Seattle police are looking for the ghouls who trashed a North Seattle cemetery last week.
According to a police report, 57 headstones at the Calvary Cemetery in Wedgwood were knocked over or damaged sometime after the cemetery closed on January 20th.
In the report, an officer estimates the damage to the cemetery to be between $150,000 and $2.5 million. Some of the damaged graves were over 100 years old.
Richard Peterson, director of cemeteries for the Archdiocese of Seattle, says Calvary will "readhere" the tombstones but, Peterson says, the cemetery does not have the resources to repair damaged graves. "It’s very sad that people would spend their energy desecrating graves for no good reason," he says.
Peterson says Calvary has added additional surveillance on the property and is working with neighbors and the police department. "All cemeteries have problems from time to time," Peterson says.
The University of Washington has sent out an email alert to students after two men were assaulted near the University District over the weekend.
According to the UW email, around midnight on January 24, two men in their mid-20s attacked and robbed another man near NE 45th Street and 9th Ave NE. The UW notice says the men hit the victim in the face and stole his wallet.
Two nights later, another man was assaulted in the 5200 block of 17th Ave NE after he refused to let two other men use his cellphone. Police say the suspects stole the man's backpack and fled in a burgundy PT Cruiser.
The UW notice does not indicate whether the two incidents are related.
The university says additional police officers from the Seattle Police Department and UWPD are being shifted to patrol the U-District.


I'm such a Doc Savage nerd. I know most people have no idea what the hell I'm geeking out over, here, but these guys have made a bunch of fake Doc Savage covers, wherein Doc meets various movie monsters. It's almost enough to make me want to start writing fanfic.
(Via.)
Breaking underpants news, from Slog tipper/Vita patron Matt Hickey:
I'm at Vita. There's a short old man having a phone conversation, and we can all hear him, but he's saying, "You want funny underwear? I'll get some. Tonight? Sure, I'll do it now." Then he asked Vita in general, "Anyone know where there's a sex store nearby?" and the barista politely directed him to the Crypt.
Does he mean funny underwear ha-ha or funny underwear peculiar?
Funny underwear! Can you imagine?
Kerry Park, the heaven local cameras go when they die.
I just got a glimpse of the new show at SAAM, Garden and Cosmos: The Royal Paintings of Jodhpur, and it is spectacular. (Full review later.) The paintings are not small, but they are crawling with details, so magnifying glasses are provided.
In subject matter they range from scenes of courtly splendor—one maharaja surrounded by dozens of women—to spiritual meditations on the void of the cosmos (seen in a literal void on the painting: a gold field with nothing in it) to one depiction of a city under construction seen as if from above and from every facade simultaneously. (That trick of perspective happens over and over again in this art, and it's ravishing: Google Earth has nothing on these painters.)
Various rulers had various ideas about what they wanted their ateliers to produce, hence the differences from period to period. For the most part the artists aren't named, and in some cases scholars know that at least two artists worked on a piece at once.
What's incredible is that some of these paintings were only discovered three years ago—they were simply languishing in a cabinet at the Jodhpur palace.
The show opens Thursday, and at 7 pm there's a gallery talk with the exhibition curator, Debra Diamond, who is the opposite of boring. There also are some more images—zoomable, but not zoomable enough by half!—here.
Most of the paintings are horizontal, but here's an exception. I realize it will take a while to scroll it, but I wanted to give you the image with the greatest possible detail for Slog's parameters. It's called Chakras of the Subtle Body, and is from 1823 (attributed to Bulaki).

This is so fucking sweet:
The creator of "Star Trek" and his wife will spend eternity together in space. Celestis Inc., a company that specializes in "memorial spaceflights," said Monday that it will ship the remains of Gene Roddenberry and Majel Barrett Roddenberry into space next year.
It's like the conclusion to the ultimate nerd love story.
New York magazine looks into the guys who remade the New York Times's web presence. They look like this:

They're doing this:
Even as the financial pages [have been writing] the paper’s obit, deep within that fancy Renzo Piano palace across from the Port Authority, something hopeful has been going on: a kind of evolution. Each day, peculiar wings and gills poke up on the Times’ website—video, audio, “drillable” graphics. Beneath Nicholas Kristof’s op-ed column, there’s a link to his blog, Twitter feed, Facebook page, and YouTube videos. Coverage of Gaza features a time line linking to earlier reporting, video coverage, and an encyclopedic entry on Hamas. Throughout the election, glittering interactive maps let readers plumb voting results. There were 360-degree panoramas of the Democratic convention; audio “back story” with reporters like Adam Nagourney; searchable video of the debates. It was a radical reinvention of the Times voice, shattering the omniscient God-tones in which the paper had always grounded its coverage; the new features tugged the reader closer through comments and interactivity, rendering the relationship between reporter and audience more intimate, immediate, exposed.
Remember the Word Train on the day of the election, that stream of words that described how people were feeling in the moment, the bigger the word the more people feeling it? They did that. Writes New York's Emily Nussbaum:
Elements like the Word Train appear at first glance quite un-Timesian, but at second, they provide a philosophical jolt—what is the Word Train, after all, but a variation on the classic “streeter,” that roundup of quotes from twenty voters, this time done with many anonymous thousands?
The whole thing's here.
Really. I really shouldn't post anything to Slog. Doctor's orders: stop typing. For two days. At least. Or lose the arm.
The celebration begins in comments in three, two, one...
From "ad hominem! no fair!" to "you're a bitch!" in exactly four words:
gee erica, angry feminist much? hater of white men much? that's one of the lamest most ad hominem reviews i've ever read. you are a true bitch. and you truly need an editor.cheers
philip
And the follow-up:
you are a clueless nasty, no talent editrix bitch and everyone knows what your middle initial stands for.
From a former colleague of mine, unemployed writer and mental-health blogger (!) Philip Dawdy (who helpfully included his Paypal button at the end of both emails). Read my review of Skip Berger's book, Pugetopolis, here.
Has your Google Alert for "feces" timed out? Whatever the case, fuck you for making me report this story about the San Diego man granted a mistrial after attacking his lawyer in court with you-know-what.
A mistrial was declared Monday when a home-invasion robbery suspect smeared human feces on his attorney's face then threw more at the jury. Weusi McGowan, 37, was upset because San Diego Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Fraser refused to remove Deputy Alternate Public Defender Jeffrey Martin from the case, prosecutor Christopher Lawson said. At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on Martin's hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.
Full story here.
Whole Foods has settled a dispute over moving into a custom building in the Interbay area (the valley between Queen Anne and Magnolia). The company had planned to delay the opening, which triggered a lawsuit from the property developer. Then in December, Whole Foods announced it would scale down the size of new stores, from around 60,000 square feet to under 40,000 square feet. In the settlement reached today, Whole Foods agreed to occupy only 38,000 square feet of the Interbay building and find sublessors for the remaining 20,000 square feet.
It seems like rough economic times to open a Whole Foods... considering it sells bananas priced like caviar. I've been subsisting almost entirely on a Trader Joe's diet for the last few months, and employees at the Trader Joe's by my house say the store is busier than ever. Meanwhile, folks in the restaurant business have complained of very slow business. So maybe this grocery craze spells fortune for Whole Foods: People's idea of fine cuisine—rather than going out to eat at Campagne—is shopping at Whole Foods instead of Safeway.
But Whole Foods is still too expensive for some folks. Gothamist has an interview with a shoplifter who steals up to $50 of stuff from Whole Foods at a go. Here's an excerpt of the whole, delightful interview:
Do you remember the first thing you shoplifted? Of course, it was a sausage. It was a really expensive sausage that I put under my pants.
The most striking thing to me, in retrospect, about John Updike's passing is that he must've known he was sick. I wrote this about his recent visit to Seattle Arts and Lectures:
"I know there's something wrong with someone who has written 60 books," Updike said of his body of work, but "the end is in sight" and it will be "a relief to not work on novels" anymore.
At the time, I thought it was just an author nearing 80, with mortality on his mind. The audience laughed politely, as though tolerating a fleeting, dark thought (almost a kind of humility, coming from an author whose work will live as long as the language). But lung cancer doesn't just sneak up on you like that; before our eyes, he was wrestling with something more solid than a vague concept of mortality.
When I was a kid, I hated John Updike. I think it's because the first book of his that I tried to read was Bech: A Book. I have a particular distaste for writers writing about writers. And he seemed, at the time, too establishment for alternative young me. But gradually, I read other books of his and I came to appreciate his abilities. The thing about John Updike that's so amazing to me is that he is a craftsman. You can't read his sentences and call them ugly. They are beautiful things, and they also indicate a lot of work: the word choice and the phrasing and the complicated structures don't just come from thin air. They are not just inspiration. There was a steady hand at work in making them, and he was always working on something.
But the other amazing thing about Updike as a writer, too, is that he's an artist. Consider this early, celebrated story of his, "A&P." It's the story of a supermarket checkout clerk and three girls in bathing suits who come into his store. There's lust and struggling against the constraints of society and a noble, or foolish, sentiment and comedy in that story, and it's all a testament to Updike's ability to actually crawl inside the head of a young man working in a supermarket that it works. The language is still beautiful and surprising:
Her voice kind of startled me, the way voices do when you see the people first, coming out so flat and dumb yet kind of tony, too, the way it ticked over "pick up" and "snacks." All of a sudden I slid right down her voice into her living room.
...but the commitment to his character is there, too. You don't often see a writer with both a rich imagination and a supreme skill at putting one word after another.
People—including me when I was younger—give him shit for writing about white Massachusetts men who cheat on their wives and for his work's occasionally condescending relationships to women and minorities. But over the course of his career, Updike wrote from the point of view of a young Muslim terrorist, a man in the distant future, supporting characters in Hamlet, an exiled African president, and so many, many more. And not all of those books were successes, but they were certainly all solid efforts. Most literary authors born since the start of Updike's career simply aren't willing to write books like that, to take that kind of chance with their precious careers. But that's what being a novelist is supposed to be. And that's part of what made Updike so great.
Seen on the Ave a moment ago.
We at The Stranger not only hate animals (particularly penguins and pit bulls), we also hate the maker of these creatures.
Jennifer, a Slog reader headed to Bangladesh to work at a hospital, sent over a note from the program manager there. It closes like this:
At the end, we congratulate your Black Diamond First Afro American President Barack H. Obama. We are looking for his dynamic leadership for country and the whole world.
Best regards.

I'm not the only one finding this report quite telling:
More Wall Street employees received bonuses for 2008 than were expecting to in October, though many remained unhappy with them, according to an online poll.EFinancialCareers.Com said about 79 percent of workers who responded to an online poll this month said they received a bonus for 2008, more than the 66 percent of respondents who expected to get a reward in October. Still, 46 percent said they were dissatisfied with their bonus.
“What it shows is the bonus culture is very deep-set in the securities industry,” said John Benson, founder and chief executive officer of the Web site, a unit of Dice Holdings Inc. “There’s an entitlement culture amongst a number of people in the industry, which I think in the current environment is very misplaced.”
In the stone ages on Wall Street, most everyone understood it was better to lodge a C performance in an A year than an A performance in a C year. Clearly, the clock is being rolled back.
Let's think through the consequence of this. You're a smart and responsible trader, circa 2005. You recognize the coming collapse in the mortgage-backed securities market, and thus stop trading in them. In retrospect, this is A performance. Sadly, you're too smart. The bubble is still going. Your colleagues pouring money into the froth do way better in 2005 than you do. They get a bonus. You don't.
Fast forward to today, if you still have a job. You made the right choices, but the market has sunk into the bursting bubble. Nobody does well. It's a C year, and you don't get a bonus again. You leave finance.
Rather than thinking of the proposed restrictions on Wall Street bonuses as intentionally punitive, I'm starting to think of a ban as intrinsically beneficial, stopping a powerful incentive to follow with the crowd up the steep slope of bubbles.
It's not often that you see a completely candid take on drugs in a daily paper but, well, holy shit:
From the PI's sports blog:
The arrest of Seahawks linebacker Leroy Hill on marijuana possession charges Saturday near Atlanta is the subject of Jim Moore's column in Tuesday's P-I.As the P-I's Greg Johns writes, Hill issued an apology through the team Monday, and Seahawks personnel chief Tim Ruskell also issued a statement.
Said Hill: "I am embarrassed by the incident Saturday morning and the poor judgment I showed. Please understand my actions were not consistent with the type of person I hope to become."
Let's suppose the allegations against Hill are true, and judging by his statement they seem to be. If Hill smokes pot — in this case during the offseason in his hometown — do you care? If so, why? And please spare us the argument that it's wrong because it's against the law. Jaywalking, participating in an NCAA Tournament office pool or playing poker on the Internet are against the law, too. That doesn't make them wrong in the minds of most reasonable people.
It's true that being busted for post is no big deal, but it's shocking (and awesome) to hear that sentiment echoed in a paper which, in the past, has pumped out its fair share of credulous drug reporting.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Complete with 20 illustrations in the style of C. E. Brock (the original illustrator of Pride and Prejudice), this insanely funny expanded edition will introduce Jane Austen's classic novel to new legions of fans.
Provided, awesomely, by a commenter on this post:
1. Thou shall not steal, only transform.
2. Thou shall not covet thy colleague's gallery.
3. Nor shall thou covet thy colleague's reviews.
4. Thou shall not say "I could have done that."
5. Thou shall not call video games art in vain.
6. Thou shall not criticize that which you have not seen in person.
7. Thou shall honor the studio and keep it free of those annoying red fibers from the carpet in your TV room that seem to get everywhere.
8. Thou shall not crush the hopes and dreams of younger artists.
9. Thou shall work faster and smaller.
10. Thou shall not watch the Super Bowl.
This has been floating around the internet for a week or so, but this woman's chirpy voice as she describes the First Family's secret sex life kills me every time:

Mark Mumford's Not Everything Is Visible (2008), vinyl
At James Harris Gallery. (Gallery site here.)
Say this phrase and see what comes up. Here in the office it was "God!," "Blankety-Blank's talent-slash-wang!," "MRSA!"
You try.
We won, right?
You wouldn't know it from this news: Democrats are reportedly preparing, at the behest of the Obama administration, to eliminate economic-stimulus funding for contraceptives for low-income women. The about-face came after much squawking from right-wing godbags like Bill Donohue of the Catholic League, who charged that the proposal was "anti-child"; other Republicans charged that funding birth control for poor women does nothing to help the economy. Although Democrats like Nancy Pelosi have responded, quite reasonably, that neither families nor the economy benefit from poor women having unwanted children they can't afford, Obama and the Democrats appear prepared to bow to Republicans' wishes and kill funding for the program.

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing a new television commercial for Volkswagen's "all-new CC." It's a car, and in the commercial, it's speeding down the road past various positive press quotes about the car's charms.
The one that caught my eye comes from Car Magazine, a UK publication that praised VW's new CC by claiming the car "positively oozes class."
Isn't "oozing class" kind of like "crapping dignity"? By which I mean impossible?
Last night, developers unveiled plans for an eight-story building—Market Street Landing—on the site of the former Ballard Denny’s. MyBallard has a brief write-up about the presentation before a city design-review board and neighbors. I gotta say—man, this is an ugly building.

Freiheit & Ho Architects
And it’s not that all new buildings are crap, or that condos are invading our sacred burg, or that this design doesn’t relate to the neighborhood, or those other red-herring excuses from people who want to send Seattle back to 1974. And it’s not that the Denny’s was especially special. The problem here is that this eight-story building, donning little pitched rooflets, is attempting to look like a set of small Craftsman-style houses. But it can’t look small: It’s a huge building. If you’re building big, go big. Be bold.
Historians and librarians are claiming that we need to preserve old websites for historical context:
Historians face a "black hole" of lost material unless urgent action is taken to preserve websites and other digital records, the head of the British Library has warned.Just as families store digital photos on computers which might never be passed on to their descendants, so Britain's cultural heritage is at risk as the internet evolves and technologies become obsolete, says Lynne Brindley, the library's chief executive.
...
"Too many of us suffer from a condition that is going to leave our grandchildren bereft," Brindley states. "I call it personal digital disorder. Think of those thousands of digital photographs that lie hidden on our computers. Few store them, so those who come after us will not be able to look at them. It's tragic."She believes similar gaps could appear in the national memory, pointing out that, contrary to popular assumption, internet companies such as Google are not collecting and archiving material of this type. It is left instead to the libraries and archives which have been gathering books, periodicals, newspapers and recordings for centuries.
This actually is a huge problem, and the real mess is that we're never going to be able to convince people to put more money into libraries to sustain and preserve the websites.