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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

At Large University at Albany-SUNY

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Feb 10, 2009 at 7:54 PM

Some of the questions asked by the students at Albany tonight...

When did you first realize that you were LGBTQ?

When asked by Marie Claire magazine "how do you make anal sex more comfortable for women?", Dr. Drew Pinsky said, "Don't do it. Your butt will leak when you're old." (I am paraphrasing.) Is Dr. Drew a homophobe?

How would you distinguish between a fetish and a simple sexual turn-on or intrigue?

How can sexuality become a more normal and acceptable topic of social discourse?

How do you deal with a strong gag reflex?

I have a 13-year-old and recently found his stash of erotic drawings and stories that he wrote. His mom and I took it out of its hiding place, sat down with him, and basically handed it back to him and said, "These drawings are really good. Keep this up and you don't need to hide it under your bed anymore." Basically what do you think of that?

Some of my answers: I never realized that I was L, B, T, or Q; dunno—but clearly all the other "sex experts" on the college lecture circuit have issues with anal sex; my sexual interests are innocent turn-ons, your sexual interests are perverse fetishes; if I knew I wouldn't say; grip the head firmly and push right past it; I think your son's creepy parents needlessly violated his privacy.

Comments (41) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Man Dan you get around. I guess the issue with the bacon wrapped youth pastors and the pit bulls didn't prevent you from making your flight.

Posted by kim on February 10, 2009 at 8:26 PM

Wow. My job is so boring compared to yours! Nice to have you back though. Usurpers have dared to try and take your place!

Posted by Sarah N on February 10, 2009 at 8:41 PM

"I think your son's creepy parents needlessly violated his privacy."

No kidding. Christ, I totally commend parents for wanting to be open-minded and modern and whatnot, but don't let your 13-year-old know you read their self-insert Mary Sue fanfic or what the hell ever. Just quietly put it back where you found it.

Posted by Darcy on February 10, 2009 at 8:43 PM

Haha, that first question is great. It would have only been better if it had been: "When did you first realize you were... you know... that way?"

Posted by Chris in Tampa on February 10, 2009 at 8:47 PM

Why are you this big expert on sex any way?

Posted by Who Are Yu? on February 10, 2009 at 9:04 PM

DS is a careful reader. That's awesome. This is my fav kind of DS blog post.

Posted by PedestrianMe on February 10, 2009 at 9:07 PM

Well, he's done it, so that gives him a leg up over you, #5.

Posted by I read a book, once on February 10, 2009 at 10:11 PM

You can say "State University of New York at Albany," or "SUNY-Albany," but no one would ever say, "University at Albany - SUNY."

Posted by The Rongovian Embassy on February 10, 2009 at 10:41 PM

Question for DS:

Tonight I've been watching "The Band Wagon" with Fred Astaire, the zany, yet enjoyable movie musical about a team of Broadway professionals putting on a show.

I've already gotten through the two classic numbers, "Shine on Your Shoes" and "That's Entertainment" and I'm enjoying it throughly. Cyd Chaisse has just done a great scene of tit-for-tat with Astaire.

Question: given my enjoyment of American musical theatre, will I soon crave a three way with Barney Frank and Michael Phelps...and who's bringing the hookah?

Posted by I Just Wanna Be Loved; Is That So Wrong !?! on February 10, 2009 at 10:49 PM

The parents are obviously more concerned with being able to pat themselves on the back than what is in the best interest of their kid. In an attempt to look "cool" and "supportive" they trampled over their son's privacy and forced him into a completely unnecessary and uncomfortable conversation. The next time he tries to draw a sexy picture he'll probably think about his mom seeing it: total boner-killer.

Posted by Aislinn on February 10, 2009 at 11:55 PM

You are such a dick sometimes :)

Posted by Aaron Brethorst on February 10, 2009 at 11:56 PM

I don't know when everyone started using the initials DS in place of his name, but am I the only one that thinks of it in the least mature way possible...DSing, as in S the D? Speaking of which, ladies of Slog, many of you are still in DS-ing debt...

Posted by Lara on February 10, 2009 at 11:59 PM

I feel sorry for that kid...he's going to have a lot of problems.

Posted by creepy people shouldn't reproduce on February 11, 2009 at 1:18 AM

Now that we have brought Science back will we get some honest information about the medical consequences of anal intercourse?

Posted by if so, when? on February 11, 2009 at 3:09 AM

Actually, "University at Albany, State University of New York" is the correct nomenclature. "State University of New York at Albany" is a bastardization, much along the lines of "Albany State" or "Albany U".

Or, just do what I do and call it "Shit" or "Crap".

Posted by head_yenta on February 11, 2009 at 4:30 AM

I live just down the road from SUNY. I can't believe I missed it.

Posted by littlekimmyishy on February 11, 2009 at 5:28 AM

@8:

You can say "The Rongovian Embassy To The United States" or "The Rongovian Embassy," but no one would ever say, "The Rongo." Ever.

Posted by Pastor Frank is the funkiest groove in town, Bitch. on February 11, 2009 at 6:32 AM

I saw Pinsky on "Talk Sex With Sue" a couple of years ago. He seems to imply that any sex out side of a committed monogamous relationship is pathological. No wonder the msm pushes him so much. I take him with a big grain of salt.

Posted by Heather on February 11, 2009 at 6:47 AM

"DS" just makes me think of Nintendo, sorry.

Posted by Gloria on February 11, 2009 at 6:55 AM

So I'm going to have a leaky ass when I get older?!?

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on February 11, 2009 at 7:04 AM

As a follow-up to the leaky bum, I would have asked "do ladies who only take it in the hooha have leaky twats when they get older?"

Posted by sdf on February 11, 2009 at 7:20 AM

Duh, #21, your butt isn't meant for intercourse, and women shouldn't have to even worry about anal sex anyway, since it's mostly about men getting off on coercing women to do something possibly painful that they might not want to do.

Posted by *Sigh*.... on February 11, 2009 at 7:42 AM

Now that Science will supercede Ideology will we be able to have some factual medical information about the effects of anal intercourse?

Posted by Science Rules on February 11, 2009 at 7:42 AM

If my butt isn't made for intercourse, why is my prostate up there?

Posted by just wondering on February 11, 2009 at 7:53 AM

#22, lots of men and women enjoy ass fucking, so if a medical doctor is asked how to do it safely his answer should not be some scared straight shit. and so what if a woman wants to do it to get her man off? why is that necessarily coercive?

Posted by ass fuckings for all on February 11, 2009 at 7:56 AM

You can't have an acronym of more than three letters without any vowels. GiBLeTs would be better.

Posted by Sirkowski on February 11, 2009 at 7:59 AM

RE leaky butts: Despite what some people might have us believe, there are scads of old guys and gals who have taken it up there all their lives.

I haven't heard about petulant sphincters from them.

Posted by hartiepie on February 11, 2009 at 8:11 AM

@ 22# um... i dont know what kind of guys you are sleeping with but you might want to pick differnet ones... i use to think the same way about anal sex.. until! like a smart person i researched it... turns out.. anal sex on girls.. i cant speak for men.. does feel good. you just need to take ur time and do it right.. i dont ever EVER feel pain with it now.. and trust me.. as for guys doing it just to get off.. um. it feels different then a vagina.. and change hunny is good.. as well as enjoy something that ur patner enjoys as well... not all men sucks.. :)

Posted by Jess on February 11, 2009 at 8:49 AM

What does the Q stand for?

Posted by kamm on February 11, 2009 at 9:02 AM

Can someone tell me how the L's stole top billing from us G's? It used to be GLBTQQPFWRMDTXQZ...., and now it's LGBTQQPFWRMDTXQZ....

What happened? Were we G's too busy cruising each other to notice? I want an investigation, dammit! To hell with investigating why Prop 8 passed, or whether Sam messed around with the kid before he turned 18 or not, I want THIS investigated, pronto!

Posted by Chris down in The Couv on February 11, 2009 at 9:15 AM

@ 29 - "queer" or "questioning"...:rolleyes:

Sometimes there's 2 Q's. Hell, let's add a third, just for good measure.

Please note, kamm, that the :rolleyes: is not directed at you, it's directed at gay people who believe in the whole "take the sting out of words by taking possession of them" BS.

Posted by Chris down in The Couv on February 11, 2009 at 9:20 AM

@ 29 The Q usually stands for "questioning," but sometimes "queer."

Posted by M. on February 11, 2009 at 9:21 AM

@ 26 - Wow, dude, you've stumbled upon some sort of natural limit, like the speed of light. And I like your suggestion; I love giblet gravy at Thanksgiving. But it would never fly, because you're dropping the L's down one spot. Believe me, you don't want to get on the L's shit list...

Posted by Chris down in The Couv on February 11, 2009 at 9:28 AM

You can't have an acronym of more than three letters without any vowels.

It's too hard to remember for the average person, which is why I've always advocated GBLT (pronounced Gay BLT), because everyone knows what a BLT is.

If Q is added to the mix, while Gay BLT Q would work, I think the acronym should end with BBQ, because everyone knows what BBQ is. Hopefully it would become GLTYBBQ, because everyone feels guilty eating BBQ. Now all we need to do is find meanings for Y and the other B.

Posted by Guilty BBQ eater on February 11, 2009 at 9:32 AM

jesus god, @24, if that isnt a t-shirt design in the making, I will finger your prostate.

<>

Posted by Womyn2me on February 11, 2009 at 9:56 AM

27
And you'd know for sure because a leaking asshole is the first topic of every conversation every time you encounter an old queer.

Posted by screw the grandkids, let me show you a picture of my anus on February 11, 2009 at 4:03 PM

@36--- the voice of your experience?

Posted by hartiepie on February 11, 2009 at 4:17 PM

lol @ grip the head.

Posted by red on February 11, 2009 at 9:34 PM

@38 yeah that one took me a minute but it paid off. and i guess that's what she said.

Posted by tobes on February 11, 2009 at 11:32 PM

I missed your lecture at SUNY Albany, unfortunately, but am a grateful reader of your advice in Metroland.

Posted by Lovecutefeet on February 12, 2009 at 4:29 PM

Am I allowed to answer some of those questions too? "When did you first realize that you were LGBTQ?"
Well, I remember my sixth grade, I was sitting with a girl and I remember that I always admired her beauty, I knew that I love her and I thought it was normal cause everybody went through it, nevertheless I felt alone. When I grew up, I finally decided to accept the LGBTQ community, and now I realize I'm not alone, moreover it's time to fight for the rights.

Posted by sex toy on September 23, 2009 at 7:53 AM