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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Life Hard Candy Christmas

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Dec 25, 2008 at 12:23 PM

Courtesy of Slog tipper Jubilation T. Cornball, who writes: "What could be better than a bunch of whores singing a poignant Christmas song? Hooray, Dolly! Hooray, whores!"

But here's what I want to know: what's so damn sucky about hard candy that you can modify Christmas with it and ruin Christmas for everyone? Or is hard candy like kryptonite for hookers?

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Yeah! My mother every single freakin' year put hard candy and nuts in my stocking (along with an orange, it isn't a proper stocking if there isn't an orange in the toe). It was "traditional". I still don't get this song. Maybe Christianist carolers slut-shame hookers by pelting them with candy canes and butterscotch.

Posted by Y.F. on December 25, 2008 at 2:03 PM

This is fantastic. I assume she is reffering to a christmas where the only gifts you and your loved ones can afford are hardcandy. Or maybey its just to complete her ryme.

Posted by Prof. Technician on December 25, 2008 at 2:11 PM

According to my mom (who was from Tennessee) #2 is correct - it's a Christmas where hard candy is the ONLY gift you can afford to buy or make.

Posted by JenK on December 25, 2008 at 2:16 PM

According to my wife, in regards to hard candy: "How else are they going to keep up their sucking muscles?"

Merry Christmas everyone! That's some Norman Rockwell shit right there!

Posted by Scalpel on December 25, 2008 at 3:02 PM

I think it's because hard candy sucks, for the most part.

Posted by jove on December 25, 2008 at 4:16 PM

RuPaul's version is the best. From Ho Ho Ho

Posted by duncan on December 25, 2008 at 10:13 PM

If grew up poor, or you've heard tales of your parents' being poor during the Depression, "a hard candy Christmas" says that's probably all you're going to get. Check out the lyrics at this site

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_Candy_…

Posted by RHETT ORACLE on December 26, 2008 at 2:31 PM