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Friday, February 13, 2009

??!! / Life Sperm Is Weird

Posted by on Fri, Feb 13, 2009 at 3:51 PM

scaled.SNN1305AA-380_732314a.jpg

This story's everywhere today, so why not here, too?: The UK Sun on the baby-faced 13-year-old British boy who's a new father.

Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend [15-year-old] Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne.

Full story here.

 

Comments (61) RSS

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1
Michael Strangeways is turned on right now...it's hard to tell who from though -- the infant or the 13 year old.
Posted by Growing Concern on February 13, 2009 at 3:54 PM
2
he looks absolutely thrilled.
Posted by brandon on February 13, 2009 at 3:57 PM
3
Every child needs a mother and a father?
Posted by Patti on February 13, 2009 at 3:57 PM
4
Nature knows best what civilization can't comprehend.
Posted by Vince on February 13, 2009 at 3:58 PM
5
It was in your morning news thread.
Posted by Simone on February 13, 2009 at 4:01 PM
6
It's OK, they wouldn't have had a life anyways. And hey, he'll only be 26 when Chantelle makes him a proud grandfather, so he can start over.
Posted by Fnarf on February 13, 2009 at 4:06 PM
7
I kinda hope they're inbred too....
Posted by Sirkowski on February 13, 2009 at 4:07 PM
8
this news story has sparked a hilarious argument between me and some dumbass friend of a friend on facebook who thinks this is proof that sex education needs to be taken out of schools.

coincidentally, she also believes that punctuation is optional.
Posted by Jocelyn on February 13, 2009 at 4:08 PM
9
That girl is practically twice his size - I remember, with horror, the awkward age where I had four inches and thirty pounds on my male classmates. There was nothing in the world that could have convinced me to even dance with one of them at the "mixers" I loathed so much, let alone have sex with one of them. Nothing.
Posted by snargent pepper on February 13, 2009 at 4:09 PM
10
@ Like capitalizing words? Hate that.
Posted by Mike on February 13, 2009 at 4:14 PM
11
I know they're only 2 years apart in age, but does this qualify as pedophilia?
Posted by Y.F. on February 13, 2009 at 4:14 PM
12
this story should come with a barf bag
Posted by really on February 13, 2009 at 4:15 PM
13
Fuck you.

and keep it coming...

I know a lawyer or two and implying that someone is a pedophile is pretty strong grounds for libel.
Posted by michael strangeways on February 13, 2009 at 4:20 PM
14
@6,

You mean when Maisie makes him a grandfather.
Posted by keshmeshi on February 13, 2009 at 4:20 PM
15
Ugh. This is every parent's worst nightmare- that your little angel, still a kid themself, will make one bad decision and forever alter their life. Whether it's driving drunk, or trying meth, or this. My 11 year old starts middle school next year. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Posted by Big Sven on February 13, 2009 at 4:22 PM
16
Weirds me out that this kid is only 13 years older than his son. My dad is 17 years older than his youngest brother.
Posted by Sam on February 13, 2009 at 4:23 PM
17
That girl is already not aging well. I'm pretty sure Alfie will be hot in a decade; let's hope the baby girl has his looks.

Also, who has sex with a boy who looks like he's 7?? Blargh. There's no way I'd have hit that when I was 15 (and into George Clooney)... I'd have been too busy wondering if he needed a crayon or a fruit roll-up or Pedialyte or something.
Posted by lily on February 13, 2009 at 4:24 PM
18
Circle of life.
Posted by mint chocolate chip on February 13, 2009 at 4:25 PM
19
Chavtastic!
Posted by K on February 13, 2009 at 4:26 PM
20
@15, I'm pretty sure you're more tuned in to your kids than the parents of Alfie and Chantelle are--plus, you don't live in council flats. Your kiddo will be fine in the 'quah, with decent parents.
Posted by lily on February 13, 2009 at 4:26 PM
21
First, gross.

Capitalizing words *is* optional. Punctuation is not.

#14, unless Maisie is a boy, and, well...
Posted by w7ngman on February 13, 2009 at 4:28 PM
22
Michael Strangeways: subpeana the Stranger for my I.P. address.

I'll save you the time: University of Washington, 98195.


Congratulations, you've narrowed it down to 150,000 people!

But since you don't have a case, this is only for fun.
Posted by Growing Concern on February 13, 2009 at 4:31 PM
23
@21,

The baby is a girl, but even if she wasn't, why can't a son make his parents grandparents?
Posted by keshmeshi on February 13, 2009 at 4:32 PM
24
thanks for the defence, w7ngman. i thought about pointing out my hypocrisy, but then i thought it might be funnier to let someone else do it. punctuation IS way more important though. srsly.
Posted by Jocelyn on February 13, 2009 at 4:33 PM
25
My mother's parents were married and started having kids when they were 13 and 15. Of course that was Oklahoma in 1911. Hell Chantell is almost past her prime.
Posted by monkey on February 13, 2009 at 4:34 PM
26
also, in chantelle's defence, when i was 16, i had a 15-year-old boyfriend who looked like he was 12, which was not hot. i thought he was so cool, however, that it didn't bother me. until my friends started making fun of me for it and i broke up with him. so no, i don't think it's fair to call her a pedophile. i think you can file them both under "retarded teenagers."

in other news, that boyfriend who looked like he was 12 when we went out is super hot now. fucking karma.
Posted by Jocelyn on February 13, 2009 at 4:36 PM
27
Anyway Michael, you're not a pedophile, and I'm only being weird for peddling that.

It's just crazy that Christopher chose you to represent his feelings (#36) in that epic apologia sexual predator thread so I was trolling you too. Consider it over.
Posted by Growing Concern on February 13, 2009 at 4:37 PM
28
Wow! That makes me feel so much better Growing Concern!

What a Pal you are!
Posted by michael strangeways on February 13, 2009 at 4:41 PM
29
What's the rule, half plus seven? Half of fifteen is 7.5, so he's definitely off-limits.
Posted by Fnarf on February 13, 2009 at 4:42 PM
30
#23, I meant, if Maisie were a boy, Chantelle could make Alfie a grandpa... *ducks*
Posted by w7ngman on February 13, 2009 at 4:43 PM
31
i certainly hope that they've both been tested for cooties.
Posted by olive on February 13, 2009 at 4:48 PM
32
@30,

Ew, but you just made me think of something worse. I'll do everyone a favor and not type it out.
Posted by keshmeshi on February 13, 2009 at 5:00 PM
33
There is nothing I can say about this that adequately describes how squicked out I am.
Posted by Greg on February 13, 2009 at 5:03 PM
34
The boy does not appear to have entered puberty yet, and apparently he was only 12 when they had sex. Is it some sort of medical anomaly that he was fertile?

Am I the only one who's wondering if he's actually the father?
Posted by Your friend in SF on February 13, 2009 at 5:03 PM
35
when my mom, who's a nurse, gave me the sex talk, i was 11 and she said "i've seen girls as young as 12 get pregnant". Every kid at the age of 10 should know that fact. it might make them scared of going bareback and hopefully think about using a condom if they do proceed to fuck.

but clearly, this boy's sperm's hit maturity before the boy actually started it. If he was a 13 y.o boy who looked 15-16, then we'd probably still be saying the same things, but probably joking about it more than being in disgust.

let's hope the girl turns out to be a healthy baby with no developmental issues (autism for example).

But look at it this way, when he's 26, she'll be 13. He'll literally be batting the guys away from his daughter. but at the same time, he could look like a big brother rather than her father as she hits puberty and grows up.

when I first read this story last night, i clearly thought "damn brits are horny as fuck" brit surveys show that british men between the ages of 15 - 40 j/o on average of 2-3x/day.
Posted by apres_moi on February 13, 2009 at 5:07 PM
36
What is the problem with this people? These are Heterosexuals. God, the Pope, the Muslims, and James Dobson approve of these loving parents bringing sweet children in to the world. May they be blessed with 15 more!

Shame on you for thinking otherwise. It's all part of the NATURAL (non Homo) world. They will no doubt get married and show the sanctity of marriage for what it is, a sacred place to raise children. NO Homo can do that.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 13, 2009 at 5:12 PM
37
@34, I'm curious/suspicious too. An article I read said he hadn't reached puberty and was talking to the reporter in a voice that hadn't yet changed. Where did this unfortunate sperm cell come from?
Posted by avatar on February 13, 2009 at 5:13 PM
38
Girls are infertile or subfertile for a few years after they develop secondary sexual characteristics (hips/breasts). Boys start producing viable sperm a few years before they develop secondary sexual characteristics (height, jaw, facial hair). 13 is not so young he couldn't be producing some sperm, even if he doesn't look it.

That said, jesus christ, he looks younger than the Chinese gymnasts.
Posted by texttwist on February 13, 2009 at 5:17 PM
39
sweet young mom and dad - great parents

the earth is still in rotation

baba looks sound and healthy

night is starting

have drinks and dinner - call my fuck buddy - onward
Posted by Mellow, and educate kids about the whole process, I had tons on February 13, 2009 at 5:18 PM
40
My god, she looks like a ghoul.
Posted by GhoulLess on February 13, 2009 at 5:21 PM
41
Boys start producing viable sperm a few years before they develop secondary sexual characteristics (height, jaw, facial hair). 13 is not so young he couldn't be producing some sperm, even if he doesn't look it.


Okay, I did not know that. Thank you. I will point out that he was TWELVE when they had sex, according to the UK Sun article, but that's neither here nor there if what you say is right.

With girls, you assume that if they are menstruating, they are fertile, and they tend to mature a bit earlier than boys anyway, so I would not have been shocked if this story had been about a 13 year old mother and a 15 year old father.

But the article described the boy as 4 feet tall, and, well, you saw the pictures of him. Yoiks.
Posted by Your friend in SF on February 13, 2009 at 5:31 PM
42
@37 I do wonder if either of his parents has asked for a paternity test. I think if I were his mom, I would.
Posted by Your friend in SF on February 13, 2009 at 5:34 PM
43
@33: I think "Ahhhhhh!" about sums up my reaction. And if you are into emoticons, D8
Posted by Darcy on February 13, 2009 at 5:34 PM
44
I never had a sex ed talk from my parents. Not one word. My school sex ed was useless and confusing.

I learned all about sex from the few playboy and penthouse magazines I could get. I'd guess nowadays most kids learn about sex from internet porn, which makes playboy look like the bible.

What a sad state of affairs this world is in.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 13, 2009 at 5:57 PM
45
I learned about sex from the Marquis de Sade's Julliette.

This story is one big argument for free, legal, and easily accessible abortion. (also for real sex ed at an early age)
Posted by dwight moody on February 13, 2009 at 6:01 PM
46
When I mentioned pedophilia it was because a teenager actually found somebody who looks like an 8 year old sexually attractive. According to the dictionary a ped·o·phile (pěd'ə-fīl', pē'də-) is n. An adult who is sexually attracted to a child or children. At fifteen, she isn't an adult, but she certainly isn't a child. Obviously she found a boy, who appears prepubescent, sexually attractive or she wouldn't be having sex with him. Does that not make her a pedophile?

p.s. what really kills me is the fundies are claiming this is the fault of comprehensive sex-ed in schools and are praising the kids for not having an abortion. Meanwhile, the father of Alfie states he is going to have to set the boy down soon and tell him about the birds and the bees so this doesn't happen again.
Posted by Y.F. on February 13, 2009 at 6:27 PM
47
@44. I knew what sex was at 5 in Kindergarten when the kids were talking about seeing their parents "humping each other". I went to a school 20 miles from home but was close to the health department my mom worked at and my grandmother's house, where she watched me until my mom got off work. Later, I also found my dad's stash of Penthouse magazines by curiosity at age 5. So I knew what sex was explicitly. At 6 or 7, I was looking at all the books on the bookcase and noticed at the top unreachable shelf "The Joys of Sex 1 and 2". Grabbed a step ladder and went through them then put them back in their spot like nothing had been moved.

At 11, my mom started the sex talk with "so let me add on to what you probably already know about sex. "

Oh @ 6 in 1985 I knew what AIDS was after hearing about Rock Hudson and Liberace on the news as well as the start of the Red Cross blood bank scare. I picked up that it wasn't a gay thing but more a blood borne virus because they were showing IV drug users infected with AIDS on TV.

I grew up Catholic by the way but my parents never really enforced the Catholic "remain celebrant till marriage" fucked up Catholic doctrine. They mainly preached, "if you have sex, use a damn condom". Also the sex ed teachers, which were the science teachers, at the schools I went to the in Charleston, SC area at the time, were pretty liberal in their sex ed curriculum. The 6th grade science teacher that was teaching the boys sex ed basically told us about puberty in boys and girls and also menopause in women. She actually said that when women complete menopause that their vagina might get dry and that you'll probably have to use some lube. She also told us, with a little hint of jealousy in her voice, of how old men can keep fucking and getting younger women pregnant while older women stop having kids.

More...
Posted by apres_moi on February 13, 2009 at 6:51 PM
48
How soon we forget Mary Kay Latourneau!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Le…

He was 13. She was 34.
Posted by mackro mackro on February 13, 2009 at 7:03 PM
49
"Obviously she found a boy, who appears prepubescent, sexually attractive or she wouldn't be having sex with him."

There are lots of reasons why girls have sex with boys besides finding them sexually attractive.
Posted by Fnarf on February 13, 2009 at 7:22 PM
50
47's "remain celebrant till marriage" will make me smile for days.
Posted by Valkyrie on February 13, 2009 at 8:28 PM
51
Thanks, lily@20.

I agree with those who think Alfie's parents should ask for a paternity test for Maisie. I hit puberty early (9) but was 6'0" by the time I was Alfie's age.
Posted by Big Sven on February 13, 2009 at 10:05 PM
52
@ Fnarf,

Yes, but when I was fifteen, I had sex because I was horny. I was assuming that was the motivation behind most teenage sex...and then I looked at the prepubescent father and went "eww, ick". Would any normal 15 year old think "Ooo, la la" when they look at Alfie? At that age I was hot for River Phoenix, not second graders.
Posted by Y.F. on February 13, 2009 at 10:19 PM
53
@ 50 - Word!! Best typo/Freudian slip EVAH!!

:D


Posted by merry on February 13, 2009 at 10:22 PM
54
That photo is pretty creepy, she totally looks like the mother of both of them. I suppose since he was 12 and she was 14 when the had sex, maybe she hit puberty in the past year. Maybe they were both little really young looking kids messing around with each other, not really thinking of what was going to happen, then she just grew half a foot taller over the course of a year. Usually around 14/15 is when kids have their growth spurt. It's still weird, but it makes her seem less like a molester.
Posted by creeped out on February 13, 2009 at 10:47 PM
55
This relationship is PedoBear approved!
Posted by mAlissa on February 13, 2009 at 11:23 PM
56
That gal should be arrested for pedophilia. Look at them! She's huge! Seriously, we all know gals mature faster than males! Eew! Can you imagine them in bed!? EEW!
Posted by eew. on February 13, 2009 at 11:42 PM
57
She might also be huge because she just had a child and probably gained a fair amount of weight whilst pregnant. (I am also betting she probably didn't have the most attentive pre-natal care nor the most healthful diet)

What is really sad is how exploited these kids are by the fundies and how they were likley neglected to one degree or another by their parents and society prior to this whole situation.
Posted by gfrancie on February 14, 2009 at 12:23 PM
58
Sad! Sad! They were on the news last night, poor boy did not know what really happened. They're living with her family, and he is going to be a "stay at home dad" of sorts. Not the future I want for my 13 and 10 year old kids.
Posted by kim in portland (formerly just kim) on February 14, 2009 at 2:30 PM
59
This is...very, very disturbing. Araghhhh! I think I just hit my weird shit overload for the year and its only February!
Posted by skylark on February 14, 2009 at 5:13 PM
60
I learned everything I know about sex from Dan Savage! ;)
Posted by kristinbellkitty on February 14, 2009 at 9:44 PM
61
this has nothing to do with the kid im sure itll be fine but chit those parents should have never been having sex blame there parents ....stupid
Posted by karl on March 29, 2009 at 9:31 AM

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