Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, February 18, 2009
Hetero Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 9:38 AM
For three years, neighbors in a quaint, middle-class community scarcely saw the lanky 16-year-old boy who lived with his adoptive mother and her boyfriend.Now, they know why: According to authorities, the teen was brutally abused and held captive in his own home. Most recently, he'd been confined to a bathroom, locked from the outside and sealed with a piece of plywood over the window.
By the time he escaped last week, the Florida boy had a broken forearm and scars, scabs and oozing wounds that investigators say mark years of abuse.
Gay couples can't adopt in Florida—because, you know, every child deserves...
1
Is this to condemn women who live with men out of wedlock? If it is I am totally with you. Children in those kind of homes are much more likely to be abused.
2
This story is very, very sad. And, I do think all of us need to be aware of the sufferings of children at the the hands of adults. So, thanks.
Couldn't we also have some wonderful story about the great work gay couples are doing raising children. It may help those commentators on slog that see homosexuals as inferior parenting material start thinking. Of course, some will dismiss positive same-sex parenting as fiction, but others may start to discover their presumptions are wrong.
I love you Dan. Help me, help you, when I engage them.
Couldn't we also have some wonderful story about the great work gay couples are doing raising children. It may help those commentators on slog that see homosexuals as inferior parenting material start thinking. Of course, some will dismiss positive same-sex parenting as fiction, but others may start to discover their presumptions are wrong.
I love you Dan. Help me, help you, when I engage them.
4
Yeah, and my stepsisters' mom's lesbian girlfriend sexually abused my autistic stepsister for months before anyone found out. And then the mom still didn't dump her ass. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or whatever - some people are just mindless assholes, others are incredibly stupid.
5
This kid didn't have a mother and a father. The man was his mother's live-in boyfriend. Big difference.
I'm all for allowing gays and lesbians to adopt, but posting stories like this fail to make your point.
I'm all for allowing gays and lesbians to adopt, but posting stories like this fail to make your point.
6
I'm all for allowing gays and lesbians to adopt, but posting stories like this fail to make your point.
I don't get it either. By continuing to post crap like this, Dan seems to be willfully engaging in a logical disconnect of Rovian proportions.
I don't get it either. By continuing to post crap like this, Dan seems to be willfully engaging in a logical disconnect of Rovian proportions.
7
@4. And the winner of the Prize For Confusion in the category of being angry at the Original Poster's point, while simultaneously arguing the OP's point goes to... rein! Congratulations! You're oblivious!
9
I think the point was broader than "mother and father..." the point was that all heterosexual pairings are not fit to adopt, simply by virtue of their heterosexuality.
On the flip side, not all homosexual couples are fit to adopt, not because they are homosexual, but because not all couples make good parents. This is why we have CPS and adoption agencies in place to make sure that adoptive parents are fit to adopt. Dan's pointing out the irony of disallowing ALL same-sex couples from adopting, when clearly there are exceptions in all populations.
On the flip side, not all homosexual couples are fit to adopt, not because they are homosexual, but because not all couples make good parents. This is why we have CPS and adoption agencies in place to make sure that adoptive parents are fit to adopt. Dan's pointing out the irony of disallowing ALL same-sex couples from adopting, when clearly there are exceptions in all populations.
11
OK, now CALM DOWN everybody...we haven't heard the mom & boyfriends side of the story yet.
16 year old?
Male?
Florida?
Sounds like someone may have been mouthing off a BIT too much.
16 year old?
Male?
Florida?
Sounds like someone may have been mouthing off a BIT too much.
12
@11
"According to authorities, the teen was brutally abused and held captive in his own home. Most recently, he'd been confined to a bathroom, locked from the outside and sealed with a piece of plywood over the window.
By the time he escaped last week, the Florida boy had a broken forearm and scars, scabs and oozing wounds that investigators say mark years of abuse."
I think that this goes far beyond teen back talk and 'southern home training' punishment.
"According to authorities, the teen was brutally abused and held captive in his own home. Most recently, he'd been confined to a bathroom, locked from the outside and sealed with a piece of plywood over the window.
By the time he escaped last week, the Florida boy had a broken forearm and scars, scabs and oozing wounds that investigators say mark years of abuse."
I think that this goes far beyond teen back talk and 'southern home training' punishment.
13
I don't get why people are having so much trouble with such a simple concept.
In my case, it's not that I don't understand what he is trying to say, it's that he's not using a logical argument to say it.
In my case, it's not that I don't understand what he is trying to say, it's that he's not using a logical argument to say it.
15
@9 "This is why we have CPS and adoption agencies in place to make sure that adoptive parents are fit to adopt."
Except, this boy was adopted by the woman. Didn't work in this case, did it?
What I get from this series is: life's a crapshoot, congrats if you got good parents, sucks to be you if you didn't.
Except, this boy was adopted by the woman. Didn't work in this case, did it?
What I get from this series is: life's a crapshoot, congrats if you got good parents, sucks to be you if you didn't.
16
@14 "No doubt the parents call themselves "Christians". "
Perhaps, but calling yourself something doesn't make it so. I could call myself a fig tree, but that doesn't mean I am...
Perhaps, but calling yourself something doesn't make it so. I could call myself a fig tree, but that doesn't mean I am...
17
Dan is lying. This was a single adoptive mother who had a boyfriend. The boyfriend didn't adopt the boy. One freak case amongst many successes. I still think that Florida is right on this. Adoption is not a right, it's just one of those things that are best left to people who are capable of giving something of worth to kids. Why would gays want to imitate heterosexuals? I have heard many gays who say they don't like kids.
18
@17 - A lot of kids of varying ages and traumatized pasts available for adoption – “acceptable” heterosexuals willing to adopt them = a whole lot of kids left without families and roots and people to turn to as they become adults.
So, who do you suggest should take care of the thousands of Floridian children left over? Do you want them? Can you take care of them? ALL of them? Can you be a grandparent to their kids?
You don’t want to take in all those kids all by yourself? Huh. That’s too bad. I wish there was someone, or a thousand someones in Florida who would be willing to adopt them and give these kids a home to visit every Thanksgiving for the rest of their lives….
Oh, well. I’m sure the homeless shelters in Florida are nice and cozy.
And, BTW: I've known plenty of heterosexuals who say they don't want kids. But somehow there are enough who do to have more kids than there are capable parents...
So, who do you suggest should take care of the thousands of Floridian children left over? Do you want them? Can you take care of them? ALL of them? Can you be a grandparent to their kids?
You don’t want to take in all those kids all by yourself? Huh. That’s too bad. I wish there was someone, or a thousand someones in Florida who would be willing to adopt them and give these kids a home to visit every Thanksgiving for the rest of their lives….
Oh, well. I’m sure the homeless shelters in Florida are nice and cozy.
And, BTW: I've known plenty of heterosexuals who say they don't want kids. But somehow there are enough who do to have more kids than there are capable parents...
19
Also, Dan, I don’t think this story belongs in the “Every Child…” series. When the poor boy had a father, he was protected and healthy and loved and cared for. It was when the step-father died that the adoptive (btw: info also not helpful to your point) mother and her boyfriend became complete monsters to this poor child. This is a terribly, terribly sad story. But it doesn’t help your point.
21
@20
Sure. I agree. Structure is great, vital for kids. They need to be woken up in the morning by family who are happy to see them, with hugs and kisses and breakfast. They need someone to make sure they are well-groomed and get to school and do well in their classes. They need someone in contact with their teachers to make sure they are keeping up with their work and following the rules. Kids need to know where to go after school. They need to know who will put them to bed and who will wake them up and they need to believe that those same two or three people will always be in their home to take care of them. Kids need to know what’s expected from them. Kids need chores and responsibilities and they need someone to show them how to function in this world. They need limits. They need structure. They need affection. They need to be surrounded by a multitude of people who just adore them and think they are the best creations in the world.
But two men or two women or any combination of adults who can provide all that is far better than two fucked-up adults who will try to be good parents, but fail to provide structure (my husband and I just aren’t all that good at structure) and security (acquaintances of mine, a married man and woman, who put on spectacular and sometimes violent displays of anger in front of their children come to mind) Some people can be awesome parents and some people can be okay parents and some people need to never be within twenty feet of children, but there’s no correlation between parenting abilities and sexual identity.
Except, perhaps: since it usually takes more thought and planning for a homosexual to conceive/acquire a baby or child, homosexual parents may be better prepared for parenthood, and thus better parents, than those of us who happened to get pregnant on our honeymoons because we didn’t think it would really happened that quickly. (May God protect my kids from the chaos that is life with me and their father.)
More...
Sure. I agree. Structure is great, vital for kids. They need to be woken up in the morning by family who are happy to see them, with hugs and kisses and breakfast. They need someone to make sure they are well-groomed and get to school and do well in their classes. They need someone in contact with their teachers to make sure they are keeping up with their work and following the rules. Kids need to know where to go after school. They need to know who will put them to bed and who will wake them up and they need to believe that those same two or three people will always be in their home to take care of them. Kids need to know what’s expected from them. Kids need chores and responsibilities and they need someone to show them how to function in this world. They need limits. They need structure. They need affection. They need to be surrounded by a multitude of people who just adore them and think they are the best creations in the world.
But two men or two women or any combination of adults who can provide all that is far better than two fucked-up adults who will try to be good parents, but fail to provide structure (my husband and I just aren’t all that good at structure) and security (acquaintances of mine, a married man and woman, who put on spectacular and sometimes violent displays of anger in front of their children come to mind) Some people can be awesome parents and some people can be okay parents and some people need to never be within twenty feet of children, but there’s no correlation between parenting abilities and sexual identity.
Except, perhaps: since it usually takes more thought and planning for a homosexual to conceive/acquire a baby or child, homosexual parents may be better prepared for parenthood, and thus better parents, than those of us who happened to get pregnant on our honeymoons because we didn’t think it would really happened that quickly. (May God protect my kids from the chaos that is life with me and their father.)
22
Dan, I don't think you've covered this bit of crazy yet:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1425992…
It's a nutty Fundy book written in all caps. Displays the crazy right away.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1425992…
It's a nutty Fundy book written in all caps. Displays the crazy right away.
24
@17
I would ask you why same-sex couples wanting to have children is imitating heterosexuals, but I am guessing it has to do with their inability to concieve without a member of the opposite gender. Am I wrong? I can't fathom how sexual orientation would eliminate the desire to be a parent. Perhaps, because the desire to want children wasn't a choice for me, unlike the choice to pursue having them.
I would ask you why same-sex couples wanting to have children is imitating heterosexuals, but I am guessing it has to do with their inability to concieve without a member of the opposite gender. Am I wrong? I can't fathom how sexual orientation would eliminate the desire to be a parent. Perhaps, because the desire to want children wasn't a choice for me, unlike the choice to pursue having them.
25
@ "MR. Language Person" and his run-on sentence:
Some straight people abuse their kids or allow them to be abused. Some gay people abuse their kids or allow them to be abused. Yes, those responsible for the ridiculous legislature impeding gay couples' adoption rights ignore this. However, I don't think pointing out the obvious - that some straight people abuse their kids - is really making a point when most of your audience is already for gay adoption.
That's pretty much as on-topic as you can get. Thanks.
Some straight people abuse their kids or allow them to be abused. Some gay people abuse their kids or allow them to be abused. Yes, those responsible for the ridiculous legislature impeding gay couples' adoption rights ignore this. However, I don't think pointing out the obvious - that some straight people abuse their kids - is really making a point when most of your audience is already for gay adoption.
That's pretty much as on-topic as you can get. Thanks.
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