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News & ArtsFriday, February 6, 2009
Life Have WiFi Or Don't Have Wifi, Okay?
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Feb 6, 2009 at 12:23 PM
Don't want people to sit in your cafe with their laptops? There's a simple solution: don't have WiFi. But if you're going to have WiFi then for fuck's sake have fucking WiFi. And if your WiFi isn't working, if it's down and it's gonna be down all day, you might wanna mention that to people before they wait in line, buy a coffee, leave a tip, sit down, and pull out their computers. Because then each and every one of those computer users is going to walk up to the counter and ask if you have WiFi. It's an asshole move to look at each laptop computer user/customer in turn like they've just asked you if you have herpes. And if it really kills you to sneer out, "Yeah, we have WiFi, but it's down," then put a little sign on the door that says the WiFi's out. Then laptop users won't bother you with their questions, their presence, or their patronage.
UPDATE: And laptop users? Tip based on the amount of time you intend to spend in the cafe, not on the price your beverage; buy your refills; share tables; and always remember that you're not actually in your office.
1
I like to ask first, before ordering or anything. It helps staff not have to deal with my frowniness later if it turns out shit that happens has happened.
3
At the cafe where I work, oftentimes we don't know our WiFi is down until a customer comes and asks us if there's a problem with it.
6
I like to think of the cost of beverage + tip as hourly rent for a table. You can't buy one cup of coffee and take up a table for 5 hours. Either buy something else, or leave a big tip. Or both....
8
Unplug the router, then plug it back in... wifi back up before you can say "venti, no-whip, extra hot, half-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte."
12
Come one, Victrola turns their WiFi off only on the weekends when people who have jobs would actually use it. Hence, why I don't go their for my coffee and computing experience.
13
Why not buy a mobile wireless card from your cell phone carrier? Then you can sit in the cafe for hours and there is nothing the sneering baristas can do about it.
14
Tethering to a 3G phone works for me. Then I can go to cafe that doesn't offer wireless and not have to compete for outlets.
15
5, 12: You must be talking about the Victrola on 15th. Pike Victrola is accessible and awesome. They just need more outlets...
Dan: A+ post, I applaud all words.
Dan: A+ post, I applaud all words.
18
Dan:
Let's start with a deep cleansing breath...up through the nose...out through the mouth...let it go...it's okay.
You already recognize you're not at your office and it's beyond your control.
It's not your monkey and you don't have to take it on.
Another deep cleansing breath...up through the nose...out through the mouth...let it go...
Better?
Have a super day!
Love,
San Francisco
Let's start with a deep cleansing breath...up through the nose...out through the mouth...let it go...it's okay.
You already recognize you're not at your office and it's beyond your control.
It's not your monkey and you don't have to take it on.
Another deep cleansing breath...up through the nose...out through the mouth...let it go...
Better?
Have a super day!
Love,
San Francisco
19
It isn't just the WIFI issue. Customer service is supposed to be just that: service. That is why we tip. If a customer asks a question or makes a request servers should answer politely, even if the question seems unnecessary, stupid or self-evident. Eye-rolling, what-ev attitude, and impatience are not what a customer has come in for. They also don't deserve to be treated badly if the server has had a bad day. Customers who are rude or inappropriate can be dealt with professionally as well. If servers can't be professionally courteous, they need a different line of work.
20
Tipping based on WiFi use? What did that barista do to supply me with WiFi? What is the barista losing by me using WiFi?
22
@19, It's a recession! We should be getting better service from the "service industry". If they can't or won't give the job to someone else who can do it well.
24
Dan, tell me it wasn't Vita? I'm literally about to walk there to get some work done. If there's no WiFi, I'm re-routing to Bauhaus.
25
I've got a PhD and you want better service?
Excuse me while I diagram an Etruscan Poem about how your plight fails to reach me.
Excuse me while I diagram an Etruscan Poem about how your plight fails to reach me.
27
Why would you tip based on how long you take up space and use their wifi? It makes more sense to buy a drink every X minutes. Wifi doesn't exist in cafes so you can go in there and buy a 12oz drip and use their internet for 3 hours, regardless of how much you tip the barista.
28
@23: Unless you've been using it elsewhere for four hours and you still need to get work done. Outlets are key. That's one reason why Bauhaus rules, there's plenty of them along the side bar, which means you get work done and have awesome people watching distractions.
29
#25, not to be harsh, but your PhD involved diagramming Etruscan poems and you wonder why all you can find is a service job?
31
Excuse me while I write a computer program to graph my level of sympathy against the PhD choices of people with a sense of entitlement who can't find jobs.
32
I sat at a wired cafe yesterday for four hours and I made sure that I bought something (a coffee, a bowl of soup, a donut, etc.) every hour I was there (even though I probably didn't need to.
33
the king of passive aggression speaks.
"instead of asking the people, i'll just go back to work and whine about it on my blog"
"instead of asking the people, i'll just go back to work and whine about it on my blog"
34
What is with Americans demanding perky service employees? They are there to serve you food or coffee, not be your pal. Why must servers pretend to be "happy to serve you!" when they obviously are not. They are doing a job. I am getting food/drink. I don't give a shit if the server doesn't use a friendly tone. She is not my friend. We do not have any kind of emotional connection.
35
@34
because Americans have a choice to walk a half block further and get the same drink from someone who is polite, that's why
because Americans have a choice to walk a half block further and get the same drink from someone who is polite, that's why
36
@34 They don't have to be perky and I don't want them to be my friends. I want them to be polite. I am. That is not too much to ask since it is actually part of the job description.
I also understand that there are instances where one might be working at a job for which one is over-qualified. That doesn't give one the right to take a personal grievance out on the public. Some of the customers may be in the same boat.
I also understand that there are instances where one might be working at a job for which one is over-qualified. That doesn't give one the right to take a personal grievance out on the public. Some of the customers may be in the same boat.
37
Also, the cafe is not your living room. Wake the fuck up from your nap, and get your feet off the furniture. Oh yeah, and buy something when you use the WiFi instead of hiding and looking sheepish when you know that I know that you didn't buy shit!!
39
The existence of the hospitality industry is a sign that unnecessary class differences still exist in our society, the fact that many Americans (I'm Australian) believe that "the customer is always right," philosophy should be adhered to is proof of a caste system in your "great" country.
I know most hospitality workers don't get paid well, and even if they do, I know they would rather be following their dreams, and reaching their potential than waiting on me, so I'm always polite and respectful, and expect no fake cheerfulness, nor do I expect them to be nice to me if I'm rude to them.
I always feel a little bit ashamed being waited on by someone who earns less than me and no doubt has a worse and more boring job than me.
I know most hospitality workers don't get paid well, and even if they do, I know they would rather be following their dreams, and reaching their potential than waiting on me, so I'm always polite and respectful, and expect no fake cheerfulness, nor do I expect them to be nice to me if I'm rude to them.
I always feel a little bit ashamed being waited on by someone who earns less than me and no doubt has a worse and more boring job than me.
40
um, bruce if you think patronizing rude coffee shops strikes a blow against global capitalism, i think i have a clue why the revolution hasn't come
41
I work at a shop that fills up with laptop users, and I am frequently trying to calm my boss down about the amount of time people spend using the shop an as office, instead of a place to relax with a cup of coffee. I disagree, to my dismay, with Dan that you should tip based on the amount of time you intend to spend - as I'd love the extra money! But ultimately, people who come in and can't find a seat or an available outlet go somewhere else, and the business suffers for it. If a barista is eyeing you, or comes up and asks "can I get you anything", fucking pony up or get the fuck out. The library has free wi-fi, leeches.
42
Speaking of it not being your office-- stop making WORK PHONE CALLS while you are on your laptop. No one wants to hear about it. Some of us come to cafes to relax and shit. If you need to make calls--- stay fucking home and make your own coffee.
43
As an Eisenhower Silent Generational throwback, I wish I could give a flying fuck about how your café fails to attend to your cyberspace needs. In the day, people actually left their office to take a "coffee break". They left their work behind for 15-20 minutes. Apparently MBA programs offer little or no advice on obtaining and utilizing clues. Here's one: Café = Coffee. Café doesn't equal "office", nor "laptop lapdoggery", nor "self-importance vestibule".
45
Does anyone else think there's maybe a market for cafes which specialise in giving laptop users a place to come in and do their stuff? A public office/cafe? They had one here in Melbourne. It had atmosphere, coffee, and a bar, but also has printers, scanners and computers with adobe packages and other office equipment for people to use. Like Kinkos but way cooler. It's called 'public office.'
http://www.barfinder.com.au/public-offic…
http://www.barfinder.com.au/public-offic…
46
Dan, don't you have your own office? Like, one with a door that shuts? Not a cubicle? If so, just do your work there.
47
We have WiFi and a lot of outlets. But I would also suggest Online Coffee. That place is great for computer use.
49
@ 29, 30, 31 - I'm sorry, but did irony die in Seattle? Can it not make it out to the pacific time zone? Because I'm pretty damned sure #25 was making a joke. I know that most of my friends with 90% useless PhDs have fairly good senses of humor about it.
52
I can't help but throw in here that suitable reading level illumination seems to be missing from many coffee houses these days. I'm not a mobile combuter user and it often seems as if cafe light levels are perfect for using a laptop and that's about it. Unless the low light is intended by the cafe mgmnt. to convey the idea anything besided chatting in person with friends is not an acceptable use of the cafe, perhaps a bit more light would get people out of their computer and into a newspaper or something. It's hard to kill more than 2 hours at a time reading paper media anyway, so it might help.
53
@39, you are a tool. Go back to Australia and feel guilty for your own baristas.
Not every service worker is miserable. Service industry jobs usually offer the kind of flexibility that a 9-5 doesn't. You sound out of touch when you suggest treating waiters and bartenders with kid gloves. They aren't helpless, they made a choice to work there (recession or not).
There's a lot wrong with America. The general public's regard for the service industry is not one of them.
Now get the fuck out of my country and go shear some sheep.
Sincerely,
Former bellboy, dishwasher, busboy, and amusement park answer guy
Not every service worker is miserable. Service industry jobs usually offer the kind of flexibility that a 9-5 doesn't. You sound out of touch when you suggest treating waiters and bartenders with kid gloves. They aren't helpless, they made a choice to work there (recession or not).
There's a lot wrong with America. The general public's regard for the service industry is not one of them.
Now get the fuck out of my country and go shear some sheep.
Sincerely,
Former bellboy, dishwasher, busboy, and amusement park answer guy
54
First, it's a bird, now, no WiFi. Jeez, can you imagine what Dan was like pre-internet, before he could whine online? Did he bottle it all up, and then release it every few weeks at some unfortunate soul? Or did he immediately point out to random strangers all the ways that his life was less than perfect? Just how unpleasant a person was he to be around?
55
People who dick around forever in a cafe or restaurant ought to tip accordingly, as their ass is a huge opportunity cost. I've been in the situation where two people, sitting and talking for hours has cost me four or five tables, and all the tips accordingly. It's not fair not to tip accordingly. It's not like I'd come into any of these people's offices and sit in front of their office door, blocking them from work.
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