This Week on Drugs has a strict policy: No sports stars caught with pot. They plea, they grovel, the game goes on, and there are no consequences. Take Santonio Holmes. He was caught with pot last fall, but then he apologized, he caught the winning Super Bowl pass, and, voila, redemption and riches. But this weekā€”as if you hadnā€™t heardā€”a photograph exploded of Michael Phelps taking a bong hit. And it's news! Big news. Because heā€™s really, really famous. And, unlike most sports stars caught with pot, heā€™s white. And thereā€™s a lot of money riding on his sloppy smile. This time, getting caught with pot, despite apologies, has consequences. So this week on drugs, we make an exception.

c8f3/1233976709-michaelphelpskelloggscornflakes.jpgPhelpsā€”we learned almost immediatelyā€”is not a dignified, steadfast Atlas; heā€™s a sniveling, groveling tool. Quicker than he could do the butterfly across a pond, he apologized to the world for taking that bong hit, saying, ā€œI engaged in behaviour which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment.ā€ But what he was really saying is that losing corporate sponsorships would be "regrettable." Losing that money would be "regrettable." But he ainā€™t sorry that he smoked pot. If smoking pot made him sorry, he would have realized itā€”and stoppedā€”before he graduated from taking little puffs like a novice pot smoker to huffing Olympic-sized glass bongs at parties. Nobody starts out ripping giant bong loads. Heā€™s a pot smoker. Heā€™s not sorry; heā€™s sorry he got caught. Heā€™s sorry he would lose a breakfast-cereal sponsorship. Corn Flake, indeed.

Heā€™s also not sorry about the impression this leaves on fans. The USA Swimming team said people had looked up to him, ā€œespecially young athletes who have their own aspirations and dreams." Hereā€™s the implication the swimming team makes and Phelps's apology upholds: If you smoke pot, you canā€™t grow up to be a great athlete, star, success, etc. Wellā€”lo and fucking beholdā€”you can. Phelps proved it. Almost. But he apologized and ruined any dignity he had left. Heā€™s banned from swimming for three months. He lost his Kelloggā€™s contract for $1 million. He lost his Subway sponsorship.

Now, pot activists are boycotting Kelloggā€™s to support Phelps. But Iā€™m not. Iā€™m gonna stuff my face this weekend with Frosted Flakes. And I'd rather boycott anything that uses Phelpsā€™s cowardly mug to sell its product. About one-third of the country has smoked pot, and those stoners who act like it's a sin are part of the reason we're so reluctant to fix pot laws that waste of money, distract police resources, and put ordinary folks in jail. More people should come forward like many of these 35 celebrities who smoke pot. We donā€™t need to invigorate the plights of sniveling-spineless-coward pot smokers. Weā€™ve got enough already, thanks.