Tuesday, December 23, 2008
City Myopia, Thy Name is Joel Connelly
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 6:48 PM
P-I columnist Joel Connelly, whining about his bus that never came:
The No. 3 was nowhere to be seen, at least by those of us who gave it a 45-minute wait. [...] The non-appearance of the No. 3 puzzles me.
Metro's web site:
Routes temporarily suspended:2, 3, 4...
But go ahead, Joel—blame the "social engineers" for your failure to go online and see that your bus had been canceled. After all, if it wasn't for that plastic bag fee, we'd have a million billion snow plows and buses that go straight from the P-I to your front door!
City Dog Love
Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 6:41 PM
I'm in a bar. I just ordered food. Next to my table, a person with a dog. Why do dog owners feel this need: to think their love for their dog is universal? Everyone must love this dog because I love this dog! Why can't they see their affection as something that is entirely personal?
City The Mariners Sue Déjà Vu and the City to Protect SoDo from Strippers
Posted by Dominic Holden on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 6:39 PM
Having exhausted two appeals to the city—both challenges thrown out this month—the Seattle Mariners today filed two melodramatic lawsuits in King County Superior Court to block a Déjà Vu strip club from opening a half-bock south of Safeco Field.
“The strip club would be operated by Roger Forbes and his Déjà Vu cadre,” the Safeco Field stadium authority writes in one of the petitions, “which are notorious in the Puget Sound area for activities including prostitution, public nudity, and other adverse impacts repugnant to a family entertainment environment.” The petition continues, “[T]he city’s decision omits any analysis of the significant adverse impacts of this proposal on the surrounding family-oriented sensitive issues.” If the strip club is allowed, the petition says, “that adult business will damage the properties, patrons, use, and enjoyment of Safeco Field.”
“It’s the same arguments they’ve lost twice before,” says Peter Buck, an attorney representing Déjà Vu.
The lawsuit goes on to argue that the strip club's permit was issued based on faulty evidence and an erroneous interpretation of the land-use code. In its previous decisions, the city determined that, as a “spectator sports facility,” Safeco Field was not among the city's child-sensitive spaces that require an 800-foot buffer from strip clubs. The Mariners had argued that Safeco Field is a child-oriented park and community center, and should be protected from strip clubs.
However, when the city council passed legislation on where new new adult cabarets may be located, it found that the strip clubs are not linked to adverse impacts on the vicinity. According to a 2006 study of crime associated with Seattle strip clubs conducted by researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara, "Crime does not tend to accompany, concentrate around, or be aggravated by the adult businesses."
“I don’t think we saw an issue with stadium. No one raised it, nor did the stadium raise any concerns at the time,” former City Council Member Peter Steinbrueck, who sponsored the city’s strip club legislation, said last month.
Two cases were filed: one by the Mariners and another, very similar, by the public facilities district that manages Safeco Field. “The fact that they filed two different actions could suggest that they are hoping to shop for a friendly judge—two different judges assigned to the same case,” says Buck. “But they wont have much luck, because we will move to consolidate it to one court, and it’s a guaranteed we’ll prevail.”
City Cars! They're back!
Posted by Eli Sanders on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 6:30 PM
Dan Savage, via iPhone, confirms what we've been noticing outside the Stranger office windows:
It's total chaos and gridlock out here. It's like everyone decided to go for a drive all at once... because it's a little warmer and here and there you can see pavement, so... let's grab the kids and go for a drive!Maybe some of these are essential trips, but surely not all. People are nuts.
Our working theory: After a bunch of days without being able to drive to the grocery store, everyone's trying to load up on food—and booze, and last-minute presents—at once.
Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Need. To. Shop.
As for the above photo, Savage, who sent it, narrates:
The streets too icy—impassible!—but, hey, someone shoveled this sidewalk! Out of my way, pedestrians!!!This guy drove a whole block on the sidewalk.
City Cancel Christmas
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 5:46 PM
TV A Very Alan Thickemas!
Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 5:37 PM
In case you were wondering about the origins of tonight's Stranger Suggests item—which includes a very special video greeting from Canada's favorite son Alan Thicke, TV defiler of Joanna Kerns and real-life father of uberhunk Robin Thicke—wonder no more. Says Beta Society spokeslady Leeni:
It's kind of a bizarre story.Before we were "the Beta Society" we were "Seattle Neutrino Society," an improv film group. During that time, John Curley did an Evening Magazine segment on our show.
Backstage, Curley relayed a story to us about how he once met Alan Thicke. He mentioned that Thicke referred to himself in the third person as "Thicke" a lot. We found it pretty funny so this fictitious character of "The Thicke" was born and became a running joke in our group. Almost a year later, the jokes never ran dry so we had the idea to create a Christmas show around the Thicke and call it "A Very Alan Thickemas."
We then decided to email Thicke and tell him we were doing a show in his honor and ask if he'd participate in some way. We made sure to let him know that our character of Thicke had little to do with who he was and was more of a fictional send-up caricature and that our mission is to make Thicke a cult hero, much like Chuck Norris had become.
Rightfully skeptical, Alan Thicke wrote us this letter to read at the show:
Dear Neutrinos:
I am both flattered and mortified that you would recognize me in a forum as intense as your Sunday production promises. Clearly, you are bright and talented people—possibly independently wealthy—to be able to devote elective time to such questionable pursuits. I wish I were among you—I think—to deny rumors and defend my body of work. Please celebrate in some appropriate fashion and accept my warmest wishes for a memorable evening and a happy, healthy holiday season!
Your pal, Alan Thicke.But then, after the show, we sent him some photos of our Thickecakes (cupcakes with his face on them, made by Cupcake-a-Madazzo) and he posted his letter to us and the photos on his blog on his website.
So. This year, we asked him if he'd contribute a video, which he gladly agreed to do. And then he further surprised us by writing and recording a song and music video for us, too!
And that's pretty much the story!
The ultimate goal is to get Thicke here in person!! Maybe next year!
And there you have it! A Very Alan Thickemas is tonight, 10 pm, at Rebar. Maybe call first. You know, because of the snows.
Books Windy Politicians
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 5:29 PM
Over at The Daily Beast, Scott Simon reflects on how his 2008 novel about scandalous Chicago politics, Windy City, was a prescient look at the Blagojevich scandal:
My novel Windy City (Random House: 2008) opens with the mayor of Chicago assassinated by a pizza (deep dish, artichoke, and prosciutto, to signal that this is today’s Chicago, not Al Capone’s old town). Over the course of the story, there are sting operations, sex scandals, bribes and a suicide.I would have drawn the line at having a governor try to sell a Senate seat, as if he was hawking a stolen widescreen TV from the back of a truck. In these days of email surveillance, wiretaps, and the 24-hour news cycle, who would believe such a thing?
I thought Windy City was kind of a generic political novel, but I bet, if I'd waited until the current scandals to read it, it would probably seem a lot better. But the best writer about Chicago scandals is Mike Royko. His book Boss, about the first Mayor Daley, is one of the best books ever written about political corruption. Hell, like the Breslin blurb on its cover says, it's one of the best books ever written about an American city. You should check it out if you want to learn about Chicago politics.
Life Things I Learned from the Burly Ex-Gangster Who Sold Me an Antique Clock This Afternoon
Posted by Brendan Kiley on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 5:20 PM
He wore a thick wool skullcap, had a beard, false teeth (at least, they were suspiciously shiny and even), and the beefy physical confidence of a total bruiser who's settling into a calmer, kinder, grayer phase of his life.
"There's so much to learn in this business!" he kept saying as his antiques mentor (and older man with greasy jeans, glasses, white hair, and grime under his fingernails) explained how you can tell how much the German military ammunition belt lying on the counter was worth. (The color, the stitching, the pattern around the label.)
The bruiser said it like an enthusiastic kid who's just entered second grade and is—to his surprise—genuinely happy about it.
He sold me an antique clock and a few other things, then offered to drive me up to Capitol Hill in his truck.
Along the way, he told me his story: Used to own jewel shops in Seattle, went to LA, fell into the high-level pot trade, made a goddamned mint, pissed a lot of it away, quit the business, then things got complicated—short of it is, he's working in an antique shop in Seattle, trying to make another go at life.
Some things I learned:
• "Guys didn't want their money in American. They wanted it Canadian or wanted Euros, but not American because it was hard to exchange millions of American. [Because the American government watches its currency trades more closely and you lose roughly 10% in exchanging it.] So there was this thing called The Trade. Instead of American money, you give them the equivalent in coke. Then they take the coke back to their own countries and not only do they not lose 10%, they make 30% on the coke. It's called The Trade. But then the Mexican gangs get involved and that's where you get in trouble."
He declined to elaborate on the trouble but said: "Pot people are the nicest people in the world, but the coke people are all sketchy, backstabbing, looking over their shoulders. It's not good."
The moral: Don't get mixed up in the coke trade and definitely not in The Trade.
• "Some people were looking for me because this guy I dealt with owed them money. [Mentioned some gangs you've heard of.] I didn't owe them money, but this guy did so they though they'd kidnap me and take my money."
The moral: Don't do business with deadbeats.
• "I never really used my product. The guys who use their product get off their game. That's when things get dangerous."
The moral: Never use your product. You hear me, people who work at Microsoft?
• "I'm a really nice guy [this he says as he's driving me up Capitol Hill in the snow just because I bought a clock and a couple other things at his shop—so, duh], but I had a bad reputation. A real bad reputation. The reason is because my assistant was a monster. A huge guy. And once, early on, he tried to take control from me. I told him: 'Hey, you'll make good money with me, just leave it alone.' But he tried to beat me up in front of a bunch of other people just to show how tough he was. And I said: 'You can probably kick my ass, maybe you'll kill me—but you won't come out of it a 100% complete human being. So just leave it alone.' But he didn't. So we had a fight, a big brawl. I broke his nose, choked him to unconsciousness. Then he woke up and came back at me, so I had to crawl up his back and choke him just so he'd stop hitting me and I ripped off his ear."
So then what happened? Were you two good afterwards?
"Yeah, yeah, he came back and said he was sorry. And we got along. But the story stuck—he was such a huge guy and would say to people: 'You don't like it when you fuck with me and this guy tore my ear off, so what do you think he's going to do to you?' I had a bad reputation but 99% of it came from that one story."
The moral: Hit fast and hard from the beginning. Get all your work done up front.
Then he dropped me off a few blocks from my office. And I thought I was just getting a clock.
Happy holidays, tough guys of the world.
Drunk Overheard in the Office
Posted by Eli Sanders on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 5:19 PM
Lindy West:
Hey, where's my "shove a nugget in my shunt" Overheard in the Office?
Visual Art Ugh: Art Stolen from West Seattle
Posted by Jen Graves on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 4:35 PM
Monday, December 23, three paintings were stolen from Twilight Artist Collective during business hours. The stolen artwork included: two encaustic paintings by Cynthia Moore and a painting of a crane on canvas by Jessie Link.Post-Katrina, Jesse Link rebuilt homes in New Orleans before moving to Seattle in 2007. Link is familiar with hard times—he served 18 months in the Army Reserves between Fort Bragg and Iraq. Mary Enslow, Twilight co-founder, informed Jessie Tuesday about the thefts; he replied “To steal from artists? That sucks.”
Like many artists, Link recently started working full-time again because art sales have dropped during the economic recession. Twilight, which has locations in Pike Place and West Seattle Junction, has also seen a drop in sales. So far, the missing art pieces are valued at $500. “This is SO LAME, especially in these already hard economic times. Not only is this a blow to our business, but also to the local artists they stole from,” says Erin Crawford, co-founder.
Ironically, Twilight still hosts a gift drop-off for foster kids. Don’t have a toy to drop off? 10% of proceeds from art sales through Thursday go to Treehouse for Kids.
Twilight Artist Collective is here.
One of the paintings that was stolen, made by Cynthia Moore.
Science / Drugs All I Want for Xmas...
Posted by Anthony Hecht on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 4:34 PM
is a ganzfield-induced hallucinatory experience.
It's easy! Just cut a ping-pong ball in half, and cover your eyes with the halves. Get some headphones and play white or pink noise through them, and lay back in a comfy chair. You may or may not want to shine a red light on yourself. In theory, you'll have all kinds of hallucinations, possibly including visions of dead relatives, or something like this:
"In the right side of the visual field, a manikin suddenly appeared. He was all in black, had a long narrow head, fairly broad shoulders, very long arms and a relatively small trunk…. He approached me, stretching out his hands, very long, very big, like a bowl, and he stayed so for a while, and then he went back to where he came from, slowly."
I got a couple days off coming up, and a hell of a lot of spare ping-pong balls. Who wants to party?
Retail Need to Buy a Doll for Christmas?
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 4:27 PM
Try this one:
Put her on her little pink plastic toilet. Press the purple bracelet on Baby Alive Learns to Potty. "Sniff sniff," she chirps in a singsong voice. "I made a stinky!"This season's animatronic Baby Alive — which retails for $59.99 — comes with special "green beans" and "bananas" that, once fed to the doll, actually, well, come out the other end. "Be careful," reads the doll's promotional literature, "just like real life, sometimes she can hold it until she gets to the 'potty' and sometimes she can't!" (A warning on the back of the box reads: "May stain some surfaces.")
(Via Bookshelves of Doom.)
Sports NY Jets Player Fined $10,000 for Throwing Snow Boulder at Hawks Fan
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 4:13 PM
New York Jets defensive end Shaun Ellis has received a $10,000 fine for lobbing a giant snowball at a Seahawks fan at this weekend's game.
Everyone knows Brittfarr is the only one allowed to throw snowballs!
Visual Art The Lawrence Weschler Podcast
Posted by Jen Graves on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 4:02 PM
You don't want to miss this. Earlier posts and writings about Weschler here, here, here, and here.
Photo by David Shankbone
For the record, the story that Weschler starts out with is about The Stranger. It turns out that once, on a book tour in Seattle, he revealed something about Tina Brown in a conversation with a Stranger writer, asking that the story be off the record. But the writer published anyway, and Brown responded to the indiscretion with a four-page screed to Weschler, which was then later published in this book.
Crazy thing is, I've searched The Stranger archives and can't find any mention of it. Does anybody recall this?
Chow Belle & Sebastian Make Really Good Soup
Posted by Megan Seling on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 3:40 PM
Who knew? Get the recipe here. It really is delicious.
Nerd This Is Sure to Be Great
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 3:28 PM
Los Angeles (E! Online) — A long time from now, in a galaxy far, far away...the Star Wars money machine will still be cranking.Not content with seven feature films or myriad TV spinoffs ranging from the current Clone Wars cartoon series to the dreaded Star Wars Holiday Special, the Jedi masterminds are readying a stage show.
George Lucas has signed off on Star Wars: A Musical Journey, a two-hour live musical event featuring a Stormtrooper kick line and singing Wookiees John Williams' Oscar-winning score.
How much money does George fucking Lucas really need?
City Because It's Never too Late to Learn to Drive in the Snow
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 3:16 PM
Here are some suggestions, courtesy of Slog Hot Tipper Marco Lowe:
1. Get a pair of chains. Real chains. Put them on the tires that get power from the engine. (Coming from Lacey that seems obvious but many lifetime drivers in Seattle still seem to think gas powered pixie dust makes their cars move.)
2. Don't floor the gas or stomp on the brake. Both induce sliding. If you have an automatic, use the "2" gear to start. It skips first gear which is too much traction for a slippery start. If you have a stick, start in second gear. I realize this is counterintuitive, but trust me.
3. If you live on a hill, and they say snow is coming, move your car to a lower, flat street.
4. AWD and 4WD only get you moving. They cannot help you stop, seeing as the laws of physics still apply. Anti-lock brakes do not stop you quicker on ice, they only add a monotone clatter to your terrifying crash.
5. Go real slow. Drive like the car in front of you could slam on their brakes at any moment...because they will.
6. Avoid hills at all cost. This is where you will get stuck and/or crash. I go ridiculous distances out of my way to avoid hills.
7. Don't park in more than a few inches of snow. It looks soft but you can often end up stuck.
8. It might just be me, but most of the Subaru drivers seem to have a death wish.
Film Re: It's Time to Toss Your VCR
Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 3:00 PM
I still have a VCR, and it works great, except for one important component: It no longer rewinds. Which means that I can watch all my VHS tapes just one last time. And then, RIP. No going back. It's kind of poetic.
City / Enviro / Media Note to Seattle Times: Driving Your Car Is Not a Human Right
Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:48 PM
As Dan noted earlier, the Seattle Times ran a front-page editorial today headlined "Seattle refuses to use salt; Roads snow-packed by design." The piece by Times consumer-affairs reporter Susan Kelleher—replete with shocked italics and scare quotes ("it turns out 'plowed streets' in Seattle actually means 'snow-packed,' as in there's snow and ice left on major arterials by design" and leading language (the city doesn't just have policy of not salting roads; it "refuses"; drivers are "pretty much on their own"—argues, essentially, that Seattle's decision to not salt roads is absurd and out of step with what all other cities "typically" do. The story briefly mentions that Seattle leaders are "environmentally sensitive," but immediately dismisses their concerns with a barrage of pro-salting quotes from a consultant. The story has been embraced by the right-wing blogosphere, in posts with headlines like "Enviro Nuts in Seattle Refuse to Salt Roads!" and "Compromising Public Safety—by Design!"
Not only is this reprehensible, inaccurate hysteria-mongering (OMG! The city wants to keep YOU from driving more than 30 mph because of some stupid fish!); not only does it, as Dan notes, ignore the Times' own reporting on the health of Puget Sound; it's also a pathetic excuse for an argument. If the Seattle Times wants to make the case that we should dump tons of salt and chemicals into Puget Sound for the convenience of drivers, fine, but they should at least come by that argument honestly—by explaining what Seattle leaders' environmental concerns actually are, instead of summarizing them dismissively in a single quote by a transportation-department bureaucrat.
Here's what the Seattle Times won't tell you about salting roads.
Road salt can kill trees and fish.
It also changes water chemistry, causing certain minerals to leach out of soils and increasing water acidity.
It causes chemical imbalances in plants, inhibiting root growth and disrupting the uptake of nutrients. This makes it harder for plants to serve as buffers that slow the runoff of other contaminants into the watershed, and can negatively impact animals that feed on plants.
The salts also affect mammals and birds, poisoning some birds outright and causing behavioral changes in other animals.
Salts accelerate the corrosion of streets, bridges, sidewalks, and vehicles.
Canada has declared road salt toxic. And at least 15 states have adopted a low-salt method of de-icing roads because of environmental concerns.
Contrary to what the Seattle Times would have you believe, not salting roads isn't some wacky idea dreamed up by a bunch of kooky radical environmentalists. It's actually a mainstream policy based on common sense and sound environmental judgment—a policy that's been embraced by many other cities in the U.S., Europe, and Canada. Ultimately, though, the Times' front-page editorial was a statement of belief: The belief that getting everywhere as quickly as possible, in a car, is a paramount human right. If you believe that, then it follows that you'll also believe Seattle leaders are obligated to uphold that right, the health of Puget Sound and its animals, plants, and aquatic life be damned.
Sex Press Release of the Day
Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:44 PM
Hustler Magazine releases "All-Sex Issue"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Politics What the Fuck Is Wrong With Spain?
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:33 PM
Why, Spain? Why would you make pooping Obama statues a bestseller in Barcelona this Christmas season?
I swear, Spaniards, I will never understand you.
City Dept. of Substantiated Rumors
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:31 PM
According to the Seattle 911 log, there's a building fire at 809 Olive.
Good luck with your commute.
City Dept. of Unsubstantiated Rumors
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:24 PM
Says Slog tipper Wisepunk...
I am being told that the building at 908 Olive under construction is ON Fire! Lots of fire trucks and construction workers are running from the building. How could my commute get worse?
UPDATE: Never mind, says Wisepunk:
The fire is a lie! All the workers are going back in the building!
Film It's Time to Toss Your VCR
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:23 PM
It's official. VHS is dead.
After three decades of steady if unspectacular service, the spinning wheels of the home-entertainment stalwart are slowing to a halt at retail outlets. On a crisp Friday morning in October, the final truckload of VHS tapes rolled out of a Palm Harbor, Fla., warehouse run by Ryan J. Kugler, the last major supplier of the tapes."It's dead, this is it, this is the last Christmas, without a doubt," said Kugler, 34, a Burbank businessman. "I was the last one buying VHS and the last one selling it, and I'm done. Anything left in warehouse we'll just give away or throw away.".
Read the LA Times eulogy here.
Enviro / City Get Used to It
Posted by Jonathan Golob on Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 2:15 PM
To those of you arguing it's ok for Seattle to have little to no snow removal capacity, because it doesn't snow all that often here, two points to consider:
1. Historically, winter weather like we've experienced the last week, isn't all that rare. From UW meteorologist Cliff Mass's blog:
We have a major snowfall (like this year) every 5-8 years and significant snowfalls 4-8 inches every other year or so. Each year we generally have few 2-3 inch snows, but some years only get a dusting.
If you're thinking this is a once in decades or hundreds of years thing, you are wrong.
Civil engineers, when doing their job, plan for infrastructure to handle weather that occurs only once in a hundred years. Further, when infrastructure fails, it should fail gracefully, not swiftly and unpredictably.
2. Most likely, climate change is already occurring. At current atmospheric carbon levels, we are likely already too late to stop it.
Winter weather weeks, like we're experiencing now, are predicted to increase in frequency in the PNW. In fact, climate change is likely to make weather less predictable—more droughts, more floods, more snow, more cold and hot weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if later this winter we have a 60-degree week.
This is bad news all around. Bad news for farmers. Bad news for the poor souls responsible for managing the large hydroelectric dams—built on assumptions of consistency in PNW weather. Bad news for Seattle drivers as well.
I say it's time we buy a few more snow plows. Isn't Obama—the dirty homophobe—planning on throwing money at local governments to purchase essential infrastructure? This might be a good time to put together a proposal.
Most Commented on Slog
-
Life and Death in a Recliner in South Carolina by Dan Savage
-
Becoming a Man by Dan Savage
-
Pit Bulls! by Dan Savage
-
SL Letter of the Day: Hot & Drunk by Dan Savage
-
WTF? by Dan Savage
-
Your Wife Died Alone... by Dan Savage
-
Meanwhile in Vancouver by Dan Savage
-
Health at Every Size by Dan Savage
-
Precious: Brutal New Classic or African-American Bruno? by David Schmader
-
The Democrats Have 60 Votes in the Senate for Health Care Reform by Jonathan Golob
RSS
Facebook
Twitter