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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Monkey on Bicycle vs. Human on Unicycle… WHO YA GOT?!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 6:22 PM

Before watching this, go get a friend and make the following bet: Who would win in a race, a monkey on a bicycle or a human on a unicycle? Crap. I keep forgetting the age-old adage, "Never bet against a monkey under any circumstances." Anyway, once again, "THANK YOU, CHINA," and "FUCK YOU, PETA." (I'm sure they had something to do with the dearth of monkey bicycle races in this country.)

Hat tips to With Leather.

Smoke on Dexter Avenue North?

Posted by Dominic Holden on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:53 PM

The Seattle 911 log shows that 15 units were dispatched to the corner of Dexter Avenue North and Valley Street. The status is listed as "Fire in Building." The address—771 Valley Street—is listed as home for Merlino Italian Baking Co, 206 Motorsports, Auto Hound Collision Center and other businesses. I haven't heard back from the Seattle Fire or Police Departments. Anyone down there see a fleet of emergency vehicles and plumes of smoke outside their window?

Some Thoughts Concerning the Ebola Virus.

Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:50 PM

From Wikipedia: "The virus is named after the Ebola River where the first recognized outbreak of Ebola hemorrhagic fever occurred."

EBOLA.jpgWow, I didn't know that.

Bummer for the Ebola River.

Maybe it's time to change that name there, Ebola River.

Or, wait. Maybe don't.

Actually, maybe continue to alert people that there is possible Ebola in this river.

A lot of signs and such.

More signs than you might think necessary.

"Bleeding Out of Your Butthole River"

"Swim here if you are interested in rapid internal hemorrhage and death."

"Anal Bleeding: The River"

"THIS IS LITERALLY A RIVER OF EBOLA."

"Don't fish here."

"If you eat the Ebola fish, you may poop out your liver."

"Something to think about."

"I mean, how much do you like fish?"

"IT'S THE FUCKING EBOLA RIVER, PEOPLE."

Blethen: "Stunned."

Posted by Eli Sanders on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:42 PM

Which, if true—and if the KING 5 story is true—suggests that this is not some sort of coordinated effort in which, say, Hearst would put the P-I up for sale on the understanding that Seattle Times publisher Frank Blethen would later sell the Times to Hearst.

So, if true—and again that's still a big if—and if I'm understanding all of this correctly, and if I'm remembering JOA intricacies correctly, then this to me suggests more of a gamble on Hearst's part. Maybe a high-odds-of-winning gamble. But still a gamble.

Bacon on Everything!!!!!

Posted by Dominic Holden on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:34 PM

The ultimate and best use of the internet: The Slog, with BACON!

bacon_slog.jpg

And here’s bacon on CNN, bacon on Bill O’Reilly, bacon on I Heart Bacon, bacon on an article that says the bacon fad is over, bacon on this post, bacon on the Talmud, and bacon on anything else you can imagine.

Thanks for the link, dad.

San Fransisco Is Running Out of Bookstores

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:27 PM

going-out-of-business.jpgSan Francisco bookseller Stacey's Books, which has sold books in the Bay Area for 85 years, is going out of business. Guess why:

Like other independent book sellers, Stacey's had been hurt over the past decade by the rise of national chains, like Barnes & Noble, and Web-based booksellers, such as Amazon.com. The store's general manager, Tom Allen, said sales had dropped 50 percent since March 2001.

But the final blow was the crumbling economy, which hit hard during the holidays. Stacey's sales in the fourth quarter of 2008 plummeted 15 percent from the same period in 2007.

"That in itself would not have spelled the end," said Allen. "But it came on top of several years of more gradual decline."

I never went to Stacey's. But I did go to Cody's Books, which was a great San Francisco bookstore that died recently, too. I hope Borderlands survives. It's a great sci-fi bookstore in the Mission. I always thought Seattle's nerd community could sustain a good sci-fi bookstore. Maybe not these days.

Seattle Post-Intelligencer for Sale, Likely to Close

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 5:03 PM

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Nobody is buying newspapers just now—but Hearst, reportedly, is going to go through the motions of attempting to sell the PI. King 5:

...a source close to the deal tells KING 5 that the paper's owner, Hearst Corporation, will announce as soon as tomorrow that it's putting the P-I up for sale. Under the joint operating agreement between the P-I and The Seattle Times, the P-I must be offered for sale for at least 30 days before it can cease operation....

We're told Hearst does not expect another buyer to step forward and that Seattle will likely become a one newspaper town within the next few months.

Rumors have been rife that the incredible shrinking Seattle Times was the likelier of our two dailies to go under—is it possible that both Seattle's dailies could go under? Or is there a deal in the works?

Says a friend who follows the newspaper industry: "The thing to remember is that in other cities, Hearst put its paper up for sale, closed it or sold it cheap, and then turned around and bought the other paper." Hearst did this in, he says, "San Francisco and San Antonio and maybe Houston." So Hearst closing down the PI could be its first move toward acquiring the ailing Seattle Times. It seems highly unlikely that the owners of the financially strapped Seattle Times could come up with the money to purchase and shutter the PI.

The PI is the older of Seattle's two daily papers.

Here's a bit more about Hearst from a 2003 PI story about the Seattle Times' efforts to end the Joint Operating Agreement (JOA) that kept Seattle a two-daily town:

The company, a media conglomerate owned by descendants of late newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst, owns such magazines as Esquire and Cosmopolitan and has stakes in successful cable-TV operations such as ESPN and The History Channel, in addition to newspapers, broadcast stations and other businesses.

It also has a record as a survivor in two-newspaper markets. In three other cities—San Antonio, Houston and San Francisco—Hearst ultimately outlasted its competitors.

And the Seattle Times in 2006 on Hearst's MO:

And if Hearst buys The Times, it could shutter the P-I.

There's precedent—in San Antonio and San Francisco, where Hearst owned the smaller of each town's two dailies. In each case, it bought the larger paper from its competitor and closed its own publication or made it a nonfactor competitively.

Frank Blethen "stunned," according to a report that just went up on the Seattle Times' website—a report which emphasizes the fact that KING 5's story has a single, unnamed source. No one from the PI or Hearst has confirmed the report. So... uh... maybe the PI isn't for sale. Maybe the PI has accepted the Commerce Secretary position in the Obama administration.

So far nothing on the PI's website—home to a million and one community bloggers, and the "Big Blog," which only asks, never tells.

The Seattle Times story now includes reactions from inside the PI's newsroom...

At least four sources in the P-I newsroom said the rumor reported by KING-TV was a surprise to them, that they hadn't received any memo or email or announcement from management indicating the P-I was up for sale. Across the newsroom, small groups huddled to discuss the rumor, not in anger, but with visible surprise and a touch of panic.

"We don't know anything," said Daniel Lathrop, a P-I reporter.

...but as of 6:10 PM, there's still not a word about KING 5's story on any of the PI's homepage or on any of the paper's numerous blogs.

UPDATE: The story is up in the PI's homepage now (6:15 PM)...

pireportspisale.jpg

...and the news seems to have stunned the management at the PI.

The P-I's managing editor said he knows of no plans to sell the paper. At about 5:15 p.m., soon after the report was aired, managing editor David McCumber told the newsroom's staffers, "If this is going on—and I don't know that it is—it's going on at a level that's far above me, and nobody has seen fit to clue me in. I think it's a bunch of rumor. You look at the state of this business—it wouldn't surprise me if something was going on, but I have no knowledge of what that something is."

...

KING 5 reporter Linda Byron said in an interview that she would not reveal her source but that she is "confident" about the information. She repeated that the source is "close to the deal."

Dear Camera Part II: Drunk Mashed Potatoes

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:58 PM

Remember when Chad T. lost his beloved new camera during the joyousness of New Year's Eve and appealed to Slog for assistance? I asked him if it ever came back to him. Turns out that it was merely hiding behind a strainer being used to make (early) New Year's Day drunk mashed potatoes (full update from Chad after the jump).

From the comments on the post: a link to a website—IFoundYourCamera—devoted to reuniting lost cameras with drunk etc. would-be owners. Photos from found cameras are posted, including this one of a nice family with our new president in Philadelphia:

phillywithobama.jpg

And here's a sensible tip from a Slog commenter (will wonders never cease!):

Take a picture of a handwritten or printed note that has your address on it, or your phone number, or your email address with an IF FOUND plea. Lock this picture so it can't be deleted. It's really easy. If somebody finds your camera and scrolls through the pictures to try to discern where it came from, this solves it.

Slog: We Live to Serve.

Continue reading »

Shooting at Broadway and Madison

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:57 PM

Seattle police are looking for a shooting suspect after shots were fired near Broadway and Madison.

It appears at least one person was injured in the shooting.

Police are looking for a "transient looking" black male in his 30s-40s, dressed all in black who was seen running from the scene.

Update: Seattle Fire Department spokeswoman Dana Vander Houwen says one person was transported to Harborview with a self-inflicted gunshot wound, which makes SPD's search for a suspect a bit puzzling.

More soon.

Update 2: Police are still trying to figure out exactly what happened. It appears one shot was fired inside of a toyota Tundra parked outside of the Polyclinic on Broadway. Police still aren't sure whether the "transient" is related to the shooting.

Update 3: The injured man was taken to Harborview with a gunshot wound to the shoulder. Police say the shooting may have been accidental.

Update 4: SPD now believes the shooting was a suicide attempt.

shootingpoly.jpg

Like Reality TV? Like Strip Clubs?

Posted by Megan Seling on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:46 PM

Then today is your lucky day:

REALITY SHOW TO FILM IN SEATTLE CLUB

SEATTLE, Washington (January 7, 2009)—"Gold Diggers" produced by David DeLay of Grandpa's R.V. Productions and Josh Hodgins of Jh Productions both of Washington State, will be filming for DeLay's reality show at Centerfolds this Friday. The reality show is an insider's look into the bizarre and sometimes difficult world of Exotic Dancers; much like the shows "Deadliest Catch" and "Dirty Jobs", as young women look to pay their bills, put themselves through school, all with hopes of one day landing a millionaire.

New Pub Crawl Poster

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:38 PM

pubcrawl2.jpg

"How do you get the gay community's attention?" asks Keith, the manager of the Eagle. "Spell something wrong." Don't I know it.

I'm So Glad You Reminded Me of Tremors, Seth

Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:28 PM

Slog commenter Seth writes:

I-5 closed to the south? The passes closed to the east? Water to the west and Canadia up north? WE ARE CUT OFF! LIKE IN TREMORS!

Which put me in mind of the movie my three brothers and I have watched together more than any other movie ever committed to film.

The only two problems with that Metafilter mashup—it gives away the ending and it skips over so much classic (I'm putting that in invisible quotation marks) dialogue:

Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?

Just Like White Lightnin'

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:25 PM

George-Jones-Sings-His-Songs-418182.jpgOn this post about Borders CEO George Jones' forced ejection from the failing company, there's this comment:

So, if business is worse, they halved the CEO salary and exit compensation, right?

(mutter)

Let me guess, they increased it ...
Posted by Will in Seattle on January 5, 2009 at 12:09 PM

Will in Seattle, you are correct: As a parting gift for dragging the company down even further, Jones was rewarded with "18 months' base salary plus 'target bonus,' plus 75% of his promised retention bonus worth some $500,000." Other figures about how much failures make at Borders is described here. When I think about how little I made working at Borders, this makes my eyes sting a little bit.

Sentenced

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:25 PM

banner_sentence.gif

Black Garterbelt points to a great piece by Gary Lutz in The Believer about beautiful sentences:


It took me almost another decade after graduate school to figure out what writing really is, or at least what it could be for me; and what prompted this second lesson in language was my discovery of certain remaindered books—mostly of fiction, most notably by Barry Hannah, and all of them, I later learned, edited by Gordon Lish—in which virtually every sentence had the force and feel of a climax, in which almost every sentence was a vivid extremity of language, an abruption, a definitive inquietude. These were books written by writers who recognized the sentence as the one true theater of endeavor, as the place where writing comes to a point and attains its ultimacy. As a reader, I finally knew what I wanted to read, and as someone now yearning to become a writer, I knew exactly what I wanted to try to write: narratives of steep verbal topography, narratives in which the sentence is a complete, portable solitude, a minute immediacy of consummated language—the sort of sentence that, even when liberated from its receiving context, impresses itself upon the eye and the ear as a totality, an omnitude, unto itself. I once later tried to define this kind of sentence as “an outcry combining the acoustical elegance of the aphorism with the force and utility of the load-bearing, tractional sentence of more or less conventional narrative.” The writers of such sentences became the writers I read and reread. I favored books that you could open to any page and find in every paragraph sentences that had been worked and reworked until their forms and contours and their organizations of sound had about them an air of having been foreordained—as if this combination of words could not be improved upon and had finished readying itself for infinity.

I really suggest you go read the whole thing. As a book critic, I can tell you that good sentences are alluring things that can often become traps. You can write a whole book review that has beautiful (or unbeautiful) sentences from a book and never once say anything about the book, or even about the author's writing ability. It's easy to pull sentences out and parade them around as objects of appeal or of derision, but you can easily get lost in the language that way. (B.R. Myer's Reader's Manifesto perfectly explains how many critics get lost in the hunt for good sentences and they never realize that the books they're promoting are crap. The Reader's Manifesto is a must-read for any serious reader, by the way. I can't read Annie Proulx anymore because of its vicious, hilarious and true takedown of her prose.

But sometimes you go so far in one direction that you forget why you're reacting in the first place. Lutz's piece is a brilliant appreciation, and defense, of why beautiful sentences matter.

How Civilization Is Going to End

Posted by Jonathan Golob on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 4:20 PM

Wonder no more.

University of Washington climate scientist David Battisti looked at 23 of the best computational models of the climate available to predict the effect of climate change on global crop yields by the end of this century.

The results?

Our results show that it is highly likely (greater than 90% chance) that growing season temperatures by the end of the 21st century will exceed even the most extreme seasonal temperatures recorded from 1900 to 2006 for most of the tropics and subtropics. Presently there are more than 3 billion people living in the tropics and subtropics, many of whom live on under $2 per day and depend primarily on agriculture for their livelihoods (4). With growing season temperatures rising beyond historical bounds, the inevitable question arises: Will people in these regions have sufficient access to food to meet population- and income-driven growth in demand in the future, and thus to achieve food security?

So what? We're (humanity) totally doomed.

Their conclusions with regard to agriculture are sobering. "In the past, heat waves, drought, and food shortages have hit particular regions," says Battisti. But the future will be different: "Yields are going to be down every place." Heat will be the main culprit. "If you look at extreme high temperatures so far observed—basically since agriculture started—the worst summers on record have been mostly because of heat," not drought, he says.

The models predict that by 2090, the average summer temperature in France will be 3.7°C above the 20th century average. Elevated temperatures not only cause excess evaporation but also speed up plant growth with consequent reductions in crop yields, the authors note. Although rising temperatures may initially boost food production in temperate latitudes by prolonging the growing season, Battisti and Naylor say crops will eventually suffer unless growers develop heat-resistant versions that don't need a lot of water. "You have to go back at least several million years before you find … temperatures" comparable to those being predicted, Battisti says.

Developing such crops, even with genetic engineering let alone just with 'organic' selective breeding, is far from certain. And then, there's this:

A major lesson from this case and the recent food crisis is that regional disruptions can easily become global in character. Countries often respond to production and price volatility by restricting trade or pursuing large grain purchases in international markets—both of which can have destabilizing effects on world prices and global food security. In the future, heat stress on crops and livestock will occur in an environment of steadily rising demand for food and animal feed worldwide, making markets more vulnerable to sharp price swings. High and variable prices are most damaging to poor households that spend the majority of their incomes on staple foods

Doomed.

And remember, according to some of the best observations, climate change isn't something we can prevent. Climate change is already occurring.

What's Wrong with This Picture?

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:43 PM

The same Barack Obama who can't get his tongue far enough up Rick Warren's and Joe Lieberman's asses, the same Obama tossing out $300B tax cuts to make nice with the GOP members of Congress, is shitting all over Howard Dean?

Barack Obama is set to host a press conference with incoming Democratic National Committee Chair Tim Kaine on Thursday in what will ostensibly mark the beginning of a new era for the party and the committee.

Noticeably absent from the affair will be the individual who symbolized the old regime.

Former Gov. Howard Dean is not on the list of attendees for the event, a noticeable nonattendance for someone largely credited with revitalizing the Democratic Party ranks and contributing—whether politically or through his 50-State Strategy—to major electoral gains.

It turns out that the Obama folks told Dean to stay away from the event. What the fuck?

Two Quick Thoughts

Posted by Charles Mudede on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:36 PM

1)
What we don't have yet in the world is an explanation for the vowel shift that separates us from the world of Chaucer. Without this shift, Canterbury Tales would be an easy read. But why did this shift happen? What force was behind it? Urbanization? War? Technology? The climate? A change in the diet? It's amazing that there's no hard answer for one of the most spectacular cultural events in our language.

2) Foucault pointed out that, as an institution, the fundamental structure of science is constantly changing. One day, this is the paradigm; the next day, it is something else. Yet the institution of marriage has remained the same for over a thousand years. Why doesn't the structure of marriage change as often and radically as that of science? Indeed, if permitted to marry, gays would not revolutionize the institution but reinforce its core values. Gays would add even more life to this old institution.

Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week

Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:27 PM

deadshark.jpgWallingford Meaningful Movies, free every Friday night, is showing the documentary Sharkwater this week. This fact is exciting because it means i get to point you to Jen Graves's wonderful little review:

Rob Stewart, the boyish director and star of this film, can be a cheeseball. But he is so in love with sharks, and sharks need his love so much, and so many other people love to hate sharks, that this movie ranks up there, despite its occasional stinky ripeness, with the best of the rile-'em-up, change-the-world documentaries. Did you know that 90 percent of the world's sharks have been killed in recent years, largely by being hauled onto a boat, having their fins sliced off while they shuddered, and then being thrown back into the water, where they immediately sink to the ocean floor and bleed to death? You will see this happen many, many times in Sharkwater. If you love living things, this will be punishing to watch. If you love only yourself, that's fine, because Sharkwater is a straight-up action flick (it's a shark movie!).

Sharkwater plays tomorrow night, 7:30 pm, at Keystone Church.

Three Fremont Arts Council Board Members Jump Ship

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:15 PM

Three members of the Fremont Arts Council's seven-member board of directors have resigned, apparently frustrated by infighting within the organization.

The three board members, Ben Exworthy, Sara McChristian and board president Nick Morse sent out their letter of resignation earlier today:

It is with regret that we, Nick Morse, Ben Exworthy and Sara McChristian, are resigning from the Board of Directors for the Fremont Arts Council, effective immediately. This has been an extremely difficult decision, made more so by our continued hopes for the FAC as an organization, and the potential for it to be so much more than it is.

Though we have only been on the Board for a short time, we have accomplished and initiated much — and weathered much more. In the last three and a half months, we have been accused of working in secrecy, lacking transparency and that we have ignored requests for information. None of these concerns could be less true. Our efforts as a board have been energetic, thoughtful, deliberated, and, at times, pretty creative. We have dealt with a host of issues, many of which caught us by surprise once we were on the Board.

The rest of the reallllly long letter is after the jump

Continue reading »

Are You Hosting an Inauguration Day Party?

Posted by Megan Seling on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:12 PM

The Stranger is!

Celebrate Obama's big win with The Stranger and The Triple Door!

The Stranger’s Inaugural Ball promises to be a morning worthy of skipping work! Sex advice columnist, author, media pundit, journalist and The Stranger’s editorial director Dan Savage will provide commentary on live inauguration coverage, broadcasting on our 16 x 9 foot screen.

For an extra $18 ($24 day of), purchase brunch—a buffet complete with both continental and Dim Sum selections. And of course, bloody marys, mimosas and a full cash bar will be available.

For tickets and more information, UPDATE! The Ball is completely sold out! We did not expect this to happen so soon! Sorry!

What are you doing come January 20th? If you're having a party at your club/bar/venue, e-mail me—megan@thestranger.com—and let me know. I'm compiling a list of all the day's events to post on Slog in the next week or so.

The NGLTF-Funded Study That Found Black Support for Prop 8 to Be Overstated By CNN's Exit Polls?

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Maybe not.

Where (the Hell) Is the Print Edition of The Stranger?

Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 3:05 PM

Since it's printed in Yakima, a semi truck filled with tens of thousands of copies of The Stranger is sitting on the other side of the 10-feet-deep body of water that used to be known as I-5. We tried Snoqualmie Pass first (closed due to avalanche conditions). We tried White Pass (closed to mudslide). We tried air freight. We tried water. We tried throwing the phone at the wall and screaming at everyone the publisher could find at four in the morning.

But all is not lost: Today we reprinted the issue at the Seattle Times printing facility in Kent (no joke) and it will be on streets this afternoon.

Enjoy this week's paper. It was very expensive.

[Update! Are we union-busting environmental-hate-criminals? It is addressed here.]

Classics for Cheap

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 2:35 PM

avocado12.jpg

University Book Store is having a sale on selected New York Review of Books classics.

The New York Review of Books is one of those few publishers who can do no wrong: Like Dalkey Archive, you can pretty much pick one at random and expect to find, if not your favorite new book, at least an intelligent, well-written piece of work that's been underappreciated. NYRB has published books like A High Wind in Jamaica, Pinocchio, Novels in Three Lines,Don't Look Now, and Life and Fate. You should go and pick up anything you're interested in; NYRB books don't often make it to used bookstores.

I don't know if the above-listed books are on sale. UBS's blog suggests that authors like Henry James and Proust's housekeeper, Celeste Albaret, are represented. I also don't know if NYRB's edition of The Dud Avocado, on your left, is for sale at UBS, either. All I know is that I think it's the sexiest book cover in the world.

Good Luck, Olympia

Posted by Megan Seling on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 2:30 PM

Downtown Olympia could flood any minute now:

"'We won't know until about 2 p.m. if we'll be able to contain the water in Capitol Lake or not,' state Department of General Administration official Steve Valandra said.

(Via The Olympian, and the ever-informative Matt Hickey.)

Define "Cover Religion With Balance"

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 8, 2009 at 2:10 PM

religionprize2.jpeg

If they mean "provide some balance to the credulity with which religious issues are usually covered" then—hey!—my work on "Youth Pastor Watch" is a shoo-in for an RNA Award. It's like a dream come true! Quick! Someone nominate me!

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