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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Sex "Not that again—it burned."

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 3:45 PM

While this Old Spice ad promotes centaur fetishism, this Quiznos ad seems to be promoting, um, dom/sub relationships between boys and... their toaster ovens.

For the record I think the guy with the shaggy hair in this ad—who's still following that oven's orders even after it burned his dick—is a whole lot cuter than the centaur in Old Spice ad.

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The Quizno's oven is HAL from 2001, but dirty.

Posted by Luckier on March 25, 2009 at 3:49 PM

Put it in me, Scott.

The oven is a pushy bottom?

Posted by Not Shy in Chi on March 25, 2009 at 3:57 PM

Best line: "Put it in me Scott"

Posted by subwlf on March 25, 2009 at 3:57 PM

I'm gonna disagree about the quiznos boy being hotter than the centaur.

Posted by Me on March 25, 2009 at 4:06 PM

The wife and I totally gawked at this commercial. When he looks down at his cock....srsly! High-lare-ious.

Posted by Jeremy from Seattle on March 25, 2009 at 4:08 PM

OMG! He got SyFy from the oven!

Posted by Jeremy from Seattle on March 25, 2009 at 4:11 PM

I feel dirty.

Posted by TVDinner on March 25, 2009 at 4:24 PM

As they say, the bottom controls the situation. This proves it.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on March 25, 2009 at 4:27 PM

Damn. Well, he's certainly comfortably with eating phallic-looking and phallic-named foods, isn't he?

Posted by EmilyP on March 25, 2009 at 4:44 PM

Quizno's is wretched, and a lame $5 footlong ripoff with a funny commercial isn't going to change that.

Posted by w7ngman on March 25, 2009 at 4:49 PM

I get dibs on Scott after the oven is through with him.

Posted by boxofbirds on March 25, 2009 at 4:52 PM

"Our sandwich looks like a penis. PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH."

Posted by another Andy on March 25, 2009 at 5:02 PM

OMG I think I just threw up a little bit on my mouth. If I ever see this garbage on my tv I'm calling the station to complain. They're not even attempting to make mask the homosexual innuendo. I hope this is airing after midnight in HBO or some other cable channel. I'm making good on my word if I see this trash on prime time.

Posted by Loveschild on March 25, 2009 at 5:15 PM

@13 - Who can we call to complain about your stupid ass?

Posted by 1-800-Douchetard on March 25, 2009 at 5:21 PM

@13

I hope you're just a troll.

Posted by Sir Learnsalot on March 25, 2009 at 5:53 PM

Scott is way sexier than the Centaur. But I could be biased by my hatred of the Centaur actor from his days on Guiding Light. He sucked so bad on that show and I can't separate that from whatever physical attributes he may have. Scott, OTOH, is pure sex on a ... um, torpedo.

Posted by skinny on March 25, 2009 at 6:19 PM

snerk. giggle. snort..

"I'm not doing that again. It burned."

"Say it sexier, Scott. Sexier."

Posted by yucca flower on March 25, 2009 at 7:11 PM

Scott's sexy enough to (almost) justify eating at Quiznos. Great ad.

Posted by greg on March 25, 2009 at 7:32 PM

This is a great ad, made even better by the fact that it offends Loveschild.

Posted by very bad homo on March 25, 2009 at 7:36 PM

I just watched it without sound. Purely from the YouTube title "Toasty Torpedo", the phallic sandwiches, "Over a foot of flavor" and the steamy looks from the dude to the oven, I feel dirty. I don't know if I could stand it with sound!

Posted by Cracker Jack on March 25, 2009 at 7:36 PM

that's my friend! his name is tim rock. no joke.

Posted by katie on March 25, 2009 at 8:27 PM

@19, what doesn't? She's a caricature of a caricature. @15 figured it out immediately.

Posted by another Andy on March 25, 2009 at 10:12 PM

No. Old spice centaur is wayyyy cuter.

Posted by TANK on March 25, 2009 at 11:47 PM

Saw it 2x tonight... 1 before 10PM, 1 after.

Before 10 it was totally different and no sexual connotations. After 10... yeah, it was all there.

BUT.... Centaur is WAY WAY WAY HOTTER!

Posted by Dan prefers younger to more attractive on March 26, 2009 at 1:27 AM

@13 - HBO doesn't have commercials you fucktard.

Posted by car radio on March 26, 2009 at 4:45 AM

I'm with dear, sweet, wacky ol' Loveschild (who reminds me of that crazy haired woman who told John McCain that she was afraid of Obama because he was an Arab.) on this one! I'm against gay man-oven marriage!

Now about these sandwiches. I do love me some Quiznos. And for helping mainstream the evil gay agenda, I'll be going there more often. Boys, we can check gay sandwich shops off our list. Now that we've got "footlongs" (wink, wink) in every major national chain, we're unstoppable! Be sure to place the gay honey dijon sauce on the condiment counter.

Oh, but seriously, as if there were straight honey dijon sauce.

Posted by Rob in Baltimore on March 26, 2009 at 6:13 AM

FWIW, they've reframed the Centaur ad. Before they did, it showed the equine body from the knees up.

Unless Centaurs are physiologically different from other equines, "he" is a fillie. No males in this shower.

Posted by Charles M on March 26, 2009 at 1:03 PM

Ya, but if Scott was a woman, what would this comment board look like?

Posted by Jim C. on March 26, 2009 at 1:17 PM

I say that because I don't see crass, crude commercials as an advancement of anything.

Posted by Jim C. on March 26, 2009 at 1:25 PM

I saw the edited version of this ad on abc last night. "put it in me" was taken out and instead of "sexier" the oven said, "say it with passion, scott", "more passion"

Posted by bob on March 26, 2009 at 1:30 PM

I am gobsmacked!!!!! An openly GAY and SM ad Wow. We have come a long way baby!!!! The ramifications are enormous!!!

Posted by Daddy peter fiske on March 26, 2009 at 2:04 PM

@26, wait, we're up to sandwich shops? I thought we were still on "old business."

Posted by What'd'I Miss on March 26, 2009 at 2:55 PM

We saw it a night or two ago and laughed and laughed. good for quizno's, going where no foot long has gone before.

Posted by ben in oakland on March 26, 2009 at 3:06 PM

Fuck quiznos and their overpriced food

Posted by Alex on March 26, 2009 at 5:29 PM

A couple of days ago, at my local Quizno's, I watched a female employee struggle to put the paper bag condom on several Torpedoes, so hot from the oven she had to use tongs. She seemed embarrassed.

Posted by double meat please on March 26, 2009 at 6:22 PM

Once again, Rick Santorum is proven to be one prescient bastard. First you let the homos marry and then you have man-on-oven action, in a restaurant no less.

Posted by Loneoak on March 26, 2009 at 6:28 PM

@13 and 29: "Boo hoo, sex is bad, I'm offended, boo hoo . . . " Get some reasoning skills, get a set of values that isn't completely asinine, and get a sense of humor.

Posted by Frank on March 27, 2009 at 7:15 AM

Hopefully anyone that loves this ad will stop by Quiznos site and let them know how much you like the commercial. While number 13 may be fake and wants to stir the pot here, there are people out there that will do just what she mentions.

I think this is hilarious and it makes me want to give them my business - even though I do have to wonder now how clean their ovens are......

Posted by Kristoffer on March 27, 2009 at 4:46 PM

@ 21. So is Tim single? That is one handsome man!

Posted by creepygirlfriend on March 27, 2009 at 8:58 PM

Did you see the subliminal flash of the periscope at :06, when the oven gets a close up saying "We both enjoyed that"?

WTF?

Posted by Commercial Critic on April 11, 2009 at 9:44 AM

Did you see the subliminal flash of the periscope at :06, when the oven gets a close up saying "We both enjoyed that"?

WTF?

Posted by CommercialCritic on April 11, 2009 at 9:44 AM