The past few days have brought a string of snow-and-holiday related submissions to I, Anonymous.

First come two stories of stolen holiday joy (the first story is sad, the second not so much):

Dear Stealer: You stole my daughter's yellow sled around the snowy night of 12/18. I just told her today about it and, so you know, it was a gift from her dad for those "just in case of snow" days here in Seattle. Well we have no sled now and my daughter cried. That yellow sled was not valuable and was not her most prized possession. No, it was just a small gift from her dad last year at Christmas. They both love snow and shared that each year. So you know, her father and I separated a few months ago and she was really looking forward to sledding and telling her dad about it. You took that away from her and it pisses me off. I know I should rise above this and give her a moral fable to help her feel better but sorry, that was the last straw. I am sick of having to live on the defensive because I live in a city. I am human and I forgot to hide her sled that first snowy night. I should be able to make a slip like that and hope that the average person would not take advantage. But no. Did you think that because we live on Phinney Ridge that means we are rich? We are not. She and I are just scraping by. You stole not just a plastic $20 sled but a small part of her happy memories with her dad. Do you know what she said to me when I told her it was my fault for not hiding it well enough, she said, "No, it's my fault." YOU SUCK and should burn in hell for stealing from kids, you knew that it belonged to a kid and you knew that someone would be sad. So the snow has started and I have convinced her that using a plastic garbage can lid will be just as fun. And we will have fun despite your cruelty.

Thank you, you heartless prick, for making my weekend a special one. While you get the pleasure of enjoying my Christmas tree which you took from the roof of my car I get to enjoy the sobs of my wife. We hiked 2 miles into the woods in two feet of snow in snowshoes to find the tree that was perfect for us. We hauled the tree out of the woods with great effort and were very proud of our accomplishment. Unfortunately the roads were not very nice on the way down and a rolled over truck blocked our path down the mountain. We were forced to leave our car and get a ride from a friend and come back the next day for our car. Nothing captures the holiday spirit better than walking up to your car and realizing your hard-earned Christmas tree was stolen. I hope you feel all warm inside as your kids open their presents and you sit back and enjoy your glorious tree and how you got such a screamin' deal. What a wonderful experience to share with your family, while I get to assure my wife that the new tree is just as good if not better than the old. It won't have the same feel, but one thing it will have is that crisp clean honest feel to it. So fuck you and Merry Fucking Christmas!

Closing things out is some good old-fashioned (and reasonably well-warranted) grinchiness:

Fuck You, Hipster Garbage Can Sliding Pricks.

It was fun watching slide down the hill, until you prevented me from turning left to go 35' to get safely in my driveway so that my car (a little Honda) was off the street and out of your way late last night. Then you shitheads pelted my car with ice balls, causing more than a few dents. And to top it off, you left your fucking cardboard "sleds" and empty beer can detritus all over the street. You've made it very difficult for me not to wish that you will gain enough downhill speed to catapult yourselves through the guard rails onto I-5 at the bottom, hopefully to be run over by a Metro Bus. With chains on its wheels.

Happy anonymous holidays.