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Thursday, January 8, 2009

??!! Some Thoughts Concerning the Ebola Virus.

Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:50 PM

From Wikipedia: "The virus is named after the Ebola River where the first recognized outbreak of Ebola hemorrhagic fever occurred."

Wow, I didn't know that.

Bummer for the Ebola River.

Maybe it's time to change that name there, Ebola River.

Or, wait. Maybe don't.

Actually, maybe continue to alert people that there is possible Ebola in this river.

A lot of signs and such.

More signs than you might think necessary.

"Bleeding Out of Your Butthole River"

"Swim here if you are interested in rapid internal hemorrhage and death."

"Anal Bleeding: The River"

"THIS IS LITERALLY A RIVER OF EBOLA."

"Don't fish here."

"If you eat the Ebola fish, you may poop out your liver."

"Something to think about."

"I mean, how much do you like fish?"

"IT'S THE FUCKING EBOLA RIVER, PEOPLE."

Comments (21) RSS

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I would like to preemptively state that I understand Ebola is neither waterborne nor fish-borne. This is called jokes.

Posted by Lindy West on January 8, 2009 at 5:54 PM

I'd still feel bad for anyone that caught the virus in the region. There you are, bleeding out your anus, while your friends are all snarking "DUDE, it's called the EBOLA RIVER! What the fuck did you think would happen?" and you're all "I KNOW! SHUT UP!"

Good things it's an easily communicable disease. They'll see to laugh at guy that got sick at the Ebola River!

Posted by Dougsf on January 8, 2009 at 6:03 PM

This is one of the best posts I've seen on slog.

Posted by STJA on January 8, 2009 at 6:11 PM

My anus is bleeding!

Posted by Rejected Toons on January 8, 2009 at 6:17 PM

@4 omg omg omg! My anus is bleeding! My annuuuss is bleeeeding! For the love of God and all that is holy, MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

ps: I'm a banana! My spoon is too big!

Posted by i'm a banana. on January 8, 2009 at 6:20 PM

I am a consumer whore! (And how!)

Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 8, 2009 at 6:22 PM

"Ride The Duck... on a river of ass blood!"

Posted by Superfrankenstein on January 8, 2009 at 6:27 PM

EBOLA RIVER BOAT RIDES!! TONS OF FUN (but don't fall in or your innards will liquify).

Posted by STJA on January 8, 2009 at 6:30 PM

I'm going to go ahead and post the link for "Mr. Banana":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJYxCSXjh…

Posted by John Galt on January 8, 2009 at 6:50 PM

Lindy, at least you waited till after 5pm before you started huffing.

Posted by bill on January 8, 2009 at 6:59 PM

Wow, so with the PI closing does that mean the Slog can cherrypick some real writers and we don't have to ever ever read Lindy West again. Fucking Yeah!

Posted by Tricyclic on January 8, 2009 at 7:35 PM

Has anyone told Lindy she is about the cutest thing ever to happen to the internet?

Posted by Justin on January 8, 2009 at 10:40 PM

Bleeding occurs from every orifice, not just the anus. If it was just anal bleeding it wouldn't be ebola.

Posted by z girl on January 8, 2009 at 11:49 PM

Ebola Bathhouse
open 24-7

Posted by come on in! on January 9, 2009 at 5:03 AM

We're all completely smitten with Lindy West, right? It's not just me? Because Lindy is quickly replacing Paul Constant as my Slogger On Whom I Have the Biggest Crush.

Posted by Christin on January 9, 2009 at 8:04 AM

Slog won't allow users to post pics in comments. This is obviously wise, but I want to post this anyway: http://tinyurl.com/7wvx9y

Posted by Christin on January 9, 2009 at 8:27 AM

I support Lindy wholeheartedly, but to me it's the bleeding from the eyeballs that I most enjoy about an Ebola infection.

Posted by itsmarkmitchell on January 9, 2009 at 9:17 AM

I like this and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Posted by NaFun on January 9, 2009 at 10:08 AM

While this is all well and good, the highest correlation is with people going into bat caves and coming into contact with bats, actually.

And we already have a vaccine against it, but it only lasts a few days and has major side effects, so the UN gives it to people just before the disease spreads to their village.

Which is why you hear less about Ebola than you used to.

(source: multiple discussions, seminars, and lectures at the UW)

Posted by Will in Seattle on January 9, 2009 at 11:21 AM

1man1jar . com we all remember that don't we?

Posted by Justin on January 9, 2009 at 5:49 PM

I think this is the most fun I have had with Ebola - ever!

Posted by robwolf on January 9, 2009 at 6:07 PM