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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Wrestling the State

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 6:37 PM

The fate of the Seattle Semi-Pro wrestling league could be decided this week.

Since June, the SSP and the Washington State Department of Licensing have been grappling over whether SSP wrestling matches are sporting events or performance art.

The WSDOL wants the SSP to license and insure all of its performers and hire medics to supervise matches, which would put a hefty financial burden on the all-volunteer league. The SSP has argued that its staged and scripted matches should not be held to the same safety standards as athletic events.

In January, the SSP went on hiatus while the group waited for the state's ruling. However, SSP wrestlers have been keeping busy doing personal appearances—most recently at rapper Billy the Fridge's CD release party—and performing at bachelorette parties.

SSP wrestler Nathan Pinzon—who performs under the name Deevious Silvertongue—seems cautiously optimistic about the situation with the WSDOL, although even if SSP gets the all-clear, the league is now without a home as King Cobra—where the wrestling troupe has performed for the last year—closed last week.

If the WSDOL rules against SSP, Pinzon says the league will try to make it work. it’s going to be kind of a race against time," he says. "We're just trying to come up with a show where people feel like they got their money’s worth and leave them wanting more."

It's Like a Hit List

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 5:26 PM

Things are getting so bad that it's actually possible to make lists like this: The Last 122 117 Film Critics Left In America. You couldn't even fill a megaplex theater with this many people.

Dirty Smut and Empowerment

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 4:54 PM

Last year, I wrote about a German erotic novel that veered toward the grotesque:

9989/1236112359-31_yc498x_l._sl500_aa240_.jpgGermany—in fact, based on global book-sales lists, the entire world—is abuzz over a novel titled Feuchtgebiete (in English, Wetlands), by an author named Charlotte Roche. It's an erotic novel narrated by an 18-year-old woman with a propensity toward all things unhygienic. Wetlands will be published in America next year, but it's already made news, from the New York Times to Jezebel.com, Gawker Media's feminist blog.

Jezebel's Jessica Grose translated a few bits of Wetlands and the blog's commenters have been mortified by these brief, clumsy passages. The novel's narrator explains: "I've been experimenting for quite a while with unwashed pussy. My goal is for it to be easily and seductively smelled through pants, even through thick jeans or ski pants." She continues, "I use my own pussy juice the way others use their perfume bottles. I stick a finger in my pussy and then dab the slime behind my earlobes. It works wonders when you're kissing people on the cheek."

It's going to be published in America in April, but it's been released in Canada already, and Lisa Carver, who for a long time produced a great zine called Roller Derby, has a review up in the Globe and Mail.

4a6f/1236112595-dq.jpgHow could some of those who have commented on the book in other countries have called Wetlands porn? Helen is a child, a wounded person in a hostile environment, creating her own pride and boundaries. Without self-pity, without therapy. Just creation of self by any means necessary, creation of memory where shock and fear made the outlines of the event waver like a mirage. Because there is little precedent in literature for a pure female hero, our bad, skinny, lonely, aggressive Helen is difficult to recognize as such. She has no tenderness for herself, and so there is no guide for where or how to see what is true and fragile in this young, gross, criminal slut; it is up to us, the readers, to find our own tenderness.

I loved Carver's first book, Dancing Queen, when it was first released. I was not so crazy about her memoir, Drugs Are Nice, but I'm pleased to see she's still writing about popular culture; she's one of my favorite commentators. You should check out her review.

Another Day

Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 4:38 PM

An asteroid which may be as big as a ten-storey building has passed close by the Earth, astronomers say.

The object, known as 2009 DD45, thought to be 21-47m (68-152ft) across, raced by our planet at 1344 GMT on Monday.

The gap was just 72,000 km (44,750 miles); a fifth of the distance between our planet and the Moon.

It is in the same size range as a rock which exploded over Siberia in 1908 with the force of 1,000 atomic bombs.

Only on Saturday? A space object of that size can only be detected a few days before it nearly kills millions of people? I will not sleep tonight.

Re: Re: Re: Re: The Packers Model

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 4:36 PM

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Re: Re: Re: The Packers Model

Posted by Eli Sanders on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 4:20 PM

I agree with a lot of the skepticism in Dan and Erica's posts, and just want to add an additional—and I think even more fundamental—problem that I see for the Packers Modelers.

Never mind the questions of how many people would actually want to pay for an online-only P-I and how much they'd be willing to cough up for such a product. To get to those questions, one has to assume that Hearst is actually going to let a bunch of former P-I employees launch an online-only P-I. That is a totally flawed assumption.

Hearst is giving every indication that it's going to hold on tight to the P-I brand and to seattlepi.com, and quickly transform them into some sort of new online journalism venture after the P-I's print edition likely closes this month.

Which means, from a branding perspective, the Packers Modelers almost certainly won't be able to pitch Seattleites on paying to keep the P-I alive online. To the average person, the P-I will still be alive online, right there at seattlepi.com.

I suppose it might be possible to make some sort of pitch that Seattleites should pay to "keep the spirit of the old P-I alive" by handing money to former P-I employees who are launching their own online startup. But their own online startup called... what, exactly?

The original Packers Model worked because an object of intense community nostalgia and profound sentiment—a football team—was transferred from the few hands of private owners into the many hands of the team's fan base. Key to this process was that before and after the transfer, the Green Bay Packers remained the Green Bay Packers. The brand stayed intact, and therefore retained, for a mass audience, its sense of intrinsic value.

That's not likely to be the case here.

Here, the object of intense community nostalgia and profound sentiment—Seattle's oldest newspaper, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer—is most likely going to stay in the same corporate hands and retain exactly the same name as it morphs into something smaller, newer, and more experimental: Seattle's newest online news venture, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. If the community is going to be made to want to buy a share in something that might replace the loss of its beloved ink-on-paper P-I, then it is going to have to be made to want to buy something with a name that doesn't at all match the object of its fond collective memories.

That's a hard sell.

Keep the Green Bay Packers alive! Buy a share in something that's not called the Green Bay Packers! It doesn't quite work. Nor does: Keep the Seattle Post-Intelligencer alive! Buy a share in something that's not called the Seattle Post-Intelligencer!

In fact, for the mass audience—the sine qua non for big city newspapers—that is probably going to be an impossible mental and emotional substitution to make. And this, unfortunately, is one of the hard first truths that the local Packers Planners need to confront: P-I devotion and nostalgia is likely far less fungible than they hope.

An Anonymous Love Letter, with Issues

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 4:00 PM

Posted to the I, Anonymous forum (bolds mine, not his):

Seattle, I love you. You've been my adult womb for 3 very transformative years of my life, and I don't think there's anywhere else in the country I'd want to live besides here. Thanks!

That said, we have to talk.

First off, Seattle: work on your men. This town is filled to the brim with willing, wanting women who just need one guy—ONE FUCKING GUY—capable of either fucking them without crying/clinging or dating them without becoming an emotionally distant toolbox. For a while it was nice, because I got to clean up after their messes (my penis's thank-you note will arrive shortly) - but after three years, it'd be nice if one of my female friends could have the option for a healthy sex life or relationship. I also can't say I'd mind going to a bar where the personalities outnumber the ironic hats, Seattle, but I know your men don't know the difference. One emotionally retarded step at a time, eh?

Secondly, Seattle, if any of your driving assholes stop for me one more fucking time while I'm clearly jaywalking, I will pull them out of the car and beat the shit out of them. I know it's strange to think that a fast moving loud object with headlights might get noticed in the speedy pace of pedestrian world, but I am timing my cross so that your people don't have to stop because I'm the breaking the law. You do not have to cause a 5-car pile-up behind you after slamming on the breaks when I've taken a single step off the sidewalk.

And to conclude... not a single 24-hour coffee shop? In this town? It's like living in a San Francisco without gay bars.

For Those Who Insist Portland's So Much Better Than Seattle

Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:57 PM

Portland is America's saddest city, according to BusinessWeek, which did an unscientific ranking of US cities based on their rates of suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment, job loss, population loss, crime, amount of green space, and cloudy days. They placed the most emphasis on suicide and depression rates, crime, and economic factors.

Seattle didn't even make the top ten, listed below. (Despite our cloudy days, were No. 21.).

The United States' (Supposedly) Unhappiest Cities
1. Portland, OR
2. St. Louis, MO
3. New Orleans, LA
4. Detroit, MI
5. Cleveland, OH
6. Jacksonville, FL
7. Las Vegas, NV
8. Nashville, TN
9. Cincinnati, OH
10. Atlanta, GA

Fast Food Rescue 911

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:53 PM

We heard from Slog Tipper Nick today, about a Florida woman who called 911 three times because McDonald's ran out of McNuggets and wouldn't return her money. Of course, the police arrested the woman. I immediately recalled hearing about this many times before, and it struck me as an urban legend. Snopes reported on it in 2005 but couldn't confirm or deny the veracity of the report. A few other people in the office have heard these sorts of reports for years, usually involving a bacon cheeseburger. Also, I recalled seeing a report a couple days ago about a Florida man who called 911 because Burger King was out of lemonade, too. It all seemed too coincidental.

But both of these cases are on The Smoking Gun right now. Here's the woman who was upset that she couldn't get her McNuggets. Here's the man who was upset about the lack of lemonade. Here's a report that says both 911 callers were arrested for calling 911 for non-emergency reasons. There are 251 other reports on Google News.

In conclusion, I will now believe everything I read on the internet. Many thanks to Slog Tipper Nick and let's all agree that Florida is completely fucked.

Teen With Gun Arrested At Showbox SoDo

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:46 PM

Seattle Police arrested a teenage boy at the Showbox Sodo on February 28th after security staff caught the teen with a gun inside the club.

According to a police report, officers were at the Showbox to talk to the club's manager about an all-ages Kottonmouth Kings show happening that night. While officers were at the club, security staff noticed the teen—whose age is not specified in the report—"furtively concealing something" inside his jacket and patted him down, finding a loaded semi-automatic handgun and several bags of marijuana.

The teen was arrested for possession of a concealed weapon. The report notes that the teen was previously convicted for a felony firearms violation.

Anti-Tourist Hate Crimes Surge in Seattle

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:30 PM

Well, that's what I took away from the window displays at the old Adidas store in downtown Seattle...

6e52/1236120875-tourismmatters.jpg

There are six huge window displays in the empty Adidas begging Seattleites to stop hatin' so hard on the tourists, seeing as tourists pour money into our local economy and create shitloads of jobs—you know, those shit-paying service-industry jobs that are pretty much all we've got left. Do Seattleites need to be cajoled into being nice to tourists? Did I miss a big news story while I was out of town? Are tourists being beaten in the streets of Seattle? Are deranged sit-on-stranger pervs on our buses targeting tourists?

Get Your Pitchforks—It's Another Road Diet!

Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:27 PM

Hot on the heels of last December's debate about putting Fauntleroy Way SW on a "road diet"—basically, reducing the number of lanes from four to three to accommodate bike lanes and make the street safer for cy clists and pedestrians—the Seattle Department of Transportation has Nickerson Avenue NW in its sights. Tomorrow night, SDOT will hold an open house to tell residents about the proposal, which would add a turn lane in the center of Nickerson, add a bike lane in one direction and a sharrow in the other, and reduce travel lanes for cars to two. The open house is from 5p.m. to 7 p.m. at Seattle Pacific University, 509 West Bertona St., Room 150, Demaray Hall.

Today in Bookselling

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:27 PM

Borders is closing their huge Chicago flagship store because it "isn't meeting profit goals."

And in Boston, The Harvard Book Store is launching an emissions-free book delivery program:

In partnership with MetroPed, “Boston’s human-powered delivery service,” Harvard Book Store will now deliver all local orders for as little as $5, six days a week, using emissions-free vehicles. And all in-stock orders placed for Cambridge and parts of Somerville and Allston will receive same- or next-day delivery.

Some bookstore in Seattle needs to start doing this green delivery thing.

(Thanks to Slog tipper Clinton for the Borders tip. Hat tip to Bookshelves of Doom for the delivery story.)

About the Packers Model

Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Like Eli, I attended last week's "No News is Bad News" forum and listened to Seattle Post-Intelligencer columnist Art Thiel and others talk hopefully about the so-called "Packers Model," in which citizens would buy shares of the P-I and keep "traditional journalists," as they kept referring to themselves, in business. At that forum, Thiel proposed that the P-I would only have to sell 600,000 shares at $25 a share to raise $15 million—enough to employ 15 journalists at their previous salaries, plus benefits. (The proposal Eli talked about earlier assumes the P-I's 129,563 subscribers would each kick in $250 a year, which works out to about twice as much.)

I was, and am, skeptical about that model working—not because $25 is a lot of money (although—going with Thiel's suggestion that one entity might buy 200,000 shares—$5 million sure is). I'm skeptical because so many of the people who want to preserve the P-I online are so frequently arrogant about their role, so convinced that no one else can possibly learn to do what "real" journalists with real salaries and real unions do, that I think they fail to innovate in ways that could keep "real" journalists like themselves in work.

The scare quotes aren't meant to imply that I don't think there's a difference between journalism and what many folks do with their blogs. They're there because, at the three forums of this sort I've attended, journalists and public officials have consistently made a false distinction between real journalists—those who work at newspapers and produce a product on dead trees—and "bloggers," a chimerical group that trade in nothing more than "rampant rumors," as Nick Licata put it last week, and steal news from legitimate papers.

For example: Thiel made mocking reference to "folks under 40 and under 30" who "say, 'I don't get my news from a newspaper, I get it from the Internet.' Well, guess where the Internet gets its news from?" As if all those deluded 20- and 30-somethings don't realize that when they go to the Huffington Post, they're going to an aggregator, and that there's a difference between original news reporting and a link.

For example: Dave Ross, the KIRO radio personality, compared what Huffington Post does (aggregate news stories, with links to original sources) to outright theft. "If somebody taped my program and broadcasted it to a different station and sold ads around, they'd go to jail. So why is aggregation allowed?" Ross asked. To which the Seattle Times' executive editor, David Boardman, responded, "That's one of the great dilemmas." Really? If I was Boardman, I'd be thrilled that people were linking to my site—and I'd make an effort to link outside Times reporters' own content, like blogs like Slog, Publicola, and Horse's Ass—all of which also break news—already do.

For example: Cory Haik, content director for Seattletimes.com, said that although "young people are more engaged electronically," the information they read online would be unavailable without "traditional journalists providing the information that's being linked downstream." Although Haik didn't define "traditional journalists," she did say later that she could not "imagine a major metropolitan city without a [print] newspaper."

Again, I get the difference between a newspaper and LiveJournal. But what so many old-school journalists don't seem to understand is that blogging is just a delivery system—like the printing press, or television cameras, blogging software can be used to produce great journalism or garbage. News blogs aren't the enemy any more than aggregation blogs are—both can be good or unreliable, useful or a waste of time. But until newspaper writers and editors can be convinced that their medium (and reporters who came up in their medium) isn't the only one that can produce quality, informative, compelling journalism, I don't know how they'll convince readers that they're worth spending $250 to save.

Winning the War on Drugs

Posted by Dominic Holden on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:03 PM

Another success:

An early morning drug raid in Buffalo has left an FBI agent in the hospital Thursday night, and a former pro-basketball player in federal custody. [...]

Sources tell News 4, FBI Agent Peter Orchard was shot in the shoulder by another agent, although the agency is remaining tight lipped about the circumstances.

This isn't the first time agents have botched a raid in Buffalo.

Today in Alleged Cultural Appropriation

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 3:01 PM

First, this submission to I, Anonymous:

Dear group of Grey hipsters + girl: I heard you loudly congratulating yourselves for having been to the Wild Rose, and even liking it (except for your lady friend, who doesn't want "them" hitting on her). Most of us don't even really like the Rose, but you know what? THAT IS OUR ONE BAR. We have ONE. You have approximately one billion places to sit around and talk about how much better Portland is than Seattle, how much you wish you could have babies with your fixed-gear, or whatever it is you talk about when you're not laying claim to the few places that people go specifically to not see scraggly beards or otherwise smug white indie dudes. Your love of Taco Tuesdays doesn't show you're down with lesbians. It's called cultural appropriation. Please get back on your bike, and go back to Linda's.

Then, this fat, hairy, bewanged-and-bodystockinged spin on this (mildly NSFW) image, shot by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair, which I could not love more.

f9f9/1236121145-6a00d8341c730253ef011168a3ea92970c-800wi.jpg

Back in the Clueless days, I wanted to be Alicia Silverstone so I could slow-dance with Paul Rudd. Now, I want to be Paul Rudd, so I could nuzzle a leotarded Seth Rogen, the world's dreamiest Canadian Jew. (Thanks to Towleroad for the pic.)

Speaking Gibberish

Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 2:47 PM

I have no problem with this:

Some of the oldest words in English have been identified, scientists say.

Reading University researchers claim "I", "we", "two" and "three" are among the most ancient, dating back tens of thousands of years. Their computer model analyses the rate of change of words in English and the languages that share a common heritage.

The team says it can predict which words are likely to become extinct—citing "squeeze", "guts", "stick" and "bad" as probable first casualties.

My problem is here:

The work casts an interesting light on the connection between concepts and language in the human brain, and provides an insight into the evolution of a dynamic set of words.

"If you've ever played 'Chinese whispers'," [Professor Pagel said,] "what comes out the end is usually gibberish, and more or less when we speak to each other we're playing this massive game of Chinese whispers. Yet our language can somehow retain its fidelity."

Isn't a bit racist to call Chinese "gibberish"? The game begins with English and ends with complete nonsense, Chinese. Now that ain't right.

In Honor of Abusing Romantic Comedies

Posted by Brendan Kiley on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 2:40 PM

Per the Sleepless in Seattle musical...

Sleepless in Seattle, the horror movie:

When Harry Met Sally, the horror movie:

And Mary Poppins, the horror movie:


(No, you're an old meme.)

Re: Re: The Packers Model

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 2:38 PM

This...

The P-I currently has 129,563 daily subscribers who pay $234 a year. Should the same number of people—whether or not they currently subscribe to the P-I—donate the cost of a subscription, annual revenue would be $30.3 million.

...is not gonna happen. And I say that as a subscriber to the P-I, a lifelong reader of daily newspapers, a newspaper reader headed to a marriage counselor the day after the P-I ceases publication. (I want to switch our subscription over to the last local daily standing, Frank's Seattle Times, and the boyfriend won't have it—not after the Bush, McGavick, and Rossi endorsements. He won't have Frank's Seattle Times in the house; the Sunday Frank's Seattle Times, which you have to get with your P-I subscription, like it or not, goes straight from the porch to the recycling bin.)

Those of us who still subscribe to a daily paper aren't just buying the news. We're buying the experience, the rituals, of taking a daily paper. We're paying to hear the thud on the porch in the early morning, we're paying to have the news placed in front of us without our having to download it—it's there, unavoidable, every day, on the porch. Skip a day, and it's still sitting there, waiting for us to read it or recycle it. A newspaper is not just another website we have to remember to check out every day. We're also paying for the feel of the newsprint in our hands, the ink on our fingers, and, yes, we're paying for journalism—the castrated daily variety (objective journalists! family newspaper!)—but all of it's old news by the time it hits the porch. But it's old news a form that you can fold and mutilate, carrying around with you, leave on the back of the toilet, or on the bus, write on, news you can skim not scroll through. All of that plus journalism is worth $234 a year for rapidly shrinking group of dead-tree-news fans. But I'll switch to the Seattle Times—and risk divorce—before "subscribing" to a P-I website that offers me the news but not the newspaper experience.

Sorry.

"I snap my fingers frantically in her face, the way you bring back the hypnosis victim that won't turn back from a chicken."

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 2:24 PM

Laura Albert, the writer behind the JT LeRoy hoax, has a work of fiction titled "Jo-Jo" being serialized over here.

"...I raise the rectangular flap and gaze at the trays. They sit ensconced in their hermit-like dignity, aluminum sleighs with a forest of snow gilding their edges. They pay no mind to the taunts of the Light N' Lively, to the pork chops delimited by their skating rink of frozen blood. The dual trays, with their interior compartments of metal, know they are the trusted guardians of the hidden, the unspeakable, the magical. The Illegal. I glide them out respectfully. Even the popsicles, stiff with reconstituted orange juice, lean forward to gaze at the cubes' glory..."

I've got to say, it's certainly vivid. There are some awkward phrasings here ("They sit ensconced in their hermit-like dignity," for example) but I'm going to keep reading it, to be sure. I wasn't crazy about LeRoy's work—everyone who told me to read a LeRoy book would try to convince me by telling me the author biography, which is frankly not that interesting to me when I'm considering reading fiction—but I can appreciate this as a striking piece of writing.

City of Aliens

Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 2:17 PM

I have just seen Blade Runner: Part II...

99f0/1236118675-picture_8.png

It's called Crossing Over.

Picture_7.png
The location, Los Angeles, is the same but Harrison Ford is now an immigration agent and the replicants are illegal aliens. Blade Runner is the hell from which Crossing Over rises. More about this film in my review.

Help, I Make Too Much Money!

Posted by Anthony Hecht on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 2:10 PM

ABC News reports on some poor souls who currently make more than $250,000 a year and are contemplating ways to reduce their income to avoid the Obama administration's proposed top-bracket tax increases.

A 63-year-old attorney based in Lafayette, La., who asked not to be named, told ABCNews.com that she plans to cut back on her business to get her annual income under the quarter million mark should the Obama tax plan be passed by Congress and become law.

So far, Obama's tax plan is being looked at skeptically by both Democrats and Republicans and therefore may not pass at all.

"We are going to try to figure out how to make our income $249,999.00," she said.

"We have to find a way out where we can make just what we need to just under the line so we can benefit from Obama's tax plan," she added. "Why kill yourself working if you're going to give it all away to people who aren't working as hard?"

Why? Well here's a a reason, Ms. LouisianaLawyerPants: Because you're a greedy shitbird living in one of the poorest states in the country, and your tax money goes for some kind of useful things, like schools, roads, hurricane monitoring, and the fucking Army Corps of Engineers, who recently saved you from drowning in your own damned basement. (I know Lafayette isn't New Orleans. My point remains.)

Oh, and people who don't make as much money as you are still working hard, you asshole.

Also, do you and ABC News even know how income tax works? Media Matters would like to explain it to you.

The ABC article is based on the premise that an individual's entire income is taxed at the same rate. If that were the case, it would be possible for a family earning $249,999 to have a higher after-tax income than a family earning $255,000, because the family earning $249,999 would pay a lower tax rate.

But that isn't actually how income tax works.

In reality, a family earning $255,000 will pay the higher tax rate only on its last $5,001 in income; the first $249,999 will continue to be taxed at the old rate. So intentionally lowering your income from $255,000 to $249,999 is counter-productive; it will result in a lower after-tax income.

To be fair, the ABC piece does mention that the one way this strategy could pay off would be if your new tax bracket raises the value of your deductions, which is something Obama has proposed.

But ABC doesn't want to dwell on that boring bit of sense, they'd rather move along to the last big, bold section header, "Does Obama Tax Plan Promote Class Warfare?," and close with a Colorado dentist declaring that he is "already over-taxed" and he works ever-so-hard, and it's JUST NOT FAIR.

That's Cold, FDR.

Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 1:57 PM

86d0/1236116932-baby.jpgSome indie film distributor sent me this quote in a press release today:

During the Depression, when the spirit of the people is lower than at any other time, it is a splendid thing that for just 15 cents an American can go to a movie and look at the smiling face of a baby and forget his troubles.
- President Franklin Roosevelt

Yeah, FDR? Well what if my "troubles" are that I blew all my savings buying up all these extra babies, and now these babies are WORTH NOTHING?! You think I want to pay to look at the gigantic smiling face of a fucking baby? The literal pink wrinkled face of my financial ruin, just sitting there smiling at me? Stupid fucking baby investment.


Worthless money-pit baby photo from Wikipedia.

Proper Football Welcomed with Open Arms, Sold-Out Match

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 1:56 PM

The P-I reports via Associated Press (or, as they put it, "ASSOCIATED RPESS"—hey, if you were their copy editors, you'd be phoning it in too) that the new Seattle Sounders' inaugural home opener has sold out.

Also: Twenty thousand season tickets have been sold! Only 2,000 left.

Soccer is—at last, rightfully—going to be huge around here.

6a65/1236117421-2688963523_53267c5572.jpg

"Elementi di calcio"—"dedicated to Ciccio. Lo si ringrazia in particolare per aver dato una mano concreta (ma soprattutto un piede) per la realizzazione di questo scatto :D"—by MaledettoMoriarty from The Stranger's flickr pool.

UPDATE: More tickets may be available, though Ticketmaster currently refuses to say ("An unusually large number of visitors are accessing our site.... Do not hit the refresh or back buttons or you will lose your place in line!").

AND! Gold Star Comment goes to Simac for sheer common sense:

Once the Sounders understand how to market how sexy their players are, and they are, sustaining high ticket sales should be no problem.

Apple Layoffs Looming?

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 1:49 PM

0d05/1236116503-scaled.apple_boy.jpg

At the stock photo at right so deftly illustrates, apples are delicious.

But as anyone who's been served one knows, pink slips taste awful.

From Gawker Media's Valleywag:

One tipster tells us there are "major layoffs" at Apple. Another writes that "all sales teams have mandatory meetings today" and that "HR booked conference rooms in Cupertino." Is Apple cutting salespeople loose?

At the U Village Apple Store this weekend, there was seemingly one Apple staffer for every Apple customer—it was luxurious, and did not feel like a recession. Maybe next week will be different?

(Speaking of U-Village retail experiences, at the Eddie Bauer store, I saw a customer bring a good armful of merchandise to the counter and wait for a checker. The checker arrived and asked the customer, "Buying or returning?" When the customer said "buying," the checker said, "Oh thank God.")

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