They've become a familiar sight in gay bars: women holding bachelorette parties. The bride-to-be is often easily identifiable. She's the one wearing either a veil or tiara or feather boa or phallic-shaped blow-up hat, and is surrounded by women who begin the night somewhat reserved but metamorphose into pelvis-thrusting vamps as their blood-alcohol levels rise.
The women come to celebrate without having to worry about straight men pawing them. The gay men are there because, well, they don't want to be around a lot of women.
For years, some bar owners have tried to accommodate both groups, but that's becoming increasingly difficult. With California's vote last November in favor of the gay-marriage ban known as Proposition 8, some gays are saying that bachelorette parties at their bars are becoming more than a minor nuisance. They're a constant reminder that gays don't have equal marriage rights.
Perhaps an exception could be made for bachelorettes who make a large donation to a gay organization fighting for marriage equality—and show up with a receipt to prove it. But I have to agree with the bar owners: celebrating your upcoming wedding in a bar full of people who can't marry—particularly if you're wearing a necklace of little plastic penises—is an asshole move.
And Trice? Gay men don't go to gay bars because we don't want to be around women. We go to gay bars because we want to be around each other—because we need to be in space where gay is the default assumption, not straight. Lots of gay men bring our female friends to gay bars. I don't recall the last time I was in a gay bar where there were no women.