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Wednesday, February 4, 2009

??!! / Film Walt Disney Corporation Launches Campaign to Euthanize All Russian Dogs by Suffocation in the Cold Dead Vaccuum of Space

Posted by Lindy West on Wed, Feb 4, 2009 at 2:25 PM

Last week, these three space dogs arrived in my mailbox:

According to the accompanying press release, these three space dogs are intended to promote the DVD release of Disney's Space Buddies, and are part of a larger crew of space dogs: "adorable Golden Retriever puppies Rosebud, Buddha, Budderball, B-Dawg, and Mudbud" who "travel to the moon in search of a dream, only to realize that what they want is back on earth." (Just what is it that they want? Beef jerky? A nap? Their own buttholes? Because I'm pretty sure those are portable.)

The two space dogs on the left are, obviously, the adorable American golden retriever space dogs. One is a girl, which means she has a stupid pink space suit and a bow. The other one is a man, so he has a manly regulation space suit. The third one is Russian.

The Russian space dog is not a golden retriever. He is a less-universally-lovable bull terrier. He wears an ugly orange space suit that's all hammer-and-sickled out, due to his Soviet stylings. Also, HE HAS NO FUCKING SPACE HELMET.

Just what the fuck do you expect Soviet space dog to DO in space, Disney Corporation!? Breathe deep of the spirit of the proletariat before he blasts off from the Motherland and then just HOLD IT!? Hold it in, space dog! Hold it! What's that? Sorry, I can't hear you from inside my handy American-made oxygen globe. Woof.

Comments (25) RSS

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"Mudbud" is not a name you hear every day.

Posted by tomasyalba on February 4, 2009 at 2:31 PM

This series is the best example of insane takes on a franchise.

From a dog who plays basketball (Air Bud :http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118570/)

to DOGS IN SPAYYCEEE!!!

Posted by Non on February 4, 2009 at 2:35 PM

They sent these three to The Stranger, not into space. No need for helmets.

Posted by Other than the pot smoke... on February 4, 2009 at 2:36 PM

$20 says what the dogs really want is the love of their humans.

Posted by Julie in Eugene on February 4, 2009 at 2:41 PM

you strapped the dog into a chair, she tried to lick your face
then you counted backwards and you launched her into space
you made no provisions for bringing her back home
high and all alone
you can look into the sky you might see a falling star
if I get one wish I hope that Laika will go far
I hope she sails on and on across the universe
finds there some new world where she'll be safe from man's experiments
that don't have come home parts
free from being bound by chains or left alone in cars
wonder if she'll think about a family back on earth
Laika Laika

my dog is an astronaut light years away from home
she lives up in heaven howling above the moon

she's not coming down it takes more than you to keep a good dog on the ground
she's not coming back it take more than you to keep a good dog down

every night I look out my window, I find the faintest star above
how'd you ever pick a name that you're never gonna use enough
why'd you name her if that was your big plan

Posted by laterite on February 4, 2009 at 2:43 PM

Having spent a lot of time in largely Buddhist countries including Thailand and Sri Lanka, I can readily say that naming one of the dogs Buddha won't garner much appreciation for Disney in those places. While not nearly as vociferous as Muslim fundamentalists on the subject of display of the prophet Mohammed it is considered very disrespectful of the Buddha to joke about him or use his image as a decorative object, or place it in such a manner as being lower than the heads of people who approach it.

Posted by Inkweary on February 4, 2009 at 2:45 PM

please keep the dogs here and launch the Stranger "writers" into space.

Thank you.

Posted by SS MUDBUDABABY on February 4, 2009 at 2:47 PM

Spuds McKenzie

Posted by matt on February 4, 2009 at 2:48 PM

if you don't want 'em, lindy, i'll take 'em. i love toy doggies.

Posted by scary tyler moore on February 4, 2009 at 2:49 PM

In soviet russia dog suffocates space

Posted by vooodooo84 on February 4, 2009 at 2:50 PM

Muddy Rosebud

Posted by _adam_ on February 4, 2009 at 2:51 PM

How can I love Lindy's posts any more than I already do?

Trick question! I can't.

Posted by Internet Comment Person #73248901 on February 4, 2009 at 2:57 PM

that stupid godless commie dog deserves everything he gets. yeah, that'll learn him for being such a pinko bastard.

Posted by joe mc-barkthy on February 4, 2009 at 2:57 PM

In soviet russia, dog-- oh.

Posted by AJ on February 4, 2009 at 3:30 PM

In Soviet North Korea, dog is what's for dinner, comrade.

Posted by Will in Seattle on February 4, 2009 at 3:57 PM

It's actually a nod to the Soviets' superior toughness and shoestring ingenuity. Like that time NASA developed a pressurized pen that could write in microgravity, whereas the Russians used pencils. In this case, while the Americans chased their silly technological solutions (spacesuits), the Soviets just got tough enough to deal with the vacuum on their own.

Posted by Greg on February 4, 2009 at 3:57 PM

Laika flew through inky blue
'Til Laika neared the atmosphere and Laika knew
Laika's life was through.
Ohhhh, yeahhhhh....

Posted by Toe Tag on February 4, 2009 at 4:38 PM

I bet you anything Mudbud is the African-American dog.

Posted by kebabs on February 4, 2009 at 5:06 PM

I LOVE LAIKA!

That being said, I really don't think Disney picked the correct target audience for their promotion. Because I can tell you that my 7 year old loves these dogs. Absolutely loves them. No matter how stupid the plot of the movies are, he still thinks they are good.

And, unlike that piece of crap Marley & Me the dogs don't die. Well, I'm assuming in this one the Russian space dog doesn't die either.

p.s. Confidential to Lindy, I will pay you cold, hard cash, or donate money to a charity of your pick for the boy dog in the helmet.

Posted by PopTart on February 4, 2009 at 5:49 PM

And @18, Mudbud is the air "buddy" that likes to roll around in the mud, hence his nickname. He was quite disappointed in the Alaskan adventure when rolling around in the snow rendered him clean. The dogs are all golden retrievers, at least I'm pretty sure that's what they are.

Posted by PopTart on February 4, 2009 at 5:51 PM

God bless you, Lindy West.

Posted by Glossy on February 4, 2009 at 10:13 PM

Actually, helmet issues aside, that's the correct color for a Soviet space suit outer liner, circa 1960's/early 1970's.

They made them day-glo orange so the cosmonaut (who, unlike U.S. astronauts was ejected from the re-entry module and parachuted to the ground) could be more easily spotted by air rescue.

Posted by COMTE on February 4, 2009 at 10:30 PM

Good post Lindy-hop.

Posted by whatevermind on February 4, 2009 at 11:36 PM

I am sure the golden retriever and Bull terrier breed groups are really pleased by this movie. NOT. here we go again with another dog movie, sure to make the puppy millers churn out more unwanted dogs for stupid people who don't realize a movie dog does not = a real dog.

Posted by Gindy on February 5, 2009 at 5:54 AM

My little dog ran away the other day.
I can't believe my little dog Lassie ran away.
She packed her bags, got into a hot air balloon.
Then my little dog Lassie, she sailed off to the moon.
(yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

The day.
The day!
That was the day that Lassie went to the moon!

My little dog Lassie packed her bags and went out on to the porch.
Her golden fur glistened in that sunny blue backdrop of the sky in Kansas.
Before her stretched magestic wheat fields in that great city of the west.
Lassie knew that she could serve the youth of America in the stars above.
(yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

That was the day that Lassie went to the moon.

Posted by FUCK LAIKA. on February 5, 2009 at 9:36 AM