PI's Joel Connelly disses the Times:
Our competition writes about itself so much to have spawned a delightful joke. Q: How many Seattle Times reporters does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six, one to change the bulb and the other five to write about how they did it.
The Pacific Northwest Newspaper Guild has no official comment on today's meeting with P-I negotiators over the effects of a possible sale (or, far more likely, closure) of the P-I. But a P-I staffer has forwarded over an email that the guild just sent to its members describing the session—a session that appears to have resolved little.
From: XXXXXSent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 5:51 PM
To: XXXXX
Subject: Today's meeting with P-I representatives
Guild and P-I representatives began negotiations Tuesday on the effects of the possible closure of the newspaper.No proposals were exchanged in the talks, which lasted approximately 2 1/2 hours. Negotiations will resume Friday afternoon.
In opening remarks, P-I negotiator Calvin Siemer expressed the company's interest in reaching an agreement with the Guild over the effects of the sale or closure, and said the company regards the terms in the expired contract as a guide in doing so.
The company said it soon intends to file a federally required WARN notice in anticipation of the work force reductions.
The company confirmed what previously had been stated in Hearst's announcement on Jan. 9: namely, that the P-I either would be sold, continued as a scaled-down, online-only publication, or closed entirely within 60 days.
...as I type. I'm saddened to report it isn't nearly as nutball as yesterday's press conference. Not yet. According to the pre-show ad, Larry King is going to ask W. what he regrets. Can we stop asking him this question? He has not only failed to answer that question satisfactorily, he has failed to show he understands that question.
UPDATE: I forgot how much I hate Larry King. His show is an interviews show—that's all he does!—and the man does not know how to ask a decent question. It's as if his questions are designed to produce uninteresting answers. His questions are always, like, "So. Do you enjoy wearing those clothes you're wearing?"
UPDATE 2: After asking George and Laura what they think of Hillary Clinton (Bush: "...strong, capable woman") and whether they read either of Obama's books (nope), Larry paused weirdly and George said to Laura, while laughing with his shoulders, "I'm trying to figre out this line of questioning. My favorite color is blue and I like enchiladas." That sentence so perfectly sums up Larry King's show. That should be the new ad for Larry King—George W. Bush saying, "My favorite color is blue and I like enchiladas."
UPDATE 3: Bush says that "being called a racist" after Katrina was a low point, and once again he is repeating the line about pulling 30,000 people off roofs. And... the interview has just ended. Did I miss the question about what he regrets? Have my eyeballs ossified?
Slog tipper Scary Tyler Moore sends a link to this BBC page, which has audio files of poems written by every poet nominated for the 2008 T.S. Eliot Prize. It's useful, sometimes, to hear poems read aloud. And it's also a useful workday diversion.
The winner of the prize this year is Jen Hadfield, who wrote a book called Nigh-No-Place. Her winning the T.S. Eliot Prize is overshadowed by the fact that one of the contenders, Mick Imlah, passed away on the eve of the prize ceremony after a long illness. There is much more about him here. You can read one of his poems here.
I've been busy with paper-putting-out responsibilities this afternoon, but I didn't want the day to pass without pointing you to some smart reactions to the Alaskan Way Viaduct news from the transit nerds of the world.
First up: The always thoughtful (if sometimes dead wrong) Seattle Transit Blog doesn't like it one bit—in part because it all but precludes future underground transit service, something I hadn't thought of. I'll let you read Andrew's post for all the wonky details. Also at STB, Ben Schiendelman takes issue with the misguided notion that slingshotting people past downtown—as a bypass tunnel would do—is good city planning:
First, it encourages businesses to sprawl, instead of staying in the accessible downtown core. This has always been the problem with highways - they break down the efficient hub and spoke structure of human settlement. When someone can take a trip from Ballard to West Seattle for work, that’s great for them, but then someone in Ravenna or Mount Baker can’t get to that job as easily as if it were in the core. Net mobility is lower. Multiply by a hundred thousand, and you create congested arterials all over town, as we have today.Second, these through trips the Viaduct generates are generally not replaceable with transit. Again, the only way it’s cost effective to build transit is in a hub and spoke layout, and for most of these trips, that means an uncompetitive downtown transfer.
Frank at Orphan Road points out that the proposed tunnel would surely be "the only 21st century urban highway built without HOV lanes or the room to add them," and notes, "since the Viaduct won't close until the tunnel opens, traffic won't have time to adapt to a new pattern. Will it fill up immediately with new trips?
In a statement, the People's Waterfront Coalition declared victory and loss, noting that a) At least there will be no highway on the waterfront, b) this could mean more transit and a better central waterfront. On the other hand, c) The state has proposed doing the project backwards, with the viaduct staying up until the new tunnel is built. That means d) that the governor will break her promise to close down the viaduct by 2012 (and, as noted above, that people won't be able to adapt to new traffic patterns that would be created by shutting the viaduct down).
And Dan at Hugeasscity is uncharacteristically succinct.
Super Slog-Tipper Matt Hickey writes:
I'm upstairs at Cafe Vita right now. Across the street, in the Havana parking lot, there are a half-dozen people dressed up as George Fucking Washington, powdered wigs and everything, most of them smoking pipes. I didn't think much of it until two of the founding fathers broke off and pulled a VERY LARGE, FULL, AND APPARENTLY HEAVY GARBAGE BAG OUT OF A DUMPSTER. Then they loaded into a windowless white van, which drove away. Then they dispersed in different directions.I can only imagine it was the body of Benedict Arnold.
Can someone in SLOG land explain what I and the other Vita eyewitnesses just saw?
I cannot explain this, Mr. Hickey. Nor can I explain this painting that I just found online:

If you've been following the P-I sale story closely, you'll remember that P-I employees are currently working under an expired union contract. Today brought a meeting between their union, the Pacific Northwest Newspaper Guild, and Hearst. It was a meeting that had originally been scheduled to negotiate a new contract—but now, obviously, involved a very different kind of discussion.
I'm still waiting to hear what transpired, but here's a question that union administrator Liz Brown told me she would be asking: Why hasn't Hearst yet filed an official "notice of closure" with the union, the mayor, and the local unemployment agency as required by federal law? Such a notice needs to be filed 60 days before an employer like the P-I shuts down, Brown said. But all Hearst has done is say publicly that the P-I is up for sale for the next 60 days and will cease printing if there's no buyer after that 60-day period ends.
The reason for the lack of a Hearst "notice of closure" could be pretty straightforward: Hearst, according to its publicly-stated plans, won't know whether it's closing the P-I until after the 60 days it originally announced (or, as of today, 57 days) pass without a buyer. But this raises a potential problem that may end up helping P-I employees. “If they let these 60 days run out and don’t sell the P-I, then they owe us another 60 days' notice as far as I’m concerned," Brown said.
You can't just stop paying employees and shut down if you haven't filed a "notice of closure," she said. So, as far as those P-I paychecks are concerned, it's possible—if Brown is correct—that they'll keep coming for another 120 days. (60 days of trying to sell + 60 days' notice of closure.)
Geekologie points out the RealTouch, which is a futuristic sex toy for men. Here is a photo of the Realtouch:

Apparently, the RealTouch is like a Fleshlight, kind of, only with moving parts. The orifice expands and contracts and the interior heats up to human body temperature. And it comes with a USB port that connects you to a computer where you can watch a POV porn film that is cued to the device, so the device simulates the intensity and frequency of the action committed by the porn star on the screen. Comes in straight and gay varieties.
I have a feeling a lot more guys are going to leave the house a lot less often now. Of course, men who are less prone to laying down a hundred and fifty bucks for this thing (plus more for videos) will have to make do with their imaginations and possibly a Fifi.
Yes, it's old news: A student, Natalie Dylan, is selling her virginity to the highest bidder. The present highest bid for the sex, which is to happen at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada? $5 million:
AN Australian businessman is leading a $5 million online bidding war to claim the virginity of a 22-year-old student.He is just one among more than 10,000 men bidding for the promised night of passion.
Miss Dylan's offer first came to light in September, when the offers reached more than $350,000, but bids have now reached $5.6 million.
The Sun reports an unnamed 39-year-old Australian businessman is now the highest bidder.

Not only has Zipcar eliminated every single car in Southeast Seattle except one (a creaky hybrid called "Clallum"—adorable!), they charged my credit card 50 bucks—50 freakin' bucks!—for returning my car 15 minutes late. At 11:00 at night. On a week night. That's $106 for a four and a half hour reservation. I could've gotten a Lexus from Hertz for that! According to the customer service lady at Zipcar, Zipcar has no grace period. "You can be one minute late. You can be 40 minutes late. It will still be a $50 fee."
Gee, I can't imagine why people don't want to join your awesome service, Zipcar!
(That's nothing compared to the commenter who got charged the minimum $500 deductible when someone sideswiped her Zipcar and drove away, I know, but good company policies have some flexibility.)
Pot must remain illegal because there’s not enough research. And, no, you can’t do any research.
The US Drug Enforcement Administration has rejected the bid of a researcher at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst who wants to create the second laboratory in the nation authorized to grow marijuana for medical research.The ruling was released yesterday, nearly two years after a federal administrative law judge recommended that Lyle Craker, a horticultural professor who specializes in medicinal plants, be allowed to grow marijuana for medical research.
Since 1968, a federally approved laboratory at the University of Mississippi’s School of Pharmacy has grown nearly a hundred varieties of marijuana plants. Access to the plants has been limited to researchers who gain federal permit….
Blocking research—except for those elusive federal permits, monopolized for government research, which don't study how all those cancer patients are surviving chemo thanks to pot—kinda kicks in the teeth of the DEA’s strongest argument. For years, whenever a DEA spokesperson, a White House appointee, or a politician is asked about support for medical marijuana, he or she says there isn’t enough evidence: “[T]here is little science,” Drug Czar John Walters said when asked if medical marijuana is safe and permissible last month in an online Ask the White House forum. “Doctors and medical experts should decide what constitutes medicine.”
“There is no convincing evidence ... to me that medical marijuana relief of pain and suffering cannot be accomplished by prescriptions from doctors,” said John McCain.
And the DEA’s official “Position on Marijuana” rests primarily on the lack of research:
The campaign to legitimize what is called "medical" marijuana is based on two propositions: that science views marijuana as medicine, and that DEA targets sick and dying people using the drug. … There is no consensus of medical evidence that smoking marijuana helps patients. Congress enacted laws against marijuana in 1970 based in part on its conclusion that marijuana has no scientifically proven medical value. … The American Medical Association has rejected pleas to endorse marijuana as medicine, and instead has urged that marijuana remain a prohibited, Schedule I controlled substance, at least until more research is done.
So what will the DEA say now that they’ve defied their own law judge and blocked the research they say we needed? Maybe, with the inauguration a week away, they could say, “Hold your breath.”
Carl is the name Anthony Hecht, our resident genius of the Information Superhighway, gave our blog platform. I slogged about Carl once when he was new and some (impatient) people were mad at him.
Now Carl's getting email from Classmates.com.

Anthony cannot answer how Classmates.com figured out they could email Carl at editor@thestranger.com. Furthermore, he says Carl was home-schooled (yet well-socialized). (Mandan High's for losers!) Maybe Carl can join the pending class-action lawsuit.
Dick Cheney is writing a book.
In an interview with Sean Hannity, he explained that he had "a few scores to settle," and hoped the book could top off his legacy.
Isn't his whole legacy going to be that his career was about settling scores?

This is the gum in question. And it IS a journey! Just not a lemon-flavored one:
Meiji Xylish Hyper Cool Gum Flap Top Bottle
Product type: Japanese snack treat
Xylish is one of the most famous and popular brands of gum in Japan. This version is 'Hypercool' a strong pepperminty flavor, similar to black black (it contains caffeine too!) and comes in this slick pop-top container. It's sugarless too, so you don't have to worry about ruining your teeth while you chew. Try this refreshing and uplifting 'charged gum' from Japan, by the Meiji snack company for an energizing minty experience.
It also comes with little squares of paper in a special compartment for tidy throwing-away.
[Re: the categorization of these posts: Gum should probably not be considered Chow, Mr. Frizzelle. Then again, Slog doesn't have a Gum category.]
A number of people have angrily called my attention to Seattle Times columnist Lynne Varner's comments on KUOW's Weekday last Friday. I haven't had a chance to listen to the show yet, but Stranger intern Aaron Pickus has helpfully typed up a transcript of the relevant portions, in which Varner, speaking before Hearst confirmed its sale of the P-I, appeared to suggest that champagne and dancing would be her likeliest response if a sale happened.
If you want to listen for yourself, it all starts at about 42 minutes in. Here's the transcript provided by Pickus:
Host Steve Scher: What can you tell us, David Horsey?David Horsey, P-I editorial cartoonist: Well, before I came here I called my editor to see if there was anything new and he said, to put it diplomatically, we don't know a goddamn thing. Unfortunately, that's the situation. So if you want me to say anything for certain...I think unfortunately, I think, it's more likely than not that the basic report from KING is accurate so I talked to a couple of people to put together what is happening here. The question is a year and a half ago we were in a situation that was very different... (Describes some newspaper industry stuff at length.)
Scher: Can you share any news on the non-profit status of the Seattle Times?
Lynne Varner, Times editorial writer: I actually can't. I don't know much about that and I'm actually thinking I'll leave Dave way out there on that limb by himself.
(Laughter)
Horsey: Well, thats a fascinating limb.
Varner: I mean clearly in this competitive...this is a competitive environment and when one of your competitors looks like its going to go out of business, that's not a bad sign. So clearly the rumors are encouraging. But it's still so early. Hearst is a huge conglomerate and they've closed some magazines this year. Is this just part of that? And what does it mean in the overall big picture for Seattle? Whether we'll be a one newspaper town or actually someone will come in and buy the P-I in a fire sale because how much would the P-I go for? How much would they put it for sale? Who knows? In better times it might have been quite a bit. In times likes this, who knows. So I'm not dancing and I haven't opened up the champagne yet.
Anna Nicole Smith and Lil' Kim embrace at the Mao Magazine Launch Party during Olympus Fashion Week in New York on Sept. 7, 2004.
So much that is said in this image is sad.
Oh my lord. Andy Griffith's wife wrote a poem for the inauguration of North Carolina's governor. Andy Griffith read the poem. You can see video of it here.
Here is the poem:
North Carolina is my home
I no longer have to roam
When I see our morning sun
I know there's work to be done
Gov. Bev Perdue is the person we choose
because there's so much she can do.
She will need our best to achieve her quest
to be the person we need so we may succeed
Please grant us the peace
to allow her to lead
God bless her and keep her
and always be near her.
As she opens a door
as never before
So as the New Year starts
let us open our hearts
As I trot out again to say
Hello to my friends
I grant I know that all will be great
For our grand Old North State.
I know many of you out there don't know a lot about poetry, so I'll spell it out for you: I know it (sometimes) rhymes and everything, but this is an awful poem. This is worse than an awful poem. This is a terrifyingly bad poem. I have read poems written by children that are better than this poem. As a child, I wrote poems better than this poem. Elizabeth Alexander had better do better than this at Obama's inauguration. Of course, Alexander is a good and award-winning poet, but inaugurations do funny things to people. If she tries to rhyme home/roam, starts/hearts, her/her, choose/do, and quest/succeed, she will be in deep trouble.
Lindy West: "This gum is a journey." Pause. "Now it tastes like lemon."
Bethany Jean Clement: "No, it does not. You're having a stroke."
Lindy: "Darn."
"Thank you for choosing Comcast. For English, press 1."
*thunk*
"To cancel or remove services from your existing account, press 4."
*thunk*
"We are experiencing higher than average call volume. Your call will be answered in — FIFTEEN — to — TWENTY-SIX — minutes."
Guess I'm not the only one hitting up Comcast's retention department today.
Chicago's Windy City Times—one of the city's two gay newspapers—announced that it will publish a story in tomorrow's edition of the weekly detailing Barack Obama's once-professed support for same-sex marriage. From the press release:
During his run for Illinois state Senate in 1996, Barack Obama stated his unequivocal support for gay marriage, according to an exclusive story in the Jan. 14, 2009 Windy City Times newspaper.President-elect Obama's answer to a 1996 Outlines newspaper question on marriage was: "I favor legalizing same-sex marriages, and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages." There was no use of the phrase "civil unions."
This answer is among those included in this week's Windy City Times feature on Obama's evolving position on gay marriage. Windy City Times also includes his answers to the candidate questionnaire of IMPACT, at one time a gay political action committee in Illinois. In that survey he also stated his support of same-sex marriage.
The story isn't posted yet on WCT's website—but you can read it now by downloading this PDF.

Last night I saw The Magician at the Paramount. The 1926 silent film was part of Trader Joe's Silent Movie Mondays, which is, according to last night's hosts, the longest-running silent film movie series in the country. Lindy West is running a lovely review of The Magicianin this week's print edition*, so I'll leave that to her. I love going to silent movies with live musical accompaniment. It doesn't matter what kind of movie. I'm partial to slapsticky comedies with someone playing a Wurlitzer, but Murnau's Sunrise at the Triple Door for SIFF was a particular treat.
But here's the thing: Every time I go to see a silent movie in a theater, somebody stands up and makes a long and boring speech putting the movie (and often the directors and actors) into historical context beforehand. These speeches are almost never less than 15 minutes long, and I have never seen an entertaining one. One guy who tours with silent movies even sings before and after the movies, which was one of the most embarrassing moments I've ever experienced in a movie theater.
Last night, before The Magician, Dennis James, who is probably the best silent movie organist I've ever heard, basically read the director's Wikipedia entry for ten minutes. And then he took questions. The questions, especially about how he reconstructed the score for the film, were interesting, but much of the audience was so tired of being talked at that they weren't paying attention.
Here's my question: If it's so vital, why isn't this information just put into the program? The best way to make people not care about the importance of something is to lecture them about it. I think silent movies stand up on their own merits: They're charming, funny, and easy to understand regardless of the cultural and chronological gaps that exist between audience and art.
There are two more movies in this edition of Silent Movie Mondays. You should go to them. But I do recommend showing up ten minutes late so you can appreciate the film without being told why you should appreciate the film.
* Allow me to say it for you: "Derrr! Derrr! There's a print edition of The Stranger? Derr!"
Someone needs to ask Michael Savage just how afraid of woman a guy has to be before getting fucked in the ass by another dude seems less scary?
And what is up with all those grandchild-less white families?
The Washington Court of Appeals ruled today that it isn't illegal for high-school teachers to have sex with 18 year-old students.

Emily Ann Pothast's Holy Mountain (2008), collage and colored pencil on paper, 11 by 8 inches
At Grey Gallery & Lounge. (Artist site here.)
Last night I asked the Gray Gallery & Lounge to turn up the lights on Emily Ann Pothast's little works on the walls, so I could see them better. My apologies to the other patrons, who were enjoying the dim light, but it was worth it.
These multifaceted landscape abstractions by Pothast (also a thoughtful blogger) have something in common with crystalline, post-1970s, pseudo-religious images the likes of which Seattle saw at the Henry Art Gallery's The Violet Hour last year (artists: Jen Liu, Matthew Day Jackson, David Maljkovic), and they also are distant kin to more detached, cool Northwest landscapes by artists like Robert Yoder, Victoria Haven, and Claude Zervas.
But these are warm, not remotely "pseudo" in any way, and have their own particular low-wattage charms, including cutouts of 1970s vintage patterned fabrics and segments of color that have been clearly applied by hand, as in colored-in. The teenage collage technique of using phrases from magazines is part of what Pothast does; she organizes the cutouts according to color and the texts disappear.
There's a surprising, pleasurable depth in these relatively flat surfaces. Some of the cutout and colored-in shapes sit slightly higher on the paper than others—some are simply thicker than others, I assume—and this creates in the two dimensions of the collage an actual three dimensionality that telescopes the whole thing. And then there are the real-world surfaces these cutout strips resemble and represent. Standing in front of the single work shown above last night, I spotted the following surfaces: a basketball, human hair, cottage cheese, wood, a topographical map, linoleum, pure paint, sand, Jägermeister, grass, tightly wound carpeting, water, popcorn, night sky, knitted yarn, heavy night rain, and arts and crafts wallpaper. My mind was traveling along with my eye. As far as I know, this is Pothast's first solo show in Seattle (she graduated from UW with her MFA in 2005). It's a quiet, assured, and promising beginning.
The PI is going out of business because it leans left!
For example, the nutty-left Seattle Post-Intelligencer newspaper has announced it's going out of business unless someone buys the concern over the next few weeks. Not likely to happen... "Factor" producer Jesse Watters confronted Oglesby over his and the paper's outlandish left-wing zealotry, and now it's clear that even in liberal Seattle, the folks want no part of the operation.Now I'm telling you all this because other left-wing papers like The Boston Globe, the L.A. Times and The New York Times are all having major economic problems, as regular people want news, not fanaticism.
Uh-huh. The Chicago Tribune—a right-wing paper (despite its endorsement of Obama, the first time in its history that it endorsed a Dem)—recently filed for bankruptcy. The New York Sun, a right-wing daily, recently went under. And right-wing mags like the Weekly Standard and the National Review scrape by on handouts from billionaires like the welfare queens Saint Ronald condemned.