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Friday, March 6, 2009

Chow Thanks but No Thanks, Kettle Chips.

Posted by on Fri, Mar 6, 2009 at 3:54 PM

8807/1236383524-tuscan.jpg
I appreciate the offer and all, but I don't want to go on "a Mediterranean vacation in a bag." I want to go on a Mediterranean vacation IN THE FUCKING MEDITERRANEAN. That bag doesn't even have windows. Yeah, best vacation ever. I'm in a dark, slimy bag, covered with powdered cheese. "But you're in the Mediterranean!" No, fuck you. I'm IN A POTATO CHIP BAG. Oh wait, I'm dead now. I suffocated. It's your fault. And I hope there's no cheese in heaven because I hate cheese now. Worst vacation ever.

 

Comments (40) RSS

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1
They're delicious, reminds me of my youth in Tuscany.
Posted by Sophia on March 6, 2009 at 3:59 PM
2
Dill and Sour Cream was their only good flavor, and now it's discontinued. :(

Does anyone know where to get good dill-flavored chips now? They're everywhere in Canada but here, it seems we have to settle for sour cream & onion.
Posted by medeii on March 6, 2009 at 4:02 PM
3
The Thai chips are amazing.

If I had to take a vacation in a bag in order to eat the Thai chips, I'd do it.

The only place I've found them for sale, though, is at Five Below. What's that about?
Posted by FangDoc on March 6, 2009 at 4:10 PM
4
I don't care that much about Kettle Chips, but I really disapprove of the all-caps "VACATION" use there.
Posted by lily on March 6, 2009 at 4:14 PM
5
wow. that's a bit much. giving a roundhouse to a metaphor. Lindy West you're a bully!
Posted by ho' know on March 6, 2009 at 4:15 PM
6
Favorite kettle chips EVER.
Posted by Baconcat on March 6, 2009 at 4:17 PM
7
Wow, talk about somebody who sounds like they NEED a vacation...
Posted by COMTE on March 6, 2009 at 4:22 PM
8
My Suave shampoo bottle says: Say yes to beautiful without paying the price. So far no luck. Maybe if I poured some into that Kettle Chip bag...
Posted by Oil of Olé on March 6, 2009 at 4:22 PM
9
Do they serve nachos there?
Posted by Will in Seattle on March 6, 2009 at 4:24 PM
10
It's pure coincidence that this popped into my RSS reader at exactly 4:20, right?
Posted by GrammarCop on March 6, 2009 at 4:25 PM
11
Lindy, you're fine. The bag is sealed in the factory, not after you purchase it. You won't suffocate. It doesn't do your fluttery little bird heart any good to worry so.

Now, wash off and hop back into my pocket before someone steps on you.
Posted by Bubbles on March 6, 2009 at 4:26 PM
12
don't you DARE speak against cheese.
Posted by Jesus Fucking Christ on March 6, 2009 at 4:31 PM
13
Are you having Issues today, Lindy?

You need to try their Buffalo & Bleu.
Posted by breklor on March 6, 2009 at 4:33 PM
14
Tuscan smushkin, that crap has been played out for like a decade now, and what with you having the best Taco Sauce EVAR it don't matter. Shoot, get thee down to a proper Taquería, one thats got some Lindy's FI--INE Taco Sauce. Oh Yeah.
Posted by but srsly this stuff is like liquid crack on March 6, 2009 at 4:39 PM
15
I love you Lindy West. I laughed so hard I peed a little.
Posted by mojo mojito on March 6, 2009 at 4:47 PM
16
It's barfarific marketing, yes, but Kettle chips are delicious.

Eat them with cottage cheese to slow heart rate.
Posted by willinseattle for the win on March 6, 2009 at 4:59 PM
17
FangDoc, they have the Thai chips at the Roosevelt QFC. At least they did on Tuesday.
Posted by Yasmine on March 6, 2009 at 5:00 PM
18
FangDoc, I've bought the Thai chips at my neighborhood Safeway.

medeii, I think the Tim's dill pickle chips are pretty tasty.
Posted by Navin R. Johnson on March 6, 2009 at 5:06 PM
19
The Onion had it first.
Posted by rjh on March 6, 2009 at 5:07 PM
20
You are a batshit, crazy, boring lunatic.
Posted by lll on March 6, 2009 at 5:13 PM
21
What 15 said, only I didn't pee because I just went before reading this.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on March 6, 2009 at 5:19 PM
22
What 21 said. Ever notice how not enough people giggle uncontrollably on buses? Try it. Feels good.
Posted by uh, oh. hungry now. on March 6, 2009 at 5:42 PM
23
Oh, & they taste like too-salty-BBQ. Yuck.
Posted by Yuckin' 'Yer Yum on March 6, 2009 at 5:44 PM
24
"Worst vacation ever." But best rant ever.
Posted by Your Name Here on March 6, 2009 at 5:48 PM
25
I love me some Lindy. LOVE. In a bag.
Posted by Christy O on March 6, 2009 at 5:53 PM
26
Kettle chips are probably the best chips you can by in a bag. Buffalo and Bleu, Yogurt and Green Onion, Cheddar and Beer, Honey Dijon, I love them all. I have yet to have a bad Kettle Chip.

No I do not work for them, I am just a fan.
Posted by best stoner food ever on March 6, 2009 at 6:03 PM
27
Just read the ingredient list of any flavored chips & run far, far away.
Posted by blackhook on March 6, 2009 at 6:09 PM
28
Tim's Wasabi flavor is awesome. Hate anybody's salt-and-vinegar chips. But I love malt vinegar and seasoned salt on fresh skin-on fries (like Steak Escape's). Go figger.
Posted by rob on March 6, 2009 at 6:18 PM
29
generally speaking, tuscany isn't a "mediterranean vacation" destination
Posted by mike on March 6, 2009 at 7:00 PM
30
You're missing out if you don't try the Thai chips. They made me get over my fear of spicy foods-- now I'll eat a bag in a sitting.

And how can you not find Kettle Chips everywhere? They're at every QFC and Safeway I can think of.
Posted by Jessica on March 6, 2009 at 7:15 PM
31
Would an order of fried rice from Golden Royal Dragon Palace Garden be a trip to Shanghai in a cardboard box?

Suddenly I'm getting hungry...
Posted by RainMan on March 6, 2009 at 8:43 PM
32
I heard Meredith Kercher ate some of these right before she met up with Amanda Knox
Posted by fag on March 6, 2009 at 10:45 PM
33
"bleu" cheese does not exist. it is not a real thing. kettle chips. FAIL.
Posted by d on March 6, 2009 at 10:49 PM
34
You know you ate them shits anyway, girl.
Posted by chipsandgettingmynailsdided on March 7, 2009 at 12:07 AM
35
I wish Tim's would bring back the Coney Island chips. By some amazing feet of sorcery they got a chip to taste like a hot dog with ketsup and musturd! It was like the Joe Louis of chips. Truly a champion. Proving the USA's greatness amongst nations and first in out of sight snackfoods!
Bonus if you where a little stoned sitting on a bench at Alki pensively munching on a bag on a mildly pissy day in october....it was almost like you were there.....almost, almost... not really, but kinda...kinda..
Posted by knobtheunicorn on March 7, 2009 at 3:32 AM
36
Well arent you just funny.
Posted by Johnny on March 7, 2009 at 10:01 AM
37
Ease up, Lindy. Didja fall into the vinegar chips by mistake?

These days, you take your vacations where you can get them.
Posted by Read it in the Times on March 7, 2009 at 12:35 PM
38
thank you, Lindy - this made me laugh on an otherwise wretched day.
Posted by yelahneb on March 7, 2009 at 2:40 PM
39
This was a nice break from all the seriousness.
Posted by very bad homo on March 7, 2009 at 3:09 PM
40
Bubbles's comment was by far the best...
Posted by Lisa Jean on March 16, 2009 at 2:18 AM

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