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News & ArtsWednesday, March 25, 2009
Homo Ted Haggard: Now a Heterosexual Without Issues
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 6:36 AM
The latest say-for-pay revelations from America's sweethearts, Gayle and Ted Haggard...
Disgraced pastor Ted Haggard says he wanted his wife to divorce him after a sex scandal involving another man, but she refused. Haggard made the comments in a two-part episode of the syndicated television show "Divorce Court" to be broadcast April 1-2. The show released a partial transcript Tuesday....Ted Haggard said he wasn't rejecting his wife but thought he had become so "toxic" that divorce was best for her and their children. He said she replied, "No way. I'm not going to do that."
Ted Haggard told the show's "presiding judge," Lynn Toler, that when he consulted with pastors about his sexual struggle, they advised him to pray about it, but that didn't help. Since then, he said, he has consulted Christian counselors in secular counseling centers and now no longer has sexual desire for men.
So prayer didn't work, it didn't help—Ted couldn't pray away the gay. But a little secular counseling was somehow able to do what Almighty God Himself could not. Good to know.
4
So saying to your child "I'm too fucked up to be your parent so I'm abandoning you" is somehow better than teaching your child through example that you can make mistakes in one area of your life but still live up to the responsibilities you have in other areas?
I'm guessing Ted just wanted an apartment of his own - a place to, you know, work on resisting temptation.
I'm guessing Ted just wanted an apartment of his own - a place to, you know, work on resisting temptation.
6
He wants out of the marriage. He wants a divorce, but she won't take the hint.
I wonder what he'd have done if she'd given him what he wants? Do you think he'd change his entire life, apologize, accept himself for what he is and finally be happy?
Ted Haggard says he wanted his wife to divorce him after a sex scandal involving another man, but she refused. . . . He said she replied, "No way. I'm not going to do that."
He wants out of the marriage. He wants a divorce, but she won't take the hint.
I wonder what he'd have done if she'd given him what he wants? Do you think he'd change his entire life, apologize, accept himself for what he is and finally be happy?
7
Her vagina emits a lavender tinted fog that makes people gay.
I thought this was common knowledge.
I thought this was common knowledge.
10
@2,6,7 - That poor, poor woman. Here she is, trying to live up to her beliefs (no matter what some may think) even while her husband, the attention whore, is humiliating her for all the world to see and she's getting attacked by you? How is any of this her fault (beyond agreeing to marry the shithead)? That seems unreasonably harsh.
Ted's the one with the problem. Not only did he marry a woman, when he should have allowed her to marry someone who'd truly love her (or at least enjoy having sex with her), he also spent the majority of his career blasting gays (and not in the fun way (except when he was with a prostitute)). Considering how he lived his religion and sexuality, he deserves all the scorn here, not her. (I know she’s got a part in all this media-whoring going on, but he needs to receive the scorn, not her.)
And the divorce thing? That was kind of chicken-shit of him to leave the decision in her lap. If he’s gay, he needs to have the balls enough to tell her he wants a divorce, not say “well, you know, it’s up to you…” What an ass.
Ted's the one with the problem. Not only did he marry a woman, when he should have allowed her to marry someone who'd truly love her (or at least enjoy having sex with her), he also spent the majority of his career blasting gays (and not in the fun way (except when he was with a prostitute)). Considering how he lived his religion and sexuality, he deserves all the scorn here, not her. (I know she’s got a part in all this media-whoring going on, but he needs to receive the scorn, not her.)
And the divorce thing? That was kind of chicken-shit of him to leave the decision in her lap. If he’s gay, he needs to have the balls enough to tell her he wants a divorce, not say “well, you know, it’s up to you…” What an ass.
11
How tolerant of Savage. He refuses to believe someone can actually turn a new leaf and better his life. I've got news for you, just because you don't want to explore a better way of life for yourself doesn't mean others don't and haven't been successful in their endeavor.
12
Oh Loveschild, bless your crazy li'l ol' heart. Do you have a daughter, sister, a loved female relative? Would you advise them to marry an "ex-gay"? Would you consider marrying someone who "used to be" gay? Would that be a better life?
16
I don't have a lot of sympathy for Haggard, but I do for anyone who is compelled to try and change their sexuality merely because of the bible.
17
Remember, according to Mars Hill "pastor" Marc Driscoll, this whole thing is the wife's fault.
Stay classy, Mars Hill.
Stay classy, Mars Hill.
19
14, I don't think Loveschild is a troll. She really believes that homosexuality is wrong. She can't seem to find a rational explanation for her position, but she certainly believes it with all her crazy li'l ol' heart. I have to admit, I find it strangely endearing somehow.
21
"...no longer has a sexual desire for men" is either a blatant lie or the most extreme form of self delusion.
It is only a matter of time before he is caught in another sex scandal with a dude, or he blows his deranged head off.
Repression isn't healthy, Ted. Even for assholes like you.
It is only a matter of time before he is caught in another sex scandal with a dude, or he blows his deranged head off.
Repression isn't healthy, Ted. Even for assholes like you.
22
Reading in between the lines here, I'm thinking that ol' Teddy got a hold of some chick's Depo-Provera, and no longer has his sexual desire for men, because he just plain no longer has sexual desire!!
23
18 I have never had that issue in my life.
Now please respond to mine, why are you so judgemental on the decision this man and his wife have made to overcome his problem and remain together?
Where's the tolerance you preach?
Now please respond to mine, why are you so judgemental on the decision this man and his wife have made to overcome his problem and remain together?
Where's the tolerance you preach?
25
Loveschild -
You're not gay. I'm willing to bet you don't know any gays, or at least that no gays would say that you know them. You wouldn't answer the question about ex-gays marrying women you care about.
Where do you get off? You know not whereof you speak, so please stop speaking.
And with regard to Haggard: the "judgment" comes from the fact that he can choose not to act gay, but he can't choose not to be gay: in short, that he's a liar. Please don't ask me to explain; if you don't understand what I mean you really haven't been following the Ted Haggard debacle at all.
You're not gay. I'm willing to bet you don't know any gays, or at least that no gays would say that you know them. You wouldn't answer the question about ex-gays marrying women you care about.
Where do you get off? You know not whereof you speak, so please stop speaking.
And with regard to Haggard: the "judgment" comes from the fact that he can choose not to act gay, but he can't choose not to be gay: in short, that he's a liar. Please don't ask me to explain; if you don't understand what I mean you really haven't been following the Ted Haggard debacle at all.
27
I happen to have met an ex-gay. Dude is gayer than a Mardi Gras musical. The goal of "ex-gay counseling" is never to actually change a person's sexuality, it's all about "not acting gay", as balderdash @25 points out. It's self-condemnation to a life of celibacy, a life without the possibility of true love with another human being.
In the name of tolerance, I don't condemn people who choose to live that way, but I do pity them.
In the name of tolerance, I don't condemn people who choose to live that way, but I do pity them.
28
loveschild.. have you ever SEEN divorce court ? the the tv show, i mean. it airs in the time slot between the physicians's spine network and judge joe brown. couples go there to get divorced and a paycheck. it's a tv show.. A TV SHOW ! oh.. and if you wanna see ted come clean and collect his paycheck, remember the episode he's on airs april 1st, april fools day. mark it on your calendar.
29
The issue with Haggard is that he was a very vocal opponent of gay marriage and homosexuality in general. His "tolerance" was lacking then so he is being given no quarter now.
The revelation of his hypocrisy is understandably delicious, but I admit I tire of hearing about the guy. It's not like there is any shortage of hypocritical Christians out there...
The revelation of his hypocrisy is understandably delicious, but I admit I tire of hearing about the guy. It's not like there is any shortage of hypocritical Christians out there...
30
@17 - I just read the blog you're referring to. Yikes. Apparently the asshole @7 was right to blame the wife. I stand corrected: it’s all her fault; she drove him gay. Pastor Marc has convicted me of the truth.
31
10, 14 - well said, both times. While normally I'm part of the choir being preached to here (and fully enjoy it), I'm finding the venom toward the wife a little over the top. While I doubt Ted has turned over a new leaf, if she wants to stay with him, that's her choice. Good for her. People get/stay married for a lot of other reasons besides sex.
32
Is Vegas taking bets on the next Haggard Gay Sex experience? I'd bet it'll happen between 3 months and a 9 months of now. I think he can suppress himself for a while, but I doubt he can hold out until Christmas.
33
I wonder how many hours of beating a pillow with a tennis racket it took to get the gay out of Haggard.
37
inspired by loveschild, i'm going to change my handle to either happyhoper or princesssparklepony.
39
Another life destroyed by religion. It's kinda sad, except for the fact that people keep doing this to themselves.
42
i agree with 35 and 22. he is desperate enough to take "suppressants" i wonder how common that is, now i think of it.
43
Bart: Mr. Smithers, I always thought you were, you know...
Smithers:(Laughs)No, I'm straight, as long as I take these injections every ten minutes. (Injects himself.) I love boobies!!
Smithers:(Laughs)No, I'm straight, as long as I take these injections every ten minutes. (Injects himself.) I love boobies!!
44
He's a proven liar. Why would anyone be stupid enough to believe what he says now? Oh, that's right, he's a preacher. There are plenty of stupid people who believe what a preacher says.
45
Loveschild is in denial. Just like old time racists HAD to believe that black people were "cursed" to justify their racism, so too does she HAVE to believe that someone CHOOSES to be gay, despite having never made a "choice" herself. You would think that would make her realize that others make no choice either, but that would make her have to accept a truth she's not ready to accept.
46
Divorce court? Classy.
If I were in Ted's place, I'd stick it out for the kids, but then again, if I were Ted, I wouldn't have gotten myself in that situation to begin with.
If I were in Ted's place, I'd stick it out for the kids, but then again, if I were Ted, I wouldn't have gotten myself in that situation to begin with.
47
Oh, Allyn, shut the hell up. I didn't attack Haggard's wife. I merely said that she wasn't "getting the hint" that he wants out. He offered her a gracious exit, and she decided to stay with her gay husband. How is that attacking her?
Maybe the lack of pity for her in my post is what angered you? It's impossible for me to pity an anti-gay bigot, which is what she is. She might deserve a better husband, but she doesn't seem to think so. Her life.
Take your finger-wagging elsewhere.
Maybe the lack of pity for her in my post is what angered you? It's impossible for me to pity an anti-gay bigot, which is what she is. She might deserve a better husband, but she doesn't seem to think so. Her life.
Take your finger-wagging elsewhere.
48
@47 - No, it was more the collective feeling of the three post together than your particular comment. I didn't mean to offend you. The last line on my comment dealt more with what you'd said. Sure, she could get out. You're right that he offered her a "gracious exit", but her Bible gives her that out anyway; it's the only acceptable reason for divorce. I stand by what I said: his "offering" a divorce is pretty chicken-shit. If he was honest and decent, he'd leave, visit regularly with his kids and send great support checks. But he made it her decision and that hardly seems fair of him.
I don't know if she deserves pity or not and like I said, she's doing some media-whoring herself, but he was the one preaching gay-hatred from his pulpit and sleeping with a man.
I don't know if she deserves pity or not and like I said, she's doing some media-whoring herself, but he was the one preaching gay-hatred from his pulpit and sleeping with a man.
49
#48. I'm sorry about chewing you out like that. Believe it or not, I can politely disagree with people. I just really hate being scolded and told to mind my manners.
I don't know (or care) if she should get out. I don't give a damn what she's going through. I just thought it was interesting that he offered her a divorce and she refused. I kind of read that ironically. Like, what if he's actually trying to give her the dignity to walk? To hold her head up and leave instead of what we all know will eventually happen? And she's too proud and clueless to take him up on it?
And what would he do if she did leave him? These are all just rhetorical musings...
And, sure, he is the one preaching gay hatred. But she's the one clapping and nodding and smiling and saying, "That's right, honey." Fuck her. She's not a victim.
There. Now I did attack her. :-)
I don't know (or care) if she should get out. I don't give a damn what she's going through. I just thought it was interesting that he offered her a divorce and she refused. I kind of read that ironically. Like, what if he's actually trying to give her the dignity to walk? To hold her head up and leave instead of what we all know will eventually happen? And she's too proud and clueless to take him up on it?
And what would he do if she did leave him? These are all just rhetorical musings...
And, sure, he is the one preaching gay hatred. But she's the one clapping and nodding and smiling and saying, "That's right, honey." Fuck her. She's not a victim.
There. Now I did attack her. :-)
50
@49, yes, but your points at least are excellent. I did have that thought last night: she's not a complete innocent; she was supporting him, after all. I do see what you mean about the dignified out. (I still think he's a shit.) :)
52
Does anyone have a site or reference where I could find out more about Ted Haggard's comments regarding homosexuality? The reason I'm asking is simple, though probably not accceptable to many. If the man considers homosexuality to be a sin, he should have presented his basis for that belief, Biblical passages. He could have explained how those verses apply today. At the same time, he could have experienced temptations toward that sin, and even given in to those pressures. I don't know about the rest of you, but I myself believe that lustful imaginations about women other than my wife is sinful. However, that belief doesn't remove occasional fantasy from occurring. It requires deliberate effort to shift my attention to more wholesome thoughts. Haggard's great problem might be having allowed his personal struggle with temptation to generate a hatred toward others who practice and promote it as positive and healthy.
53
Y'all remind me of a parable of the pharisee and the Tax-collector. Pointing a finger at all Ted has done, and all Ted is saying " I was wrong, I made wrong choices". And Jesus said that the Tax-collector was vindicated and not the pharisee. So stop this non-sense and look in a mirror at your own lives first.
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