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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Drunk Thanks for Disappointing Me Again, "Future"!

Posted by on Wed, Feb 25, 2009 at 5:00 PM

You know, I'm getting really sick of the LIES being told to me by "the future." First the future told me I would eventually get a hover board. That turned out to be BULLSHIT. Then the future told me I could one day expect Social Security. Again… BULLSHIT. But wait! That's not the worst part! THEN the future told me back in 1989 that I would one day be driving around in a day-glow green Pontiac Stinger that came with such futuristic options as "a funky looking CD player," "a door that's a removable ice chest," AND "a garden hose"!

SO WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STINGER, FUTURE? YOU GODDAMN LIAR!!

Have you been lied to by "the future"? Join other victims now at RecallTheFuture.com.

 

Comments (21) RSS

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1
my XTerra has most of that shit

Posted by Nissan Guy on February 25, 2009 at 5:06 PM
2
And the Future is telling you that you will have some sort of electric car or Hydrogen car or car car or some sort of car, its always been about cars. In reality your "car" will want a feed bag full of oats put over it's head to fuel its engine.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 25, 2009 at 5:07 PM
3
The future has always been, and will always be, naive about human nature. The single most effective killer of the future is reality.

I mean, really, it didn't even have proper doors. For all the shiny injection-molded features on this product, they say "easily stowed" and I hear "easily stolen."

Sigh... future. Get back to work on jetpacks, would you?
Posted by Lenny on February 25, 2009 at 5:12 PM
4
Did you kill this website? I'm not seeing anything at RecallTheFuture.com.
Posted by The Internets on February 25, 2009 at 5:17 PM
5
There is no future....there is only now. Stop living for something intangible and experience the reality of the moment.
Posted by puffpuff pass! on February 25, 2009 at 5:23 PM
6
@5: Wall Street? Is that you?
Posted by Lee on February 25, 2009 at 5:28 PM
7
Nissan Guy @1,

Yes, but is your XTerra neon green?

I didn't think so.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on February 25, 2009 at 5:30 PM
8
more condo than car!

@3 -- no one could steal those ice chest door inserts. in the future, no one will steal.
Posted by infrequent on February 25, 2009 at 5:31 PM
9
To the Douchemobile!
Posted by JC on February 25, 2009 at 5:36 PM
10
@4: That's a reference to recallsamadams.com.
Posted by hello on February 25, 2009 at 5:37 PM
11
You mean that's NOT a satirical fake commercial from a really old episode of SNL? Once they got around to the tool kit and cookstove, I was halfway expecting a young Kevin Nealon to pop up as the car's owner.
Posted by Hoyt Clagwell on February 25, 2009 at 7:26 PM
12
I've been waiting 47 years for a jet car like George Jetson's.
Posted by Toe Tag on February 25, 2009 at 9:42 PM
13
p.k. dick was right about "the future"--it's not bright and shiny brand new stuff. it's a clusterfuck of retrofits.
Posted by ellarosa on February 25, 2009 at 9:54 PM
14
I totally wanted that car when i was 11. Now? Meh...
Posted by helza on February 25, 2009 at 10:56 PM
15
It looks like a Fiero on steroids that ended up crashing into a Swatch factory. This car had to have appeared in something like Robocop 2 or Freejack.
Posted by laterite on February 25, 2009 at 11:31 PM
16
"Stop your bitching you non-contributing zero", jesus fucking christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35yp…

You're fucking useless, stop bitching, you're lucky you have food, you don't deserve it.

Posted by max on February 26, 2009 at 12:59 AM
17
It was built but was called the Aztek
Posted by EmpanadaOfIntellect on February 26, 2009 at 7:47 AM
18
fluck hoverboards (tho teleporters... hmmm) nowadays I'd settle for:

A job - unemployment up 2.8 billion percent
A home - forclosures up 1.2 million percent
A 401 K - most retirement accounts down 5.4 thousand percent

Welcome to the future - now go take some meds - yikes!
Posted by Fred34 on February 26, 2009 at 8:12 AM
19
Where's my jetpack?

I'm working in a tall building, I'm supposed to get there with a jetpack, right?

Or at least a flying car.
Posted by Will in Seattle on February 26, 2009 at 10:37 AM
20
Check the papes, Humpy: Pontiac is dead. So's Saturn. No stinger, you'll have to settle for a SHOCKER!
Posted by Dan on February 26, 2009 at 11:20 AM
21
I am still waiting for the Cadillac Sixteen. I am sure it would suck gas, but it looks so cool.
Posted by elswinger on February 26, 2009 at 12:15 PM

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