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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sex Here's the Future, Boys

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 4:32 PM

Geekologie points out the RealTouch, which is a futuristic sex toy for men. Here is a photo of the Realtouch:

Apparently, the RealTouch is like a Fleshlight, kind of, only with moving parts. The orifice expands and contracts and the interior heats up to human body temperature. And it comes with a USB port that connects you to a computer where you can watch a POV porn film that is cued to the device, so the device simulates the intensity and frequency of the action committed by the porn star on the screen. Comes in straight and gay varieties.

I have a feeling a lot more guys are going to leave the house a lot less often now. Of course, men who are less prone to laying down a hundred and fifty bucks for this thing (plus more for videos) will have to make do with their imaginations and possibly a Fifi.

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Can't wait until they make a Wii version! Woo! Good times! Err...Oh. Guess not, since I'm not a GUY! Wah Wah! :(

Posted by kristinbellcat on January 13, 2009 at 4:51 PM

hmm, electricity, liquid and my penis. i'll pass.

Posted by #53381300p on January 13, 2009 at 4:53 PM

150 bones to do something I can already do for free, and it has no tits. WTF!

Posted by I'll wank for free thank you on January 13, 2009 at 4:54 PM

I've always wanted to fuck a bottling plant. Finally, a safe way to realize my dream! (Confidential to Fairfield Budweiser's third shift: I was more embarrassed than you were. Even though the flowers weren't for originally for you, please accept them as a peace offering.)

Posted by Dougsf on January 13, 2009 at 5:00 PM

My frickin' favorite part of this is that in the videos, it's clear that the implement is the size of a large loaf of bread. Or a shoebox. Or a butternut squash. And the girl in the video kind of holds it like a baby.

Posted by The Cap'n on January 13, 2009 at 5:03 PM

i don't think i would ever stick my penis into something with gears like that.

Posted by douglas on January 13, 2009 at 5:06 PM

Looks painful.

Posted by very bad homo on January 13, 2009 at 5:12 PM

I just don't get it.

Sorry.

Posted by Will in Seattle on January 13, 2009 at 5:13 PM

That looks like a recipe for road burn on your penis.

Posted by Greg on January 13, 2009 at 5:13 PM

I used my hand this morning. Saved myself $150!!

Posted by Reverse Polarity on January 13, 2009 at 5:16 PM

Ehm. . . ok. See, here's the thing. Having the stimulation correspond to the action onscreen sounds like fun, but I bet it wouldn't be for most people. I think we sorta take for granted that we can be responsive to our own needs -- harder/softer slower/faster -- or that a (good) partner can be. This thing can't be. Sounds frustrating to me.

Posted by violet_dagrinder on January 13, 2009 at 5:19 PM

It could really get more interesting when these become interactive with cyber sex chat rooms. A person across the country could control the action of the sex toy in your hand, or where ever it happens to be.

Posted by Heather on January 13, 2009 at 5:25 PM

I can't wait to connect this thing to my Twitter account.

Posted by yelahneb on January 13, 2009 at 5:26 PM

Neither of those things look remotely erotic.

Nor does my USB port.

Posted by NapoleonXIV on January 13, 2009 at 5:38 PM

more on the teledildonics scene at ces:

http://i.gizmodo.com/5127832/hands+in-th…

Posted by josh on January 13, 2009 at 5:39 PM

I miss the old days when you could fuck for nothing more than a few beers and a compliment.

Posted by Brian on January 13, 2009 at 5:40 PM

I bet it's a pleasure to clean.

Posted by paulus on January 13, 2009 at 5:40 PM

That's great, cos I'm scared of women. Well, all humans really.

Posted by banjoboy on January 13, 2009 at 5:42 PM

lol@ "Developed and thoroughly tested by a NASA engineer"

Posted by So THAT'S what they're doing in Houston on January 13, 2009 at 6:23 PM

There are days--well, only moments really--when my blocks drop and my conditioning disappears, and a beautiful woman or man looks just as silly a thing to stick it into as the above devices.

Posted by Robert Patrick on January 13, 2009 at 6:23 PM

I thought it was some kind of vacuum cleaner/crumb sweeper before I read the text. Seriously, Paul, you think more guys will leave the house a lot less often? Yeeks.

Posted by Patti on January 13, 2009 at 6:46 PM

"committed"?

Posted by Max Solomon @ home on January 13, 2009 at 6:54 PM

Sorry to be stupid, but I don't understand what's different between the straight and gay versions... could someone explain?

Posted by Anna on January 13, 2009 at 7:09 PM

well, a vag and a b-hole do not feel quite the same. anna, notice the treads on the device to the right? add a little mud and there you have the gay version...

Posted by jeb on January 13, 2009 at 7:32 PM

@23: anna, it'd be the tie-in POV porn that's straight or gay.

Posted by Max Solomon @ home on January 13, 2009 at 7:34 PM

A. How do you clean it out? I'd hate to see it after a good six months of use.

B. God gave you a right hand for a reason.

Posted by matt; on January 14, 2009 at 3:21 AM