Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Thursday, March 12, 2009

God Hates Figs

Posted by on Thu, Mar 12, 2009 at 10:02 AM

Jesus didn't have anything to say about homosexuality—but, as it turns out, he had quite a lot to say about figs. From a flyer handed out at the Westboro Baptist Church's demonstration at the University of Chicago earlier this week:


A larger, more readable shot here.


Comments (40) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
That's cute! Wait. No. What's the word...disgusting! Yeah. That's disgusting.
Posted by A on March 12, 2009 at 10:08 AM · Report this
Webster and the Bible are fearfull things...

Page 703 of the Websters Third New International Dictionary has a very pretty little auto sketch of a dusky salamander (genus Desmograthus).

Matthew, Mark and Jeremiah.

Do you suppose the religeously malformed spirits of intolerance have yet to press for more tort reform as a preventative salve for a gag order?

Posted by daniel (w.){hunt clubber}thninnymcsavage on March 12, 2009 at 10:13 AM · Report this
The second bible passage is hilarious! It reads like Jesus was drunk and wandering around with the munchies and when he spied a fig tree he got all excited that he might get something to eat. But when there weren't any figs, he got all belligerant: "Fucking fig tree! What the hell's the matter with you?! You only serve one fucking purpose! MAKE FIGS! Fuck you fig tree! I declare no more figs for anyone ever! I'm going to bed..."
Posted by Urgutha Forka on March 12, 2009 at 10:14 AM · Report this
There used to be a website called God Hates Figs with downloadable Jack Chick-type tracts. Don't know if still exists.
Posted by julia on March 12, 2009 at 10:19 AM · Report this
So this guy gets pissed off and withers trees with a curse when they don't have fruit out of season. That seems a little, I dunno, petulant to me. There's no bananas growing on the dogwood in the front yard this time of year either, but you don't hear me getting all bent out of shape about it.

Are you SURE this guy is connected to the Big Guy?
Posted by Fnarf on March 12, 2009 at 10:23 AM · Report this
Wow. The Cupertino Effect has finally been put to good use. Yay for spellcheck!
Posted by DaiBaindo on March 12, 2009 at 10:25 AM · Report this
You'd think that Jesus would have just used his God powers to make the tree, a non-thinking object, produce fruit rather than using his magical, mental, Scott's Weed Killer powers on it. That Jesus was one cah-razy dude.

Fig Newtons: Now with more abomination.

Posted by Rob in Baltimore on March 12, 2009 at 10:25 AM · Report this
Smart, creative college kids with a need to blow off steam + Easily mockable crazy church on their campus = Some really funny stuff this morning.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on March 12, 2009 at 10:26 AM · Report this
I think this is supposed to be a lesson. If you're gonna hang around being all leafy, you better have the fruit to back it up.
Posted by Figger It Out on March 12, 2009 at 10:30 AM · Report this
"God Hates Shrimp" is good, too.
Posted by Chris down in The Couv on March 12, 2009 at 10:38 AM · Report this
From my cousin Annie at University of Chicago:

There were so many good ones. My friend Evan made one that said "God hates it when you don't call" The list goes on:
"Thank God for 7-11"
"God hates Core Bio"
"Let Alf into Heaven"
"God Plays Laser Tag"
"God Watches the Watchmen... but he thought the movie was shit"
"God will watch The Wire if you stop bugging him about it"
"Cthulu Hates Chordates" (Bio joke, I think)
"Figs Doom Nations"
"God <3's Internet Porn"
Posted by Great Plains on March 12, 2009 at 10:41 AM · Report this
This is a "flier." A "flyer" is something that flies.
Posted by grammar popo on March 12, 2009 at 10:43 AM · Report this
Jesus of the bible is a pretty big dick a fair bit of the time. He's is far from the loving tolerant peacenik that his more liberal followers tend to portray him as.
Posted by sgiffy on March 12, 2009 at 10:46 AM · Report this
12, according to, either spelling is okay.
Posted by Rob in Baltimore on March 12, 2009 at 10:48 AM · Report this

"Flyer" is a variant spelling of "flier." They both mean "a person or thing that flies" and "a small handbill advertising an event or product."
Posted by The dictionary on March 12, 2009 at 10:50 AM · Report this
Hey, wait a minute - I like figs.
Posted by God on March 12, 2009 at 10:53 AM · Report this
@3 - HA!!!
Posted by MEC on March 12, 2009 at 10:59 AM · Report this
Thanks for the picture of this flyer (flier) and for making me read these hilarious bible passages, and especially for the above comments on said passages. That made my day.
Posted by Christy O on March 12, 2009 at 11:44 AM · Report this
@12, I would be inclined the other way. I would automatically spell the single-sheet handout "flyer" and the airman "flier". "High-flier", never "high-flyer". "My band's flier" would make me think they'd placed a bet of some kind.
Posted by Fnarf on March 12, 2009 at 11:58 AM · Report this
@ 6 - it's not a typo, it's satire. The Bible verses are actually about figs.
Posted by Mary in DC on March 12, 2009 at 12:22 PM · Report this
Just saw this link on a friend's blog a few minutes ago:…
Posted by rlv on March 12, 2009 at 12:23 PM · Report this
meh, nevermind. sorry!
Posted by rlv on March 12, 2009 at 12:23 PM · Report this
There were over 100 students for the 6 WBC shitheads. Go Alma Matter!…
Posted by Cindy on March 12, 2009 at 12:26 PM · Report this
Even Better? A group of frat brothers danced to "I'm coming out" in their underwear on their porch as the Church-tards walked by --- AND got a Rabbi and a Priest to join in!
Posted by Cindy on March 12, 2009 at 12:28 PM · Report this
The flyer is a satire, those verses are about figs and they are taken out of context.
Posted by kim in portland on March 12, 2009 at 12:32 PM · Report this
well, my fig tree loves god anyway.
Posted by Jesus Fucking Christ on March 12, 2009 at 12:34 PM · Report this
Eating figs is a lifestyle choice.
Posted by Cory on March 12, 2009 at 12:35 PM · Report this
Oh, how I love my school. I'm upset that I am studying abroad right now. Would have been amazing to be there.
Posted by UofC on March 12, 2009 at 12:39 PM · Report this
Alma Matter?
Posted by Fnarf on March 12, 2009 at 12:48 PM · Report this
I love figs. I was born to eat them.
Posted by subwlf on March 12, 2009 at 1:08 PM · Report this
Yeah, where's my shrimp-and-fig cocktail? I call it my "Surf and Leaf" special.
Posted by ChocolateIsaFoodGroup on March 12, 2009 at 1:45 PM · Report this
@25: Yes. That is the joke. Thank you.
Posted by Cracker Jack on March 12, 2009 at 2:41 PM · Report this
@11 I was there. The students at the University of Chicago scare the shit out of me sometimes. If you've ever been on campus during Scav Hunt, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, and tell your cousin that if she smelled pot on the third floor balcony of Ida Noyes Hall before the protest started, it was totally me.
Posted by Jennifer in Chicago on March 12, 2009 at 3:14 PM · Report this
Do they have camps to get you off the figs?
Posted by The Amazing Jim on March 12, 2009 at 4:13 PM · Report this
When I first read this, I thought it was a hilarious spoof of the typical God Hates Fags fliers done by some very clever Bible readers who wanted to point out that any point of view, no matter how bat-shit insane it is, can be supported by quotes from the Bible.
Posted by Kyle on March 12, 2009 at 5:20 PM · Report this
This is from the old site that you can find in the way back machine's internet archives.
Posted by Mike on March 12, 2009 at 9:25 PM · Report this
More precisely:…

Click the image header for more of the site.
Posted by Mike on March 12, 2009 at 9:27 PM · Report this
Not every Baptist is conservative, thank God.
Posted by socknitter on March 13, 2009 at 1:37 PM · Report this
I was at that protest, and it was great fun. There was a lot of hand-wringing about the tone of the protest beforehand. Some wanted it to be a serious affair where we affirmed that love is more powerful than hate, blah blah blah. And others, myself included, though that to be serious was to give the Westboro Baptist Church too much credit, and that the worst thing one can do to a demagogue is to laugh at him. Ultimately, the tone organically became the latter, and I couldn't have been happier at the results. It's especially nice at a campus like the University of Chicago, which is full of angsty overbooked neurotics on the best of days.
And the frat boys dancing about in cut-off shorts under a giant banner readings "Straight Huggin' No Tolerance for Intolerance" was a sign that institutionalized homophobia will become more irrelevant, and die out with the current generation. Plus all the Elton John drowned out the WBC's awful hateful songs.
Posted by InTheReg on March 15, 2009 at 9:36 PM · Report this
It's so controversial. Did anyone hear about the pride protest???…
Posted by ryansouth on July 24, 2011 at 5:13 PM · Report this

Add a comment


Want great deals and a chance to win tickets to the best shows in Seattle? Join The Stranger Presents email list!

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy