Okay, so this will be the end of my smobriety posts.

A Slog reader who would like to remain anonymous writes:

Paul,

Thanks for the timely (for me) reminder on stopping smoking.

My partner quit cold turkey recently, and it's been highly interesting. I haven't found many resources on how to survive as the partner, and much more importantly, how to help my partner survive the ordeal.

I'm so proud, it's amazing what my partner's doing, but I feel like I'm living with Linda Blair! And yes, my partner's totally suffering way more than me. In the way that spitting gallons of pea soup must be way worse than having it spat at you.

But still. So cranky! Any advice for the partners out there?

This is a really good question, and I don't know of that many resources. Plus, I've only got my experience: I've never dated anyone who's quit something like that. My girlfriend generally kept our routines going like normal, and that worked best for me. The first few weeks, it's especially tough when there's a variation in your regular patterns: emergencies or new jobs or even a vacation can be pretty stressful for someone who's just quit smoking. I do not suggest rewarding your loved one for not smoking (ESPECIALLY WITH FOOD), because it's really easy to pick up bad habits when this sort of biological change is going on. Two exceptions to the reward rule: Lavish praise is always good. Sex is also always good. An important note on the lavish praise is that you should only bring up how proud you are of your partner's quitting smoking when they bring it up themselves. Don't mention it first, unless s/he does.

I think maybe honesty is the best policy when your partner is getting really aggro in the way that just-quit smokers do. Say some variation of: "Look, honey: I'm really proud of you for doing this, but you're going through some pretty tough withdrawal symptoms right now. Why don't we watch a movie/read a book/go for a walk/do something quiet?" When I recognized that my snappishness was coming from nicotine withdrawal, I was less likely to continue it.

A lot of my smoking happened when I was bored, and so having things around to occupy the ex-smoker's mind is always good. And making smooth transitions from one activity to the next is always good, too, because I always wanted to smoke after stuff: Food, sex, a movie, etc. If one of those activities is quickly replaced with another, those little habit-ruts are easier to avoid.

I think that's all I have. I hope some significant others of ex-smokers will share their experiences in the comments. I hope it gets easier for you, and you're doing a really good thing, too; your S.O. will appreciate it once all this is over.