Slog

News & Arts

Line Out

Music & the City
at Night

« Emily White Strikes Again | Unfolding »

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Hetero Better To Marry Than Burn

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Jan 6, 2009 at 10:00 AM

But some of us are unlucky enough to marry and burn.

An Australian woman has appeared in court in Adelaide charged with murdering her husband by setting fire to his penis. Rajini Narayan, 44, is alleged to have doused her husband, Satish, with a flammable liquid while he was sleeping. When she set him alight, Mr Narayan jumped out of bed and knocked over the substance, causing the fire to spread.

Mrs Narayan told the court she had not intended to kill her husband but to punish him for his alleged infidelity.... "I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying.

The fire, on 8 December 2008, caused damage to the couple's house estimated at 1m Australian dollars ($715,000, £490,000). Mrs Narayan was initially charged with arson and endangering life—including the lives of her three children who were in the house at the time.

Nothing says "your penis belongs to me" quite like the loving application of flammable liquids, the improper storage of accelerants (always place the container of flammable liquids out of reach of the person you intend to set alight—with "reach" defined as "how far they'll jump once they realize their genitals are on fire"), and risking the lives of your children to teach their father a lesson about fidelity.

But for the jealous wife that doesn't want to risk the lives of her children, the destruction of her home, and the death of her cheating spouse, I recommend the flame- and erection-retardant CB 6000.

Comments (20) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

It burns when I pee.

Posted by Rob on January 6, 2009 at 10:11 AM

I just read the typical whine story about trafficking in sex slaves (all female) in the Seattle Times.

Yet, a story like this (male mutilation) would just get chuckles.

Washington -- The Hypocrite State

Posted by Hip O. Crip on January 6, 2009 at 10:31 AM

@2, because sex slavery is exactly the same as a crazy woman setting her husband on fire, but with the gender roles reversed.

Posted by another Andy on January 6, 2009 at 10:33 AM

I'll bet she pleads temporary insanity, spends 45 days at a mental hospital, and then goes free.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 6, 2009 at 10:34 AM

Maybe she'll use the Twinkie Defense?

Posted by The Burning Bed on January 6, 2009 at 10:35 AM

I'm going to infer from this story and my own personal experiences that all women are all crazy bitches with no sense of proportionality.

You can all lez out on me now.

Posted by C. Paglia on January 6, 2009 at 10:39 AM

@2: Because the ratio of the number of sex slaves ("all female", as you point out) to the number of men getting their dicks set on fire is not exactly 1:1.

Posted by Duh on January 6, 2009 at 10:41 AM

Add to that the 130 million women (and counting) who have had their genitals mutilated, and your point is...?

Posted by Duh on January 6, 2009 at 10:44 AM

she had to burn the penis to save it.

Posted by ellarosa on January 6, 2009 at 10:49 AM

$715K USD? Must have been some nice digs.

Posted by Mike in MO on January 6, 2009 at 10:52 AM

islam means submission.

Posted by Max Solomon on January 6, 2009 at 10:55 AM

Now Dan's little agreement with his other half doesn't seem so radical, does it? If only she had read Savage Love.

Yes, setting someone on fire is horrible, but come on. There is a place for dark humor in life. Find a copy of the old Addam's Family comics anthologies. (The New Yorker series, not the TV show)

Posted by Rob on January 6, 2009 at 11:07 AM

Gee Honey, why don't you ever wake me up in the middle of the night for some hot sex?

Posted by The Wanderer on January 6, 2009 at 11:15 AM

@6,

Funny you should say that considering you're more hysterical than any woman who's ever lived. Like attracts like, eh?

And, yes, I know who you are, dipshit.

Posted by keshmeshi on January 6, 2009 at 11:22 AM

Um.

Don't try this at home.

Please.

Posted by Will in Seattle on January 6, 2009 at 12:09 PM

I love those little black Master locks. Sexy.

Posted by violet_dagrinder on January 6, 2009 at 2:46 PM

@3: So you're saying that news story about a jealous husband that set his wife's cunt on fire would have garnered the same laughs?

@8: The point is, when gender is a focal point, bad thing that happens to a woman=tragic, bad thing that happens to a man=humorous. Are you really such a fucking moron that you can't understand this?

Posted by Misandry is fun on January 6, 2009 at 5:47 PM

@12: Where's all the dark humor being made about women getting raped on this blog?

This woman deserves death far more that your average rapist.

Posted by Misandry is fun on January 6, 2009 at 5:50 PM

Just for the sake of clarification, I do not believe this device needs to "mutilate" the penis in any way. The ball sack appears to be secured above the testes between the two segments of the device. Thus, the penis can only be removed if it is released from base loop which secures the underside of the sac. Ingenious!

Posted by give me pom on January 6, 2009 at 9:57 PM