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Friday, January 23, 2009

Teh Internets What Was I Smoking?

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 at 5:02 PM

03e7/1232739846-300_87502.jpg This post is pure nostalgic toy porn for men of a certain age. There are contemplation on M.U.S.C.L.E. toys, which I loved because they didn't come with any back story at all, forcing me to come up with individual names and histories for every little figure. Oddly, I had no interest in Monster in My Pocket, which is the exact same thing. I think maybe I liked the fact that the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures were all the same bubblegum color.

6b7b/1232739869-1910692914_cef48b3027.jpg And a few brief there are a few brief thoughts on Mad Balls, which I was pretty fond of, too. When I saw the picture of the Mad Ball, I suddenly remembered the toxic foam smell of the one that I owned when I got it brand-new at KB Toys in the Maine Mall. I'm totally showing my age. I don't really understand grown men who still collect Transformers, but seeing these pictures totally set me off.

Comments (28) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Wait. How old ARE you? I remember these toys and I'm most certainly not old.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt on January 23, 2009 at 5:10 PM

My brother had Mad Balls and I totally coveted them. He had the one in the picture, the baseball and the weird, Frankenstein like green one.

Posted by prenks on January 23, 2009 at 5:11 PM

Oh my gosh, it is "Argh"! I still have him somewhere. His brain looks like it popping out the back. My brother had Scream, the baseball and my other brother had the green one, Slobulous. Yeah, I'm a dork.

Posted by Mr.Designer on January 23, 2009 at 5:18 PM

i don't know what you're smoking but PUFF PUFF GIVE MOTHERFUCKER!

Posted by It's Friday, I'm Gonna Get Me High on January 23, 2009 at 5:18 PM

oh dear god. I was out of college and divorced by the time MadBalls came out. whippersnapper!

Posted by mike on January 23, 2009 at 5:22 PM

I thought the MUSCLE toys were pretty cool too

Posted by Matt on January 23, 2009 at 5:23 PM

I loved the MUSCLE toys...was it a gay thing?

Posted by Frank Rizzo on January 23, 2009 at 5:25 PM

i LOVED muscle men!!! i had hundreds!! i totally forgot about them... i bet they're still saved in the attic of my parents' house... are they worth anything?

Posted by teddy b on January 23, 2009 at 5:28 PM

So, Mad Balls actually represent an episode of moral upbringing in my life. You see, I found one in the toy store that had come out of it's packaging, so I decided to pocket it. Of course, giant plastic balls are pretty conspicuous in pockets, and my mother caught me and made me tell the shopkeeper what I had done.

And then he told her never to come back. She got so outraged at him for failing to teach her son a lesson in morality that I never got that lesson.

One other thing I never got: a Mad Ball. They made me cringe from that point forward.

Posted by Ziggity on January 23, 2009 at 5:39 PM

I remember these toys but have not thought of them for years, prompting my initial, unbidden, knee-jerk response to this post:

What on earth was intended by giving kids something called Monster In My Pocket?

Posted by Alicia on January 23, 2009 at 5:54 PM

Man, that container of Muscle men has TWO of my favorite ones in it. I had a third favorite one, which I think was just a pyramid with legs. Man, thanks for bringing those back to my attention.

Posted by Stoppin ze throwinze on January 23, 2009 at 6:11 PM

Maine Mall and Mad Balls -- I am so into you! I'm from NH's White Mountains and the Maine Mall was our direct source for all things cool.

Do you have an older brother, Paul? I know you're taken, but wow, do you appeal to me.

Posted by Patricia on January 23, 2009 at 6:12 PM

This is like porn! Paul did you fuck around with GI Joe's? T

Posted by MadDog on January 23, 2009 at 6:17 PM

Transformers beat the shit out of those toys. I collected those too when I was a kid, but Transformers were considerably superior. They actually have value because they look cool and you can actually interact with them on some level. MUSCLEs and Mad Balls are like the 1980s equivalent of dumbed-down mass-marketed video games.

Posted by JMS on January 23, 2009 at 6:25 PM

Yeah well I loved Weird Al too, so go suck it with your overpriced bourgeois Transformers!

Posted by MadDog on January 23, 2009 at 6:28 PM

And look, they are doing a Madballs game.

http://kotaku.com/5124059/madballs-added…

Posted by James McDaniel on January 23, 2009 at 6:28 PM

MEN of a certain age? I'm certainly not a man and i loved Mad Balls!

Posted by ingopixel on January 23, 2009 at 6:40 PM

girl, here, loved mad balls and m.u.s.c.l.e. toys!!!!

Posted by momperson on January 23, 2009 at 8:21 PM

I remember m.u.s.c.l.e. men too! Me and my brother had hundreds of those guys and the little wrestling ring you could get for them too (but it broke almost immediately... cheap).

We used to come up with names for all of them too.

We had zoids too, but those were always more expensive and more fragile so we had to be careful with them... muscle men you could toss all over the place.

Thanks for the nostalgia Paul!

Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 23, 2009 at 8:37 PM

"There are contemplation"?

Posted by Pliggett Darcy on January 23, 2009 at 8:45 PM

Amatuers!!! My homey ROG had this all covered months ago!!!

http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/muscl…
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/madba…

Posted by El Rutherford on January 23, 2009 at 9:02 PM

I am pretty sure there were rare "colored" muscles. I seem to remember red and blue ones.

Posted by rich on January 23, 2009 at 10:09 PM

Muscle was cool, but do you remember the elemental ones with the cool heat-sensitive sticker on their chests so when you put your thumb on it it shows what element they are and is THEREFORE COMPLETELY INCREDIBLE?!

Posted by chrisfurniss on January 23, 2009 at 10:22 PM

OMG, I used to have a shitload of MUSCLE figures... they all had their own powers... some were good, some were evil... lol... what a weird thing to collect, i mean they certainly didn't amount to the coolness that He-Man, GI Joe, Star Wars, Transformers, or Colorforms did... but i loved them anyway... :)

Posted by geofre thunderchaps on January 24, 2009 at 12:31 AM

Anyone for Popples!

Posted by knobtheunicorn on January 24, 2009 at 1:18 AM

paul's not gay.

Posted by kt on January 24, 2009 at 8:18 AM

How come no one ever mentions Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors? They were from about the same time frame (maybe a little earlier) but were totally radical!

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/wwarriors…

Posted by veo_ on January 24, 2009 at 4:36 PM

I was caught by the security guard of a target trying to shoplift a pack of musclemen. They held me in detention till my crying mother came to pick me up.
Ha Ha.. WTF was I thinking. Stealing musclemen?!

Posted by jolio on January 24, 2009 at 5:21 PM