Other patrons will turn a blind eye when you bring your dog into a bar—in violation of various health codes—so long as your dog is not disruptive. A smelly dog* is a disruptive dog. Leave your stanky mutt outside, please.
* "smelly dog" is here defined as any dog that people sitting on the other side of the bar can smell.

When I read today on Monica Guzman's Twitter feed that writers for other publications were being let into the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's doomed newsroom, I decided to ignore managing editor David McCumber's refusal to let The Stranger chronicle the paper's last day. McCumber's reasoning had been that he wasn't saying yes to anyone, and that he didn't want to put the staff through the ordeal of being watched at such a moment. But when a reporter took me up a side stairwell and slipped me into the P-I newsroom, I found a writer from TIME Magazine already milling about, P-I staffers sipping beers and jokingly discussing the best locations for dumpster-diving, and no one who seemed all that stressed out. There was sadness, certainly, but also a strong feeling of release. The last deadline, ever, was just about to pass.
I'd forgotten how close the P-I newsroom is to Puget Sound. It's close enough that, looking west from the center of the room, you don't see any land—just water, islands, freighters going by. The effect is of being on a ship, and today, of course, the effect was also of being on a sinking ship. More precisely, a ship that had already sunk (in shallow, friendly waters, perhaps, but with the mechanism of the crew's livelihood damaged beyond repair).
Some desks had been abandoned long ago, part of the newspaper's years of downsizing. In one of the areas that remained populated, page designers ("Of which none will be kept," a guide said) sat surrounded by green Christmas lights. Nearby, a gray bin with a slot cut in the top and a combination lock keeping anyone from getting inside—the shred pile. Beneath a central table, about a dozen boxes of Pagliacci Pizza, which had been delivered courtesy of the Houston Chronicle upon the news of the P-I's print demise (and quickly devoured). A whirring laser printer, a wall of "Employee of the Month" plaques, a pile of Society of Professional Journalists awards, and all around the clatter of cleanup.
This was sometime after 4 p.m., and a small rally was assembling outside the P-I offices on Elliott Avenue. "Will you be going to the rally?" someone asked a scowling copy editor who was chewing on a toothpick as he worked on a story. "Yeah, I'll be rallying my ass off," the copy editor shot back. I took that as a no. A staffer walked by wearing a P-I baseball hat. Others sat in their P-I commemorative t-shirts. There didn't seem to be high hopes for the rally, which was being organized by Hal Bernton, a reporter at the Seattle Times. After all, what's to rally about? The air was far more funereal than fired up.

But the rally, as it turned out, was quite sweet and welcome. "The whole idea that this could be the last day is very hard to process," Bernton (above) said, speaking into a tiny, faltering megaphone—a metaphor for the shrinking reach of print journalism if ever there was one. He was followed by McCumber, who thanked the P-I staffers for the honor of working with them, and by David Horsey (below), who tried to capture the moment. "We're in a new world—all of us," he said. "Who knows where we go... I hope everyone of us finds a way to keep doing what we do because it's so important."
Bruce Ramsey of the Times editorial page was there. "None of us at the Times are happy about this," he said. Times columnist Danny Westneat was there, too. "Reporting is what matters," he said. "The reason this is such a sad day is that we no longer have 150 reporters anymore who are working and telling the stories in this city." About a dozen of his colleagues—and maybe a few more—had come down to salute their former rivals, even those who would be continuing their work through Hearst's online-only P-I. "I hope you make it," Westneat said to them. "I hope somebody figures out how to make money off that whizbang thing they call the internet."
Photos by Eli Sanders
A Florida man wearing an "I [heart] My Marriage" t-shirt was arrested last night for allegedly choking his wife during an argument in their Tampa-area home. Bradley Gellert, a 32-year-old financial consultant, was busted by Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office deputies and booked into jail on a felony domestic battery by strangulation charge.... The "I [heart] My Marriage" shirt was a promotional item tied to the 2008 movie "Fireproof," a Christian-themed film starring Kirk Cameron. The movie, a hit in evangelical circles, centers on a fireman's religious awakening and his simultaneous effort to save a failing marriage.
Bradley hearts his marriage—it's his wife he can't stand.
Seattle Post-Intelligencer staffers are describing what this city will have lost when, after tomorrow, the newspaper's print edition ceases to exist. Here's P-I reporter Mike Lewis:
We do know this: What's been lost, quite literally, are 150 jobs and the daily delivery of a newspaper that's been published locally since the Civil War. What's been lost are many of the people who are not online but are avid consumers of news. What's been lost are not just those who subscribe, but the people who pick up the discarded paper in a coffee shop, those who read the hard copy because even in an age of advanced news technology, the surprises within the landscape of an unfolding newspaper still can beat click journalism in the same way that an Atlas—inadvertently, inefficiently—still says more about your place in world than Mapquest.But the honest fact is that a newspaper isn't only the sum of what it has done but also what it will do. A full measure of stories—from Tuesday onward—haven't been written yet. Now they won't be. In the end, we won't ever know what we've lost. I guess that's both a great and terrible thing.
Illustration by Andrew Saeger.

This past weekend, the Seattle Slam Wheelchair Rugby Team hosted the city's first ever playoff tournament at Seattle University's Connolly Center. Photographer Jackie Canchola tells me the San Diego team won, going on to national competitions. And Indu writes:
I just wanted to say thank you for alerting me to the Quad Rugby tournament this past weekend! I made it to the 2 final games yesterday and it was AWESOME!! I had not yet gotten around to watching the documentary but had seen the previews so had some idea of what to expect, what I was not expecting was how very thrilling it was! I just wish more people had taken your advice. So again, from someone who generally has no interest in sports, THANK YOU!!
More Seattle Slam schedule info HERE.
All photos by Jackie Canchola, more after the jump.
Meet the SeattlePI.com's new roster of columnists:
Among the new columnists, Hearst said, will be Norm Rice, a former Seattle mayor, and his wife, Constance Rice; a congressman, Jim McDermott; Maria Goodloe-Johnson, who heads the city’s public schools; and a former police chief, a former United States attorney, and two former governors.
I'm wondering about the average age of this group.
Last night I spoke to my father, Matt Graves, who has worked for daily newspapers for 40 years. He was stricken. He retired a few years ago but still writes occasionally for the Albany Times Union, where he spent two and a half decades on staff. He told me that given all the news lately, he'd been at the building the other day—and found himself imagining it empty. He was spooked. He'd also read this Time story about the 10 big-city papers going under (or online-only) this year.
My dad is one of the lucky ones. He has nothing left to lose. He won the Red Smith Award twice, and he retired before it got truly ugly. The freelance income he gets now is paltry—he does it mostly to stay connected—and he's been crowing about going on Social Security next month anyway.
But he is sad. He's worried for his friends and colleagues, but even more, he's sorry about the death of the environment he knew so well: the daily newsroom. An online newsroom might come about, but it will never have the catch-and-release of that evening deadline—the social life that engendered, the time for breathing and learning instead of just chasing and reporting and then chasing some more. The characters.
My dad's nickname in the newsroom was Deadline Dick. He never missed a deadline.
JG: You type with two fingers, don't you?
MG: Kinda.
Still pecking.
Let's move on to the pertinent information, shall we? Now we've established I'm a two-fingered journalist. And I'm old. I'm old, otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me.
All right. Let's go to the beginning.
My first job was as a reporter for the Troy Record, which was then two newspapers, a morning and an evening. You either worked for the morning or the afternoon.
They had two staffs?
Well, not completely different, a lot of the stuff was carried over. But they had two editors in the sports department, for instance. You wrote two different kinds of leads: An AM lead was a news lead, a PM lead was a feature lead. But that only lasted as two entities through the mid-70s. Then they went to just a morning paper, which had a circulation of between 45,000 and 50,000. It now has a circulation of about 13,000. Pretty sad.
I don't think I ever visited you at work in Troy. I was 6 when you went to the Times Union, right? I still remember the orange lights of the press room. Is that still there?
Oh yeah. They just put a new press in there. They just spent 20 million or something on a new press, but this was before the economy went south.
What do they say is going to happen there now?
They've been without a contract for six or eight months. They're talking about a 20 percent reduction in expenses is what is necessary to keep things moving. They're not saying how that would be accomplished but most people are interpreting that as a 20-percent staff drop, too.
We have been the most profitable newspaper in the Hearst chain for years. But that doesn't mean we're safe either.
Remember that time you came to visit me when I was in my first job [at the Denton Record-Chronicle, in 1997]? I was still using a metal pica pole and making drawings to lay out the pages, and then the press people in the back room would print out the stories, coat the columns in wax by sending them through a waxing machine, and then if you wanted cuts made, they'd do it with an X-acto.
Yeah. You would point to a spot and say, here, cut it there, and that's how they would edit it, on the floor. And some guy would come by after you were done and sweep it up.
But when I first started, we were using hot metal! The letters would all be cast in hot metal and then cooled and placed into forms.
After the paper went out, they would disassemble the pages—after a few weeks or whatever. They would break down the frames—they were clamped together, to hold them together—they would unclamp the frames, take all the letters back out, melt them back down, and make more type.
When I started at the Times Union, I believe the guy told me they had 120 printers. Now they have two people—or one—on the floor. The typographical union was a very strong union, and they have pretty much gone the way of a lot of extinct animals.
It's very sad. It used to be a tremendous industry. It really was exciting. And trying to meet deadline on a daily basis was a great challenge and a lot of fun, but also very stressful.
People talk about the death of journalism. But to me it's like the death of the daily deadline. The way things work now, it's like print deadlines don't matter. Put a story in print and by the time it hits, you'll have to update it on the web.
Yeah, I have to write a blog now in addition to my game stories. I hate that. It's extra work, and I'm resistant to the computer to begin with. I guess I have to say I'm resentful of the fact that this generation is so consumed with getting their quick fix. Everyone wants to go online and be quick and get it done. The advantage newspapers used to have, they're not allowed to have anymore.
What do you consider your first great assignment?
That was when they sent me up to Saratoga race track to cover a horse on a daily basis. It was my first time covering the sport, and the horse's name was Secretariat. He had just won the Triple Crown and he arrived in Saratoga with great fanfare. I had to report on how much he ate, if he walked, everything.
What did he do? How was he?
He was great. Everybody wanted to be near him.
What was he like?
He was a horse. I asked him a lot of questions. He ignored me. And a lot of times he just pooped in my path.
No, it was very exciting to be around him because he was so famous. You don't often get to cover something where the main character can't speak, so it challenged your creative juices because you had to make the stories out of the people around him but also still keep him the center of attention.
And then I covered the World Series several times. I got mugged in Boston covering the Boston-Cincinnati series in 1975. I was crossing the street going back to the hotel, it was late at night on the very first rainout of World Series history, and some car pulled up and pinned me against another car, and the guy had a gun, and they put me in the back seat.
They drove me around and I pleaded for my life and I had my money in my pocket, I gave him my wallet, and when there wasn't any money in it, he got upset, and all of a sudden my memory came back to me and I said, oh, no, my money's over here, and then they let me go. Took me a few blocks away and dropped me off in an alley. And then the paper made me write a first-person story about it.
When was the story due?
The next day.
How much money'd you lose?
From the always-classy Daily Mail (all punctuation sic—WTF, Daily Mail?):
A mother is appealing for women to volunteer to have sex with her 21-year-old son who has Down's Syndrome.Lucy Baxter says her adopted son Otto is keen to have his first sexual experience - and she is considering paying a prostitute to provide the service.
'Why should these people be kept separate and pigeon-holed when they have the same emotions, desires and feelings as so called 'normal' people.
'He has the same expectations as everybody else. If he doesn't get a girlfriend, I will feel really bad, because I have sold him this thing that he is like everybody else.
And she said she would love to be a grandmother one day.
'I would like to see him with a girlfriend. I would prefer to see him with a girlfriend who doesn't have Downs.
'I would also love it if Otto got a girlfriend pregnant. It's another experience everyone else goes through so why not him?
'The chances of him having a baby with Down's Syndrome are no more than anyone else but I know if he did get someone pregnant, everyone would have an opinion on it.'
Led by reporter Hal Bernton, some Seattle Times journalists, Pacific Northwest Newspaper Guild members, and "area journalism students" will be holding a thank-you rally at 5 p.m. this evening at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer headquarters on Elliott Avenue. Why?
Apart from P-I workers themselves, perhaps no other group of people will miss the P-I as much as their Times colleagues.
Almost every book that's released by a major publisher these days has a book trailer, and the majority of them are very, very bad. But this one is gorgeous:
Unfortunately, I think it has an unexpected effect: Rather than making me want the book, I really want to see the stop-motion animated movie version of the book. Which doesn't, and probably will never, exist. It's creepy-great!
(Via.)
The better half is not going to be pleased...
I want to switch our subscription over to the last local daily standing, Frank's Seattle Times, and the boyfriend won't have it—not after the Bush, McGavick, and Rossi endorsements. He won't have Frank's Seattle Times in the house; the Sunday Frank's Seattle Times, which you have to get with your P-I subscription, like it or not, goes straight from the porch to the recycling bin.
Any word on how to prevent 'em from doing this, Eli? A number we can call? I'd look for it myself but I'M RUNNING FOR MAYOR AND I'M BUSY.
Seattle Post-Intelligencer staffers are describing what this city will have lost when, after tomorrow, the newspaper's print edition ceases to exist. Here's P-I columnist Joel Connelly, who is currently down in Arizona watching the Mariners' spring training and will be filing his first dispatch for the new, online-only P-I sometime this afternoon:
The last few months have been a gas: Sounding off on Nickels' awful snow removal response; delving into 11th hour Bush administration moves to eviscerate environmental laws; pissing off Stranger news editor with column defending pharmacists' rights of conscience.Still . . .
A day after Steve Schwarz put Sam Simeon North up for sale, I took family's elderly standard poodle and headed for bluff at Ebey's Landing on Whidbey Island.
From the bluff, you can see four wilderness areas created with support from the P-I; a corner of North Cascades National Park, which we backed; plus a national recreation area and a national wildlife refuge, both of which were P-I causes.
The bluff sits in the middle of Ebey's Landing National Historical Reserve—on a stretch of land once earmarked for summer homes—and looks down on a tidal lake once marked for draining.
The view looks out on the Strait of Juan de Fuca, site of other P-I causes, from keeping supertankers off the Sound to revealing that Victoria dumps millions of gallons of raw sewage into an international waterway each and every day.
The message?
I've been positioned to help protect and preserve the gorgeous corner of the world where I grew up. I've been able to give back. The P-I has been a consistent, eloquent voice to protect God's—yes, Dan—great out-of-doors.
Illustration by Andrew Saeger.
All those antibiotics being fed to industrially raised pigs are leading to an alarming percentage of retail pork that contains MRSA—an antibiotic-resistant staph infection that already kills more people in the US annually than AIDS. Gross details from the New York Times—it's not just touching/eating it that's potentially a problem, but the bacteria getting into groundwater via pig waste.
Who gets in the way of ending this (literal) shit? Agribusiness interests. The aptly named Louise Slaughter ("the sole microbiologist in the House of Representatives") plans to reintroduce legislation banning the nontherapeutic use of antibiotics (it's so Orwellian!) this week. It's an excellent time for Obama and ag. secretary Vilsack to put their proverbial money where their mouths are.
Meanwhile, buy naturally raised, antibiotic-free pork (and other meat/poultry too—why not reduce your risk of getting a disgusting/deadly disease?). Just say no to methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus—Because You're Worth It.
To those who carp in comments about Slog "promoting" meat-eating even though it's a "progressive" blog: Slog's made up of individual writers with individual minds/hearts/stomachs. Yes, I eat meat. I'd like to invite you to read this piece to help you understand where I'm coming from. My rancher grandma is no longer with us, but I still get lamb from my great-uncle Dave. In general, I buy/eat meat infrequently, and I'm choosy about how it's been raised, for both health and humanity reasons. I Slog about carrot cake, toilet-themed restaurants, and macaroni and cheese, too. I don't have an agenda I'm trying to foist upon you, though I do still think that the Seattle foie gras protesters are off base. (And per that story in The Stranger, the chef of Lark, the restaurant they've been protesting, is still acting as a celebrity spokesperson for the National Pork Board—exactly the kind of "agribusiness interests" addressed in the main body of this post.) In any case, I respect your right to choose what you want to eat, and I thank you for reading this.
Photo by prima seadiva from The Stranger's flickr pool.
You ask: Really, Seattle Times? You're going to do that whether I ask you to or not?
Yes, your subscription will be transferred to The Seattle Times without interruption in your service.
(On the case earlier in the day: Mr. Kaushik.)
Seattle Police arrested a 17-year-old last Wednesday following a failed iPod robbery spree.
According to a police report filed on March 11th, the 17-year-old man got on the #60 bus at Boren and Yesler and sat down in the back next to a woman, who was listening to her iPod.
After a few minutes, the 17-year-old told the woman that “he needed her iPod.”
When the woman refused, the 17-year-old reached inside of his pants and pulled out a pistol.
The woman yelled for help and, the report says, a high school sophomore sitting in the front of the bus “had the courage and valor of a real man to stand up, walk to the back of the bus and insert himself between the [17-year-old] and the [woman]."
The woman and the sophomore both got off the bus at Madison and Boren and were followed by the 17-year-old, who grabbed the woman and again demanded she hand over her iPod.
The high school sophomore attempted to intervene again, and the 17-year-old threatened to shoot him. The bus driver then stepped off of the bus and announced she was calling the police. The 17-year-old took off.
Later that morning, at about 8:30 am, police were called to Seattle University after a female student reported that the 17-year-old had approached her and grabbed her iPod off of her desk.
The woman chased the teen down 10th ave and confronted him. The details are a bit hazy in the police report but somehow, the teen’s pants fell down which led to him being detained by bystanders and campus security until police arrived.
Officers found a set of brass knuckles and a “replica handgun" on the 17-year-old, who was booked into the Youth Services Center for two robbery charges and a weapons charge.
Michael Steele—the laugh-a-minute head of the RNC—attempted to advance the "global cooling" meme today. But it appears that the local nutters at the Washington Values Alliance haven't gotten the memo about the GOP's newest faith-based, reality-averse talking point. WAVA is asking folks to vote for the one issue they feel is most important and "global warming" is on the list along with "global cooling." Right now "global warming" is tied with with "defense of marriage" at 20.2% each; "global cooling" is only the top issue for 0.4% of WAVA gang. (Current poll results here.)
More worrisome for the "God, Family, Country" kids at WAVA (was "Kinder, Küche, Kirche" taken?): more of the respondents to its poll are concerned about illegal immigration (24.6%) and parental consent for abortion (23%) than are worried about defending the institution of marriage from people who want to, um, get married (20.2%). (Aren't people who don't want to get married a bigger threat? Or people who want to get divorced?) This probably wasn't the result the Washington Values Alliance wanted when it posted this poll alongside info about its "Stand Up for Marriage" rally this Thursday in Olympia.
Have you read the film section yet? There's lots of stuff to read in the film section. Read, comment, read, comment, read, comment. Come on. Do it.

Charles Mudede on Beauty in Trouble:
I will replace my review of the film's content and meaning (beautiful bodies and cinematography have no meaning) with a reproduction of the poem that inspired its script, Robert Graves's "Beauty in Trouble" (beautiful poetry has no meaning).
Charles also explains why Crossing Over is the new Blade Runner:
Brogan is to this world of undocumented immigrants what Deckard was to the world of replicants. In the former, illegal aliens are trying to stay in America; in the latter, biological androids are trying to stay on earth. In the former, the agent (an old Harrison Ford) hunts, captures, and throws illegal aliens into detention centers; in the latter, the agent (a young Harrison Ford) hunts, captures, and executes replicants on the spot. Though he is not a cold killer in Crossing Over, the old agent is as lonely and as sad as the young agent.
I address the extensive catalogue of Swedish hard times in Everlasting Moments:
This is an era when people regularly say things like, "World war couldn't be worse than the chalk pit!"; when, apparently, child-suicide is a problem; when women attempt home-bortions by repeatedly jumping off the kitchen table; and when, just as you think everything's looking up, little Erik shows up and beats you over the head with his polio crutch (metaphorically, I mean—you could totally outrun him).
And in Concessions I speak with Joel Hodgson of Cinematic Titanic:
I asked where Cinematic Titanic gets its source material. "We work with a guy who finds films for us and hooks us up with distributors," he said. "Cagey showmen, basically, who know how to make more money off their old movies.""Did you say 'cagey showmen'?" I said.
"Yeah, you know, cagey showmen. Like, sly... [paaause]... showmen."
(Did anyone go? Was it fun? I ended up not going because we were having that hurricane situation and it was cold and stuff.)
Paul Constant explains why Shuttle is a stupid piece of shittle:
This is the kind of movie where the bad guy picks a victim with a menacing "Duck... Duck... GOOSE!" It's the kind of movie where a character complains about the shuttle taking a detour onto Martin Luther King Jr. Way by saying, "I just left a third-world country; I don't need a tour of the hood!" And it's the kind of movie that demonstrates two characters' friendship by having one of those characters say, "We've only been best friends for like 10 million years!"
And Charles contributes a DVD review of This Is the Life:
This Is the Life is a documentary that attempts to expose the epicenter of L.A.’s profound break from the mainstream—a small vegan joint called Good Life Health Food Cafe. Here, the health of the body was linked to the health of the hiphop mind. Good food mixed with good rhymes. It was an island of hope (no cursing, no biting, no disrespecting women, no meat) in the middle of the gangsta capital of the world, South Central Los Angeles.
Go read it. I insist.

Someone has compiled his Twitter posts into a hardcover memoir from self-publisher Lulu.com. James Bridle's My Life in Tweets: February 2007-2009 is a 270-page book made up of 4100 posts to Twitter.
When Twitter is inevitably replaced by something else, I don’t want to lose all those incidentals, the casual asides, the remarks and responses. That’s all really. This seems like a nice way to do it, and I’ll probably do it again in a couple of years time.
Oddly, despite my aversion to that compilation book of Twitter posts that someone's getting paid five figures to compile, I think this is a fine idea, and I'm pleased that Bridle has beaten the major publishers to the punch. Granted, the book has a very limited audience, but that's what a publisher like Lulu is great for: Micropublishing your memoirs via the internet isn't a far-fetched concept at all.
In related news, something weird is happening over at The Stranger's Twitter account.
Let's think about this for a moment.
Last Sunday, a gunman walked into the First Baptist Church in Maryville, Ill., near St. Louis, and opened fire, killing pastor Fred Winters. Two congregants were injured as they wrestled him to the ground.The alleged gunman, Terry Sedlacek, has pleaded not guilty to murder charges.
Now, the pastor's wife says she's praying for Sedlacek.
In an exclusive interview with Early Show co-anchor Julie Chen from inside the church Monday, Cindy Winters said she doesn't even hold any "hard feelings" against Sedlacek.
"I do not have any hatred, or even hard feelings towards him," she told Chen. "We have been praying for him. One of the first things that my daughter said to me after this happened was, 'You know, I hope that he comes to learn to love Jesus through all of this.' We are not angry at all, and we really firmly believe that he can find hope and forgiveness and peace through this, by coming to know Jesus. And we hope that that happens for him."
If you don't get it, and want to read just one smart thing about the current travails of America's daily newspapers, read this fantastic essay by Clay Shirky, who compares the troubles facing the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and others to the chaos of the centuries-ago Gutenberg era—and doesn't waste time trying to tell you it's all going to be better soon.
That is what real revolutions are like. The old stuff gets broken faster than the new stuff is put in its place. The importance of any given experiment isn’t apparent at the moment it appears; big changes stall, small changes spread. Even the revolutionaries can’t predict what will happen. Agreements on all sides that core institutions must be protected are rendered meaningless by the very people doing the agreeing. (Luther and the Church both insisted, for years, that whatever else happened, no one was talking about a schism.) Ancient social bargains, once disrupted, can neither be mended nor quickly replaced, since any such bargain takes decades to solidify.And so it is today. When someone demands to know how we are going to replace newspapers, they are really demanding to be told that we are not living through a revolution. They are demanding to be told that old systems won’t break before new systems are in place. They are demanding to be told that ancient social bargains aren’t in peril, that core institutions will be spared, that new methods of spreading information will improve previous practice rather than upending it. They are demanding to be lied to.
There are fewer and fewer people who can convincingly tell such a lie.
I've had it with Peter and Tim and and Nick and Richard pansy-assing around about running for mayor. They announce they're thinking about it, they think about it, and then they announce that running for mayor is just too scary or too expensive or that Greg is just too formidable an opponent. Christ, do these guys have one lonely little nut between the four of 'em?
Because you know what, you pansies? Greg Nickels isn't a popular guy. The first time he ran for reelection, Greg's opponent—Al Runte—got 35% of the vote. Runte wasn't qualified to be mayor and he was a loon and everyone knew it and yet 35% of the voters in this city picked the loon over Nickels. If Nickels had faced a serious challenger in 2005 he would've lost. That no one has the balls to challenge Nickels this time out tells us nothing about Greg and everything about the contents of Peter, Tim, Nick, and Richard's underpants. No balls.
Now I don't think I'm qualified to be mayor either and I'm a bit of a loon too. But here's the crucial difference between me and Al Runte: I know I'm not qualified to be mayor. Another difference: I don't want to be mayor. That's why my entire platform is this: If elected I pledge to resign the office of mayor 24 hours after I'm sworn in. During my short and glorious tenure I'll issue a few harmless proclamations ("Lap Dance Day"), challenge Portland's gay mayor to a Big Gay Sex Scandal Contest (I can put together a better sex scandal in 17 minutes than Sam Adams did in 17 days), and attempt to make good on my only other campaign promise. (I promise to build the original X-shaped, voter-approved monorail plan in 24 hours or resign in disgrace.) But after Lap Dance Day is over, and the monorail isn't completed in 24 hours, I will resign.
And that's where this part of the city charter comes into play:
B. MAYOR AND OTHER ELECTIVE OFFICES: If the office of Mayor shall become vacant, the President of the City Council shall become Mayor; provided, that said President may within five days of such vacancy decline the office of Mayor, in which event the City Council shall select one of its members to be Mayor in the manner provided for filling vacancies in other elective offices.
So not to worry, Seattle: If elected, I will not be your mayor long enough to do any real damage. My plan isn't perfect, I realize. Richard Conlin, who doesn't have the balls to challenge Nickels himself, is the President of the City Council and my resignation would make Conlin mayor, something Conlin doesn't have the balls to make himself. But I think my plan for a passive-aggressive coup d’état just might appeal to the city council's most passive-aggressive member, and people I like—hey, Dave Meinert!—are always telling me that Conlin isn't that bad. And after the last eight years I'll take not that bad over Greg.
Of course Peter Steinbrueck hasn't ruled out running for mayor. He's currently thinking about it and flouncing around like a douchebag. (Yes, douchebags flounce if you toss 'em right.) "Please send meeeeeeee three reasons why yoooooooooo think I should be mayor, Seattle..." Christ almighty, Peter, shit or get off our faces. Run or don't run. Want it or don't want it. But enough with the reluctant savior routine. We're not drafting your ass—in or out, kraut.
But if Peter doesn't announce—and announce soon—then I'm in it to win it, Seattle. For me, for you, for our children, for our children's children, for our children's children's children's pets, for growing our green economy, for Lap Dance Day, for a Big Gay Sex Scandal Contest, and for the la de da of it. I'm not qualified and I know it and I promise, if elected, to resign the day after I'm sworn in and make that chickenshit Conlin mayor.
A post on how you can help get my name on the ballot later in the day.
Slog commenter DarrenO talks back to Seattle Times publisher Frank Blethen and his statement from this morning:
The "Joint Operating Agreement" killed newspapers? Sorry Frankie, but the JOA is the only thing that prolonged their life.The Seattle Times will be out of business by the end of this year. Nobody seriously doubts that. And the JOA won't be the thing that killed the Seattle Times. And the Internet won't be the thing that killed the Seattle Times. Not Google. Not corporate media ownership. Not death taxes on inheritance.
No Frank.
It's you.
You.
A certain mayor of a certain city has identified municipal enemy number one: bloggers.
In a speech, the mayor said:
over the last five years, the presence of a small group of suspicious, mean-spirited people focused on the negative has grown, endangering the city's vitality.
For a flash, I thought the story was about Slog.
Seattle Post-Intelligencer staffers are describing what this city will have lost when, after tomorrow, the newspaper's print edition ceases to exist. Here's P-I business reporter Andrea James, 27, who has been with the paper since 2006 and will join the new online-only P-I covering business and Microsoft:
More than a hundred thousand subscribers start their day with the P-I's print edition—they lose a morning friend and guest. They lose an alternative voice to the larger Seattle Times. The region loses scores of warm-bodied reporters and photographers digging, asking questions and trying to make sense of this crazy world. It reminds me of that scene in Star Wars Episode IV, when the Death Star destroys the planet Alderaan, and the Jedis sense the disruption in The Force. I know I'm a dork, but my mind keeps going back to that.I'm excited that seattlepi.com is sticking around, and that I'll get to be a part of it. I'll be covering business and Microsoft, and working my butt off in hopes of creating something that will grow big enough to hire more journalists back. That won't happen right away, but we've got to try.
Illustration by Andrew Saeger.