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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 3:37 PM

This is weird writing to you after reading your article for so long. I've been reading it 4-5 years now. I started reading freshman year in high school and now I'm a freshman at the University of Texas at Austin. So much has happened since then. I'm no longer a virgin, I came out, and, somewhere along the line, I decided to think for myself. If you want a sappy story about how important you are in my life, here it is:

When I was a freshman in high school, I was miserable. I was effeminate, friendless, unhappy... wocka wocka wocka. For the most part, my problems stemmed from insecurities about my sexuality. I was interested in boys when everything and everyone around me told me that was wrong (TEXAS). So I dated girls. At some point during freshman year, I heard a gay boy was assaulted at a school near mine. I became extremely paranoid. I felt like a criminal on the run. Every time I would catch eyes with someone, I would assume they knew I was gay and were targeting me for a literal game of Smear the Queer. I started feeling like I had to prove I was straight to everyone around me. I went so far as to lose my virginity to the girl I was dating (we're on good terms now, and, just to brag, she says I'm still the best she's ever had!). But nothing really changed. I was still paranoid. It was around this time that I started reading your article.

As time went on, thanks to you, I became more comfortable with myself and open about my sexuality. It was a perilously bumpy road but I made it through. Now I'm in college. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we have incredible sex and an incredible relationship. We've taken it everywhere. Elevators, stairways, a hotel room that had the door open, bathrooms, a pool (I do not recommend), and other random places where we get uncontrollably horny. We've done pretty much everything we could think of. We've played with his rape fantasies, role playing, light bondage, three-way, and a four-way that included everything but penetration, and the things we haven't done, we're planning on doing. My life is comfortable, finally. And without your openness and the openness of your readers, I would, without a doubt, still be hopelessly lost.

So thank you, Dan. You and your readers changed my life.

Thankful In Texas

My pleasure, TIT.

Comments (28) RSS

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Great. But, kid, close the damn hotel room door. I support your right to have sex with your boyfriend (even make him your husband), but though I am as queer as you are, where I to walk down a hotel hallway and accidentally see a hot couple sexing it up on the bed, my reaction would be profound embarrassment. If you want to show off, post the pictures online like everyone else. Then I don't have to look away when we share an elevator later.

Posted by John D on March 25, 2009 at 3:45 PM

Thanks for sharing, Dan.

Posted by kim in portland on March 25, 2009 at 3:57 PM

You don't even have to be gay to feel like "[e]very time I would catch eyes with someone, I would assume they knew I was gay and were targeting me for a literal game of Smear the Queer".

Posted by Fnarf on March 25, 2009 at 3:58 PM

jeesh...this kid needs to slow down a little...he's going to be bored and jaded with sex because he's tried everything before he was 25!

he keeps this pace up, he won't be good for anything but being a sex columnist...

Posted by michael strangeways on March 25, 2009 at 3:59 PM

Why you gotta break balls, strangeways?

Posted by Baconcat on March 25, 2009 at 4:06 PM

I dunno, Baconcat, I thought it was pretty funny.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on March 25, 2009 at 4:10 PM

Oh, I think it's funny.

Just gotta take him down a notch before he thinks he's the next Michael Richards or Piyush Jindal up in here, a real comedian.

Posted by Baconcat on March 25, 2009 at 4:14 PM

If this nice kid keeps at his UT Austin studies, he'll gradually learn what "article" means, and be even more comfortable ever after.

Posted by gloomy gus on March 25, 2009 at 4:21 PM

I question his use of wocka wocka wocka.

Posted by Dougsf on March 25, 2009 at 4:24 PM

i question the sex life of the girl he lost his virginity to.

Posted by erin on March 25, 2009 at 4:28 PM

Just remember that men who act like women, regardless of whether or not they're gay, deserve whatever they get.

Posted by you heard me. go ahead, try something on March 25, 2009 at 4:30 PM

Sweet story! That made my day.

Posted by Original Andrew on March 25, 2009 at 4:44 PM

I question whether "a pool" was a private pool.

Posted by w7ngman on March 25, 2009 at 4:46 PM

Erin FTW!

Posted by alli on March 25, 2009 at 4:49 PM

@10, but not her manners.

Posted by gloomy gus on March 25, 2009 at 4:51 PM

Aww, cute.

@9: Think he meant "yadda yadda yadda".

Posted by seandr on March 25, 2009 at 5:05 PM

@16 - I'm guessing you're right, which makes his Fozzy gaff pretty amazing.

Anyhow, glad the kid found some happiness, wocka wocka wocka!

Posted by Dougsf on March 25, 2009 at 5:26 PM

Nice touch that he included the wocka wocka wocka, hehe.

Posted by beatgrl on March 25, 2009 at 5:33 PM

I just assumed wocka wocka wocka was some kinky gay thing that I needed to search google images for until I learnt more.

Now I kinda wish it was.

Posted by Donut on March 25, 2009 at 6:05 PM

@1: I read it as "a stranger's vacant hotel room door was ajar so we let ourselves in..."

I assumed they closed and locked the door behind them. What the confrontation would have been when the rightful guest(s) returned...

Posted by Claire Ifeye, II on March 25, 2009 at 7:22 PM

awww.. sweet, for the guy in the letter for being happy/getting some freaky-deak action.

But still, Fozzie Bear is a tedious jerk.

Posted by pissy mcslogbot on March 25, 2009 at 7:42 PM

@9 I think he's supporting Dan's continued use of "wocka wocka wocka" on Savage Love Live. There was recently someone who questioned his use of it on the show.

I like wocka wocka wocka, personally, although it's totally a Fozzy the bear original.

Posted by jove on March 25, 2009 at 7:59 PM

Savage, you are so full of yourself it is obscene. Humility is a virtue. Arrogant dickishness is a total turn-off. Learn the difference.

Posted by someone shut savage up already on March 26, 2009 at 12:06 AM

When I hear wocka wocka wocka I think of the old Pacman game.

Posted by kamm on March 26, 2009 at 3:51 AM

I know it's a cliche. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But I think it applies.

Posted by Vince on March 26, 2009 at 6:29 AM

Wow, 11, you're a douche. Are you, by any chance, a Republican or from Texas?

Posted by dean p on March 26, 2009 at 9:37 AM

23 - yes, Dan gets pleasure out of helping people. What an ass! Tell me, how many people are you helping with your job?

Posted by DJDeeJay on March 26, 2009 at 11:35 AM

I know I bitch and complain and argue with you here a lot, Dan, but in all honesty, you've had a huge, wonderful influence on me, too. Been reading your column since I was 16 (now 25). Back then, I was terrified of all things sex, and now, I'm basically a total slut. It's awesome.

Posted by Laurel on March 26, 2009 at 4:40 PM