If you're on the hunt for a job—or you're an unlucky reporter at an online-only newspaper—and you're worried about passing a drug test, here's some advice* from a reliable slogtipper who (understandably) asked to remain anonymous:

How to Pass That Drug Test

Quit smoking/eating weed now, just to give yourself a head start.

Depending on your metabolism and how much you smoke, it will take 3-30 days for THC to leave the body (it's stored in your fat cells). There's no way to flush it faster, but you can easily dilute your urine through hydration enough that it contains undetectable amounts of THC. Here's how:

4-5 days before your test: Start taking creatine powder in fruit juice per the instructions on the creatine bottle. You can buy creatineit at Madison Market or vitamin/supplement stores. Take it twice a day every day. This will make sure your urine has enough specific gravity that they can't tell you've diluted it.

On test day: 3 hours before your test, take a mega-potency B vitamin and drink two 8-ounce glasses of water. Then drink another 8 ounces every 15 minutes for the next hour, for a total of six glasses of water, or 48 ounces. If you hate water, any liquid will do. Don't forget to take your creatine today, too.

In about 1-2 hours, depending on your system, you should be peeing every 15-20 minutes. Hopefully the vitamins are making it bright and stinky. Your pee might be light yellow, but don't sweat that; when you're hydrated, your pee is almost clear and they won't bat an eye.

1 hour prior to the test, take 4 Rolaids or 4 Tums. Continue to drink 3-4 ounces of water every 20-30 minutes until your test.

Put on some nice clothes and go pee in the cup. Try to be cool. You will pass even if you've smoked this week. If somehow you fail, demand a retest. And don't smoke again until you have your results! (This can take 1-2 weeks).

According to our resident mad scientist Jonathan Golob, the creatine-and-peeing-all-day method could work, and adds that you should also lay off the fatty foods:

I could add (beyond peeing it out, which seems about right) is to change when/if you eat fatty meals.

In the days leading up to the test, when you're trying to pee it out, eat as little fat as possible. Your fat cells will start burning off their reserves, releasing THC into your blood for you to pee out.

A day or two before the test, you should *start* eating fatty foods. All of that extra fat in your blood will be picked up by your fat cells—taking the THC with it and preventing the THC from ending up in your pee.

Combine this trick to make less free THC, with...making more pee and it seems like you'd have a decent shot of ending up below the threshold.

Now you know.

Disclaimer: if you try this and get busted, it's not our fault.