Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Chow Eating My Way to Victory
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Feb 24, 2009 at 1:15 PM
Technically, I'm on a diet, but you don't get an offer like this every day: On April 29th, as part of the International District Spring Roll, I'm going to be taking part in a spring roll eating contest. For two minutes, I'll be eating as many vegetarian spring rolls as I can fit in my gaping maw. You'll see why I couldn't pass this up when you read the list of contestants:
Spring Rolls provided by Phnom PenhPlay-by-Play Announcer — Geologic, Blue Scholars
Contestants:
Paul Constant, The Stranger Books Editor
Dow Constantine, King County Councilmember
Toby Crittenden, Communications Outreach Director, Washington Bus
Angela Garbes, Editor of Where Seattle and International Examiner board member
Brock Huard, Former Husky and Seahawk
Dino Rossi, 2008 GOP Gubernatorial Nominee
James Sun, Former Contestant on "The Apprentice"
That's right. It doesn't matter how much he prepares, Dino Rossi's not getting a recount this time, bitches.
I got the release form today, and it's kind of hitting home how serious this contest is:
• Contestants may not eat spring rolls until the starting signal or after the ending signal.
• Only entirely eaten spring rolls will be counted.
• Contestants will be given a liter of water to drink during the contest.
• Contestants may eat either standing or sitting in designated area.
• Contestant is disqualified if vomits, regurgitates, or displays visible signs of sickness.
• A judge will assure adherence to contest rules, tally spring rolls eaten, and announce winner.
• Winner will be determined by counting the number of spring rolls eaten.
• In the event of a tie, additional 2-minute “eat-offs” will take place until a winner is selected.
and, most dauntingly:
• Although spring rolls are delicious, I am aware that as a result of the contest I may become uncomfortably full and suffer from health-related consequences such as heartburn, indigestion, dry-mouth, etc.
• SCIDpda is not responsible for personal injury, illness, or loss of life
The things I do for Washington state Democrats.
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5
I looooooooooooooooooove that you're going to compete against Dino Rossi in a spring roll eating contest.
And I think "compete against Dino Rossi in a spring roll eating contest" is my new favorite phrase of all time.
And I think "compete against Dino Rossi in a spring roll eating contest" is my new favorite phrase of all time.
6
You damn well better represent against Dino. If you come in 6th, Dino better be seventh. The weight of the liberal blog commentator's world rests on your shoulders.
8
I predict a Dow and Dino tie in regulation, with a sudden death spring roll-off settling the match.
9
And you should all go to the "spring roll" and witness the eat off live! To purchase tickets please got http://www.idspringroll.org/ Buy tickets at early birds price by March 15th!
10
You must prepare!! Eat a ton of food and drink tons of water for the 2 days prior to the contest. This will temporarily stretch the capacity of your stomach, allowing you eat more. Don't be fooled by people who say not to eat for a while before and that being hungry makes it easier - your stomach will shrink its capacity and it will make it harder.
Trust me - I've seen the preparations leading up to successful eating of an entire Gorditos Grande Burrito twice now, and won a chicken-wing eating contest myself.
Trust me - I've seen the preparations leading up to successful eating of an entire Gorditos Grande Burrito twice now, and won a chicken-wing eating contest myself.
12
I like Winter Rolls.
Much better.
And remember, normally when you eat this most of your food is rice.
Much better.
And remember, normally when you eat this most of your food is rice.
15
I speak from experience here - the water tip is hella-important. You should aim to drink so much that there is basically *no point at which you do not wish to pee* in the two days pre-spring rolls.
16
I think Brock Huard's gonna own this one. It's hard to out-eat a football player, even if he was a Puppy.
21
hey, i've got a "the only rossi i trust is carlo" shirt left over from the election if you want it to wear at the contest! actually i've got two! one is a men's large and is in spanish (el unico rossi en quien yo confio es carlo), and the other is a medium in english.
22
this is awesome - geologic, paul constant and dino rossi!
that's as weird as yoda/samuel jackson teaming up
that's as weird as yoda/samuel jackson teaming up
28
Paul, were you ever nicknamed Lardass? To bad this isn't a pie eating contest.
I suggest you don't load up on castor oil and raw eggs right before eating ;)
I suggest you don't load up on castor oil and raw eggs right before eating ;)
29
Don't make eye contact with Huard, he's scary. And I swear to god, beat Rossi BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
30
@ 18, I am going to take that as a compliment...
I will be stuffing my face on behalf of all the Filipino girls that have ever been called Chinese, all the Hmong ladies who have ever been called Vietnamese, all the Korean chicks who've been mistaken for Japanese, and, most important, every old Asian lady who has ever lovingly made an egg roll or dumpling.
And I'll be doing this all in my finest elastic waist pants. Suffer, swine!
I will be stuffing my face on behalf of all the Filipino girls that have ever been called Chinese, all the Hmong ladies who have ever been called Vietnamese, all the Korean chicks who've been mistaken for Japanese, and, most important, every old Asian lady who has ever lovingly made an egg roll or dumpling.
And I'll be doing this all in my finest elastic waist pants. Suffer, swine!
31
gar-BES! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes! gar-Bes!
32
AWESOME!!! Eating for a good cause!!!! :) And this cause rules!!! Funny, the event is even called the Spring Roll!! Looks like a packed event! www.idspringroll.org! Their tag line says --> "party down for chinatown"!
33
Somehow, I can't see Dow Constantine winning an eating contest of any sort. Where would he put it? Now, Greg Nickels, that's another matter.
34
@1, damn straight chili sauce. The hot sauce at Phnom Penh is the best in the ID, maybe the whole city, because Sam makes it in house.
35
Simone @28, awesome ref.
"In an agony of propriety, she vomited into her purse."
Near as I can recall, anyway.
"In an agony of propriety, she vomited into her purse."
Near as I can recall, anyway.
37
No, I take back what I wrote @28. Paul, you have to load up on the caster oil and eggs. Only if you are sitting next to Rossi and there are members of the Local Elks Lodge people wearing antler hats.
38
I don't know who this "Angela Garbes" person is, but she clearly can't use that mouth for anything but talking a big game. This is a two-man race, and Dino's gonna be crawling away from it.
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