cinnamony delicious. Yes!
You: Are you a ginger snap?
Stranger: i want to eat you then
You: Eat away... young ginger snap.
Stranger: yes, i'm spicy sweet snappy.
You: Oh snap!
You: I think I love you.
Stranger: let's get marries
Stranger: married !
You: I'm on my way to the chapel!
You: Who's the bride?
Stranger: i am!
You: Ok.
You: I guess I'll wear a white pant suit.
Stranger: oh, did you want to be the bride?
You: Nah... I've been there before.
You: Too much attention.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I guess the pant suit was too much...

Posted by I shouldn't talk to strangers. on March 30, 2009 at 7:12 PM

Just had a nice conversation with a sexually frustrated lesbian in London. Told her to go to babeland.com and get a vibrator. She seemed eternally grateful.

Posted by saysdivision on March 30, 2009 at 7:38 PM

Mine didnt like me
You: hi
Stranger: big or pac
You: whst
You: what
Stranger: nice
Stranger: biggie or tupac
You: Del
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Posted by Sara on March 30, 2009 at 8:14 PM

Stranger: you just lost the game
You: oh yeah?
Stranger: yup
You: already?
Stranger: it's that fast
You: is it saying "you lost the game" before the other person?
Stranger: no
You: do you care to explain?
Stranger: by playing the game you lost the game
You: therfore, so did you
Stranger: This isn't about me

Posted by Matty on March 30, 2009 at 9:16 PM

Stranger: Hello. How are you?
You: Fine and you?
Stranger: Fine. This is Chris Hansen from NBC's To Catch a Predator. Do you know why I'm here?
You: I just came to check out a house
You: I'm a prospective buyer
Stranger: Really? Youre not here to meet Amy? A 15 year old girl?
Stranger: The one you told you'd meet here tonight?
You: WHo's Amy? Oh, you mean that girl on the internet?
You: She said she's 22
Stranger: I believe you're mistaken. We have the chat transcripts between you two. She told you she was 15.
You: No, that definately wasn't me. I am not into that. I have a 14 year old daughter

Posted by Matty on March 30, 2009 at 9:35 PM

This is probably the lamest thing I have ever done, but I had about a 3 hour conversation with someone on there. And I know very well that "he" might not have been telling the truth but I don't even have such revealing conversations with my therapist. So...if anyone meets someone who is 24, almost 25, opened his own clothing company with a friend in New York a few years ago, and has a published 16-year-old sister, tell him "Craig" is looking for him and wants to help with the pie plan and talk. Um. We talked about philosophy and my weird issues.

Posted by Looking for "mildred" on March 30, 2009 at 9:45 PM

@jaredrules had a pretty heavy conversation with himself, but a robot self, from the future; with amnesia.

...
Stranger: are you me?
You: Whoa
You: That would blow my mind
Stranger: wouldn’t that be weird?
Stranger: totally
Stranger: our mind, i suppose
You: That’s a question I would ask!
Stranger: now you’re freaking me out
...

Posted by josh bomb on March 30, 2009 at 10:34 PM

Stranger: hey bitch
You: I'm not so sure about you.
Stranger: i say fuck u
You: Fuck me? No fuck you!
You: Why so hostile? Let's focus on your anger issues.
Stranger: my cock in ur mouth'
You: So you're saying you were molested as a child.
Stranger: u were by ur day nigga
You: By my "day"?
Stranger: ur dad nigga'
You: I think you have some daddy issues.
Stranger: pussy ass bitch cunt fuck slut
You: Wow. So you're like 12 right?
Stranger: u have a tiny ass dick
You: I should hope so... I'm a chick.
Stranger: no ur twelve im 24
You: 24's the new 12.
You: Duh.
Stranger: uh how bout we switch to sex?
You: Why? Cuz you're so charming?
Stranger: cause i am a dude with a gigantic 20 inch cock
You: I say 4 inches tops.
Stranger: no, i am charming on, monday wednesday and friday
You: No Saturday?
You: The weekend's a good time for charm.
Stranger: ok, sunday as well
You: Cuz that's the Lord's day?
You: Nice little Christian.
You have disconnected.

Posted by that guy was a lame-o on March 31, 2009 at 6:34 PM

Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: Girl ?
You: ha!
You: um, veteran?
Stranger: Girl ?
You: I guess that matters to some people
Stranger: Girl ?
You: uh, no
Stranger: THEN OPEN UP YOUR ASS HOLE BECASUE I CAME FOR A FUCKEN
You: haha

Posted by humility on March 31, 2009 at 6:46 PM

Reading these highly amusing conversations has cured me of the urge to try this myself. Thank you!

Posted by csk on April 1, 2009 at 8:01 AM